hard to eat more, please help

I was in denial for a long time, but I have an eating disorder. I'm 15 years old 5'4 and currently 83 pounds. I never meant to restrict my calories to such a point that I got down to 79 pounds; but I guess it just happened. I was happy with my weight at 80 and I honestly wasn't trying to loose anymore. But people got worried and I now see a dietitionist and a therapist each once a week. Now it seems like I've lost everything I care about; I had to stop ballet ( something I dedicate myself to 6 days a week for hours on end) because they say I'm not healthy enough and need to gain weight. My dietitionsit gives me a calorie plan, but it's really hard to follow. She wants me to eat 1800 calories a day, but I fell so guilty and full. I hate eating so much, but they say  the only way to get back to dance is by gaining weight with a goal of 90 pounds. I NEED to dance, but I can't will myself to gain weight. It's awful I know.

Please does anyone have any way to help? Advice needed! It's like struggling against myself...

[Paxiled]

You're already getting the help you need.  Just let them help you.  Many ballet dancers and figure skaters and female gymnasts and models and anyone else who is taught either overtly or covertly that they have to be skinny to succeed can fall into the trap you fell into.  The only thing you can do is put yourself into the help you have sought out and put your health above all else.  You'll enjoy whatever life has in store for you a lot better if you're healthy and feel good about who you are, not somebody else's ideal of what you should be.  Now, I'm not telling you to get fat; being thin is healthy.  But being undernourished isn't.