I hope numerous men with MS respond to this thread, we males have been pretty quiet of late. I'd love to see a separate thread for women w MS and SO caregivers on this forum.
I'm wondering how your SO has dealt with your Dx, both initially and over the years.
My background, I'm 61, live in CT, Dx'd in February 2000 after my first MS event on Jan 1, 2000. My wife is my second wife (we met in August '84), my wonderful kids were in their 20s and living in SF and Seattle. I have been taking Tysabri for 3 years, taking Ampyra for 3 months, can still walk short distances, enjoy life. I was laid off in Sept 2009 and love being retired. I am a fortunate man in many respects, lucky in many areas. I was an active backpacker, cyclist, gardener. These days I read almost as much as I want, see friends, and spend too much time on the web.
I'll start this thread by saying my wife was very worried when I received my Dx but never told me how worried she was until very recently. For most of the last 10 years she was very supportive, took over some of my household chores - taking out the trash and changing the cat litter along the way - I still cook, do my laundry, use my scooter to shop, visit the library, museums, and travel. My major MS issue is a weak left leg and depression that is very well controlled by Effexor XR. My spirits are very good.
My wife has had a variety of health issues since my Dx, she is dealing with depression and I don't know what else these past few years. During the last two or so years she has distanced herself from me, passion is gone, intimacy and sex have gone almost to zero, and she has become even more involved in her job and her 80+ yo parents than ever before. She comes home late as often as she can, spends hours responding to work related email.
I live in SW CT in a "good" suburb, not on CT's Gold Coast but in Fairfield County, we live in a house with universal access because of a new kitchen, new bath and 4 ramps giving me access to the world, a project that stretched over almost 3 years. My wife loves the place, my engineer's mind very pleased by my success in designing the changes and selecting materials and contractors.
The problem is I find this suburb a fine place if you're working, but boring. I'm 40 minutes from New Haven, two hours each way from driveway to Grand Central Station in Manhattan if I take the train, and once I'm there 30 minutes from museums and SOHO, SONO, the village, etc. Too far, too expensive given my fatigue and visceral dislike of sitting that long despite my desire to finally spend days wandering through Manhattan.
My wife is a social worker who loves her job, loves her equally crazy parents, and has grown increasingly distant. Over the past few years my libido has remained high, hers has vanished. She is OCD and could work till 11 PM or later seven days a week, as long as she didn't arrive in work before 10. She shows up in our bed to sleep while I'm awake twice a week at most.
She recently told me she is worried I'm going to become totally disabled or die. The latter is definite, the former unknown, but the distance is real, her rejection painful.
We've talked about our plans for the future, I will move to San Francisco soon, she wants to stay in CT, care for her parents, play computer games and work.
I've decided that I will do my best to enjoy each and every day, I want to live somewhere where I can roll out my apartment's front door, take an elevator to the street, and be within 30 minutes of dozens, hundreds of galleries, cafes, book stores, museums, women worth watching, restaurants, wine, etc, etc, etc.
I will be filing for divorce all too soon, I've been looking at dating sites and hoping to live a fuller life.
Mark