I'm basically asking this because my boyfriend droped the bombshell on me 2 days ago, "I think we should have an abortion"!. I was so gobsmacked because he told me he was sooo excited to have a baby. I asked him why and he wants me to have one because he doesn't work and I'm still studying at College and he's scared he's not going to be able to provide. As much as I think he's right I refuse to go through an abortion, its against my religion and I don't believe in it at all. What do other people think, just need a chat about it really because I'm so scared.
I personaly dont believe god makes mistakes. And theres other opitions the abortion adoption is beautiful and your child can be givin a beutiful life is you are unable. Weather its a baby or a embro its still apart of you and you made it. Have u looked at all your options?
How can he want an abortion considering what you've already been through with the miscarriage at the end of the last year. You must have been devestated when he said that. Big hug. Personally I've never thought about it so I'll be as honest as possible and give you my thoughts as they come to me. I would consider abortion if there was a major defect with the foetus which would mean that if they were even too survive then they would have no sort of a life. Honestly I think its the only time I would consider it.
There are other options... The most obvious one being that he has over 7 months to get a job doing anything where even a little pay is better than nothing. Being scared is not a reason to abort a life. The other options are adoption or going it without him if he really doesn't want to be involved. I just want to give you the biggest hug - I think I would be crying nonstop if this was something said to me xxx
I still want to go through with it, but in a way I know he's right. But we are the ones that got into this situation so we should have to deal with it. But I know we aint going to be able to provide as im in the middle of studying for my career and he cant get a job because its so hard where we live. Adoption is really difficult where we live because its such a small place everyone will know and they will all have an opinion of us both. Its a really glhard decision to make and I dont know what to do
To tell you the.truth I had a early abortion shortly after my first son was born. I regret it more than ever and have gotten very depressed about it. The clinics dont tell you about how you will feel down the road. I am now older and against it. I still wonder today what if? If I didnt have my son to live for I dont know where I would be or if I would be here. It is a very hard decision to make and the guilt afterwards is 100 times worse.
Who cares what others think if u do it to save your child they can eat rocks! Your already pregnant which means your already a mother you have to makr decisions for whayd best for you and your child now. You are the only one who can protect it. I haf teo children by the time i was 17 so i no what it mean to be looked down on but when i see my 9 and 8 year old running around laughing and thriving in school and giving me hugs and kisses i know i would die before i let anything hurt them. Protect ypur child your a mom even if that means you cant raise it u are still looking out for it. But u can do it!
I know I said that about the miscarriage and I said to him I'll do it alone. And he started crying saying he wants babies with me he just thinks its for the best right now cos he wants us to get a house together and have a career and that which I can understand that but abortion is an awful awful thing. The way its done is disgusting and it shouldnt exist!
You can't worry about other peoples opinions of you because its just that an opinion I believe God makes no mistakes and he will not put to much on you that u cannot bare adoption is a wonderful thing so what if people talk atleast you no you did something wonderful for your child and he has time to look and get a job if I was flipping burgers hey atleast its a job sometimes you have to make sacrifices in life and if you have to do it alone there are tons of places that will help you out...
If he was so worried he should of used a condom now he needs to man up!! If he wont u got too do it. there are alot of programs that will offer free day care and food wise wic gives you free baby food for a year.
I personally am against abortion. It'll be killing a innocent baby. I would perfer adoption over abortion. But I personally would never be able to do neither. I was 14 when I got pregnant with my first and my father tried pushing me for an abortion and since I wouldn't they tried pushing for an adoption. I told everyone I laid down I got pregnant in taking responsibility now me and the father are still together we have a healthy 6 yr old son and I'm now 28+6 with our lil girl...good luck
And obviously you no what the outcome can be of having unprotected sex its not about you guys anymore so if you have to give baby up which I no that's a hard decision so be it if that's what u decide but honestly I think you can raise baby
Get on some adopition sites and read some of the ladies stories if you cant do it yourself they would die to have you child hell alot of them will help you as much as you need and send pictures and have meet ups with your child its beautiful.
I do not believe you should have an abortion. Personally, i believe the only women who should r the ones who.concieved because of a rape. With that being said, after i lost my babies back in March of 07, i got pregnant again 6 months later. The thought crossed my mind. I knew i wouldnt be able to support a baby then, i was so depressed and didnt want to deal with it. I ended up keeping her (thank god! She changed my life) she makes me try so much harded than i ever even thought possible. Yes, i quit school and got a job (fairly decent one too) that i loved & yes, someday, i want to go back but my hubby and i decided that hes gonna go back tto school first since he has less time then when he starts his career or shortly after, ill quit my job & go back. We struggle now since we have a 4 yr old and im due in 2 weeks & hes the only one working. But, we r happy. We are here for each other and for both our kids.
Whatever you do decide to do, know there are government agencies that can & will help out. Id look into all your options, sit down with a social worker (as im sure theyd be able to give u bettter, more factual answers, than anyone else).
Even if you live in a small town the family adopting can be states away from you.. Ive heard of people driving miles and miles away to get there new family memeber.. I dont think that you should just because he doesnt have a job and youre in the middle of school. 90% of the women on here are going through the same thing.. hell im not financially ready for a baby but i would never assume that means abortion.. It is what it is and like the first comment on this status god doesnt make mistakes.. please really think about it, youll find that youre already secretly in love with that gift from god inside of you..
I'm in the same position, my boyfriend thinks we can't do this now cuz I'm still in college n he isnt makin as much money as he feels we need. I can't go thru something like that thou. U jus need a good support group n get some assistance. They do help. I haven't told him but I got medical assistance, food assistance, n housing soon. With or without him, me n my baby will b ok no matter wat others think. A baby is a gift not a burden. He loves u n hopefully will do wat he has to before tthe baby comes. I'm praying the same for myself. Good luck hun!
i honestly believe that a child brings more to your live if you think abt it theres more help for you when you have a child like food stamps wic money and income taxes. this is honestly your choice, i had an abortion once (he kept pushing me to do it)and i really regret it sometimes i sit and cry thinking i couldve been a mother already
i thought i was punished because after that happen i mmeet my wonderful hubby and for one year i couldnt get pregoo i was already so depressed and sad thinking that it was my fault and this is what i get but i got a secnd chance and im more than excited to have my baby.
ive ssen plenty chicks in college that still are in school its a bit rough but still have the motivation to go and do the dam thing for there family :)
I'm an atheist but I don't think your reasons are nearly enough to justify an abortion. If the baby wasn't healthy (had a very serious defect) or your health would be jeopardized carrying the baby to term, I would certainly suggest looking into it. In regards to the rape victims, I don't think I would abort, personally. But I would want the option available.
Now. When I got pregnant with my first I was an 18 year old waitress about to start college. My boyfriend at the time was a cook, also getting ready fro college. We had only been together about 6 months but I never even considered an abortion. Adoption crossed my mind but I knew I couldn't give up my baby.
We couldn't really afford a kid but we made it work. I finish my degree and my now-husband is graduating this spring. I'm 10 weeks with our second, this one being planned! It's a lot if work but it us completely doable. If your boyfriend really doesn't want to keep this one, you can consider adoption as these ladies have suggested. Or you can do it in your own. I'm willing to bet this guy will change his mind and want to be a part if his child's life.
Dont ever feel ashamed of what people in your town may think. Its your life not theirs.everyone makes mistakes in life. If you want to raise your baby or give up for adoption dont worry about how people will react. If people judge you then they have issues. Whatever you do from my experience abortion is the worst decision I wish I had someone to talk to when I went through that. I am definitely not proud of my decision I made in the past. whatever your decision is just realize there are options. Goodluck!
I am 100% pro-choice since i've had one too .
I personally would everr have another one again -.- i think it people's body & they should be able to do what they want to their body, but i recommend keeping it . You made it , you take up for your responsibility. I should've took my own advice -.-
Like a person said up there . The doctor's dont tell you anything about how your emotional life will be. I'm so depressed since i've done it.
I personally wouldn't be able to go through adoption either .
So just think about it. You can do it. Anyone can do it. :)
Personally I am atheist, so religion isn't a factor for me. I am pro-choice. I mean do I think its right for women to get pregnant several times and keep getting abortions? No. But ultimately it is your choice. I think you should do what YOU want, deep in your heart. I wanted this baby deep down, but considered abortion for the longest time up until it was too late. Now I'm almost 20 weeks and I know I can't give my baby up for adoption. So I made my decision by default. Sometimes I wish I would have gotten the abortion, but I just couldn't go through with it. But if you're only worried about finances, I wouldn't get one just for that reason because there is so much help out there for pregnant women.
Its not personally for me, but everyone is entitled to do what they want..don't let anyone make your decision for you, yes there are other options out there that would be worth looking into but the end decision is yours and yours alone. Good luck hunn:)
My honest opinion sounds judgmental but I think the "pro-choice" argument is a total cop out. Abortion is taking away the life of another person. No matter the circumstances. Adoption is a beautiful thing and a wonderful gift to someone else and there is no shame in it. A lot of times people will respect you more for making the hard decision to give the baby up rather than do the "prideful" thing and keep the baby and have a less than desirable lifestyle. Don't be afraid to admit you made a mistake and had unprotected sex. But the baby is not the mistake and should not be punished for your actions.
I had an abortion at 15. I was alone and still at school. no bf or money. i was still a child myself and my mum did what she thought the right thing was and booked me the abortion and i went along with it. i barely thought about it. i just wanted it to all go away. The day after was probably the worst id ever felt in my life. i felt so guilty and sad at what had happned. but at the end of the day i was not ready for motherhood and im glad i had that option. adoption is a great thing but you have to really be ready to hand your baby away to never see him again.. i could not do that. i would find that so much harder. i dont think lack of money is a good reason to have an abortion. if that was the case then i wouldnt have my daughter and i wouldnt be about to have my son. but it is your choice and noone should tell you what is right or rong only you can decide what is right for you now. Good luck with what you decide and i hope its the best decition for you. x :)
Personally i think its up to u...i had 2 abortions when i was 17 & 18 which i dont necessarily regret but its still very hard to deal with...i now have a beautiful son who just turned 4 and wete expecting our 2nd in aug....my son was unexpected and neither of us had jobs,but wirh state assistamce and motivation we did it! Now we both have great jobs amd im in my second year of college...u can do it...u both jusy have to want to deep down
I just graduated high school and both me and my boyfriend are not working and on government assistance it does get hard at times but in way are we gonna abort our baby. Not because its a religion thing ( we both don't have religions) It is hard to find a job out there but its possible to provide for your baby. Do you have WIC where you live?
Abortion is wrong, it's the same as killing somebody. It's a living breathing baby that God created; Life isn't ours to give and take away. You can always put your baby up for adoption, and if you don't want to that, there's plenty of help you can get from different organizations. You don't wanna do something you'll end up regretting.
I don't understand why people keep getting pregnant over and over again when birth control is free or almost free in many states. A guy can promise you anything but in the end he can walk away any time he wants leaving you all alone to take care of the baby. I do understand things can happen even if you're on birth control. Personally I'm glad there are places a woman can go if she chooses. It's not like the old days where women got sick or even died from an abortion.
I did'nt get to read what you posted earlier so I don't understand why it was deleted. If we can talk about abortion and unplanned, or in some cases, planned pregnancies why can't we talk about birth control? Someone here said that if you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to raise a baby. I have to disagree with that. Let's be real, it takes money, time, maturity, patience, to raise a child. I just think every child deserves a good loving home.
It is a personal choice, and the decision is 100% yours. It is unfortunate that you are in this situation, and I can only imagine what a difficult time this is for you. Here in Canada, if a women is contemplating an abortion, they first have to visit with a counselor. Perhaps that might be a good starting point for you and your boyfriend? Or even just you? You want someone who will neither push you into it, nor judge you for whatever you decide. It's your body, and your life and your decision. No one should try to force you and no one should sit in judgement of you. Whatever choice you make...adoption, abortion or to keep and raise the child, your life is going to be forever altered, so do make sure you think your decision through carefully. It's a tough one, and I wish you all the best. Take good care sweetheart.
Regardless of anyone's personal feelings about abortion, I think most people would agree that the WORST decision you could make would be to base it on what someone else - in this case, your boyfriend - thinks you should do. Making such a big decision based on someone else's preferences, disregarding your own, will only lead to regret and resentment.
It's not an easy decision, and I wish you well in coming to peace with whatever YOU decide.
As some other people said, it's personal. Keep in mind that around 1/3 of American women end up having an abortion at some point, so you would certainly not be alone if that was your decision. If it were me, I would think very hard about my partner being so unsure about raising a kid, because it's a lot of work even with two people. It sounds like you two would also be in a much better position to handle a kid even a year from now, after you graduate and you both have time to get decent jobs and plan for it. Another thing to consider is how much support you could get from your families. If your extended family is willing to pitch in financially, or by helping with babysitting, it will make finishing school a lot more feasible for you.
As an atheist, I don't have any religious objections to abortion. Also, before a certain age (usually around 21 weeks or so), a fetus is essentially a parasite, unable to live without the support of the uterus, even with the best medical technology available. Therefore, my personal belief is that it doesn't count as a separate being before then. The person who is pregnant is an individual being with thoughts, feelings, and a life, and so I count their well being before that of something that is not yet an individual. I also believe that the decision to have or not have an abortion is completely personal, and no one should try to make you feel bad about that decision, whatever it happens to be.
Adoption is also an option if you're dead set against an abortion, and there are plenty of infertile couples (or couples with bad genetics they don't want to pass on) who would love to have a child. There are even open adoptions, which let you stay in contact with the child.
In the end, it sounds like having a baby at this time might be really difficult for you, and it might make sense to try later. You need to weigh your beliefs and the potential outcomes to make the decision, and you should think about it soon so that you have time to sort things out. It will probably go better if you and your boyfriend agree, but since you are the one who is pregnant, and women are often left supporting the children if a couple breaks up, you should have the final word.
From the moment of conception it is a living, breathing soul. The heart starts beating at 17 days after conception. It is not a parasite. That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard. It can feel everything just as much as you can. Just because you're an atheist doesn't mean the baby is not alive. You can believe that lie if you want. That's what people like you say so they don't feel guilty, but its not true.
The idea of souls is a religious one, not a scientific one. And fetuses don't breathe. Babies breathe once they are born.
A heartbeat is not sufficient for survival. A parasite is merely an organism that lives on or in another organism and gains nourishment from the other organism. The relationship can be beneficial or not. Yes, it is alive, but it cannot survive without taking nourishment from the mother. I personally dislike the idea of late term abortions because the fetus theoretically could survive outside without the mother, and it's more fully formed. The scientific jury is still technically out on when a fetus can feel pain, but most estimates are around 24 weeks, and not usually before 20 weeks, which is the cutoff for abortions in many places.
In the mean time, the mother is a living, breathing individual (or soul), who has the right to make personal healthcare decisions. You have the right to make decisions about your own healthcare, and so do other women. Even if you believe that it is against God's will, they are the one who has to deal with the consequences, not you.
This is a very controversial topic, and tends to spark huge debate. The reality is that the law does not consider a fetus to be a person until around 20 weeks, when there is a small potential for survival outside the womb. Everyone has the right to decide as they will providing it stays within the context of the law. There is no sense arguing about the issue as it is a personal one that most have strong feelings about. This thread has stayed quite civil, and that is a good thing. Could we try to keep it that way?
Hi Jo what every body says he you can just dicount, its no good looking for answers from other people even me, and I'm a man, end of the day its your body, forget religous things, because again its your body and not any gods.
But I can see your b/fs side of it and I think you can as well, he wants his future off spring to be brought up in a home put together by both of you, and can see the sence in you finishing your education, and with him have no job does not help all this, and these are real hard facts.
End of the day your body, and not anybody elses, please just use your brain, when making your decision. and not every body elses.
End of the day me or them will not have to bring it up.
I think that you should try and talk things out with your boyfriend and I know that he gave you a reason to why he wants you have an abortion but I think you need to sit down and talk about it before you make any drastic decisions and do something you'll regret. also I think that you can still have the baby but think of all the options you have is abortion really the only one you could think about adoption yes you may not want the baby but this baby could make another couple who maybe can't have kids so happy. another point I'd like to make is if its against your religion do you really wan to go ahead with it. Another point is that you said that he was happy at first so maybe its not just the fact that he can't afford it maybe there's something else to why he doesn't want you to have the baby. I hope my advice is helpful and I hope you make the right decisions
Yes they have to deal with the consequences and I can tell them what the consequences will be so they can make an informed decision. There is nothing wrong with me telling them what will happen if they do something wrong. I have the freedom of speech just as much as you do or anyone else.
Nohard has every right to post here and give his opinion. It does take both a man and a woman to make a baby. I don't think it was very nice to ask if he was a creep or a predator. You said you have the freedom of speech, so does any man that wants to come and post on this forum. Everyone is trying to keep this forum nice and not be rude. Let's keep it that way so we can all give people good advice and support when they really need it the most.
I still think men have the right to come here to give their opinions and advice because like I said, it takes a man and a woman to make a baby.
We women can post on the Men's forum. I'm actually the CL over that forum and I've never had any of the men tell me not to post there or they thought it was strange.
You do have a right to your opinion though and I respect that.
Anyone is welcome to post here, male or female. We all have our own opinions and thoughts on abortion.
However, this is a SUPPORT community and that is what we do here, support those making difficult decisions in their life regarding an unplanned pregnancy. They are able to choose in this country whether to have an abortion, place a child for adoption or to keep the baby. All have pros and cons and I'm thankful we live in a country in which women can make the best choice for themselves. At this forum, we support a woman's decision to make that choice and don't pass judgment if they choose to do something that we wouldn't choose to do ourselves.
I appreciate nohard's opinion here as it is as valid as anyone elses.
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