Just seeking some advice

I am 20 years old, 5'7". I have never been overweight, yet I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember.

I developed anorexia/bulimia when I was 16, went through therapy and felt well and stable by the time I turned 18. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes have had slip-ups or I would go on 5 day healthy-eating binges. But I think I just gave up on the disorder and tried to live my life.

The last 6 months, though, I have been deteriorating. My depression has gotten severe to the point where my eating disorder has flourished again. At first, I was just losing a little weight by accident, and that ALWAYS triggers me. It started slow and now I find myself constantly obsessing over food and calories and my weight. I will literally go all day with just one small meal. If I am forced to eat a meal, or I'm so hungry I can't take it, I have to throw it up. I've lost 25 lbs so far, and my self-destructive head still wants to lose another 10 lbs. I am 110 lbs. and I hate how big that sounds.

I guess what I'm asking is, do you think it is a good idea for me to go back to therapy? It makes me so depressed because I know I would have to admit to my family that I have a problem (even though it is blatantly obvious). I am a very stubborn person and hell will freeze over before I ask for help. I am also very young and I don't feel like I am thin enough for inpatient, plus I have school in the fall and ugh....I just feel very lost and confused about this situation. But I can feel it getting progressively worse.

Help!

[Zoelula]

Unfortunately, eating disorders DO tend to get worse if they are not treated. And eating disorders are about more than weight and food. People with eating disorders often have depression in addition and you can't really treat one without treating the other. Yes, yes, yes, I definitely think it is a good idea for you to go back to therapy. Therapy is not failure and it always surprises me that people think that way. Going to therapy means having the courage to change. The fact that you are very young is good, it makes it easier to benefit from therapy than if this had been going on for years and years. I myself waited until much later in life and suffered for most of my life with an eating disorder and other emotional problems. But I am happy to say I now have 16 years of recovery and it is so great to be free of that obsession that takes over your life. If you had a therapist you liked before, go back to him/her. If not get a referral from your doctor of someone with experience with eating disorders or just look in the phonebook. The therapist will work with you and decide down the road if inpatient is required. You don't need to be super thin to benefit from any type of therapy. It doesn't need to get worse before it gets better. Do get therapy soon. Let us know how it goes. You also might want to go to meetings of OA which can be great support and is meant for people with all types of eating disorders.