Is it abuse if he's not himself?

[n_c_h]

My boyfriend is bipolar and we've been together for 2 yrs... In his fits of rage he says things that are very very hurtful. He has called me a whipped ***** to a piece of **** to the reason for his anger. I know that for most people this would be considered verbal abuse and lately when i try to stop him from doing irrational things he's been getting more physical with me... I do not know if this counts as abuse if he technically doesn't act like himself during these fits. When he's not angry he is a COMPLETELY different person, he loves me, he takes me out, he dances with me for no reason, he surprises me with flowers. I mean... i know this isn't him just trying to screw with me, i know he tries to apologize for all the horrible things that happen but is this abuse??? When he say's these things it makes me break down... It makes me feel heart broken. I cannot function normally and i have panic attacks.

[allmymarbles]

Does it really matter what is causing him to behave in this manner? It harms you and makes you unhappy. You are making excuses for him by suggesting he is not responsible for what he does. Who cares? He does it. End of story.

[AnnieBrooke]

I might add, you originally asked "Is it abuse when he's not himself?"  He *is* himself, he has an abusive side when his bipolar takes a swing, and out it comes.  That is part of him the same way as the sweet behavior is.  If he cares, he will control this with meds.  But if he doesn't, it really is time to get out of there.  He's got to care enough not to hurt you.  Otherwise, what is the point of being in a relationship with him?

[boogiesmom07]

my ex husband used to treat me like that one minute he was the sweetest person in the world an the next all i had to do is walk the wrong way past him an he would start cussing me out he would throw things an they would hit me he had always told me "i was throwing it towards u not at u" i have really thick hair but when i was with him i had patches pulled out luckly i also had long hair so i was able to hide it but after he would throw me down pull my hair trying to grab me r throw something at me he would always cry say sry be really romantic sweet and caring and i would always blame it on his mental probs but then after 6yrs of all that he started punching an kicking me an suprising enough hes the one who left realizing how bad he was i wish i would of left the first time it all started but i married him instead because he kept telling me he was going to get help but never followed through with it
  ur boyfriend is the only one who can get help for it an if he doesnt fully realize what he is doin u telling him isnt going to matter its just going to make it worse  he has to help himself and u have to help urself i dont know u but u do not deserve what he is doin NO ONE does i know it is hard to leave i have been there an as i can tell a few others has walked down that path but u have to be strong an realize u deserve alot more then someone thats going to make u full like crap

    just my oppinion and if u do decide to stay get help for urself so u can become strong enough to realize u dont need what hes givin u cause what hes givin u is a low selfesteem
  i hope everything works out for u

[teko]

Yes, it is abuse. Even tho someone may be bi polar, they still know what they are doing. Some even use it as an excuse to do what they do and blame it on the bi polar. If he is not on meds, he should be, and if he will not get on meds, leave. Even tho we may have mood swings, we still know right from wrong and we make a choice as to how to handle those moods. I was bi polar and when my husband quit putting up with my bad behavior and quit allowing me to use it as an excuse, I quit. I was still bi, but handled it differently rather than lose him over it. So, yes it is abuse and if you allow it, it will escalate into physical abuse. Put your foot down now, or walk away.

[n_c_h]

Thank you. It is easier to listen when someone else has experienced the same thing. Thank you so so so much.

[margypops]

I agree you are fooling your self, he will continue in fact it will get worse. leave .

[AnnieBrooke]

I think you meant to direct that comment to the original poster.  Your post and mine agree.

[kenneltech]

Does he know what he does when he's not on meds?  Does he do everything he can to stay on his meds and to get help?  If the answers to these questions is no, then this is abuse.  Get out.

[n_c_h]

Thank You. I needed that.

[AnnieBrooke]

If he is not on medication, he should be.  If he has been prescribed but doesn't take it, that would be a "goodbye" as far as I was concerned.  If he was only mean and abusive when drunk, for example, and he still continued to drink, would you just write it off as "he's really a nice person?"  If you would like to make it abundantly clear, film him or tape him when he is in a fit of rage.  Then when he is back to his sweet side, show him the tape and say "This is it.  You go for help and you take your meds, or I am gone.  You have one week to do something."  And then go.  Your life is worth more without him than with him, at this point.