It breaks my heart to read your post, even though I knew it was coming. Today was the worst day for you. Tomorrow will be hard, but be assured and reassured that you did the right thing - not for you, perhaps, but for your lovely Suki. And you are right, you will never meet another dog like her. Like all dogs, she was unique, but she is not suffering now anymore, which is something to feel peaceful about. You have done the right thing at the right time to help her out of the pain and torment of this dreadful disease. We love our dogs so deeply, because they give us their total loyalty and love regardless of who we are, what we look like or what we do in this world. Suki was truly blessed to have such a wonderfully loving family that cared for her so much. In time, you will remember the happier times you have shared with her - and, in time, these memories will be fondly rather than painfully remembered. It has been a year now since I lost my beautiful rescued lurcher, BB, and I still cry occasionally - but mostly I am now able to smile as I think and talk about her. This process will happen to you too. You will grieve, get uncontrollably upset, perhaps even feel guilty about helping her pass ... and all these feelings are perfectly natural. I am so sorry for how you feel right now - but try hard to appreciate that Suki had the gift of being in your company, being loved deeply and enjoying so many adventures during her all too short lifetime. If she were able to thank you, she would, so instead, I will say it on her behalf ... thank you Suki's mum. Run free Suki. Tony x
As I read your comment on the train, the tears welled up and quietly I cried. I am so so sorry for your loss.
For now every picture and every memory will bring tears. But, there will come a time when you will laugh. Days after Choli past away, I would stare at the photos we took of her at Christmas, at parties and at family functions. I hoped that just one of them would make me smile. Now, they all make me smile ....and cry. But, mostly smile. I'm fortunate that she was in my life. Even if only for 11 years.
You, your daughter and husband all have wonderful stories to tell about Suki. That time will come, when you can laugh. For now, I agree with Tony, remember how much you all enjoyed each other's company. How fortunate she was to have your for her mom!
How she's in a better place running free. She's still with you and your family. In your heart and soul, she will always be with you.
God Bless you and your family and God Bress Suki...Love, Silvia (Choli's mom).
I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you in what must be a most difficult time. Please take solace in knowing that for the past year BB has been running free, chasing squirrels and laying on cool grass with a warm sun over BB's head. God Bless BB and God Bless you, Tony.
Thanks Silvia. You made me laugh inside, which is quite a task at the moment (long story, so won't go into it) ... BB did chase squirrels during her lifetime. As a lurcher, she had the instinct to chase all small furry things, though on the very rare occasion that she caught one, she never quite knew what to do about it. She once caught a small cat, which I was horrified to find upturned on its back with BB standing over it as if ready to pounce ... my heart sank, but I needn't have worried. They stayed staring at each other for a few seconds, then the cat just got up and ran off, and BB stood there quite confused about the whole event. Ha. There was another time she chased a squirrel which of course just ran up the nearest tree in the park. BB sat at the bottom of the tree barking for what must have been 10 minutes. totally frustrated that the squirrel had an ability she didn't possess. Tony x
Just to let you know I got my Beautiful Suki's ashes back this evening, she is home, doesn't lessen the pain and loss though. At least she is with me, an awful week, she is such a terrible miss, still expect to hear her running up the stairs or see her at the door welcoming me home or just lying at the bottom of my bed..
RIP sweet Suki dog I love you dearly....
Grief takes its own time Sukismum. Getting the ashes back is just the beginning of a long journey. Over the coming weeks and months you will start to feel better, you will eventually start remembering Suki for the happy life she had with you and (hard to believe perhaps right now) you will ultimately be able to smile instead of cry when you think about her. We are here to support you through this journey, as many of us have gone through it ourselves. We totally understand and empathize with you. Take each day as it comes and take support from friends and family that appreciate what a huge loss this is. Thinking about you. Tony
When my sweet little Choli past away 7 months ago, my husband and I buried her by the fence, near the bird feeder. Our home overlooks a small 1-5 grade school. We chose this spot because she would sit there and watch the kids play, sometimes bark to get attention, but mostly sit and enjoy all the activity going on (the school children playing soccer, baseball, and the occasional group of little girls walking over to coo over how adorable she was - she really was super cute). For many months I wouldn't even look in that direction. If I did, I wouldn't just tear up, I would sob.
Then, the fall came. Normally, I hate to see summer end. Living in NY, the winters can be brutal, the spring rainy, but the summers are grand. But not last year. Everything reminded me that Choli wasn't there to enjoy it. Not the walks on the beach, the walks around the neighborhood, none of it. So I was glad fall was here. I stopped in at our local garden center to pick up some fall flowers for the front and back of our home and low and behold I stumbled across a statue of a dachshund. Huh, can you beleive it! It was her way of saying. You can try to ignore me but I'm still here. I bought that statue and put it right where I buried her.
Now, I walk out on to my porch and stare off to that corner and smile...with tears in my eyes...and I thank God for giving me all that time with her.
The healing process is a long journey, Sukismom. I found this site to be very therapeutic. Tony and Twobitsmom were so helpful to me. So please come here, write your thoughts. There is always someone, like me, around to read your thoughts and offer advice, or at least a cyber shoulder to cry on. My thoughts are with you, Sukismom. A huge hug. Silvia
Thank you both so very much for your kindness, you are so right it helps so much to talk about my beautiful Spooky Suki, a pet name I had for her. She was a wonderful, kind, loving dog who sadly had such a hard life and two short years with me which she truly appreciated. When I first saw Suki she was at the shelter in the quarantine pens , a bag of bones and pregnant. She had been dumped on a main road in Carlisle and was in a terrible state. The warden said that if they caught the person who had done this to her they would be prosecuted. I was drawn to this beautiful brown and white Lurcher at first the people at the shelter tried to get me to take another dog as they said our family had been assessed for a medium sized dog and she was classed as large breed. I had to point out that she was in fact no slightly smaller than the dog they wanted me to adopt !!!! Then they said as she was in pup they couldn't hold her for me as she would have to have the pups and then wean them before they would consider putting her up for adoption, this they said would take months at this point I even offered to foster her while she went through all of this but they wouldn't hear of it, I left the shelter that day very disappointed..
After the weekend I received a phone call telling me that management at the cat and dog shelter had decided that I could adopt her as long as I could wait until her pups were weaned, I was ecstatic and agreed immediately. Thus began numerous visits to the shelter every other day to get to know this beautiful dog who I named Suki, she was so sweet natured, and she would smile when you went into her kennel, something the girls who looked after her were quick to point out. After the pups were born, she proved to be a good mother, staff said this was something she had obviously done before, as the pups got older I was able to bring her home for a few hours and then a day and then over night and eventually when the pups were 12 weeks Suki came home with me for good. I was so happy, she was so grateful, you could tell, always eager to please, things I noticed about her were someone had spent time with her, training her, she would sit, give a paw, walk to heel, and wait, but she was also nervous of sticks and loud noise she would cower at these so I guess someone had hurt her some time. I loved my Suki dog so much, spending as much time as possible with her, she so loved to be with me, leaning against me, sitting with her paw on me or just staring intensely at me, she was just so gentle and sweet natured, I manage a home for the elderly and the residents loved for her to come in for the day, she wasn't boisterous, just trusting and gentle, she hated being parted from me and would cry if I left the room when we were at work. I so miss Suki she was one special dog who had known hardship and still remained sweet and trusting....
Suki sure was lucky to have found you. While she obviously had a dreadful start to her life, the last two years couldn't have been better - she got all the love, care and attention she needed, and clearly gave it back to you in bucket loads every day. Lurchers are amazing dogs - and Suki was a prime example of that - affectionate, chilled out, loving and loyal. They are such characters - and sometimes astonishingly intuitive and intelligent. I love lurchers, perhaps you've guessed that. I have had two in the last 20yrs, both rescues, and both have left a huge hole in my heart when they left. Suki is at peace now, and while that might be the only compensation, in time, you will remember the good days you have had with her - and smile, knowing you were both lucky to have shared your lives together, albeit for too short a time. Tony
Your beautiful relationship has left a lump in my throat. It truly is fortunate that she found you! Life works in mysterious ways. Someone above decided that she had suffered enough and said this lovely girl is going to someone who will love her and enjoy her.
Suki's intense stare at you was her way of communicating to you = "you can't be real? So, I must make sure that you are here. Can you read my thoughts, because if you can you must know that I really really really love you."
You are a wonderful human being Sukismum. The world needs more of you. Bless you!
Two weeks since Suki passed and missing her so much, can't even think about going on any of the walks I regularly took her, just couldn't face it.
We are due some snow at the weekend and again will find it hard as she so loved running around in it...
Just wish I'd been more aware of this awful disease and just how common it is. I sure would have had yearly blood checks with her if only I'd known...my heart goes out to all the dogs and people who will have this horrible experience to face out of the blue as so many of us have.
In the early days and weeks of grieving, everything reminds us of what we have lost. And that's because our best friends share so much of our routines, our free time and our love ... they are a huge part of our lives and we miss them so much when it is their time to leave. Gradually, these hurtful things will ease, and in time you will start to smile again, remembering Suki with good and happy memories rather than traumatic and sad ones. Suki was so lucky to have enjoyed so much love. Not all dogs have that advantage. So, despite grieving, be aware that you did all you could and gave Suki a fabulous life, full of great adventures, care and attention, and bagfuls of love. What dog could ask for more. This disease is dreadful and one day, maybe sooner rather than later, an effective treatment will be found, so our best friends in the future won't have to suffer so much. You are in my thoughts Sukismum. Tony x
I truly hope that some of this helps. Losing a loved one can be such a lonesome journey. You spend a lot of time thinking, wanting to talk to those around you but chose not to so as not to remind them and have them feel the same pain that you feel. The first few weeks, it truly helped to sit up at 3:00 in the morning and put my thoughts on line for others to read. My husband was already so inconsolable. Choli was his first dog and the slightest mention would have him well up with tears. So I am so glad that I found this website. Its cathartic. The responses shared by others helped too. Tony's kind words were always so uplifting. A true cyber friend. He help to free me of a good bit of the pain.
Tony is right. Think of the happy times you shared. Those lovingly endless stares that she gave you. The warmth of her soul that she provided you but also the warmth and love you provided her! Thank goodness that she had you.
My heart is with you. Bless you and your family. Love, Silvia
Hi Silvia. Hope everything in your world is peaceful, contented and optimistic for the year ahead. Thank you so much for your kind words. My best way of grieving, it turns out, is to concentrate on trying to help support others - it's perhaps thinking about other people that I can divert my mind from thinking inwardly ... if that makes sense. Anyway, I'm reassured by your words and hope I can continue to offer the same level of comfort to others in need that are visiting MedHelp. I often curse the Internet, but in this case, it has proved to be a very useful vehicle for worried and/or grieving dog owners. Lots of love to you and yours. Tony x
I'd just like to say thank you both so much for your time and the kindness you have shown towards me during this most awful weeks since I found Suki to be ill and then losing her to renal failure so suddenly, I really do appreciate it, once again thank you.
You are very welcome, Louise. The nicest thing in the world is to find kindhearted new friends like you, even if it is only in cyberspace. I hope you are feeling that as each week passes, the enormous level of grief felt over losing your wonderful Suki is lessened ever so slightly. Tony x
I literally wanted to die after Choli's passing. Reading your responses helped me to breath. There were days that I would ride the train home and stare out the window and then the tears would fall. But each time I would write you would respond. And it would help me get through the next couple of days. Reading your responses to others parents also helped me get into a more positive frame of mind.
If you get a chance take a look at my profile. I've uploaded a picture of the two girls we picked up from a kill shelter. These two girls were pretty roughed up. In time we learned that Ruth had been used to breed numerous times, ear infections in both ears, fleas, urine issues. For months her face always looked worried, bordering on sad. She needed us. If it weren't for you she wouldn't have found us and we wouldn't have found her.
They say there are angels on earth and you are proof that they exist.
You are an amazing person. When I told my husband about you and Suki, how the two of you met and your love affair, well he got weepy. You are a beautiful person with a huge heart. I wish the best for you and your family. May your heart hurt less with each passing day. Peace, Silvia
It's been over 3 month since I lost sweet Suki~dog and the pain of losing her does not lessen. Today I feel particularly raw, the sun is shining and they burn the heather out on the hills, perhaps it's a reminder of the lovely walks that we used to share and that I now cannot face them without her. Only once have I ventured to one of them, it was in the depths of winter when the snow lay thick upon the ground. I could only stand at the bridge, the beginning of our old walk but i was unable to go any further. My little black whippet has taken to sleeping on my bed at night as Suki used to, though I love her dearly she is in no way as sweet natured and loving as Suki was and it pains me to know that I will never meet another like her.
Hi Louise. I am so sorry you have had a bad day. Three months is no time at all. It can take months and even years to be free of the deep and dreadful grief of losing a special companion, friend and family member. And even then (I know, believe me) there can be days when it all floods back, days when the tears won't stop and days when the world seems so much sadder without our wonderful dogs living in it.
It has been 2yrs since I lost BB. She was my world. An extraordinary lurcher that travelled life's path with me. She was my rock during very tough times. When it was her time to leave, it left me grief stricken for over a year. And even now, just the other night in fact, I found it hard to get off to sleep, because she was in my heart and head and all I wanted to do was cry. I still miss her. She was like my shadow, always there, always comforting, always intuitive.
But, time moves on. We now have a new rescue living with us, Sally the greyhound, who's completely different to BB. Each and every dog is so different, which is a good thing, because it stops us feeling guilty about another hound stepping into the previous one's shoes. Sally is now the younger dog, and Giro (our Rottie mix, but the softest mut you could ever wish to meet) is now the older man. His role is reversed, as he was the young one when BB was alive.
Your black whippet must be sensing your emotions and while she may not be as sweet natured as Suki was, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be without her - and as time goes on, she will grow into your world as surely and certainly as night follows day.
Taking the same walks with another dog is always a difficult one. Its hard the first few times, but it does get easier, and after a while the walk becomes more associated with current dog(s) and the adventures they have, rather than associated with the sadness of loss.
Of course, you will never ever forget Suki - and neither will I - but I really hope as summer approaches, you allow yourself to feel more uplifted, more contented and more at ease with the loss of Suki. I do feel for you Louise. It's a hard journey. But try to remember that Suki is at peace now, and there are others that truly need your love and support. Remember the good times, which were many - and put the minority of sad times to some calm and quiet place in your head.
As always, I am here - along with others - whenever you want or need to talk.
Take good care of yourself - and your little whippet!! Love, Tony x
As Tony asked...is Blanca drinking and eating? Ask your vet about hydrating Blanca. Initially, I hydrated our little one, every other day for about two years. This should help...along with my prayers for you and Blanca. God Bless. Silvia
I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I know how difficult this is.
It's been ten months since Choli's passing. And yet when I get into my jeep, I still look towards the passenger's seat expecting to see her. I can recall that in her happier days, it was her tail wagging and front paws leaning over to me with a look that said "where are we going today, mom?"
In her last days it was me carrying her back and forth to the vet. Paying special attention not her hurt her.
In my closet is my favorite suit that I have not worn in ten months. Because it was the suit I wore to take her to the hospital for the last time. Her hair is still on it...Every once in a while I take it out, smell it, hoping that I can still somehow connect myself to her..cry..then I put it back... I'll never dry clean it.
But Louise, it will get easier. It takes a lot of time. Suki was a wonderful being and you loved and continue to love her. Your big heart needs time to heal.
It is a cliche but only time can help to ease the pain. I thought for sure that I would never get over Choli's passing. I have good days and bad days. Fortunately, the good days are starting to out weigh the bad ones.
I like to think that where Suki, BB and Choli are ...there is no pain, no hydration or medication. Just squirrels, meadows and lots of warm sun and that every day they are having adventures.
Someday, you, Tony and I will see our loved ones. Until then, they are soaking up lots of sun.
Well it's 7:AM. And now I'm a wet mess. Fortunately, there is no one in the office yet. (Mascara running down the face - like Alice Cooper- only looks good on Alice Cooper - and even then I wonder)
There is a church near by that I go to. I'll stop in today. With a special prayer for that big heart of yours.
you make me cried like a baby, i feel sorry for your loss, i had my siberian husky name Lassie who was sick yesterday with vomiting and that is a nightmare that i dont wish to anyone, see my dog is sick is the most horrible thing happened to me, i imagine how your feel, god have him now and he rest on peace and i know before he closed his eyes forever he was knew how much you and your family love him, you dog was lucky because he have a woderful family who love him to the end, i keep you and my family in your prayers and please think in adopt another dogs, is too many dogs in this world looking to have the opportunity to have a family like you.
I am so sorry. Blanca's renal failure must have been in its final stages when you posted, in which case there would have been nothing you or your vet could have done to prevent the inevitable. The last stage of kidney failure can bring about decline and death alarmingly fast. But Blanca is at peace now - and if he could, he would thank you for everything you did for him and the love you gave him throughout his life. Run free Blanca. Tony
Thank you all so much. It means a lot to meet other people who care and have experienced same. I did not believe there was an answer, but in desperation you reach out and try anyway. He was a beautiful white spotted chinese crested, 15 yrs old.I had a good vet and we kept him alive 2 months with subq iv. I guess that 2 extra months was the miracle. My decesased husband and I raised 5. I loss Miss Harriet in Febuary. Now, there is only Josephine, mamma dog, who will be 17 in Aug. They have been my life since I started this in 1994. Blanca was beautiful inside and out and he is with the angel dogs tonight. Thank You.
You have really gone through a terrible time. Loosing Miss Harriet so recently, and then Blanca. My heart goes out to you. Give Josephine a huge hug from me - and take a big cyber hug from me to yourself too. I am so sorry for your loss. Tony
I am so sorry for your loss.My heart goes out to you and Josephine. Your home sounds like such a loving family. Blanca was very lucky to have you, If you need to let it out, please come here. There is always someone here to help ease some of the pain. It helped me...hopefully it will help you, A huge hug to you, God Bless,,,Silvia
My poor baby Tobey, or Mr. T as we refer to him was diagnosed with kidney disease in September. It was the most surprising thing for us and the vet too. He was 100% healthy, no issues at all. Went in for his normal vet visit and because he's 8 and had lost like 3 pounds they recommended bloodwork. We all thought it was probably because our other doggie was stealing his food since he's a little piggy and I was feeling like a bad Mom! But nope, Mr. T had really high levels. The vet could not believe how bad his tests were and how great he looked, they were shocked and so were we. Thank goodness we make super regular vet visits and watch our dogs like hawks.
Mr. T became the miracle dog of the vet office. No one could believe how sick he should be and how great he was doing.
That lasted such a long time and of course the last few months we've started seeing symptoms. He's been sick off and on and more lethargic but that's really about it. He still wanted to go on long walks and ran the whole time at this amazing off leash dog park, well really dog woods. It's miles of wooded trails and streams - he loves it. He's never on leash on our 2-acre property and has continued to love chasing deer and turkeys too.
We've done all the medications, he's on like 7 right now, given the fluids every day, cook for him each day and more.
The vet told us she really thought he'd be gone by Christmas because his levels were so high even after multiple hospitalizations. We've done everything we can, tried a natural vet, found some medicines that made it easier for him to take that the vet now recommends and even called Martha Stewarts vets for help. And of course read this thread a bazillion times!
He's now at the point where I know it's time but...his "Daddy" is away on a business trip. It's Wednesday and Dad gets back late Friday night so I just really need some advice on what to do.
Mr. T is Daddy's dog originally, he's my step-dog of 4 years and of course now my own dog and I love him just a much as my doggie of 8 years but I just feel terrible thinking about putting Mr, T to sleep without his Dad.
He's declined so much since Saturday and now we're heading into Day 3 with no food. He's still drinking a bit and will go outside but otherwise his spark is gone. He just wants to sit outside in the sun in this ground covering we have by the house. Yesterday he just didn't want to come in or maybe couldn't get up and I had to carry him in the house.
His back legs are a bit wobbly and he just looks so sad.
I was planning to wait it out and take Mr. T to the vet Saturday to lay him to rest but now I'm wondering if this isn't cruel. I would love to hear from you guys if you think he could last until Saturday so add can say goodbye. I'm just worried Dad won't have closure without this. His Dad can't just come home, he's in Paris and we live in Pennsylvania so evn if he booked a flight tomorrow he wouldn't get back until Friday and he's the one in charge of th meetings. UGH!
As a side note something bad always happens when he travels, we're really starting to dread these darn trips!
Dad of course understands if I need to do it because its best for Mr. T then I should but I'm just so conflicted. It's just 3 more days. He doesn't seem in pain and if he was eating I'd wait.
I've tried every food imaginable as the vet said at this point just get him to eat anything, special diet doesn't matter now. He was super interested in cat food the other day so that's what he had and loved it. I've tried chicken, pepperoni, ground beef, potato, yogurt, egg, rice, gross canned food that he did eat a couple times, dog treats, you name it. He's simply not interested.
Any advice on what I should do, OR...how long you think he'd be ok without food? Do you think he can stick it out until Saturday morning?
I want to thank you all for your stories, I've been reading this thread for months and I appreciate your support.
I also wanted to share if you've been given Aluminum Hydroxide oral fluid to give to your dog, ask for the powder. It's soooo much better. My vet didn't carry it and I found it online. Instead of giving him a dropper with it that turned into a mess and he totally hated, we found a powder to put on his food. It was a huge improvement AND supposedly makes the food more palatable. I highly recommend for any of you struggling to give this medication. If you can't find it at your vet or Google let me know. I don't want to post in case someone thins I'm trying to post something promotional which would be a very sick thing to do on a thread like this, I promise that's not my intent, just want to help in some small way.
Thank you all for listening and excuse the typos, on an iPad and between my typing and autocorrect this post is probably crazy!
If anyone is checking this thread, I posted this morning that I was conflicted about whether to lay our sweet baby Tobey to rest because his Dad was away...well I went ahead and took him to the vet this evening.
He didn't eat again today, day three and just wasn't himself at all. That light in his eyes turned off a couple days ago and he just wanted to be alone. He looked so sad and I just knew he was in pain. I called Dad and we both decided we were only keeping him alive for us and that was plain selfish. We've done so much for him and taken such good care of him that to stop that now because of us just wouldn't be fair.
I'm so much more at peace now knowing that he truly is at rest and has no more pain. I picture him in doggie heaven chasing squirrels and deer - his favorite things with that light back in his eyes. I'm sure he's looking down on us thanking us.
He was such a sweet, gentle and quiet dog and boy will we miss him.
For anyone who's not sure when's the right time, believe the vet when they tell you that you'll know. I didn't believe them and thought I'd never know and never be able to decide because I love him so much, but they were right. As soon as I saw his spark leave him and that light in his eyes go, I just knew. He wasn't the same dog and I felt as if he was "telling" me it was his time.
I'm crying as I type this but I also feel at peace and am glad his pain is over. I'm glad I had the courage to make the hard decision today and was able to do this alone. My only regret is that Dad couldn't say goodbye but I'm comforted that his last memory of him was on a beautiful walk with a happy dog.
I can't say enough great things about my vet. They've been amazing throughout the whole kidney treatment. Our doctor knew him so well that she too noticed his "light was out" and agreed he couldn't wait even a day longer. When he was first diagnosed they actually called me just to see how I was doing! Three different vet techs came in to say goodbye to him and everyone gave me huge hugs. They also gave me a garden stone with his name and paw print. They made this very difficult decision much easier and more peaceful for me than I could've imagined.
Our vet said again and again that Tobey was a miracle dog. She never thought he'd make it through Christmas because his levels were so bad but because we devoted time and love he survived for close to 9 months. We were so blessed to have all that time with him.
If anyone ever needs advice or help going through this with your dog please don't hesitate to reach out to me directly. I learned a lot along the way these last 8 months and I'd love to help you as perhaps that is one of the reasons we lost Tobey at the young age of 8, to help others.
It was a difficult thing you had to do, but take heart that in your freed Mr. T. Tobey is happily frolicking, chasing squirrels, rolling on his back in the grass, and enjoying the warm sunlight without any pain.
God Bess you, Dad and Tobey the miracle dog. Hugs Silvia
It was a year ago today that I lost Choli to this dreadful disease.
I never thought that I would be able to breath after that day. The house seemed so quiet. At night, her warmth by my side always helped me to sleep. For some reason, caressing her mane always made me fall asleep faster. If I had a problem she was always there to console me. I remember once that my husband and I were having a argument. He walked upstairs and I sat on the couch cried. She jumped over from her side of the couch and began to lick the tears off my face. As if to say, "no mom, don't cry it will be alright". This little mini doxie had so much heart.
Which brings me to this community. This community with the tremendous heart.
I don't think I would have made it through this year without having all of you to share my feelings and read your own personal experiences. I have a great support system at home but at night when I would be left to think about her I would come here and read. I cried reading your stories, feeling your feelings.
Specifically, I would like to thank Tony and TwoBitsMom. Tremendously helpful in providing advice, sharing their intimate stories about their beloved little ones, but more importantly in providing the cyber hug that I needed.
God Bless you all. Love and Peace to All of You. Silvia
Hello Silvia. We too remember that dreadful time a year ago. Choli is deep inside our hearts - as she is in yours. She will not be forgotten. As time goes on, you will still feel her presence in your home and heart ... it's a very natural thing. But time really does help, as they say.
It is 2yrs now since my own beautiful lurcher BB passed, and sometimes my day seems filled with memories of her, I cry, and cry some more, and the next day I can feel ok and able to get on with things - including looking after our other dog, Giro, who's now 9yrs, and our recently new rescued 4yr old greyhound, Sally.
I am sending you another huge cyber hug ... on behalf of Choli. Chin up Silvia, and thank you so much for your kind words.
Not just for what you have done for me but for everyone in this community. You always make the sun shine on the cloudiest of days. You've provided that shoulder to lay one's head on. I am, as is this community, your friends, and Giro & Sally, very lucky to have you as a part of our lives.
Right back at you Silvia ... sometimes all we want and need is a hug and someone to say nice things. Thanks for being there. If only the world had more like you it would seem that much sunnier outside right now (it's a grey and miserable day here). Take good care of yourself. Love, Tony x
As I looked on the internet for any information about CRF in dogs, I ran into this thread. Thank you to all who have posted and shared their stories about their sweet friends.
We put our lemon beagle, Sherman, to rest yesterday. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions.
CRF is a terrible disease, and I have been kicking myself for not catching earlier. 1 week befor she showed symptoms, Sherman was having her 6 month visit, everything looked great, she received her shots, had lost some weight ( 5 lbs), but she was on diet food, so we were hoping for some weight loss. By Friday she wasn't herself. Nothing drastic but some minor changes. On Monday night she had vomited 9 times (yellow bile) she had stopped eating, drinking luids, and just wanted to sleep. I took her in to our vet the next morning.
She was hopitalized for three days, received nausea medications, dopamine drip and IV fluids. Her initial creating was over 10, so she was becoming toxic. We would visit her at he hopital every day, but by day two I knew she was ready to go, but I still had hope. Maybe this was just a hiccup. Maybe she would turn around. On day three our vet re-ran the lab work and it looked worse. He said her organs were shutting down, so we agreed to put her down.
What a difficult decision it was. In my mind I know it was the right thing to do for my good girl, but my heart said no, that I needed more time, I needed to love her longer and her me.
Saddly, it is over now.
I am glad that I had the opportunity to read all your stories before I said goodby to Sherman. I helped to know that I wasn't alone when making such a hard decision.
I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone here knows how agonizing it all is. It is never easy saying good bye to someone you love but for Sherman's sake you did the right thing. Sherman is in a better place and at peace.
A few days before my little Choli's passing, my vet said to me to prepare myself to make a decision. Prepare? I thought to myself how do I prepare myself, meanwhile I had 6 years to prepare. She had kidney disease all that time and it wasn't enough time. It's never enough time. But, take heart in knowing, that you provided Sherman with a loving home. And her new place is also a happy one. No IVs, no medicine, no pain.
You've come to good place. For me, it was and is immensely helpful. Reading the posts during her illness and especially after her passing made the journey a little less agonizing. I thought that the heartbreak I was experiencing would never end. But, my friends in this community were here to tell me that it would get easier. The pain of losing someone you love so much never goes away but with time it, well in my case, it isn't everyday. My favorite picture of her would bring me to tears on a dime, Now all I think of when I see the picture is of how funny she was that day. How her little bob as she walked would make me smile How coquettish she always looked. And yes, there are moments when I break down and cry but that is what happens when you love someone so dearly.
If you ever need to seek out a pair of eyes for comfort, please know that this is a very helpful community. One where the people have felt what you feel and feel what you feel. I've often talked about Tony and TwoBitsMom, because they truly were helpful in consoling me. If you need a shoulder to lean on please come back.
Again, my heart goes out to you. Bless you and your family.
Hello. I wish we were talking under better circumstances. I am so very sorry for your loss. As Silvia has said so well, there are lots of people here who truly understand your heartfelt loss - and just how painful and difficult that final decision is. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but also the right thing to do. Our dogs live such short lives and regardless of how long they live, it is never long enough. We love them like they are our children ... for some of us, they are our children. And they give us love in equal measure. It is a unique relationship - and a mutually devoted one.
The shock of Sherman becoming ill, and then deteriorating so quickly, is similar to what happened in my case with my beloved rescued lurcher BB. Sadly, dogs do not tend to show physical symptoms until it's too late to do very much. That's the nature of dogs. Their instincts tell them not to show outward signs of ill-health, because otherwise the pack would disown them or even kill them. Of course, those self same instincts mean we (as humans) feel dreadfully guilty about not seeing any signs and then not being able to help them.
But we DO help them one last time, by taking away their suffering. It's a tough thing to do (the hardest thing we probably will ever choose to do), but it really is the last act of love we can perform.
If Sherman could speak to you, she would say thank you. Thank you for being there, thank you for making her life so full of adventure and experience, thank you for loving her and thank you for sharing so many things with her. She is at peace now. She had a fabulous life and was so lucky to have spent it with you ... in time, you will stop crying and remember the countless happy experiences you shared.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you soon start to feel a little brighter. Please use this forum anytime you want or need to, to talk about your feelings and to tell us about what a wonderful companion Sherman has been. Run free Sherman. Heartfelt love and a huge cyber hug, Tony x
thank you for being so kind, I miss Suki so much, I still cry and can't easily talk about her without ending up in a blubbering mess. Loki my black whippet who has always been aloof now sleeps in my bed, though she is not as loving as my sweet Suki dog she is very loyal and much more interested in me than she used to be. I have seen a rescue Grey hound desperate for a home who looks very similar to Suki, he's an ex racer, they don't have much of a life these dogs, I am thinking about offering him a home, he won't ever replace Suki but at least he will enjoy the rest of his life, I don't know....Louise.
I haven't been on this site for a while and I must thank you for being so kind and having the time to listen, I miss Suki so much, I still cry and can't easily talk about her without ending up in a blubbering mess. Loki my black whippet who has always been aloof now sleeps in my bed, though she is not as loving as my sweet Suki dog she is very loyal and much more interested in me than she used to be. I have seen a rescue Grey hound desperate for a home who looks very similar to Suki, he's an ex racer, they don't have much of a life these dogs, I am thinking about offering him a home, he won't ever replace Suki but at least he will enjoy the rest of his life without kennels, however I don't know quite what to do....Louise.
No need for apologies. I don't think I would have made it through the first year without the loving support I received from Tony and you. There would be days that I would be fine and then there would be days out of nowhere that I would come across another picture of her as a puppy and then the pain in my heart would start all over again. Those were the times that I just couldn't share my grief with those around me but I was always able to come here and read what other had posted and gather some strength to go on another day.
So please no apologies, I just thought you should know that you and Tony gave me hope. And as time past on I tried to help others who were dealing with this dreadful disease, as you and Tony have done for me. It was one way I could thank you, Tony and God for getting me through it all.
I'm glad you are thinking of helping another little friend out. I've got two adorable dogs that were in a kill shelter and whose time was coming up. So they both desperately needed a home. And I desperately needed to hear the sound of little paws walking across a wood floor. No, they can never replace my Choli, but I can tell you that the joy in them when they first ran around in a backyard did make me smile. My lovely pristine garden last year is now full of "dugged" out holes and half eaten flowers. Oh well, the seasons come and go, grass can be regrown and flowers will bloom again but the joy that these two little girls are having after being in an unloving environment, well let's just say that it's worth it.
Best to you and your loved ones. And once again. Thank you for helping me get through a very difficult year. Love, Silvia
Just so thankful for you and Tony being there for me, it really means so much, to be able to talk to others who understand and are able to listen and give heart felt advice. All good wishes to you and your family and may your garden be for many years trashed by your four legged friends...
All the very best,
Hi Louise. Grief doesn't ever truly leave us. How can it. Our dogs are our world. We love them so deeply - and they give us so much in return - it is a relationship that extends long after human or canine has passed. I totally understand how Suki still (and will continue forever to) plays a huge part in your life. I am exactly the same with many of my dogs that passed over the years, but perhaps more so with BB who as you know I lost a couple of years ago. It was only last week that I woke up crying my eyes out, because BB was in my dream, which goes to show we continue to think about them even when asleep.
Anyway, I was interested in you saying you had been looking at a greyhound to add to your pack ... and a potential friend for Loki. It was only 6 weeks ago that we got our 4yr old Sally from a greyhound rescue centre. She's settled in very quickly, but like you feel about the grey you have seen, Sally is absolutely nothing like BB was - she is much more mischievous, cunningly intelligent and slightly bonkers. Of course, she is now the boss of Giro, our 9yr old submissive rottie-mix ... but the two have become great friends. I will never forget BB - but it is nice to give another dog a chance at happiness.
Loads of love and lots of cyber hugs to you and yours.
As I read through this my heart is dying inside. My chest hurts and my heart truthfully aches. I feel it.
My Sparky is almost 8 years old. He's a rescue and was in terrible condition when I got him. He has been my companion for the last 7 years (I got him when he was 10 months old). I am completely lost and shattered. He's had seizures (fly biting) for years and been on medicine. We take him to the vet regularly. He's always had a good bill of health other then his seizures. I've tried and tried to think of just ONE thing.. one thing that he's done to upset me, one thing that he's done that I could use to make this easier. The truth is, I've never met a dog better then him. EVERYONE that has met him says that. He will (with just words) go to his kennel, go to bed, go drink water, etc. He has always been playful and let the kids do whatever without any reaction. He does everything with us. Boating, camping, vacation, you name it he comes. He doesn't bark, when he does he will only bark until you acknowledge (like someone at the door). He sleeps in bed with me (my husband works swing shift so he's my companion when hubby works).
On Monday (Sept 30) we learned he has Kidney Failure. Sunday night he was up all night throwing up. We brought him in and his levels were dangerously high. His BUN was 90, Crea was 7 and his calcium is a bit high at 13.8. Yesterday his levels changed and went down a bit. His BUN was 82, Crea was 6.5 and his calcium was 12.
He eats, but then like last I fed him at 4:30pm and he was good until 1:30am this morning. He then threw up 3 times. I am giving him 5mg Reglan 2x a day. He also had to go to the bathroom. I let him out and we pooped, but it was much more liquidy. He continued to try and go and strained and strained but he didn't go. Today he did the same thing. I don't know if he doesn't realize that it's all liquid thus feels like he didn't go.
We are starting sub-Q today along with Maalox and a probiotic. I am so torn and lost. He has a sad look in his face but then he gets all peppy and interacts with you. I hate it. I don't know how long he has and I don't know when to say when. It would be so much easier if he would make the choice himself.
Is there anything that I can do? Can I add anything? When do you know?
Hi. I am so sorry Sparky has this diagnosis. You seem to be doing everything you can for now. The Sub Qs should help, and the Reglan may encourage him to eat more regularly. If the Reglan doesn't seem to be improving the nausea, ask your vet about changing it to something else. It;s the toxins from the kidney failure that cause the nausea, and the nausea prevents Sparky from eating, and without proper food intake he will become weak and fade faster. But it's a balancing act, because any meds you give him to help are normally dealt with via the kidneys (and other organs), so although the meds will help one symptom, they also put stress on the kidneys.
As for when is the right time ... it's different for every dog and for every owner, so it's difficult to comment. From past experience, I can tell you you know your dog the best - and your dog knows you the best - and when the time is right, he will tell you in his own way. Sparky may not be able to speak, but one glance will be enough - he will tell you through his eyes.
My heart goes out to you. This is a dreadful illness with no cure (yet). It's tragic that so many of our best friends go through this. Please keep us informed about how things go ... you are very welcome here and in good company. Cyber hug to you, Tony.
I'm so sorry that your are going through this. As Tony said, it looks like you are doing everything that can be done.
The Sub Q's are key, I feel. Flushing out Sparky's system will help, so keep that up. Make your own chicken broth. Even the low sodium chicken broth has too much salt content for our little family members so I used to make my own with some carrots in it. Also, tuna juice. Canned tuna in oil is full of Omega 3s.
Time? You'll know. I've typed, retyped and erased this part of the post several times. It is the hardest thing one has to decide. No one knows Sparky like you do. His eyes and your heart will tell you.
In the end, all I can say is that I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling and I truly wish I could take it away from you and anyone else who is going through this. I will keep you and Sparky in my prayers and thoughts.
Thank you so much for your replies. I have to say this has been one of the biggest roller coasters I've been through in my life. Sparky has taught me so many things about not just dogs, but life. I've been a fighter my whole life. I've had all the odds stacked against me many times, but I always find a way. This is absolutely NO different. Through the stories I've read here and everything else I have read (along with my husband) we have become Sparky's advocates. I will be his voice. He is not ready to go and at first I wondered, but over the last few days, he's given me too many signs.
First and foremost, the vet told me most dogs at his stage will not want to eat. We've NOT gotten to this point at all. Sparky will eat everything that we give him, literally everything! He LOVES wet dog food so when she sent me home with him (which they didn't want to do, they wanted him to stay. I left him there Monday night when I called Tuesday and they told me they pulled his IV, I went to get him. Like you said, no one knows him like we do. If they aren't going to IV him, I can watch him myself and I can Sub-Q at home with all his family and people he loves, not people he hates and a cage). It's made by Purina and I am looking at the ingredients and not loving that, but it's for Kidney Function (http://www.petfooddirect.com/Product/5836/Purina-Veterinary-Diets-NF-KidNey-Function-Canine-Formula-Canned). She sent me home with 2 cans and said 1/2 can twice a day. My husband and I talked about this and we decided what was best was 1/4 can twice a day. I do NOT want him to lose anymore weight, but at the same time, before he was on this kidney diet or diagnosed, I'd called the vet (he was vomiting 1-2x a day and I was concerned) and they said I should try the hamburger/rice diet first. They also told us to start with 1/4 cup 2x a day, which we did. While he was on that diet.. the first day he threw up once, he went 4-5 days with no vomiting. So as directed by the vet we increased this to 1/2 cup 2x a day. He began vomiting more frequently, at least once a day. This led me to believe that 1/2 cup plus his water was just too much for his stomach. as we cut back things got better for a couple days. Then I added in a tiny bit of the blue buffalo food we had decided would be best (we had him on cheap dog food prior to this all happening) and it started the cycle. He then threw up all night Sunday and through Monday when we brought him in.
They gave us the horrible news and led us to believe that this was the end of the road for us. Even when I went to get him, she gave me 2 cans of dog food, which was 2 days worth at her 1/2 cup 2x a day serving and only 4 days of the Reglan, no Sub-Q. We truly felt that we were taking him home to pass away.
Naturally you read a lot and google a lot. I found this forum and so many wonderful ideas and posts all over the place. Now, I understand this is VERY unpredictable and I am as prepared as I can be for the moment when he decides he doesn't want to fight anymore, but I have no reason to believe that will be within the next day or even the next week at this point. I think they also rated his KD much worse then it might potentially be. I mean we can never know for sure, but it's a hunch I have at the moment.
His week was:
Sunday Night - awful, multiple vomiting episodes
Monday - lethargic and really unresponsive, had to be carried in and out the the car for the vet. He stayed at the vet with IV fluids overnight. He received dog food in the morning and it stayed down all day.
Tuesday - I brought him home around 3pm. He was lethargic but alert. He was eating and drinking. Early hours of wednesday morning around 1:30am he vomited 3 times, small amounts, which equaled his last feeding. The remaining feedings of the day stayed down.
Wednesday - he ate all day fine. He was sleepy, but he's always been kind of lazy. He takes seizure meds and they make him sleep more. He was going outside though and he was getting up to move from room to room with my husband and I. He climbed up on the bed and did everything he was doing before minus sleeping more. At around 9pm he threw up a very small amount.
Thursday - so far so good! 16 hours with NO vomiting and 2 feedings of KD food and 2 "treat" feedings.
As of right now, Sparky is actually doing great. His "treat" feedings are actually just baby food. Sweet potatoes are his favorite, but he has eaten the green beans and peas. He's always gotten table scraps and because he shouldn't have so much of that anymore I don't want to take his treats completely away. I don't want to hurt him more but at the same time I don't want to deprive him. He seems to love the baby food treats, which is basically just 1 oversized tablespoon worth.
He's acknowledging life and people. He's barking here and there. He is interacting when we call him. He's moving around. I realize that this could be short term, but it has me questioning the vet. I called and asked for the Sub-Q. I picked up more dog food. I feel like by sending home 2 cans she was really giving up and thinking it would be over. I don't know, maybe it's me. He seems to be hanging strong and I am not sure if that means we have 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 years. I am trying to cherish the time as I have it and really just let him do his thing. I think that he is still fighting and clearly has life in himself. He is sleepy yes, but I don't think he's ready to go. A few times he's given me those sad eyes, but as someone who suffers from Fibromyalgia, I know there are days I feel like "just shoot me" and I would imagine he has rough days too.
I am so grateful for this forum and the internet though. If not for that, I fear we would have made the wrong decision! I know the vet didn't want to give us false hope, but she never gave us any hope. In fact, she was pretty much in the mind frame that this isn't something that a dog could live with for ANY amount of time, which was depressing.
Thank you all for sharing your stories, for listening to mine, for putting your stories out here on the web! You have no idea how many people probably haven't taken the time to register and share, but have been given hope! I think if anything you can find peace in that your canine fur-baby's story helped and comforted my family of 4 and who knows how many others!
One thing I forgot.. What did y'all use for liquids? Sparky won't touch water for me. Ironic because he will for daddy, but he works 12 hour days, so he needs to take something from mommy. I think he is pushing me right now to see what he can get because yesterday I resorted to a little apple juice and a melted popsicle. I am adding water to his canned food, so he is getting that extra there, which is 4 times a day, but it's minimal.. maybe a couple teaspoons (it's only 1/8 cup a food). Breaking his meals up to 4 a day rather then 2 seems to help the vomiting and nausea (so far *crosses fingers*).
Hi Bobbie. I think you are doing just fine, so don't fret over little things. The fact he's having tinned food (as you say, which contains high amounts of water) and is drinking when your husband gets home, is really good, and I don't think you need to push the fluid intake too much. I would however keep going with Sub Qs as this helps flush the kidneys and rid the toxins, rather than the drip drip effect of flushing via canned food water content.
I should warn you, when the kidney failure reaches a point where they just can't cope anymore, the deterioration will be fast and traumatic. I'm not saying this to worry you or to frighten you, but I do think it's best to be forewarned. For now, things look very good and I am delighted you can have this pleasurable time with your best friend, make new memories and help him continue to enjoy life for as long as possible.
The anti-nausea meds are also really important, as they will help him feel more comfortable, prevent distress and encourage him to keep eating ... which in turn will give him the energy he needs to keep going for as long as possible.
You seem very aware that nothing is easily predicted with kidney failure - until perhaps the last couple of days, when things become very evident, so I'm really hoping your little guy will be with you for some time to come. You have done amazingly well so far - keep up the fantastic work. Ask anything, if something is bothering you, and come back anytime just to talk and get some support. You are in good company here. Huge cyber hugs, Tony
Thanks Tony. I think for the most part I am okay and I am preparing for the day he's just had enough. It's hard but I know that's there. The very led me to believe that it wouldn't be that "evident" that it was time which scared me because I didn't want to make a wrong choice. Though reading here has helped and I know that he will decline and then I will know. That in itself brings me peace of mind. I just continue to love him and let him know he's loved a lot and take it one day at a time. We've talked as a family too and have a plan so that helps. This is never easy! I just lost my grandmother in November and watched that all. I try to research and prepare although you are never entirely prepared.
Now tonight things went a bit array. We gave him his sub q fluids but he has drank little to nothing today. And the two times he drank a significant amount it was milk. They said to watch the calcium since it was borderline high. What do you do? I've tried juice, Popsicles.. But nope. He did have 1 container of baby food today and I know those ate pretty watery but he had only went outside to potty early this morning around 5 and once around noon! We picked him up to go and he came right back to the door. I fear if he's not going to the bathroom he's not really flushing the toxins out. I haven't had time yet to look online about it, I just finished tucking kids in. Another hurdle!
Each day at a time is the right approach. You are doing everything possible - and then some! Just keep going as you are. Sometimes there will be backward steps, sometimes forward steps, but a good day is a good day and that's how to look at it. If he's eating the baby food (which is good), it may be worth trying him on a small amount of boiled chicken meat, which is one of the easiest things to digest, but most dogs enjoy it. And if he takes that, then try the same with a spoonful of cooked white rice mixed with the chicken, which will start to give him some bulk - and therefore make pooing more regular and easier. The problem with baby food is it can create diarrhea in dogs if used continuously, but hey, if it works for now and he's eating it, who cares, right.
Well done on getting this far. Give the little guy a congratulatory hug from me - and give one to yourself too, for being there and for taking such good care of him. Tony x
By Friday, waking up to go to work at 4:30 has its troubles...like a very sleepy and grumpy Silvia. But, as I turned on my phone and read your post...well suffice it to say ..Sparky's "sparkiness" (if it's not a word it should be!) turned my frown upside down!
Congrats on being vomit free for 24 hours. Keep up the great work! As Tony suggested, chicken with some vegetables is a good idea. Make your own soup. Take a small roaster add the typical soup vegetables but add kale and beets (both are emulsifiers and are very helpful to the system). Simmer and save the broth and let it cool. Make sure not to add any salt. Doggies love chicken and the broth once cooled is another way to get Sparky to lap up some extra H2-0.
I'll continue to keep you kids in my prayers...Hugs to you and yours!
Tony & Silvia,
I cannot thank you enough for your support during this last week. I've been a part.of Internet forums everywhere and I have never met 2 people that without any question embraced the life of my little sweet furbaby. You have been so helpful and so caring.
It is with very very sad and broken heart that I share our beloved Sparky is no longer battling KD. On Thursday around 2pm was the last time Sparky would drink or eat. He was no longer peeing which was a bad sign. Without his desire to eat anything I couldn't get his medicine in him. From that moment on it was a very very fast decline. I had prayed that when the time came Sparky would give me the signs to let me know he was ready. His heart was way too strong that he would never have went naturally, which I also secretly prayed for. Friday morning I woke up and he was laying next to me in bed. I said good morning, he looked at me and his eyes were so sad. He opened them and immediately closed them. I spent all day just laying with him and talking to him. He had went over 24 hours without voiding in any way. He was too weak and could hardly move. It was time. Last night at 6:44pm our little angel went to heaven and left our family.
We did have to have him out down. We paid more to have a vet come to the house and do it. I held him in my arms as he passed. He gave me a look and a huge sigh. He was ready. He tried to fight so hard for us. Here putting them down is a 2 step process. He was given a small relaxant and as soon as that happened he passed. They administered the 2nd medicine so we could be sure (peace of mind).
I am incredibly heartbroken. I don't want to leave the bed. I miss him so very much. This is a horrific disease. It took the life of a dog that was so lively and loved. I am so glad we got the extra days with him, but I wish there was a way to have my beloved companion back! I hate this!
Oh Bobbie. I was dreading that message, even though I knew it was coming. I am so very sorry. Sparky sure was a fighter and you did so incredibly well to gain that all-too-short extra time with him. I know only too well "that look" our best friends give when they try their hardest to say, I'm ready to go now. It is the most heartbreaking of looks. It rips straight to the bone.
I'm glad you got the vet to come to your home. I've done that with all my dogs. I think it is so natural for them to go to sleep in their own surroundings and with the people they know and love.
It is with a very heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I start the day. The only thing I can say is you did more than everything you could possibly do to help Sparky, and in the end you were brave enough to recognize the time was right. If Sparky could say it, he would say a huge and enormous thank you to you. Thank you for giving me all those adventures. Thank you for looking after me so much. More than all, thank you for loving me. Run free Sparky. Tony x
I'm so terribly sorry to hear about Sparky. I too just put my dog down with KD. He was just 10. It's only 3 weeks for me and I was waiting for him to tell me when. It was close to that day when his sister, Sugar died of heartbreak as she had watched him suffer. I had to put him down then by her side, knowing that they needed to be in heaven together! My heart is aching. This forum helped so much. Tony was so supportive and got me through the hardest time. It's important to talk to someone who has been through it and understands the pain. I am alone, my fiancé, who surprised me with "Sugar and Spike 10 years ago has left us 3 years ago. So, having someone with understanding and love in their heart is imperative. I am grateful for this forum, Tony and others.
You know that you did all that you can for Sparky, KD is horrible. My daughter is a Naturopathic Doctor and gave me many remedies to help my little Spikey. But, although I had more time, the outcome was the same.
God calls all of us "Home" when it is time. Although, it's hard to understand why they can't be here to greet us and put the life back in the house, we need to be strong and know that they are OUT of pain and we will see them again. I feel both of their presence in my house, my remaining little guy is lost without his family and so confused. It is breaking my heart even more. Sparky knows and thanks you for helping him in life and at the end. Surround yourself with memories and the love that you both had.
My heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry for your loss. These furry kids of ours give us so much love. And you Bobbie, returned his love with more love. Searching to find a remedy. You gave it your all.
Dianne is right. They are still here. Watching over us, protecting and loving us. It's been 16 months since I lost Choli and I still feel her all around me.
I thank God for giving me this community to help me through grieving my loss. There were many nights that I would slip away from my bedroom make myself a cup of tea and cry. Then I would turn on the computer and come here.
I've often said that Tony is an angel on earth. He's helped many of us ease through this heartbreak. As I've often said there is no better description of what we go through when this terrible awful disease takes our loved ones. Because it literally is breaking our hearts. It's painful.
Tony said it best. Sparky is in a better place and thanks you for freeing him to enjoy new adventures and plays by the rainbow bridge.
Oddly enough, the song that plays in my head now is Annie Lennox's Into the West. It's the same one I hear of when I think of Choli's passing.
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore...."
Well, as the tears stream down my face, I'm feeling your pain and I wish you weren't feeling this. But, this forum is here as am I to offer a shoulder to cry on. Again, I'm so so so sorry.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again ... people who love animals, and dogs in particular, are the nicest warmest most loving and most generous people on the planet. If only all people were this way, the world would always be a wonderful place. The trouble is, with such warm hearts, we feel the loss of our loved ones that much more, and it's painful and seemingly never ending. But time does help. Gradually and with each passing day, the pain eases, and is eventually replaced with fond and happy memories of a life shared. To everyone visiting this forum, I wish you a peaceful and contented day. Tony xxx
We just put our two labs down today. They are brother and sister and the sweetest dogs we have ever had. Ten years ago I got a call from a friend and she said she was driving home and on the side of the road she saw a big garbage bag rolling around. She pulled over and inside where 2 beautiful black lab puppies. She called me and asked if I could take them We live on 20 arces and at the time we had 2 other labs. We still jumped at the chance to give these 2 a home. They are so close and always lie next to eack other and touch on some body part of the other one. Tonight when my husband came home from the vet with their bodies we opened up the back and they where lieing face to face with both their front paws touching each other as they did in life. We are all heart broken but know they had a great life and will never forget our years together.. Just thought I would post, thank you all for your posts, and keep on loving mans best friends.
Hello. Well, your story certainly brought tears to my eyes. It was dreadful but also beautiful all at the same time. I am truly sorry for your losses. It seems from the short description, that these two labs were incredibly lucky to have survived their early lives ... and then extraordinarily lucky to be adopted by you. It is heartwarming to know they enjoyed their lives together and that they were loved and cared for so well. I know it must be a dreadful day today, full of tears and angst ... but it is worth remembering what a fabulous life you gave them. Well done you. Tony x
My heart is aching for you, Tony helped me through with her kind words. I had the same love story with my two Shi Tzus that just passed together. They taught me what the true meaning of unconditional love was!
We are lucky to have had that joy and pure love in our homes. I still cry for them each day.
You gave them a chance to grow up together and have that love. You gave them a great life! I'm so so sorry for your pain, you are not alone.
I didn't understand how they died together, but they are in Heaven together, where you know they'd want to be.
I hope you find peace in the love that they gave you back. I'm still praying for the same.
I am so glad to find this forum. It helped me so much to know that I am not alone.
Yesterday evening, at 8:00 p.m. We had to have our little baby Yorkshire Terrier, Amber. She was 12 years and 9 months.
I am sad and angry at the same time. Her vet didn't do a good job with diagnosing her. The day before she died, I called the vet to do some tests but refused. They said they'd give us antibiotics or have the cyst removed. She was too weak and we definitely didn't want it.
I wanted so bad to make her better and treat her correctly that even yesterday morning we went to another vet and insisted on further tests so they sent us to a specialist who did a further ultrasound and found that the water-filled cyst in her stomach was coming out of her left kidney. Unfortunately, the other kidney was also bad. That's when we knew that we had to let her go. I watched her wither away and wished that we had found out sooner what was wrong with her so we would have done things differently. The specialist said that extracting the fluids from the cyst (which the other vet did, twice) and surgery is pointless. So I was really glad that we didn't agree to the surgery even 3 months ago when they first found it. They said that it was innocuous.
I would have wanted her to die in my bed, when she draws her last breath but she was suffering so much so we had to end her misery and put her to sleep.
It hurts so much I just cry all day. Four months ago, I lost my job and now I know why. God wanted me to spend her last months with her and take care her full time when she got sick.
It was an awful experience seeing her deteriorate and seeing her eyes as if wondering what was happening to her and asking for help. She was definitely fighting. I know this might sound weird to people but her eyes told me that she didn't want to leave us. As small as she was, she had always been protective of us. Her eyes looked as if she wanted to say "I don't want to leave you, who's going to take care of you when I'm gone?" So spending her last hours in our bed, before she was put to sleep, I keep reassuring her that it was okay to go. That we love her incredibly and that will not leave her side. We kept stroking her to assure her that we're there. Each time me or my husband got off the bed, she would make an effort (she was just lying down and can't do anything anymore since morning) to turn her head around looking for the other one. And in the final hour, she even made an attempt to raise her head, lying down on her belly, looking around as if to tell us "Look, I can still do this. I can get better." We put her bowl of water in front of her and drank some water.
This might sound even weirder, but when I went down to the living room sobbing my brains out, I felt her presence as if feeling really sad for me. So I talked to her. I kept reassuring her that we're okay. We're just really sad because we love her so much, but we will be okay and she shouldn't worry. I told her I want her to go to heaven and get her angel wings.
I can't bear to take her stuff away. I left everything, including her beds and feeding bowls exactly where they are, upstairs and downstairs. The cardigan I wrapped around her with to keep her warm (her body temp was dropping) and puked on the last moment, is still lying on a chair upstairs. I pick it up and put it against my face as I did when I held her to keep her warm yesterday morning.
I know it's going to get better but right now it hurts so bad I can't stop crying.
Hello and I am pleased you found this forum. I am so very sorry to read about Amber. She sounded like she was an amazing little dog - and I can tell just how much love she had adored onto her, no doubt throughout her life. It is so hard, when we lose our best friends, but sadly our dogs just don't live as long as we do, so their time comes far too soon.
Today will be the hardest of days. Nothing you have said sounds weird to those of us that have done the same things or felt the same way. I certainly wouldn't contemplate moving Amber's stuff until you are ready, and you will know when that is. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this month, but one day you will think - it's time - and even then, don't dispose of everything. Keep something back for the days you need it. I still have all my prior dogs collars, a few keepsakes too, favorite toys, that kind of thing.
I don't give a hoot about anyone that thinks it's weird to do it ... the relationship between me and my dogs was and still is the most important thing, so of course when they pass, I'm always going to keep something to remind me of them.
I wrote a piece about the loss of a dog that might just help a little. You can find it here: http://www.infobarrel.com/When_a_Pet_Dog_Dies
I would urge you to use this site whenever you need some support, or just to chat about Amber. It's very early days, but yes, things will get better eventually. The loss you feel is very raw, so find support in people that understand - talking is the best medicine, so please come here when you need a shoulder to cry on.
Above all else, remember that Amber was a very lucky dog. Her happy days far outweigh the last few bad ones - and it was you that provided her with such a wonderful, love filled life. If she could say it, she would say thank you for everything, but especially the love you gave me.
Tony, thank you for your comforting words. It does help to talk to people, but I guess some of them do not feel comfortable about situations like this and try to stay away. There were those who were very supportive and it helps a little. Some of them don't care for dogs at all and don't see why we dog lovers grieve so much when we lose our dear pets.
Everything around me reminds me of Amber. When I look out to the garden, I miss her. My husband and I used to live in an apartment but we bought this house so Amber could have a garden to go out to anytime she wants through the doggie door. She used to just go out there and bark at strangers passing by our back gate. My husband wanted to bury her in "her garden" which I thought would be great but then if we ever move, I wouldn't be able to take her with us. I don't feel comfortable about digging her up again. So we decided to have her cremated. We are arranging that today.
My husband, who is definitely not the emotional type, has been very emotional about it. Amber is daddy's little girl and she likes to lay down beside him when we go to bed at night. Not with me.
My husband and I didn't want any gifts for Christmas. We just wanted Amber to get better. We also don't want much from life --- just each other, the three of us, together.
I miss holding her in my arms and feeling her lay down against my thigh when I sit on the couch. In the morning, when we go downstairs, she would usually go outside and do her business while I straighten the living room, particularly the couch. She would sit patiently waiting for me to lift her and put her on it. When I don't do it right away, she would let out a short, soft whimper to let me know she's waiting. It must be my grief that's making me hear things but when I was sitting on the couch checking my email, I heard her little whimper very clearly as if telling me that I have to put her on the couch beside me.
My husband and I always knew that when we lose her, we will be devastated. Just the thought made us sad so whenever he or someone else would bring that up, I would tell them to shut up.
I know there's no use crying over spilled milk but I really wish we had known about her kidney failure at the onset. We would have just made her last days comfortable for her and skipped the things we did trying to make her better which put her in unnecessary stress. We would have considered putting her to sleep earlier so that she didn't have to go through the difficulties that she had, especially the breathing difficulty and the seizures that got worse since the night before she died.
She really did put up a good fight. When the seizure started, which at first was like a single jolt, She would stand up (in her weak condition) and walk around as if she knew that it could kill her and so she walked around to make sure that stays alive. The seizures got really bad in the final hours so if we had some sort of foresight, we would have let her go the day before. Other people told of stories how their beloved dog died peacefully of kidney failure so I didn't think it would be that bad. I feel really guilty letting it go on for her to suffer the way she did.
It surely helps to talk about her and I am eternally grateful for you lending a shoulder to cry on. I only wish I could stop crying.
Hi. I know you want to stop crying, but really, you need to cry. Grief comes in waves - and tears come regardless of what you might do to try and prevent them. So cry when you need to. It's a natural release and very helpful to the process, which will stop, but not for a while yet.
Other people are strange aren't they? I genuinely feel very sorry for people that don't understand the grief we feel as dog owners, when we lose our companions, because it means they have never had the awesome pleasure of experiencing such a unique and wonderful relationship. Doggy folk do understand, thankfully, and there are lots on here who will empathize with your circumstances.
Although guilt is a natural instinct after we have had to do the dreaded deed, it really is unwarranted. We do what we do for the best of reasons, for the right reasons, and not for us - but for our best friends. It is no good second-guessing about the what if's, because what has been done was right and at the right time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but completely unrealistic and unhelpful in situations such as these. Try to put those thoughts out of your head (easier said than done I know).
Having Amber cremated might actually be helpful ... because you might want to do exactly what you suggested you might do, and put her ashes in the garden, perhaps marking the spot with a new shrub, plant or tree. You could also keep a small amount back, so if (in the future) you move home, you can actually still take her with you. Just a thought, anyway.
It will be a hard festive season this year. I will be here throughout the period, calling in each day, so if you want to chat, please visit. I would love to hear more about Amber (happier days in the past) - and of course to check up on how you are both handling the loss. Stay strong. It WILL get easier, in time. Tony x
I know so much how you feel. I own four dogs and one of them my Siberian Husky Jewels was an outside dog. We loved her so much.During the ice storm she came into the house and the next thing we knew is she vomited on the floor, peed huge amounts with blood streak and was deteriorating very fast. She refused to eat for more than 3 days and I tried to force feed her. She vomited it up. We did not know she was even sick...we took her to the vet and spend and completed diagnostic tests and the vet said she is in terrible state... he said she either has polymetra (infection of the uterus) which can only be treated which surgery and she was too weak, a bad case of UTI or diabetes.....he said you can put her to sleep right now or opt for antibiotics in case it is a UTI. I was hoping for the best and was so sad...I got the medicine and tried to save her...yesterday morning she as a Husky howled in pain and it was so bad... I realized that the best thing I can do for her was to take her to the vet immediately and put her down. It was the hardest thing I have ever done as I love her so much and we have four little kids loving her too. I explained to them that she was very sick... Everything went so fast I could barely say goodbye and it is christmas coming up....my kids said all they want for Christmas is Jewels...it is so hard and although I have 3 other dogs none can take the place of my little angel.... I was not ready to let her go but God decided different.... when she was a puppy at 7 weeks old she got sick one day and vomited and I thought she had parvo besides vaccines .... I rushed her to the emergency room and spend so much money that we did not have at the time and I saved her.... we shared such a special bond.....this time I was not able to save her and it hurts so bad... just to all of you out there I am crying with yo and probably will for a long time... she was so sweet and special....Try to remember the good times with your dog when they were happy and healthy and remember sometimes the best thing is to let them go....
Hello. Your heartfelt story about Jewels brought tears to my eyes. She had tough start in life, by the sound of it, but from that point onwards she clearly had all the love and care she could possibly need. It's always so hard when we lose a member of our family, and particularly at this time of the year. Our best friends sadly never live as long as we would like them to. My thoughts are with you and your family ... human and canine. Cyber hugs to all of you. Tony x
Tony - you are such an angel. While I was going through a rough time with my little Amber's sickness, I read this forum to help me feel that I wasn't alone. The
comforting exchange between you and the others was such a great source of support for me. You, in particular, have such a big heart for helping complete strangers like
me go through this very rough time. There ought to be more people like you in the world. Then it would be a better place.
It's now the second day since my baby Amber passed. I was hoping that it would hurt less but that's not the case. I know it will get better, I just need to take one
step at a time. This morning, I tried to take a little step forward and thought of clearing out her feeding bowls. But as soon as I picked up the one downstairs, I
broke down sobbing. I am not ready yet. Our bed sheets need changing but I couldn't bear the thought of doing it. It was in our bed that Amber spent the last hours of
Amber is our little of bundle of joy. My husband said last night that it's unbelievable how such a tiny little creature (she was 3.5 kg) could fill our house, our
hearts, with so much unconditional love. He didn't want to get a dog back then, he said that "animals belong in nature." But boy, did Amber change that very quickly.
Soon after we got her, he was in love. She became daddy's girl.
We got Amber when she was only three months old. She was the runt of the litter and was bullied by the other puppies. She would walk away from the other puppies with
her tail between her legs and her head low. My father-in-law, who was with us, kept pointing to the other puppies and said, "why don't you take that one or that one?"
And I said, "No, I want her" pointing to Amber. She was scared of us, she was scared of everything. But we gave her lots of love and played with her a lot that soon
enough, she built her confidence and thought she's a big powerful dog.
She went with us everywhere even on vacation. She's been to more places than some people I know. My colleagues said they are envious of her to have been to so many
places. She traveled with us by plane, train, bus, or car. There were only a few times when she didn't come with us on vacation.
We call her our little furball that keeps us warm when it's cold. She loves to cuddle. We always said that she thinks her job in this world is to cuddle with
people. We have so many fond memories of her and so my husband and I try to recall those happy moments, to help us through the pain of missing her.
Her cremation is on Friday. I had wanted to have it done last night already, but I wanted to be there during the cremation and also so that my husband's nephew, who loved Amber so dearly (they grew up together), could also join us, we scheduled it on Friday evening. We will scatter some of her ashes in her garden and keep the rest. On Christmas day, some family members are joining us for dinner and we will hold a little ceremony for her.
Hello, Sunshine. I am so sorry to hear about Jewels. I feel your pain. Especially that he went so quickly. I, too, had hoped that my precious Amber would be celebrating Christmas with us. It will not be the same without her. I'm sure you feel the same way about Jewels.
It's tough, hang in there. I feel for you and your family. If you need some support, you can always come here. This forum has been a place of comfort for me in these dark days of grieving for my baby Amber.
Hello again. Yes, the first few days are horrendous, because all the routines are broken, yet sometimes we can forget ... and then find ourselves doing the usual things, and then remember again what has happened. Grief truly is a dreadful but necessary process.
I empathize with what you have said about moving things. Don't worry, like you say, one day at a time. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week or even next month, you will know when the time is right.
Amber sure was a lucky dog to have found you and to have shared her adventure filled life with you both. There must be so many happy memories, most of them hurting right now, but in time you will smile and treasure them. If only all dogs could be as lucky as Amber has been, sharing her love and life with the two of you.
It's nice to have the ceremony when those who loved her can be there. Hold each other close - and cry if you need to. Goodbye's are hard, but she will always have a warm place in your heart. When I lost my own dog, we also had a small ceremony with the people that loved her - we went to the local beach to scatter her ashes (the beach was her favorite place where she would run and play with other dogs). We all cried bucket loads, but it was a nice thing to do. Even thinking about it brings both a smile and a tear.
You're beloved BB was lucky to have you. I remember from previous posts that you mentioned having other dogs. How many do you have?
My husband said to me the other night that he regrets not having Amber bred so that she had left us an offspring and have her legacy live on. But she was such a tiny dog I couldn't bear the thought of her going through that.
The ceremony you had for BB sounds really wonderful. I'm sure she was watching and knows that she was, and still is, very much loved.
How long did it take for your grief to go away? I try very hard to get on my "normal" life but grief stands in the way. I've lost quite some weight as food just won't go down, so I don't eat as much. Sometimes I would be in a middle of a task (e.g. cooking) and I would catch myself just being frozen and staring blankly at nothing in particular.
Tonight is her cremation and I very much look forward to bringing her ashes home.
Hi. When does grief go away ... is probably the most often asked question from people visiting this forum, and truthfully, there is no answer. For some with busy lives, grief seems to go within weeks. But, when those same people have quiet moments in their schedules, it comes back and hits them hard - sometimes months and even years later.
My grief has never gone away. But it is under control - and in a drawer at the back of my mind, where it can stay for as long as it needs to. There are times when I miss my prior dogs so much that I take a walk along the beach, just to reminisce and shed a few tears before getting on with the stuff of life.
When my last dog passed away, it hit me much harder than even I imagined it would, and it took 2 years before I could accept taking in another dog. We already had Giro, and then finally opened our home to Sally, a rescued greyhound. We just have the two dogs, both with their own various 'issues' (like most rescues), and that's enough for us to handle right now.
Just out of interest - I was talking to a neighbor who said her friends have six Newfoundlands (these are enormous dogs, a bit like donkeys) ... and they live in a small 2-bed bungalow. I laughed out loud at this, because all I could picture was the dogs enjoying the house while the owners were sat on the lawn outside. I can't imagine how they handle so many giant-sized dogs in a relatively small home.
The one good thing about grief is, it does get better by decreasing in small amounts over days and weeks. After that, what remains are sometimes painful memories, which come back to jolt us every now and then. Eventually, these same memories become warm and welcome reminders of our loved ones, now passed.
Though I am sure tonight will be tearful and sad, I know you will be slightly more contented once you have Amber's ashes with you. I hope the ceremony goes well. You will all be in my thoughts. Tony x
I'm so sorry for you loss. My husband and I know that feeling all too well.
It's been a year and a half since our little mini doxi past away and yet it feels like yesterday. Your words makes my heart ache.
Tony couldn't have said it better. We busy our lives with schedules and work. But in those quiet moment the grief comes back. The other day, I was in my office writing out Christmas cards when my husband walked in. Dangling on the end of a pencil, in my pencil cup is one of Choli's collars. He walked in to talk about something, stroked the little collar, gulped down a sob and walked out of the room. I think that when someone that special is a part of your life, they deserve to be remembered.
Amber was that kind of gal. For me thank goodness, the grief has diminished. It hasn't gone away, but it isn't every day. I still miss the warmth of her little body between me and my husband in bed. Saturday mornings (not as many now) are not good. My husband is an early bird and he would go down to make coffee, then feed her and read the paper. He would then look at Choli and tell her "Go upstairs and get Mom". That little thing would charge up the stairs and nudge the bed and bark to wake me up. Many times I was not ready to get up. Which meant more nudging and barking. Aaaah, I could go on and on.
So, I understand your pain. I feel your pain. I wish had some antidote to give you. But, all I can offer is that I'll be praying for you over these coming unbearable days.
I am really glad to have your support and comforting words. For the past few days since Amber passed, I felt abandoned by my friends who, after I've told them about her passing, didn't even say "I'm sorry for your loss." I guess times like this allow you to see who your real friends are. I am blessed to have a great neighbor, an elderly lady who was widowed two years ago, who also cared about Amber. She came to me the other day and invited me for coffee at her house so that I wouldn't be alone.
I lost my job four months ago. I didn't really mind that much. It actually made me grateful for the time I could spend with my husband and Amber. It gives me great comfort that I was able to be home and spend Amber the last few months of her life and take care of her 24/7 when she got sick. Life truly works in mysterious ways.
The "funeral" last night was wonderful, We did not expect it to be that beautiful. We thought we just came for the cremation, but before that, they ushered us into a room where she laid there beautifully with flowers, music and everything. She looked like she was just asleep and would raise her head as we pet her for the last time. Now her ashes are home.
Silvia, your story about your Choli reminds me a lot of Amber. If she's asked to wake up either me or my husband, she would try to "scratch away" the covers off you until you wake up. She loves chicken fillet so much that we mixed with kibbles, and she would usually pick out the kibbles one by one to each the chicken first.
I know that I will feel better as time passes but she will never leave my heart. Right now, I miss her so much it hurts. What is it about grief that makes it difficult to swallow food? I've lost some weight in the past week. My husband is dealing with it better than I am. He keeps himself preoccupied with his job and other things. Since I am at home, I am surrounded by things that remind me of Amber, and even if I am not, just the thought of her is enough to make me burst into tears.
As for getting a new dog, we're not sure. My husband has always said before that we will never replace Amber, and I feel the same. But now, feeling the emptiness she left behind, he said that he thinks that he'd want another one. Not now, but eventually. I can't say I feel the same way. Maybe I'd change my mind. Who knows?
If you please, would you tell me how you dealt with your own grief? I know we all do it differently, but right now, grief has such a tight grip on me that even the smallest task seems overwhelming.
Hi Juvie. I am so pleased the ceremony went well and I also gather from what you have said that it allowed you to feel reassured and able to say goodbye, just as you had hoped.
Your husband's ability to distract himself with work and other commitments is useful, and maybe you could take a leaf out of his book right now. You need some peace, emotionally, so try distracting yourself with activities that involve other people - or maybe just try to concentrate on your own career, if that's something you need to do.
I think the idea about helping another dog find a truly wonderful home is something for later. You can only think about that once your grief has subsided, which it will, in time. For now, just keep yourself occupied, preferably in the company of others.
I know the next few days will be tough, but they will pass, and 2014 is a brand new year with new challenges, aspirations and expectations for us all. I hope you find peace now you have Amber's ashes. I wish you and your husband a very tranquil but pleasant Christmas. Please come back anytime to chat some more. Cyber hugs. Tony x
Tony is one of them. He was my touch stone, my lifeline, my friend through probably one of the hardest times in my life. Many times I would find myself riding the subway fighting back tears. Desperate to get off so that no one would see me cry. I would come here in the middle of night and read Tony's responses. Sometimes over and over again. They truly helped. There's something about the way that he writes that truly comforted me.
When Choli past away, we buried her in her favorite spot in the backyard.
Our backyard faces an elementary school and the little kids play back there. On the weekends, boys and girls play football, soccer and baseball. She loved watching them play and like every doxie I've ever met, faced them all with tons of barks. Like as if to say.."hey you, over there, come over here". At first I couldn't bare to sit on my back porch and look in that direction. Now, with a painful smile I can.
Tony's advice is spot on. Take the time to heal. These next few months are terribly hard and draining. Make sure to take care of yourself. Eating is not an option, Missy!
I wasn't ready to bring someone else into my life. I was afraid that my grief would be felt by her/him. But as life would have it, a group of school teachers/artists in NY formed a group to save dogs in kill shelters. My husband Ray is a teacher and we learned of two sisters who were on the kill list. Since they were inseparable, no one wanted them. Malnourished and flea ridden these little gals came into our lives. As it where they were a mix of doxie/chihuahua.
So, my beautiful little pristine backyard, now, has too many dug out holes. (Can't tell you how many times I've fallen into one - lost count). Babe jumps through the backyard as if to say "this is soo much fun, all this grass, look no cement". Ruth who was bred too many times and looked too tired of life, now enjoys sleeping on the grass as the warm sun bathes her back. (Ray's a big Babe Ruth fan - even though he roots for the Oakland A's)
The first snow fall was pretty funny. Babe didn't know whether to eat it or play in it. She figured it out. Ruth was just afraid of it until I walked on top of it.
Nothing will compare to my little girl. There will always be a place in my heart that no one will take. She was just too grand.
But, as John Lennon famously said: Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
My heart goes out to you during this very sad time. Bless you and your husband.
Tony and Silvia, you both are a godsend. You have no idea how much your words mean to me right now. They give me comfort when I cannot find it anywhere else.
I could tell from your words that you are both such loving and compassionate people and your beloved pets truly are blessed to have you. Your stories about your experience make me feel better and your stories about your beloved ease the pain a bit.
I would keep returning to this forum, if you don't mind. But for the moment, I will let you celebrate Christmas in peace and filled with happiness with the people (and pets) you love.
You are both wonderful people. I wish you a new year that is filled with love, health and joy.
Hi Juvie. Thank you for your very kind words. I'm here every day over Christmas, so if you want or need to talk, please visit. If not, I wish you peace and comfort, despite the sadness - the 25th is always a difficult day for pet owners in mourning, but it passes, and the new year is the start of a new chapter in the book of life. I wish you and your husband the very best for 2014. Tony x
Suddenly on Saturday 12-21-13 we lost our 3 year old Blue Merle Pomeranian, OUR BABY ! To sudden Renal Failure, I just don't understand how quick with the only signs was some heavy breathing the day before and starring at the floor, only to take her to the vet at 5 in the morning cause her breathing got worse, we were told her numbers were off the charts. Creatin would not even register. We left her there for test, and I felt the need to go see her and she was in a oxygen pen breathing real heavy but her baby blue eyes just looks at me and her daddy one to to another. I put her favorite doggie in with her and she rested her little head on it. We were there approx 45 min and My husband said "Jesus gave her to us and Jesus will have to be the one to take her" ( we were told we may have to make a hard decision if there was no change) After he said that she just again would look at daddy then me "mommy" I looked in the glass pen and said baby its ok if you have to go, I will understand, it will be hard but I love you so much and I will hold onto all the beautiful memories" I no longer said that and she got up walked to the back of the pen kept her back to us, vomitted a little and fell to her side and passed away and kept her back to us so we didn't see. Oh what a sweetheart right to the end. So hard the loss of our first pet and just are so so so broken. We have other k-9 kids but our house is empty. I think she left on her own so we didn't have to make that hard decision and her love for us she didn't want that. Oh how do you get over such a tragedy of one you love so much ? Hurting "mommy & daddy" Tink & Charlie RIP Misty Blue you were loved more then you'll ever know.
Hello. I'm pleased you found us here ... you are in good company on this forum. I am so very sorry for your loss, particularly at this time of the year, when it seems even harder. Sadly, dogs rarely show symptoms of renal failure until it's progressed significantly. Their instinct is never to show signs of illness, because other dogs in a pack would ordinarily cast them out or even kill them, so the act a bit 'off color' even when they ar in pain and suffering. So, your baby may have been ill for quite a long time, even though you would never have known (unless you had bloods taken on a regular basis - which incidentally, is something I now do with my dogs once a year).
Once a dog is in the final stag of renal failure, things can happen very quickly, and within days (sometimes one day), a dog can go from fairly active and seemingly okay to one that is at death's door.
I understand how painful this must be, but try to remember all the wonderful times you have given her during her lifetime. If she could say it, she would thank you for all the adventures and all the love you supplied. She is no longer in pain and no longer suffering. Run free Misty Blue.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's tough. Especially that she was only 3 years old. I, too, lost my baby Amber, on Dec. 17. Like Misty Blue, she deteriorated very quickly. We found out only about her kidney failure on the day we had to put her to sleep. It took only 3 weeks for this dreadful disease to take her life.
I know it is not going to make it easier, but take comfort in the fact that she passed peacefully and that you didn't have to make the decision to help her get there. Believe me, even if your beloved baby is suffering so much, even though you know it's the best for her, having her put to sleep is the most awful thing that you'd have to do. My beloved Amber only started with diarrhea and vomiting, and despite repeated trips to the vet (we were there every 2 days), they were not able to help us. She had the worst symptoms imaginable. She stopped eating, then would eat a little after a couple of days (but very little). We are so worried and desperate to help her get better. We tried to syringe feed her for two days and after that, she just refused to swallow her food anymore. On Dec. 14, my heart knew she was dying so I was already crying in the midst of caring for her. Her breathing is as what you described with Misty Blue, and she started to have seizures. First it was like a single jolt, then progressed to really awful seizures that my heart bled whenever she had one. It was heart-wrenching to see her like that.
I never knew about kidney disease in dogs and how much of a surprise killer it is. If ever I get another dog (which I still cannot imagine doing), I will have a yearly blood check on her/him.
I know you are deeply hurting right now, as I am. Particularly that Christmas would not be the same without our babies. One thing I know is that it helps to talk about it. That's why this forum has been my sanctuary. Tony is such an angel, he offers a shoulder to cry on even to strangers like us. So if you need to get things off your chest, this would be a good place to do it where you will get support from people who understand.
(((( HUGS )))) to everyone on this thread! This thread breaks my heart, so I tend to stay away! A "Very Big" hug to our TONY that does a magnificent job answering these pleas for Heartache and pain! Thank You Tony and a very Merry Christmas to you and your family "across the pond" as you would say! With Love, Karla
I can't tell you how your words of comfort has helped. I have had one of the worst times in my life going through the loss of Misty Blue, I have kicked myself thinking should I have seen this or done that or why didn't I know she was sick, and I look around and don't see her in her usual places and it has me torn so so so bad. This site was an answered prayer cause the comfort of others that understand and too have gone or going through this can understand deeply. Thank You so much and God Bless "Loretta & Charlie" Misty Blue's parents.
My heart goes out to you too, and I'm sure Amber and Misty Blue have met and playing and looking down on us. You of all know the pain we are going through. We are so sorry you as well as us have had to go through this. I have kicked myself wondering did I not see the signs I should have but hers came on quick the breathing by the time we got her to the vet at 5AM her tongue was purplish and started to get lessions on them the vet said it was the toxins from the kidney not working. All I do is cry cry cry. As I am sure you do. I will be praying hard for you and appreciate your kind and comforting words even at your hurtful times. The place we had taken her to for cremation went beyond measure to have her done today and we pick her remains up tomorrow so we will have them at Christmas just wish it was her like last year opening her sisters presents and running with all of them to her bed then laying on them like "THEY'RE MINE" He even did a paw print of hers in a concrete like material for us and saved a lock of her hair. I like you have never imagined a loss like this. We could not have children and our k-9 kids are our children. She was the youngest and a suprise from my husband, when I had lost my mom on Mothers Day several years ago, he wanted me to focus on something new to love and her she departs the same way my mom did. Prayers to you my friend and thank you for your love and support. Loretta (Tink)
Karla, you know I think you are amazing and while I thank you so much for your kind words, the 'regulars' here know you are such a wealth of knowledge and support, some of us would be lost here without you. In a way, it was you and Connie that kept me here 2yrs ago - and your support that helped me get through some dark days of my own. So, thank YOU, just for being you.
I wish you and yours the very best that Christmas can offer - and look forward to chatting some more, all the way through 2014. Much love, Tony x
Hello Loretta & Charlie. This is just such a dreadfully painful time for you, and I empathize totally. Please don't try second-guessing, using the 'what if' route through grief - because things are always easy with hindsight - but truthfully, you could not have known. This happened the same with me. A couple of years ago my own dog passed away in much the same way. Her kidney disease was diagnosed after we found she was off her food - we took her to the vet, and she ran happily almost all the way there and back (a 3 mile walk). We got the blood results that night, and 3 days later she hadn't eaten anything for 48hrs, she couldn't stand up on her own and just looked at me as if saying, I've had enough. It broke my heart, but we had to say our goodbye's.
It's when these things happen out of the blue and so quickly that it rips through our heads and hearts - and it takes some time to even acknowledge what has happened. As dog owners, we would do anything to help our best friends - but sometimes, we are powerless against illnesses such as this.
I am glad you have each other for support and comfort. I know the next few days are going to be tough - but you will come through them - and 2014 is a new year with new beginnings. Misty Blue will be warm and safe in your hearts forever. In time, you will recognize what a wonderful life she had, albeit far too short - and that was thanks to you. We give our dogs all our love and they return it ten-fold, little wonder then that the grief we feel when they leave us is so intense. It does get easier, but it takes time. We are here to help you get through this dreadful period, whenever you want or need to talk. I for one would be happy to hear more about Misty Blue, if you would care to tell me about her life, character and antics.
Loretta, I had, and still am going through the "if only's" like you. I blame myself for not having regular checkups for Amber, for not knowing about this disease, for not doing more than we have. But in the end, I realize that we did the best we could under the circumstances. It doesn't ease the pain, and I know it won't bring my Amber back. I know that she knows how much I love her and she fought till the last moment as if not wanting to go and leave us even if I told her it's okay to go. That's why I feel guilty for having her put to sleep. I burst into tears every time I think of that. Since Amber passed, the song "Who's loving you" has been in my head. Not the whole song, but just the part "I sit around with my head hanging down, and I wonder who's loving you." At first I thought it's me wanting to say this to her but then it hit me. I felt that it was her saying this to me. She's always been protective of us, trying to keep the "pack" together always, "taking care of us. I talk to her every day, telling her I'm fine and that she shouldn't worry.
I'm sure Misty Blue knows how much you love her. And I understand that all you do is cry. It hurts like hell and I'm sure you're wishing you could turn it off like a switch. You could only turn to those who understand what it's like to love your pet as if she's your own child.
I've created a mini-shrine for my Amber in our living room. We got a set of three frames hinged together. In the middle is her picture, on one frame is a lock of her hair and on the other is her paw print on a clay-ish material (which needs to dry for several days). In front of the frames is the tiny urn that contains her ashes. I light a tea light in front of it in the morning and in the evening. I still can't put away her stuff but today I managed to change and wash the bed sheets on which she spent her last hours.
Take your baby steps and lean on those who offer you comfort. Come here as often as you need to talk about Misty Blue, about how you feel, about anything that would help ease the pain. You are not alone.
You too will be in my prayers and in my thoughts. Misty Blue and Amber have crossed the Rainbow Bridge and playing with each other, and all the others' best friends, as carefree as they can be, where they are free of worry, free of disease, watching over us.
Be strong this Christmas. It will be tough but think of us who are right there with you.
Me again, I'm in the kitchen chopping celery & something keeps going through my mind...Although my timing may be off, I'm concerned about something & feel I must voice.....My concern is these VERY young dogs dying of Kidney Failure! Most of these households more-than-likely have other dogs, also.
Everything possible must be checked to make sure the original dog was not poisoned by something the other dogs can get into!!! Antifreeze is top of the list for this time of year...But it does not stop there...Rat/Mouse bait is a culprit...YOU don't have to have it on your property, but if your neighbor has it, a mouse eats it, crawls over to your property to die, your dog eats the mouse, then the effect is still the same!
You need to trust me on this and start thinking about other possibilities!!! FOOD & TOXIC Treats are still a major threat that still most consumers are NOT aware of! They are still out there for sale and they KILL by Kidney failure!!!!
ALL Poisons can/will cause Kidney Failure.....Even something so simple as the wrong Flea/Tick Shampoo can kill a dog in a matter of days!!!! People must be aware of EVERYTHING that goes into your dogs mouth OR on their bodies.....
Of course Tony & I agree that these Kidney dogs SHOULD NOT eat any dry food!!!! They MUST have a moisture rich diet to help flush toxins out of not only the kidneys, but the whole body in general......
Ok, I'm going back to chop celery...Had to get that off my chest!!! Blessings to ALL.....Karla
Dear Tony, Juvie, Sukismom, Misfits4me and all other furry friend lovers,
As I sit at work finishing up the last few odds and ends before starting a new year, I decided to forego lunch and write and thank all of you.
As always, Tony is right. The pain never goes away. It is that we do not think about it as often. But when we do, well... bang,zoom, boom! And there, my friends, it is. As if it were yesterday, I get that lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes.
You've all become my refuge. So, I thank you for being there for me. And I am thankful that I can reciprocate by reading and writing back and at least try my very best to lessen the pain or at least let you know that I am here to read and feel what you feel. It hurts more than words can ever say to read everyone's painful tale; but, it is the very least I can do after being blessed with finding this site.
A year and half ago, I lost one of my best friends, she was like a daughter to me. I always knew where she was. She was always with me. Often laying on the kitchen floor as I cooked or on my lap as I read a book, worked at home or surfed the net.
But now, she plays and waits for me at the rainbow bridge as your little ones wait for all of you. I'd like to think that they are all having a party. Choli is playing with Amber and running after BB, not realizing that BB is 3 times her size. All chasing squirrels and playing tag with each other.
Thank you to all, especially Tony, my angel on earth. Bless you all. I wish you a happy new year filled with bliss and health.
In the words of Bugs Bunny....bada-bada-bada-badat's all folks!
Forever Choli's mom....Silvia (hugs and kisses)
Oh Silvia, you managed to encourage a smile and some tears all in a single sentence. I was picturing that rainbow bridge party so vividly (and part of me so much wants to be there). I wish you the very best that 2014 can bring. Thank you so much for your very kind words. We stay here because our hearts are here ... and in our hearts our dogs are cozy, safe and happy. My love, as always, Tony x
Silvia, Tony and everyone else on this forum --- you all have been in my thoughts and I, too, wish you all a blessed 2014 filled with joy and abundance, a heart that is forever filled with compassion and love which you have shared with me and everyone else who needed it.
Today marks two weeks since my beloved Amber passed. Putting one foot in front of the other, I have learned to cry less. Your description of what's going on at the rainbow bridge with our babies playing definitely made me smile and my heart sing. I'm sure that we all long to feel them in our arms again.
Hi. New Year's Eve is a very emotional moment in time and I do have to keep reminding myself (and everyone else too) that it is just that, a moment in time. Perhaps it's a time we reflect on things. But it should also be a time we look forward with excitement and anticipation to what the new year may hold for us. My glass is already charged (we have an hour to go to midnight here in the UK) - and Amber is in amongst all those best friends we are missing so much - I raise a glass of cheer to you and Amber and all absent friends ... and hope 2014 brings you happier days in abundance. Tony x
Tony, as always, you are absolutely right. Your words of wisdom hit me to the core. I didn't get to read your post until this morning and let me tell you, boy did I cry when the new year hit. My husband's there as usual to comfort me. When we went to bed, I found him looking at Amber's pictures he had on his mobile phone. I'm sure he's feeling sad himself, but he has a better grip on his emotions than me. He's my rock. He said to me the other day, "You are often stronger than me, except during Amber's situation."
The days leading up to Christmas. my husband's nephew stayed with us as he was off from school. He must have thought I'm such a basket case, crying out of the blue. But like I said, I cry less as the days go by, but New Year's is definitely an emotional day.
Although I am not ready to get another dog yet, I have been looking at rescue dogs the past days online -- just getting some orientation on what's out there and where I should look. I was truly inspired by you guys to help out dogs that need home. I have to be careful, though, because (when the time comes) I might take home more than I could manage! :)
You have been such an inspiration, Tony. I'm truly grateful to have "met" you.
Hi Juvie. Friends are the treasures of life. My New Year wish would be to meet properly all the wonderful people I have been introduced to through MedHelp. They are MY kind of people with hearts as big as the planet. I feel privileged to call you a friend, Juvie, and hope 2014 brings you joy and happiness. Tony Xxx
Time they say is a great healer, it's over a year now since Suki passed. I cope better these days though I get times when I am overcome with grief and I break down, there is nothing I can put my finger on that triggers this, it just comes out of the blue and I so want my little pal back by my side. I miss her so much, her leaning against me, nuzzling me with her nose when she wanted something or wanted to go to bed. Her excitement when I was clearing the dishes from the table as she looked forward to any leftovers...I miss having a dog I could walk with without a lead, following my every step, so trusting, so loyal, so so missed. It is through knowing and loving Suki that I have over the last year taken in 3 needy doggies, a sweet Lurcher girl who lived most of her life in a cage as her owner worked and lived above a shop. An ex racing Greyhound boy who was retired due to a broken hock and has a throat problem causing him to regurgitate all food unless it is really soft and eaten slowly and another ex racing Greyhound who was rescued from travelers who treat her badly and were threatening to kill her. They all in their own little ways are very special and I know if I hadn't lost Suki none of them would be here, strange the way things go, I knew taking them in would in no way ease my loss but in giving a home to dogs who would struggle more than most because of their special needs and backgrounds helps me feel that in losing Suki has offered others a chance of a happy, carefree life..I don't allow myself to feel that I have replaced my beautiful girl, just the hole she has left in my heart has opened the door to three other dogs giving them a chance of family life instead of kennels.I also make sure I spread the word of homeless hounds on a daily basis. I feel I am giving something back to my beautiful litte Suki~dog who gave me so much love even though her short little life had been such a hard one, So that has been my year of coping. I wish you good health and happiness and lots of time and fun with your four legged friends, all good wishes and blessings to someone who goes above and beyond to help us at very difficult times, lots of love and blessings, Louise, Loki, Lewis, Skye Scribbles, Spookie, Jenson Button & Liesha the little gypsy girl xxx
Oh Louise, your post is fabulous. First, I fondly remember Suki and I remember the huge trauma you experienced when you lost her. It is dreadfully hard to get through the first year. Grief is such a slow progression, but it is a progression, thankfully, and eventually things ease. I am not surprised in the slightest that you still have days when Suki is right there in your head and heart. I still have those days from time to time, despite losing my own dog BB now almost 3 years ago. I think we just have to accept that some days are Suki days (just like I have my BB days), and that's how it is.
However, Suki has certainly left a huge and impressive legacy. Taking in two greyhounds and a lurcher (BB was a lurcher - and I now have a fairly new greyhound rescue too) is fantastic. I just want to give you a huge pat on the back for inviting them into your home and heart - though both lurchers and greyhounds have a unique way of grabbing your heart anyway, so that was bound to happen. Ha.
It's great to hear from you again - and I truly wish I was there to give you all a hug ... you and the newbies. Hopefully tomorrow will be a nicer day for you. Suki would be so incredibly proud of you. Much love, Tony x
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