I'm a highschool freshman in summer vacation at the moment with a lot of free time.
During the day and night recently, i have a feeling of intense or an extreme unintensity of sluggish unproductivity...it's like i don't care about anything sort of. I feel like i want something to obsess over but even over things I believe I want to do I am unable to muster the willpower to be on it for anymore than a few minutes, instead I whittle time away on computer games while televisioning.
There are in fact many many things I want to do, several books of interest, programming projects, biking, board games, but i am afflicted with unwanted mindlessness compelling me to not be compelled by anything. The problem is kind of like I’m not doing what I believe I want to do. Although i am compelled to write this writing which is…
I realized that when i am forced to do something i enjoy because there is no other thing to do or I have to do it I really enjoy it much more than my “real” free time. I remember this one time when i procrastinated my literature essay until 11 pm before the day it was due and then started it, obsessed over it, enjoyed working on and thinking about it. When i am at school and in class i am a very focused and hard working person.
I am an extreme procrastinator for any work at all. I constantly find the laziest way to do something or if i don't i may just procrastinate. One particular aspect of my behavior comes to mind in this instant concerning my math homework. My “laziness” had gotten to such a point that I did not do math homework at all at home for several weeks. Instead I finished in class on the day it was assigned or finished it quickly in class on the day it was due. This stopped when the teacher started collecting the homework in class earlier than I could finish.
I manage to not do most of everything my parents ask me to do ( like studying for SATs) in a non confrontational way that gets them annoyed but okay with me or maybe it's just that they themselves are non confrontational
I've been kept up for perhaps the past week until 5 am or so not sleeping.I have some difficulty getting to sleep at "correct" times (10 pm) even if i am sleepy, seems that i get unsleepy after i lie down and do nothing for a bit. I noticed yesterday that I have a persistent flush of blood in my face around 1 to 3 am. I tend to be sleepy for a few hours after I wake up from around 12 pm to 2 pm.
During the school year I would usually go at about 6 to 7 hours of sleep every night except on weekends with 12+ hours sleep and waking up every weekday morning feeling horrible for a little bit but i get over it fast enough. There was this time, in which I slept 5 hours every weekday for about two weeks even though I did not want to. I promised myself several times over the year to go to sleep early but i still didn't. My grades have suffered from a 4.0 last semester to getting two Bs this semester which although is not extreme, it is certainly noted for some importance.
I want to stop acting like this and I want to know why I am acting like this because it doesn’t make much sense to me. There is only so much one can know about another through reading a story, but any advice at all will be appreciated.
i now remember this wikipedia article i searched up which could better fit my sleeping patterns better.
"Often, people with the disorder report that they cannot sleep until early morning, but fall asleep at about the same time every "night". Unless they have another sleep disorder such as sleep apnea in addition to DSPS, patients can sleep well and have a normal need for sleep."
That description from wikipedia really does fit me better and insomnia may be an inaccurate term especially in the title...
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