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Abuse fantasies
Ok first off I know I need professional help, I am just embarrassed to say this to someone. When I was 11-13 I was abuses by my step dad nothing really severe like rape just inappropriate touching in my panties and things. I am now 27 normal woman healthy relationship gods career bla bla bla. But I now fantasize about the abuse I have dreams but in my dreams I am coming onto him and I enjoy it. I also masturbate to what he use to do to me. I know this makes me the sickest person in the world and I want it to stop and to be normal. I also know that its my subconscious way of taking control of what I didn't have control of back then. I just want to know if anyone else has ever experienced something like this or heard of anyone like me? Scared to seek help....embarrassed.
Hi Cookie,
First off let me say, how very brave and honest of you to post this comment. Don't feel embarrassed or guilty, not at all.
I too am a victim of abuse at the hands of my mothers boyfriend for quite some years. I am no a qualified psychologist and deal with issues like this almost everyday.
It is common to re visit the abuse in many different ways. For a lot of sexual abuse victims, being abused as a child is often their first sexual experience, and lets face it, if the abuser is doing it right it can often feel physically pleasant although mentally unpleasant. This isn't the case for all victims. That does not in anyway make what happened to you ok and it doesn't mean you wanted it to happen or that you enjoyed it at the time.
Believe me, you are in every way normal.
First off let me say, how very brave and honest of you to post this comment. Don't feel embarrassed or guilty, not at all.
I too am a victim of abuse at the hands of my mothers boyfriend for quite some years. I am no a qualified psychologist and deal with issues like this almost everyday.
It is common to re visit the abuse in many different ways. For a lot of sexual abuse victims, being abused as a child is often their first sexual experience, and lets face it, if the abuser is doing it right it can often feel physically pleasant although mentally unpleasant. This isn't the case for all victims. That does not in anyway make what happened to you ok and it doesn't mean you wanted it to happen or that you enjoyed it at the time.
Believe me, you are in every way normal.
I guess it also might be about cortisol rush. I hate all dreams involving my dad touching me inappropriately. Like if I was a violent person I would have wanted to kill him cos that's how much I hate it I think it's sick that a dad would compromise their young daughters trust by sexually violating them. I think now I understand how abuse affected me because I started to play Hentai (anime porn) games as a teen, and it would sometimes include group rape and I got turned on by the fictional situation even though in real life it would be horrific. I think it's a way for our fragile mind to make something fictional, like all this bad stuff becomes fictional, and at the same time explore sexuality safely without anyone else involved. And I think the fantasy rape scenario for me at least was about enjoyment without a choice, it's about overcoming guilt about sex, since u can't do anything if it's someone doing it to you. Now that I'm an adult I've never been interested again in perverse games or scenarios like fantasy rape, but I think hyper sexuality stems from childhood abuse.
Yes I know what you mean my daughtor just recently told me about a problem with her friend like this I would see a therospiest not a doctor they won't be able to help you. If masterbating helps you by all means do it we are all different. Once you have been going to theropy for about a month or two you may want to slowly try to stop. I really hope this helps good luck!!!!
Yes I know what you mean my daughtor just recently told me about a problem with her friend like this I would see a therospiest not a doctor they won't be able to help you. If masterbating helps you by all means do it we are all different. Once you have been going to theropy for about a month or two you may want to slowly try to stop. I really hope this helps good luck!!!!
I was sexually abused over a 3 year period by my brother who is 10 years older than me,as an adult I often had what I thought were weird dreams where I was the person initiating the sex,so yes I believe it is totally normal for many girls that have been abused to turn the tables in their subconscious and finally take control,(even if it is only in our dreams)
You don't sound sick and you don't sound abnormal. And what is "normal"? A mental and environmental Utopia?
It would seem you are doing just fine.
It would seem you are doing just fine.
It's normal I was abused by my father and he abused me repetidly and I didnt fight it so I get night terrors about it and I was harassed sexually by some boy who liked me but since I was abused I beat him up a lot and I never got in trouble but I decided to change and I got better and became a normal human
I read a story written by a woman who was raped at knifepoint, and she commented that later she would fantasize about it. i do think you're right when you say it's a way to get power back when you were powerless, I only mentioned the other woman's story so you would know it is not only you who has a reaction like this. Try not to beat yourself up.
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