Silent for too long

[TrudieC]

My parents divorced when I was 4 and my brother was 2.  My father got custody.  When I was 9 he remarried a woman with a 10 year old son and a 4 year old daughter.  After they married they had two more sons.  My stepbrother sexually abused me for all the years I was in that house.  As soon as I turned 18 I left.  My family is one who just pretends that things have not happened and we all have had rough times in our lives and I have just found out that my stepbrother abused all of us.  We have all reacted differently and none of us have talked about it to each other.  My father passed away a few months ago.  It would kill my stepmother to know what happened.  My stepbrother has never apologized for his actions.  I have learned that he was sexually abused by his father and stepmother and have forgiven him in my heart.  Now that I know he has hurt so many others it is really bothering me.  Again, no one says anything.  

In your experience it is best to bring this out?  Do we wait until my stepmother passes?  Part of me wants to scream it out but don't want to hurt my stepmother or force the others to publicly recognize the abuse.  Not sure what to do here.

[TrudieC]

My brother who abused me told me about the abuse from his father and stepmother and he also told me that the 6 brothers and sisters he has from his father's 2nd marriage were all abused and want nothing to do with their dad.  I can't imagine that my sisters in law would make up stories.  Men will confide in their wives.  No offense taken Rock.  

I need to do some soul searching on this.  Maybe it is best to wait until my stepmother is no longer in the picture.  I know my one sister in law told me my brother won't say anything until that happens.

[margypops]

I don't think that you have a reputation as a skeptic Rockrose if anything I would say your reputation is one of honest truthful speaking .Trudie I think you should all speak together about what happened to you and the others , how you do it will be up to the logistics ,if stepmom would be made sick by the knowledge it may be good to leave her out of it..its a dilemma ..You may just have to do it ..good luck not easy is it ....

[RockRose]

Trudie,  I'm feeling that my reputation on this board is that I'm a skeptic. So I don't want to keep challenging you,  that's not my intent,  to just be mean.

I don't know how you're getting all the information that all your siblings had sexual contact with this boy,  and how you learned his father sexually abused him.  

You have information from two brother's wives.  That leaves a LOT of information that you've gotten elsewhere - all the other siblings information,  and his father abusing him information.

I promise,  I'm just trying to sort all this out.

[TrudieC]

Two of my sisters in law told me their husbands had been abused.  So it is starting to get talked about and I have shared with them that I had been too.

[RockRose]

How do you know that they all behaved sexually,  if you haven't talked to any of them about it,  and none of it has ever been mentioned?

[LosingMyMindInGA]

There's also the element of consider whether the stepmother saw the warning signs in her son or not.  If she knew he was abused then it was her responsbility to monitor that child for signs of becoming and abuser. It was also her job as a mother to have gotten him the help that he needed.  If she sat back and allowed it to go on, then she's not an innocent bystander.

[allmymarbles]

You appear to be very fond of your stepmother, so this is a true dilemma. On the one hand bringing the abuse out in the open will hurt her, an innocent person. On the other, keeping it quiet will allow the stepbrother to abuse others. I should think you have to expose the abuser, but how can you prove what has happened? Will the others who were abused speak out? If not, I can see a very messy situation, with you subjected to a different type of abuse.