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Help with a NON romantic relationship
Ok, my question is not really appropriate for this forum....but I know I'll get good answers, and it's a "relationship" of sorts. Thank you ahead of time for your help!
My son (6) has a new friend from kindergarten. They play well together, and myself and Dakoata's Mom have arranged several play dates already this summer. The problem is, this woman is SUPER pushy. Instrusive almost. The boys almost always come to my house, which I don't mind, but she plans for these super long play dates...like 12 hours long. That's a bit much for that age. She also kept pushing for her son to have a sleep over, which in theory is a great idea, but again, for the age...it's a bit much. I TRIED telling her that. She dropped him off at dinner time the night he was to stay over, and tells me, "Dakoata wants to stay all weekend." HUH? I never offered that, but my problem is...I have no balls (lol, sorry). So, I agreeed. Of course, at midnight, she had to come pick him up, because he wanted to go home. I TRIED telling her they were too young, and not at all familiar enough with each other's houses/adults to pull that off. He had only been to our house I think twice at that point.
She also wants to get them together constantly. There can be such a thing as "too much", especially at their age. I don't want them to get sick of each other, and for MY son, I don't want him to think that every day he is going to have this kid over. He needs to amuse himself a little, too. The boy will come over all day, and the very next morning...she starts calling to do it again. Which brings me to the biggest issue...
The WORST part about this situation, even beyond her dropping him off for marathon play dates, is that she basically stalks me. She will call me (no lie) 20 times a day trying to get a hold of me to set something up for the boys. SHE leaves voicemail messages, she has her SON leave messages...wtf? My husband said number one, to answer my phone. That's all fine and good, but for one, I don't always have my phone on me...so I DO miss her calls. Then, after so many calls, it almost becomes a principle thing for me. I get mad and ignore her until *I* feel like returning her multiple calls. She called me probably about 10 times this morning, I had my ringer shut off. That wasn't good enough, she then stopped by!!! She said, "I've been trying to call you!" NOOOOO SH*T!! LOL Holy CRAP!!
Overall, I LIKE this woman, she's friendly enough, and I love that my son has a little friend to play with, so I do NOT want to ruin that for him. HOW do I set boundaries with this woman without offending her?? My sister recommended a restraining order...lmao. Seriously though, I'm one of those people that has a HARD time saying "no" and like I said above, have no balls at ALL! So, I'm not exaggerating when I say this is really uncomfortable for me. Obviously, because I haven't nipped it in the bud yet, this has been going on for a few weeks!
PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks a million!
My son (6) has a new friend from kindergarten. They play well together, and myself and Dakoata's Mom have arranged several play dates already this summer. The problem is, this woman is SUPER pushy. Instrusive almost. The boys almost always come to my house, which I don't mind, but she plans for these super long play dates...like 12 hours long. That's a bit much for that age. She also kept pushing for her son to have a sleep over, which in theory is a great idea, but again, for the age...it's a bit much. I TRIED telling her that. She dropped him off at dinner time the night he was to stay over, and tells me, "Dakoata wants to stay all weekend." HUH? I never offered that, but my problem is...I have no balls (lol, sorry). So, I agreeed. Of course, at midnight, she had to come pick him up, because he wanted to go home. I TRIED telling her they were too young, and not at all familiar enough with each other's houses/adults to pull that off. He had only been to our house I think twice at that point.
She also wants to get them together constantly. There can be such a thing as "too much", especially at their age. I don't want them to get sick of each other, and for MY son, I don't want him to think that every day he is going to have this kid over. He needs to amuse himself a little, too. The boy will come over all day, and the very next morning...she starts calling to do it again. Which brings me to the biggest issue...
The WORST part about this situation, even beyond her dropping him off for marathon play dates, is that she basically stalks me. She will call me (no lie) 20 times a day trying to get a hold of me to set something up for the boys. SHE leaves voicemail messages, she has her SON leave messages...wtf? My husband said number one, to answer my phone. That's all fine and good, but for one, I don't always have my phone on me...so I DO miss her calls. Then, after so many calls, it almost becomes a principle thing for me. I get mad and ignore her until *I* feel like returning her multiple calls. She called me probably about 10 times this morning, I had my ringer shut off. That wasn't good enough, she then stopped by!!! She said, "I've been trying to call you!" NOOOOO SH*T!! LOL Holy CRAP!!
Overall, I LIKE this woman, she's friendly enough, and I love that my son has a little friend to play with, so I do NOT want to ruin that for him. HOW do I set boundaries with this woman without offending her?? My sister recommended a restraining order...lmao. Seriously though, I'm one of those people that has a HARD time saying "no" and like I said above, have no balls at ALL! So, I'm not exaggerating when I say this is really uncomfortable for me. Obviously, because I haven't nipped it in the bud yet, this has been going on for a few weeks!
PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks a million!
You just need to flat out say "No" to her. There once this guy, and was annoying. He found ways to make me very angry. I had just had surgery and he had just started hanging around. At the time I was smoking, and trying to sleep a lot. He lived in the same group of apartments we did.
He would come over when I was sleeping on the couch, and make himself at home. Erik and I would be really nice and let him into our home. I started getting flustered when he would wake me up so he could have a cigarette. Being that I was nice I never said "NO." I would always say "yes" he would take phone calls about dumb crap at my apartment and yell. He was a "musician" just like my husband, and he would ask for rides to open mics. It was like there was no stopping him.
Best day of my life was the day he moved out of the development, I continued to see him at open mics. I would still ask me for cigarettes, but at least I had my apartment to myself again. Up until the day he left he would ask me for things. If I had only said "NO" things might have been different.
He would come over when I was sleeping on the couch, and make himself at home. Erik and I would be really nice and let him into our home. I started getting flustered when he would wake me up so he could have a cigarette. Being that I was nice I never said "NO." I would always say "yes" he would take phone calls about dumb crap at my apartment and yell. He was a "musician" just like my husband, and he would ask for rides to open mics. It was like there was no stopping him.
Best day of my life was the day he moved out of the development, I continued to see him at open mics. I would still ask me for cigarettes, but at least I had my apartment to myself again. Up until the day he left he would ask me for things. If I had only said "NO" things might have been different.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Honestly, I've been in this position. It is not a bad thing to say how long you will have a child over. I make it clear. I have a mom friend that works and has suggested when I ask him over for a play date that he come at 7:30 as that is what time she leaves and then she doesn't have to worry about how he'll get there. Um, at 7:30 the play date would be with me as my kids are still asleep and that is disruptive to our morning routine to have him there so early. I say . . . "oh, I'm sorry. My kids are still asleep. Ten works better for us. Can your mom (who is watching her other child) bring him over then? I mean . . . just because I want our kids to play doesn't mean I want to be the nanny. I like kids over . . . but I also like to have a normal routine.
To help out once in while is one thing but one sided inconveniencing me is not within my boundary. I don't like confrontation though , . . so I'm just firm on what I WILL do and that's that. Do it with a smile. You aren't trying to dis her kid or not have him come over . . . you just want the normal 3 or 4 hours that is about as much as 6 year olds usually handle well.
good luck. It should work out fine if you are friendly but firm!
To help out once in while is one thing but one sided inconveniencing me is not within my boundary. I don't like confrontation though , . . so I'm just firm on what I WILL do and that's that. Do it with a smile. You aren't trying to dis her kid or not have him come over . . . you just want the normal 3 or 4 hours that is about as much as 6 year olds usually handle well.
good luck. It should work out fine if you are friendly but firm!
Thanks a million, SM abd brice! LOVE having the examples of things you went through in your own lives, paints a nice little picture.
Yeah, and tell her what you said about the calls. "Leave me a message and I'll call you back." "If you call me 30 times, I won't. I'm not ignoring you and I don't answer my phone every time it rings. Leave a message and I'll call you back when its convenient for me to do so." .
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS BRICE! Perfect!
I has a sneaking suspicion, because I have set no boundaries yet, she'll be calling me soon and I'll have my moment. I know how I am...if I'm feeling uncomfortable, I kind of make things into a joke, to make them more lighthearted. That will not work with her...I know it won't!
I'll let you guys know how it turns out. Thanks sooo much! XOXO
Yeah, and tell her what you said about the calls. "Leave me a message and I'll call you back." "If you call me 30 times, I won't. I'm not ignoring you and I don't answer my phone every time it rings. Leave a message and I'll call you back when its convenient for me to do so." .
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS BRICE! Perfect!
I has a sneaking suspicion, because I have set no boundaries yet, she'll be calling me soon and I'll have my moment. I know how I am...if I'm feeling uncomfortable, I kind of make things into a joke, to make them more lighthearted. That will not work with her...I know it won't!
I'll let you guys know how it turns out. Thanks sooo much! XOXO
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is always awkward with people in our lives. I think that you can set a boundary and not alienate this person as you are not trying to remove her from your life. good luck
My wife was initially upset. At times I think she still is. She really enjoyed that relationship and this issue was the only problem there was with it. The bottom line was, this was interfering with our lives and was certainly causing us to lose sleep... literally! I think what she misses is the great part of that relationship.
As I mentioned, this girl was smart, loving, giving.... she had so many positives attributes. She welcomed our whole little family into her home and she often spent the holidays at our home. She really didn't have family, so we mutually kind of adopted each other so to speak.
But all relationships have to have boundaries. Because of our lack of not telling this girl about this problem and how it was making us anxiety riddled, sleepless nuts... the behavior continued until it became a problem that received no attention. When it got the attention, it was almost too long gone to even address and the only reason I did address it was because it was an every day part of the conversation..... it had to be done. Sooner, and perhaps we would not have had the fall out.
With that, this girl didn't fully respect the fact that my wife was indeed married and that this call woke up not only my wife, but me and our 2 children. Quite often, one of us would have to sit up with a kid or two until they fell back to sleep.
This girls problems all revolved around her horrible relationships with guys. She would not listen to sound advice, she kept making the same mistakes, and was always perplexed by the idea that she kept up being in bad relationships..... he bad relationships were causing my whole family to be woken up at will..... not cool at all.
Honestly, with your situation.... the right time will prevent itself and little "stops" like I mentioned should go a long way. Most (I did say most) people can get the hint.... Being able to stop this woman in her tracks is what's necessary and it can be tactfully done.
"Hey, lets go to the park all day and then you can have the kids for a sleep over...." Stop that thing right there and dissect all that's wrong with it.... first thing that comes to mind is the "all day" thing. That is too long, period. Secondly, the sleep over??? Maybe every once in a while, but if this lady is trying to drum up a baby sitter, she should look somewhere else and realize that you have a life and it doesn't fully involve her or her child.
It's kind of tough, but like I said, the right situation will present itself. If the little stops don't work, you can ramp it up but I do suggest always being direct.... don't make up excuses because you'll always be making them up. "Look lady, I enjoy the fact that our kids get together and have a great time. I enjoy watching them interact together and they seem to be great friends.... but sometimes we are going to want to do things alone, just us as a family. I mean no offense."
Hopefully that works. Yeah, and tell her what you said about the calls. "Leave me a message and I'll call you back." "If you call me 30 times, I won't. I'm not ignoring you and I don't answer my phone every time it rings. Leave a message and I'll call you back when its convenient for me to do so."
As I mentioned, this girl was smart, loving, giving.... she had so many positives attributes. She welcomed our whole little family into her home and she often spent the holidays at our home. She really didn't have family, so we mutually kind of adopted each other so to speak.
But all relationships have to have boundaries. Because of our lack of not telling this girl about this problem and how it was making us anxiety riddled, sleepless nuts... the behavior continued until it became a problem that received no attention. When it got the attention, it was almost too long gone to even address and the only reason I did address it was because it was an every day part of the conversation..... it had to be done. Sooner, and perhaps we would not have had the fall out.
With that, this girl didn't fully respect the fact that my wife was indeed married and that this call woke up not only my wife, but me and our 2 children. Quite often, one of us would have to sit up with a kid or two until they fell back to sleep.
This girls problems all revolved around her horrible relationships with guys. She would not listen to sound advice, she kept making the same mistakes, and was always perplexed by the idea that she kept up being in bad relationships..... he bad relationships were causing my whole family to be woken up at will..... not cool at all.
Honestly, with your situation.... the right time will prevent itself and little "stops" like I mentioned should go a long way. Most (I did say most) people can get the hint.... Being able to stop this woman in her tracks is what's necessary and it can be tactfully done.
"Hey, lets go to the park all day and then you can have the kids for a sleep over...." Stop that thing right there and dissect all that's wrong with it.... first thing that comes to mind is the "all day" thing. That is too long, period. Secondly, the sleep over??? Maybe every once in a while, but if this lady is trying to drum up a baby sitter, she should look somewhere else and realize that you have a life and it doesn't fully involve her or her child.
It's kind of tough, but like I said, the right situation will present itself. If the little stops don't work, you can ramp it up but I do suggest always being direct.... don't make up excuses because you'll always be making them up. "Look lady, I enjoy the fact that our kids get together and have a great time. I enjoy watching them interact together and they seem to be great friends.... but sometimes we are going to want to do things alone, just us as a family. I mean no offense."
Hopefully that works. Yeah, and tell her what you said about the calls. "Leave me a message and I'll call you back." "If you call me 30 times, I won't. I'm not ignoring you and I don't answer my phone every time it rings. Leave a message and I'll call you back when its convenient for me to do so."
COMMUNITY LEADER
Didn't read the responses but will do so later. Been there dear. have had the EXACT same situation. The way I handled it is this . . . I take over the inviting. I say "X can come from 10 until 2" (or whatever you think will work and then I say "after that, I have some things I need to do, so that is what today's time frame is."
I also plan things with other people and make this known. I would say NO to a couple of her times she wants to get together. This is setting a boundary.
I sometimes resent when someone uses me as their child's entertainment or as their daycare provider/babysitter. I put the kabash on it. They'll still be buddies . . . but you set the hours.
I would ignore her calls and simply text her. Love texting. Send one saying "I'm in the middle of something. I can do 11 to 1 tomorrow but then you'll need to pick him up as I have something going on. Let me know if this works for you." Then do not reply unless she gives you a straight answer. Later in the day, just text her, didn't have time to listen to all the messages (or read all the texts)---- super busy today. Is 11 to 1 okay for you?
and don't isolate him to this one friend.
Okay, I'll read all the posts in a bit but just wanted to repsond quickly.
I also plan things with other people and make this known. I would say NO to a couple of her times she wants to get together. This is setting a boundary.
I sometimes resent when someone uses me as their child's entertainment or as their daycare provider/babysitter. I put the kabash on it. They'll still be buddies . . . but you set the hours.
I would ignore her calls and simply text her. Love texting. Send one saying "I'm in the middle of something. I can do 11 to 1 tomorrow but then you'll need to pick him up as I have something going on. Let me know if this works for you." Then do not reply unless she gives you a straight answer. Later in the day, just text her, didn't have time to listen to all the messages (or read all the texts)---- super busy today. Is 11 to 1 okay for you?
and don't isolate him to this one friend.
Okay, I'll read all the posts in a bit but just wanted to repsond quickly.
Thanks Annie and Brice. I fully know I need to set boundaries here. I'm just such a wuss. But, you guys are right...it will just continue, and that's not cool. I'm 100% allowing this situation to happen. WTH is wrong with people though?? Geez, I would NEVER act like that, I would be embarassed!
Thanks for sharing that story Brice. I guess it's basically...if a friendship ends that easily with one side being honest about something THEY need out of the relationship, it wasn't a good friendship to begin with. Sounds like it was very one sided. Was your wife upset?
I'm really not sure what I'm afraid of, other than I've always been like this...afraid to put it all out there. I don't know this woman enough to care about her feelings, and what I DO know about her, I'm not liking anyway. I just need to get it over with.
I need some input on how to do it. Should I call her out of the blue and tell her these things? That seems kind of odd and out of place. Or, do I wait until we chat again? I told her today at my doorstep that I would call HER when we're available. I'm sure she'll be calling me by tomorrow.
I'm thinking I'll say something like, "I'm so glad the boys are friends and that we can get them together, but when you call me and leave me a message, please just let me call you back, there is no need to keep calling me." As for the marathon play dates, I'm just going to tell her ahead of time..."You have to pick Dakoata up at such and such time". I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she gets to dump her kid off here and go do what she wants. I'm surprised she hasn't left her 3 yr old daughter here too. YOI ! Bite your tongue, Pam! LOL
Truly, thank you all....loving the input...now I just need to find the nerve. Maybe I'll get really drunk and....naw, forget it...that would go nowhere good. LOL
Thanks for sharing that story Brice. I guess it's basically...if a friendship ends that easily with one side being honest about something THEY need out of the relationship, it wasn't a good friendship to begin with. Sounds like it was very one sided. Was your wife upset?
I'm really not sure what I'm afraid of, other than I've always been like this...afraid to put it all out there. I don't know this woman enough to care about her feelings, and what I DO know about her, I'm not liking anyway. I just need to get it over with.
I need some input on how to do it. Should I call her out of the blue and tell her these things? That seems kind of odd and out of place. Or, do I wait until we chat again? I told her today at my doorstep that I would call HER when we're available. I'm sure she'll be calling me by tomorrow.
I'm thinking I'll say something like, "I'm so glad the boys are friends and that we can get them together, but when you call me and leave me a message, please just let me call you back, there is no need to keep calling me." As for the marathon play dates, I'm just going to tell her ahead of time..."You have to pick Dakoata up at such and such time". I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she gets to dump her kid off here and go do what she wants. I'm surprised she hasn't left her 3 yr old daughter here too. YOI ! Bite your tongue, Pam! LOL
Truly, thank you all....loving the input...now I just need to find the nerve. Maybe I'll get really drunk and....naw, forget it...that would go nowhere good. LOL
This is pretty avoidable and all you have to do is put your feelings and your priorities in front of this woman's. Trying to save her feelings will eventually drive you crazy, and you do have to do whats best for you and your family.
If she calls to set up an over nighter at your place, tell her that it isn't going to work because you have plans as a family. (Even if your going to sit around and eat a bag of microwave popcorn and watch a movie.... its your time and you are entitled to it.) If it's a play date, you can tell her no outright or you can say, "We have 2 hours on Thursday."
Remember, this is your life and you get to live it.
As for the stalking.... hmmmm. LOL. You can tell her outright that if she keeps calling 20 times a day that you'll block her calls and that you have more important things to do than field her calls all day. It ***** to have to shut someone down, but some people don't know boundaries or respect them. If they respect them, then you can continue to have some kind of a relationship.
Briefly.... my wife had a real good friend that I also adopted as kind of an adult daughter. Wonderful, loving, giving person but she knew no boundaries. At the time, my mother in law was gravely ill, my mother was not doing so swift and this woman would call, drunk at like 3 in the morning and complain about her lack of a relationship.
This went on for some time. My wife was tolerating it, but was wearing thin. I knew that she wanted to say something but didn't want to hurt this girls feelings because "she had nobody else". After a bad night of worrying about my mother in law, we finally fall asleep at 3 in the morning. At right after 4, the phone rings.... its her. I told my wife to say something. She didn't so I took the best approach I could think of at the time. (Passive aggressive) I wrote her a letter. I should have told her face to face. She could have seen the intent, seen the emotions and would have taken it a lot better.
I basically said, "You have to quit calling at all hours of the night complaining about your personal life, especially when you are doing nothing to fix it yourself." It ended their friendship.... and I feel horrible about that but I would be feeling way worse if this stuff was continuing. (By the way, this girl has gone through about all of her friends.)
If she calls to set up an over nighter at your place, tell her that it isn't going to work because you have plans as a family. (Even if your going to sit around and eat a bag of microwave popcorn and watch a movie.... its your time and you are entitled to it.) If it's a play date, you can tell her no outright or you can say, "We have 2 hours on Thursday."
Remember, this is your life and you get to live it.
As for the stalking.... hmmmm. LOL. You can tell her outright that if she keeps calling 20 times a day that you'll block her calls and that you have more important things to do than field her calls all day. It ***** to have to shut someone down, but some people don't know boundaries or respect them. If they respect them, then you can continue to have some kind of a relationship.
Briefly.... my wife had a real good friend that I also adopted as kind of an adult daughter. Wonderful, loving, giving person but she knew no boundaries. At the time, my mother in law was gravely ill, my mother was not doing so swift and this woman would call, drunk at like 3 in the morning and complain about her lack of a relationship.
This went on for some time. My wife was tolerating it, but was wearing thin. I knew that she wanted to say something but didn't want to hurt this girls feelings because "she had nobody else". After a bad night of worrying about my mother in law, we finally fall asleep at 3 in the morning. At right after 4, the phone rings.... its her. I told my wife to say something. She didn't so I took the best approach I could think of at the time. (Passive aggressive) I wrote her a letter. I should have told her face to face. She could have seen the intent, seen the emotions and would have taken it a lot better.
I basically said, "You have to quit calling at all hours of the night complaining about your personal life, especially when you are doing nothing to fix it yourself." It ended their friendship.... and I feel horrible about that but I would be feeling way worse if this stuff was continuing. (By the way, this girl has gone through about all of her friends.)
You know the old canard, "Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission." You are going to have to tell her, whether you 'have any balls' or not.
Ha! I don't want your son with that boy! He may pick up some bad behaviours! Pushy, bossy, agressive...LOL
Seriously, you need to be really firm with her. No beating around the bush here. Every time she calls just say "No"," Not today." or "I'm sorry but we can't". Period.
You know, it sounds like she's got some problems beyond her behaviour. You don't need that in your life, right? It's hard enough most days!! LOL
I'm thinking you should just call her up and get it done! Instead of waiting for her...No, wait. Don't call...LOL...When she calls just say "No" UNTIL it's convenient for you and then suggest THAT day only. I think once a week is fair for the kids, do you?
You can't lie or anything because chances are she'll see you in the community. So, saying you're going on vacation for a month won't do! LOL
I agree, it's hard to be confrontational and she probably knows that about you and is exploiting it...she's a scary girl!
xo
Seriously, you need to be really firm with her. No beating around the bush here. Every time she calls just say "No"," Not today." or "I'm sorry but we can't". Period.
You know, it sounds like she's got some problems beyond her behaviour. You don't need that in your life, right? It's hard enough most days!! LOL
I'm thinking you should just call her up and get it done! Instead of waiting for her...No, wait. Don't call...LOL...When she calls just say "No" UNTIL it's convenient for you and then suggest THAT day only. I think once a week is fair for the kids, do you?
You can't lie or anything because chances are she'll see you in the community. So, saying you're going on vacation for a month won't do! LOL
I agree, it's hard to be confrontational and she probably knows that about you and is exploiting it...she's a scary girl!
xo
Thanks so much vicki! You really nailed it!
"They don't tend to get their feelings hurt." I never thought of that, but I think you're right!! I also think I probably have to be very clear when I tell her. I'm just trying to figure out a way to do it. The sad part is, I'm not at all concerned about hurting her feelings, but more concerned about having to do this! LOL. I HATE having to be confrontational, even if it is pleasant and fair and reasonable. YUK.
Maybe I'll tell her something like "You know, you don't have to keep calling me, I don't always have my phone on me, I'll call you back when I'm able to set something up for the boys".
My sister is appalled. Her and I are a lot alike. She said she would just cut her off completely, lol. Of course, I don't want to do that, because my son really has fun with Dakoata.
Another funny thing....about this woman, she's odd. I barely know her, yet she feels the need to share very personal info...about their finances, etc. The last time she dropped her son off, she asked if she could have a "handful" of cigarettes. That wasn't a huge deal, I didn't have a problem giving them to her, but then when she picked her son up, she proceeded to tell me that she is basically addicted to scratch off lotto tickets. She actually told me that after she dropped her son off, she had to borrow 1500.00 from her dad to pay delinquent bills (and get her cable turned back on)...THEN she says that she spent $200 of that on scratch off tix. HUH???? She could have bought herself cigarettes with that money. She told me her husband took her off their bank accounts last year because she is always putting them in a financial mess. I mean...WHO shares that kind of crap with someone you JUST met??? Funny thing....the subject came up because I had a few tickets sitting on my table. Surprised she didn't ask to "borrow" those too. LOL She's just very abrasive and forward.
Also, she RAVES about how wonderfully well behaved her son is. Ummmm, not so much. Don't get me wrong, he's not BAD by any stretch of the imagination, but he's just like her...very forward, bossy. Everything my son has that they play with he asks, "Can I have this?". My son of course, says "Yes". UGH! Then, I have to step in. One day he was here playing, and my son got a card in the mail from my Mom and Dad with $10 in it for his Kindergarten grad. Dakoata says.."Can I have that?"...my son says, "sure!" I was like WHAT???? Crap, his Mom probably told him to look for cash, for her ticket problem. LMAO. Oh Lord!
I guess I have no choice but to do some limit setting and hope she doesn't kick my a$$. LOL, she's a bit rough around the edges, so that probably wouldn''t be too unrealistic. We live out in the country and my sis alays says..."Isn't there any NORMAL people out there?" No, apparently not. I'm a magnet of sorts, too.
Thanks so much vicki! XOXO
"They don't tend to get their feelings hurt." I never thought of that, but I think you're right!! I also think I probably have to be very clear when I tell her. I'm just trying to figure out a way to do it. The sad part is, I'm not at all concerned about hurting her feelings, but more concerned about having to do this! LOL. I HATE having to be confrontational, even if it is pleasant and fair and reasonable. YUK.
Maybe I'll tell her something like "You know, you don't have to keep calling me, I don't always have my phone on me, I'll call you back when I'm able to set something up for the boys".
My sister is appalled. Her and I are a lot alike. She said she would just cut her off completely, lol. Of course, I don't want to do that, because my son really has fun with Dakoata.
Another funny thing....about this woman, she's odd. I barely know her, yet she feels the need to share very personal info...about their finances, etc. The last time she dropped her son off, she asked if she could have a "handful" of cigarettes. That wasn't a huge deal, I didn't have a problem giving them to her, but then when she picked her son up, she proceeded to tell me that she is basically addicted to scratch off lotto tickets. She actually told me that after she dropped her son off, she had to borrow 1500.00 from her dad to pay delinquent bills (and get her cable turned back on)...THEN she says that she spent $200 of that on scratch off tix. HUH???? She could have bought herself cigarettes with that money. She told me her husband took her off their bank accounts last year because she is always putting them in a financial mess. I mean...WHO shares that kind of crap with someone you JUST met??? Funny thing....the subject came up because I had a few tickets sitting on my table. Surprised she didn't ask to "borrow" those too. LOL She's just very abrasive and forward.
Also, she RAVES about how wonderfully well behaved her son is. Ummmm, not so much. Don't get me wrong, he's not BAD by any stretch of the imagination, but he's just like her...very forward, bossy. Everything my son has that they play with he asks, "Can I have this?". My son of course, says "Yes". UGH! Then, I have to step in. One day he was here playing, and my son got a card in the mail from my Mom and Dad with $10 in it for his Kindergarten grad. Dakoata says.."Can I have that?"...my son says, "sure!" I was like WHAT???? Crap, his Mom probably told him to look for cash, for her ticket problem. LMAO. Oh Lord!
I guess I have no choice but to do some limit setting and hope she doesn't kick my a$$. LOL, she's a bit rough around the edges, so that probably wouldn''t be too unrealistic. We live out in the country and my sis alays says..."Isn't there any NORMAL people out there?" No, apparently not. I'm a magnet of sorts, too.
Thanks so much vicki! XOXO
This is just awful! You're being stalked!! So, she's using you; that's a given. Also, SHE has no boundaries or manners and she clearly doesn't THINK! LOL
People like this have to be told what to do. They don't tend to get their feelings hurt. Chances are, if you say "No" she'll move along. Limit setting is one of the answers here, don't you think?
Do you want to cut the play dates down to once per week with no overnights? Tell her that and see what happens. You don't need to explain your reason but you could think of something.
Little friends are really important to a kid; especially an only child like I have. I tried to be sensitive to that and encourage play days but this gal is really taking advantage of you and your good nature!
Also, she can't understand subtle. You need to be crystal clear with her!
Good luck!!
People like this have to be told what to do. They don't tend to get their feelings hurt. Chances are, if you say "No" she'll move along. Limit setting is one of the answers here, don't you think?
Do you want to cut the play dates down to once per week with no overnights? Tell her that and see what happens. You don't need to explain your reason but you could think of something.
Little friends are really important to a kid; especially an only child like I have. I tried to be sensitive to that and encourage play days but this gal is really taking advantage of you and your good nature!
Also, she can't understand subtle. You need to be crystal clear with her!
Good luck!!
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