I say move back in with dad. We all make bad choices and make bad decisions with the best intentions. But trust me your dad will always take you back no matter what has happened. He will be there for you always and forever. Your moms boyfriend is a tool. He is a grown man and should have known better from the get go. he's got some mental issues going on and you and your sister don't need to be around that. You can love and help your mom from afar you can evem do more for her being away because you will be bettering yourself and she will be seeing that. You can be the one to show her to get her act right and grow up. You always want to be were you feel safer and I know that will be with your dad. Take care.
I am so sorry to hear about all of the heartache you and your sister have been going through. It sounds like you keep ending up in the wrong place, even when you have the very best intentions at heart. From what you shared, it sounds to me like you are really missing a mother-figure in your life and when Mom suddenly popped up, you did everything you could to make it work. You stuck it out, even when things started falling apart and you knew in your heart things weren't right, because you had something that you felt was real with your Mom's boyfriend. Your panic attacks won't let you forget that Mom's boyfriend used you, made you give up two babies, and "wasted" 4 years of your life on him. The attacks are reminders of what you could have done differently. Except you STILL CAN make a change and do things differently from this moment on. The next panic attack you have, close your eyes and breathing deeply, in and out, count backwards from 100 to 0. It should help. Visualize a candle's flame and keep the flame perfectly still without flickering when you are counting. That will also help you keep your focus. Then, I think maybe you should consider the possibility of MOVING BACK IN WITH DAD. If he is checking in on you anyway, I think he will be a stable choice. If you want, try to find a family counselor to go to with your Mom and/or your sister. It might help you both/all a ton and it will definitely be a bonding experience. Good luck...my heart goes out to you.
I left my dad at 1st 2 see my mum and she was always gettin beat up at first so me and my sister ust 2 wna stay with her try and help her but it jus back fired coz when they made bk friends she didn't wna no us.. It was just hard havin a mum like mary poppins an then realisin we were never goin to get her back
What I can't understand is why you left your father? Why did you?
I guess my opinion is (since you said you were asking for them) that you need to get some good therapy. You should probably talk to your dad, too, but not until you've talked to a counselor and tried to get some of your head straight about all of this.