Mother who doesnt love me

[autum]

My mother who I have lived w/ with out my father being in the picture since I was two, I have not had a mother/daughter relationship for 5 years now.  This is sick but here it is: when I broke up w/ my son's father, my mother got with my sons father's father. In other words its my son's grandpa....  anyways one night I went to her job to see her and she asked to get my son for two days...  well those were my days off and I wanted to see my son... so i said could you get him another day or so, because I want to spend time w/ him..  well she got pissed and threw my son's father's visitation papers in my face by saying ill take you to court! I wasnt being mean or anything, I just said I wanted to see him those days, she wanted him on....  I just said could you get him after or before those days...  then she really broke my heart by saying that so we didnt talk for a while... then I tried talking to her again, but she was just using me for info...  after that... my sons father kept on going to court (w/ his dad and my mother) saying those were his parents...   she was on their side...  anyways..after five years I tried having a mother/daughter  relationship w/ her again, and then my son came home from their house, all screwed up..  he is 7yrs old...  I didnt know what was wrong w/ him, but come to find out they messed w/ his head some how... he was going to therapy for a couple of times... because he would cry all night until 5am in the morning, he stayed depressed, he told me he wanted his grandma(my mother) to be his mom, and when i was goin to die!  So I told my mother, his grandpa, and dad(which they all live together) that I was keeping him for two weeks to get him in routine again for school, since he wasnt doing so well..  (by the way when they took me to court for grandparents rights, even though they got him every weekend, they then were only allowed visitation every second week sat 9am to sun 5pm...)  it wasnt even their visitation time...and they got all pissed starting stuff...  now my mother treats me like ****...  I asked why she was treating me like this and she is saying it is my fault...  what should I do??  this is just a brief summary...there is alot more going on..

LOST and Lonely
Autum

[cowgirlnerd]

Since his father doesn't have visitation - go by the order - and that's it.  You are trying to do the "right thing" but it's not right for YOU and your SON.  It's only right for the father that the court has said he shouldn't see him.  NOW, the grandparents having visitation - one weekend a month should be all they get to see them.  

Most divorce decrees and visitation has "reasonable contact" with whomever.  Check yours to see if it does.  "Reasonable" typically would be a daily phone call not over 15 minutes - it does NOT mean unlimited contact.  Since your "MOTHER" has taken the negative role that she has with your son, I would definitely make the reasonable contact be the minimum.

Your son is most likely in limbo between her taking on a "mother" role with him and knowing that you are his Mother.  If you take control of the situation and lay down the rulse as set in the court order - he will be more "safe" in his feelings.  

You are in control.  Don't forget it!

[fung]

This all things seem wouldn't end  easily in peace . Just a suggestion, why dont you start making a good relationship with your mother? I think your mother has 'something' against you, I dont know, may be she need special attention that she think you didn't give her enough or you always a defiant girl to her , feel unrespected, etc. Despite of all your bitterness with her in the past, do this for your son. Try little by little, say something nice to her, call her everyday just to say hello or anything,  remember her birthday, anything you can think of. Try your best to make your mother in the same side with you .
Best of luck

[autum]

Actually the father has no visitation legally due to not able to take responsibility for taking care of a child:::between right and wrong::::::  anyways only the grandparents have court order saying that they can get my son every month on the second sat. at 9am to sun at 5pm...  His daddy does not have any visitations... I proved that when he brought the cops over to my house showing them papers that were done back in 2002 or 2003  tellin the cops" see those are newer, they are in 2008"   I said uh yeah, they were printed in 2008, but done in 2002 or 2003... (I was thinkin duh!)  the cops were like sir she is right.... you have no legal visitation...   The funny thing is   I Was Not Keeping My Son Away From Them, now they are doing this junk!   Even though his father has no visitation, I still let him see his son, only when the grandparents are there looking after him as well...  but now I dont know if its even safe for that!  since my so called mother is manipulating my son!  I just figured something out last night when I was listening to the phone conversation on tape.... My so called mother only talked bad about me and was manipulating my son when the grandpa or dad wasnt around...   so im thinking she is the cause of all of this...


Stressed out/ and trying to quit smoking dont mix!

Autum

[Victoria1762]

Rockrose, I agree it is very complex, Autumn needs professional advice so everyone has her sons interest at heart.  

[cowgirlnerd]

I wonder if the "grandmother" and father combo is doing it to make the son think the drama makes them better parents, etc.,  I still think it's just weird beyond belief for the "mother" (and I say that veryyyy loosely) to treat Autumn that way - not to mention the son!  She definitely has a screw loose, and it's got to be hard for Autumn emotionally as a child (being betrayed by her "mother") and as a mother for someone to basically abuse your child.  I can't even imagine.

In the South, we would say she need a "Butt Whooping".......  you might have to get your Redneck on....  (joking!)......

Hang in there Autumn.  

[RockRose]

Victoria,  that's a thought,  but her children's father does have visitation rights,  and he chooses to spend his time with her mother and his father.  

He has the right to do that.  It's extremely complex and difficult.