Herpes Community
How I'm Going to have the "TALK"
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This forum is an un-mediated, patient-to-patient forum for questions and support regarding herpes issues such as: Herpes symptoms and treatments, causes, diagnosis, and herpes in men, tests, telling your spouse or partner.

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How I'm Going to have the "TALK"

Ok so, I've been talking to this really nice guy for about  2 months now. It's been killing me that he doesn't know that I have genital HSV 1. So instead of texting him (Which I know is a horrible way to spill the beans) I've written him an email. I've looked at the "Help!  How to talk to your partner about STDs" on auntiejessi's page and I so I've written this email(that I haven't sent yet). It's a bit LONG, but I would really love it if you guys could give me feedback or opinions before I send it to him. How would you react, not knowing much about the whole herpes thing, if someone sent this to you?


"I find myself really liking you more and more each day and I can see that things are headed towards sex and I just wanted to let you know that I have a skin infection called HSV 1 (Herpes Simplex Type 1).

[I KNOW IT’S A BIT LONG….BUT PLEASE READ EVERYTHING :) ]

WHAT IS HERPES?

- Herpes is a common and usually mild recurrent skin condition; most infections are unrecognized and undiagnosed. Herpes is caused by a virus: the herpes simplex virus (HSV). HSV can cause oral herpes (cold sores or fever blisters on the mouth or facial area) as well as genital herpes (similar symptoms in the genital region).  It’s an infection, much like the chicken pox, strep throat.
- There are two types of herpes simplex: herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2). The majority of oral herpes cases are caused by HSV-1 and the majority of genital herpes cases are caused by HSV-2; however, type-1 or type-2 can occur in either the genital or oral area.
People tend to think you can only get HSV 1(cold sores) on the lips and HSV2 on the genitals. BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE. You can get both types in either places. So for example,  the person who gave it to me, gave me oral while they had a “coldsore” on their lip(and you can transmit it even without a bump on your lip) and that’s how I got it down there.

-So Because HSV 1 occurs more commonly on the “lips”,  when it is out of its place of preference (where it usually wouldn’t be), the transmission rate is very much lower than if a person had HSV1 on their lips.

The odds of me transmitting it to you are close to nothing(less than 1% --- I know this because I’ve been to the clinic and this is what they’ve informed me). And I also I know for sure that HSV 1 is hard to give to someone else because I’ve done my research.

- About 50 percent to 80 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (commonly called cold sores or fever blisters), with as many as 90% having the virus by age 50.
-Most people contract oral herpes when they are children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative. About one in five persons in the United States has genital herpes; however, as many as 90 percent are unaware that they have the virus. There are many reasons people do not know they have herpes. Anyone who is sexually active can contract genital herpes.

HOW IS IT TRANSMITTED?

-Any person who is sexually active can get genital herpes (Caused by HSV1 or HSV2). Herpes is transmitted through direct skin-to-skin contact. This occurs when a contagious area comes into contact with a tiny break in the skin or mucous membrane tissue, primarily the mouth and genitals.
-If a person with oral herpes (sometimes called cold sores or fever blisters) performs oral sex, it is possible for the partner to get genital herpes.---THIS IS HOW I GOT IT.
-Genital herpes can be transmitted sexually both when symptoms are present and sometimes when symptoms are not present.

HOW DID I GET IT?

- When I was younger, in my “experimenting phase” my best friend (a girl) went down on me…and BAM there you go. She had a cold sore (HSV1) on her lip and through oral sex she gave it to me in the genitals. So fast forward to when I was 18. I knew NOTHING about STD’s.  Me and my boyfriend at the time  both got tested. When I found out I did have HSV 1, I felt it was the best thing to do to tell him , and so I told him. When he found out that he was negative---he left. We went back out again a year later but that didn’t  last long.
-But just recently I have reason to believe that my boyfriend at the time (who I lost my virginity to) may have given it to me despite testing “negative” for it.  And odds are, he may have been the one who gave it to me because even the best blood tests still miss 1 out of every 10 HSV1 infections.
-I’ve only had one out-break and that was when I first found out that I had it-3 years ago.  The chances of me having another outbreak is close to none or never (Again, I found this out from my doctor).

[JUST TO SUMMARIZE]

-I have HSV 1(The “coldsores” that most people get on their lip but don’t know is actually herpes)---I just happen to have it “down there” because someone who had it on their lip gave it to me when they gave me oral.

- The chances of you getting the type that I have is less than 1%.

-Most people tell their partners that they have herpes and others don’t.  I wanted to be honest with you and I felt that this is a part of me you should know about.

- What I’ve provided you with is just some basic info. But I would really love it if you could do some research on your own. Check these websites out if you would like some more info:

http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn_questions.cfm#1

http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn.cfm


OR YOU COULD JUST CALL ME AND FIND OUT MORE FROM ME….."


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