Worried that my husband is still in love with his ex girlfriend

[Julianne65]

I think my husband of 2 months, is still in love with his ex-girlfriend.  They have a child together that is 10 months old.  The child lives with the ex full time, and my husband only gets to see her every other Saturday.  He hasn't pushed her for more time with the child, hasn't gotten any solo visitation at all.  He tells me that he is working on her in little steps, that he doesn't want to **** her off.  He doesn't want to risk not being able to see the child at all, so he keeps the peace.  But in doing this, he allows the ex to call all the shots regarding the baby, when he can see the baby, etc.  Also, when he does go down there to see the baby, he will take the ex shopping, to the bank, out to lunch, wherever she needs to go.  They go and see friends that they have together and meets them at places or visits them in their home.
They are no longer together because she broke things off with him, and he went through major depression to get over it with counseling.  I have confronted him if he still is in love with her, but he tells me that he isn't, that he only loves her still as the mother of his child.  But his actions tell me otherwise.  He writes in the baby's journal that he still loves the baby's mom, and keeps a love note that she wrote him when they were together in our safe.  He tells me he doesn't love her anymore, but his actions tell me otherwise.  I don't know what to do.

[Julianne65]

Don't worry about sounding too harsh.  I know that he still has feelings for her and I guess I'm having such a hard time because he continues to deny that he does as well.  They were together for 10 months when they broke up in Feb 2006 when she was still pregnant.  We met 3 days before the baby was born in July 2006, and we were married in Feb 2007, so we dated for 7 months.  She doesn't own a car, and he says he doesn't like to stay at the apartment for his whole visit, as her mother and sister are there as well.  So he doesn't mind taking her here or there, because it gets him away from them and their place.  He pushed her into mediation even to get every other Saturday down for visitation, but he won't push her anymore.  He said that he promised her and her mother that he would keep the peace, but all that seems to me is that he is shutting his mouth and letting her walk all over him like a pansie.  He says he is working on the solo visitation, but won't push for it, and only makes little steps here or there.  He has only had one hour solo in the 10 months, and that was only when he dropped the mother off at the store and came back an hour later to pick her up.  The only arguments that we have ever had is this situation and the way he handles everything.  He totally knows how I feel and that I think he handles it completely wrong.  He says that I just need to trust him enough and let him handle it his way.  But for me, when I see him messing up a situation that affects me and my family, I can't keep quiet about it.  So we continuously fight about this.  And yes, sometimes I do think he jumped into our relationship to get over her, and to get himself in a relationship that would get him to move down here closer to the baby.  I have expressed all these things to him, time and time again.

[mami1323]

I don't want to sound too harsh but he's still got feelings for her.  You've only been married to him for 2 months and their baby is only 10 months old.  How long did you date before you got married?  Their baby isn't even a year old yet so it seems that they just sort of broke up.  How long were they together for?  He is not making any efforts to change the situation and it doesn't seem to bother him.  There is no need to take her places or to even see her.  If he wants more visitation than he needs to go to court.  He can demand more time and he can basically take his child anywhere he wants.  He could also get overnight visits.  He doesn't have to be controlled by her yet I feel that he doesn't mind spending this time with her.  Going to mutual friend's houses is completely unexceptable, they are acting like they are still a couple.  Where do you stand in this situation?  You are his wife right?  He seems to care more about this woman's feelings than yours.  Do you think that he rushed into marriage with you in order to try and let go of his ex?  You need to put your foot down, either he changes the visitation situation and only see this woman during pick ups or drop offs of the child or you need to leave him.  You can not be set aside, and don't let him think that he is playing you for a fool.