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investigation with child protective services
My son has been w/the current babysitter for 1.5 years and he loves her to death. She was also watching some kids next door (2 girls). well, I believe the mom next door was the one who called Child Protective services on the babysitter alleging she threw my son over her head and acorss the room, she took showers with my son, etc. My son went through the 1st interview at schoola dn they had concerns. Now he is having to go through a special 2nd interview with a forensic investigator and a detective. I find it hard to belive she has done these things. My son did deny being thrown across the room. is it possible him being six, he gets mixed up with the questioning, etc. Anyone else been thru this. Also, now we are not using the babysitter b/c of this situation, have been advised not to return him to her. It's just so much!!
I also wonder if the mom next door is angry at the babysitter and she is being vindictive, but I htink they would have to question her girls as well, right???
I also wonder if the mom next door is angry at the babysitter and she is being vindictive, but I htink they would have to question her girls as well, right???
They would certainly question all the kids, and I expect they will also question you. When they do (if they have not yet), be sure to say that you can't believe your son would like the babysitter much if she threw him over her head and acted weird sexually.
Did you son say she took showers with him ? Leave it to the authorities they will get to the bottom of it and know what to ask children ..what about the 2 girls she also looked after are they being questioned as they would have seen this going ON ?
I am not sure if the two girls are being questioned or not. but since I believe it was their mom I would say yes most likely. I would hope so. Should I not be talking to teh babysitter now at all, I feel bad for her and I can't bring my son over to her anymore. I am in the search for new babysitters. He really loves her a lot. My son says no he did not take showers with her. I think he gets mixed up on the questioning, but he said yes to the investigator. I know she put him in the shower a few times at my house before school. It's a difficult situation. She' s been a good babysitter, no one is perfect. The detective said to not talk to her about the case and to not let her see my son. My son is six. But sometimes they will tell otehrs what they will not tell the parents.
It could be a vindictive person making waves, or it could be someone that has seen things that need to be addressed as well. With these kinds of situations, I think it is always best to assume there is something to it until the investigation proves otherwise. Safety first, and then if the investigation shows no abuse, the teller is the feller that needs investigated. Better safe than sorry comes to mind.
If the babysitter picked him up and threw him across the room he would have bruises - at least. Aside from the normal scrapes and bangs a kid gets, have there ever been visible signs of what might be abuse? Does you son retreat when you ask him specific questions? Does he act like he has a secret?
Obviously we on the forum do not know if there was abuse or not, but all too frequently calls to child protective services have been malicious lies.
Another question. If the neighbor was so concerned, why didn't she approach you and tell you what she saw instead of going directly to the agency? That's a little funny, don't think?
Obviously we on the forum do not know if there was abuse or not, but all too frequently calls to child protective services have been malicious lies.
Another question. If the neighbor was so concerned, why didn't she approach you and tell you what she saw instead of going directly to the agency? That's a little funny, don't think?
Yes, I guess let the investigation go thru it's course. I cant tell the babysitter much, so maybe it is better not to talk to her. I don't know anymore... It's hard to know what to do.
well, actually she did approach me, she called me one Saturday night and I addressed it with my son and I talked to the babysitter about it and she was mortified. She was very upset and crying. She tried to talk with the mother who called, but has not been able to. She is just avoiding the mother and two girls now and the mother she said seems to avoid her as well.
I feel bad for her as she is devastated by this, but I cannot talk to her much about what is going on, the sheriff's deputy told me not to. Plus, it's hard for me to talk to her, I don't know what is going on honestly and I'm not supposed to say anything and she asks questions, etc.
I feel like I'm in the middle of this. I had no idea when this lady called she would also be callign the authorities as well.
The claims on him being thrown overhead have been denied by my son. I think he would be in the hospital if that happened honestly.
I just don't want the babysitter to feel like I've abandoned her too.
There is a lot of drama going on in the neighborhood that the mother and two girls and the babysitter lives in.
I feel bad for her as she is devastated by this, but I cannot talk to her much about what is going on, the sheriff's deputy told me not to. Plus, it's hard for me to talk to her, I don't know what is going on honestly and I'm not supposed to say anything and she asks questions, etc.
I feel like I'm in the middle of this. I had no idea when this lady called she would also be callign the authorities as well.
The claims on him being thrown overhead have been denied by my son. I think he would be in the hospital if that happened honestly.
I just don't want the babysitter to feel like I've abandoned her too.
There is a lot of drama going on in the neighborhood that the mother and two girls and the babysitter lives in.
I just remembered something that happened to my youngest daughter several years ago. She was spending the summer in New Mexico with a her brother and sister. She must have been about 17 at the time. She had a lot of babysitting experience and liked little children, so she took a temporary job at some kind of preschool. She told me that for about half an hour every day she would sit the kiddies around her and tell them a story.
One day she was called in the the head of the school who was in a fury and fired her. A parent had complained that she was telling sexually explicit stories to the children. Fortunately my own kiddies are not shy. The two older ones took my youngest and went raging back to the school. I guess by their demeanor the owner could tell something was not right. It turned out that an older sister of one of the toddlers made it all up. Nonetheless, my daughter swore never again to place herself in that position.
Who saw the babysitter toss your son? Was it the mother, or one of her children?
One day she was called in the the head of the school who was in a fury and fired her. A parent had complained that she was telling sexually explicit stories to the children. Fortunately my own kiddies are not shy. The two older ones took my youngest and went raging back to the school. I guess by their demeanor the owner could tell something was not right. It turned out that an older sister of one of the toddlers made it all up. Nonetheless, my daughter swore never again to place herself in that position.
Who saw the babysitter toss your son? Was it the mother, or one of her children?
The mother (who is the neighbor) said her duaghters witnessed that. My son denied that. Of course, he would have been really hurt if that happened.
That's sad what happened to your dtr. Sometimes I don't think people realize the havoc these accusations put on people's lives. Lives have been totally ruined b/c of it.
Right now I'm in the process of trying to find a new babysitter. I hate to do this, but I need someone now and also I don't know how long all of this saga will last.
Does anyone know how long this stuff lasts??
That's sad what happened to your dtr. Sometimes I don't think people realize the havoc these accusations put on people's lives. Lives have been totally ruined b/c of it.
Right now I'm in the process of trying to find a new babysitter. I hate to do this, but I need someone now and also I don't know how long all of this saga will last.
Does anyone know how long this stuff lasts??
I think it may be encumbent upon you to rush it along. Given that your child is so positive that he was not abused, and given the fact that he is in one piece after supposedly being flung across a room, and given the fact that no adult saw him flung, I am beginning to feel sorry for the babysitter. If you have doubts about what happened, I would tell the authorities and have then question the girls. Also consider that your son is involved and may feel responsible for the babysitter's problem (even though he had no part in it). Injustice sits hard on children.
I wonder if the girls did not like the babysitter or were mad at her for some reason. Why can't you talk to the sitter? No one can stop you from doing that. If she is innocent, and I rather think she is, she would be most comforted by your interest. Imagine how badly my daughter would have felt if she had had to live with a stigma because of someone's malice.
I wonder if the girls did not like the babysitter or were mad at her for some reason. Why can't you talk to the sitter? No one can stop you from doing that. If she is innocent, and I rather think she is, she would be most comforted by your interest. Imagine how badly my daughter would have felt if she had had to live with a stigma because of someone's malice.
I just remembered. There was a case of malice that was brought up on one of these forums that was much more serious. A stepdaughter claimed her stepfather was abusing her. Big, big mess. He was arrested by the police. It was not true. Children develop the ability to lie early on. Usually it is minor stuff, like getting out of trouble. Some children take it a step further.
benjimom, I'm really inclined to believe the daughters made this thing up entirely.
Especially since your son adores this babysitter, and I agree, he'd have large bruises if she threw him to the ground. Doesn't make any sense at all.
Plus the fact that the babysitter is so distraught and is calling you.
I would be really inclined to distance myself from the mother and the daughters, they're dangerous. Next time they make something up it will be about you or your son.
Best wishes.
Especially since your son adores this babysitter, and I agree, he'd have large bruises if she threw him to the ground. Doesn't make any sense at all.
Plus the fact that the babysitter is so distraught and is calling you.
I would be really inclined to distance myself from the mother and the daughters, they're dangerous. Next time they make something up it will be about you or your son.
Best wishes.
Let the investigations take their course, they will know what was going on if anything,keep an open mind .. the main thing is here and in all cases that your child is the most important part of this, not the babysitter , so leave the babysitter out of it until you get word about the investigation.good luck
Wouldn't it have made more sense to set up hidden cameras than to let the cat out of the bag?
You may be right Citizen no one ever thinks of it till after the event I guess, maybe benjimom will know the answer.
Margy, I'm sorry to have to disagree with you about the babysitter not being the important part.
She's human too.
It doesn't appear that the boy suffered at all, he's denying it, and in cases where children make up unfounded stories of abuse and ruin lives, they need to be dealt with severely.
I think we learned this with the Salem witch trials.
The very accusation of abuse will have a huge affect on this otherwise great babysitter's life. I just wish kids who trump up this kind of thing could be more carefully screened, and not be allowed such freedom to ruin people's lives on their word alone, with zero other evidence.
She's human too.
It doesn't appear that the boy suffered at all, he's denying it, and in cases where children make up unfounded stories of abuse and ruin lives, they need to be dealt with severely.
I think we learned this with the Salem witch trials.
The very accusation of abuse will have a huge affect on this otherwise great babysitter's life. I just wish kids who trump up this kind of thing could be more carefully screened, and not be allowed such freedom to ruin people's lives on their word alone, with zero other evidence.
To put another spin on this, most, but not all children that have been abused will openly talk about it. Usually the ones that do are not the ones being abused. Fear of what will happen keeps them from talking. However, it does sound more like the babysitter is innocent, and if so and since the child is saying it never happened, she will be cleared in the end. Personally, I would follow the guidance and keep the child out of the situation until it is cleared up. If it turns out that the other child is lying, which she very well may be! Or at the very least making a mountain out of a molehill, or her Mom just decided it sounded worse than what it was so decided to act on it. Who knows! But for the parent who complained to want to just instigate something for no reason is a little far fetched as well. So maybe there is something that eventually adds up to nothing, but let the investigation take place just in case if for no other reason than the possible safety of future children in this sitters care. Just in case. Then if the investigation shows nothing, the person reporting should face some consequences of her own. The investigation will go into other children she has set for, if nothing comes out of it, they will close the case.
In the interview (initial) one at the school, my son told them that he takes showers with the babysitter. Also, pictures were taken with no clothes on. She told him not to tell me things, etc. She was calling the little girls next door "evil". So as you can see I'm really confused b/c he tells me no they did not take showers togehter and then I asked him if he was afraid to tell me some things and he said that I would get mad. The sitter fervantly denies taking showers with him. I'm just so confused. My son will deny taking showers too when I ask him.
We have a 2nd interview tomorrow with a forensics investigator and a detective as well as the gentleman from CPS. with the 1st interview there was a possibility this could all be wrapped up, but that was not to be the case from my son's responses. It raised concerns and a report was filed w.the county sheriff dept.
He denied being thrown overhead.
So right now, I am in the process of looking for new babysitters as I have to make a living and I need to do something, I don't know how long all this process will take.
The police detective told me not to talk to her about the case and it's hard to talk to her w/out talking about the case. Until this is cleared, she cannot babysit.
She babysits for multiple families, will they investigate this?
Also, the CPS man said he has consistent things said from all teh children.
I would hate to think my son did not tell the truth during the interview with CPS or he was led into saying Yes to things that did not happen. But a lot of times kids will tell those people things they will not tell mom and dad and he might not even realize it is abuse. Sexual abuse is a lot different than physical abuse, which I am 100% phsyical abuse did not take place.
What happens to people who falsely report?
Do you think it is smart at this point for me to look at other babysitters? I like this babysitter even though at times she has been pushy and manipulative and has gotten angry before and stormed off a multitude of times wondering if she will sit for me again and has threatened in the past to find a new family. She has been there a lot of times for me when I really needed her. But I hate to bring new people into the picture and then throw them out again. It's all so tough to know what to do.
Thanks all for your respones it helps SOOOO much.
We have a 2nd interview tomorrow with a forensics investigator and a detective as well as the gentleman from CPS. with the 1st interview there was a possibility this could all be wrapped up, but that was not to be the case from my son's responses. It raised concerns and a report was filed w.the county sheriff dept.
He denied being thrown overhead.
So right now, I am in the process of looking for new babysitters as I have to make a living and I need to do something, I don't know how long all this process will take.
The police detective told me not to talk to her about the case and it's hard to talk to her w/out talking about the case. Until this is cleared, she cannot babysit.
She babysits for multiple families, will they investigate this?
Also, the CPS man said he has consistent things said from all teh children.
I would hate to think my son did not tell the truth during the interview with CPS or he was led into saying Yes to things that did not happen. But a lot of times kids will tell those people things they will not tell mom and dad and he might not even realize it is abuse. Sexual abuse is a lot different than physical abuse, which I am 100% phsyical abuse did not take place.
What happens to people who falsely report?
Do you think it is smart at this point for me to look at other babysitters? I like this babysitter even though at times she has been pushy and manipulative and has gotten angry before and stormed off a multitude of times wondering if she will sit for me again and has threatened in the past to find a new family. She has been there a lot of times for me when I really needed her. But I hate to bring new people into the picture and then throw them out again. It's all so tough to know what to do.
Thanks all for your respones it helps SOOOO much.
Also, these girls LOVED the babysitter as well. They seemed like they could never get enough of her and were at her house constantly, always banging on the door. The babysitter really wanted more privacy.
I can't really rush anything along, it's in the hands of the authorities. Also, the detective said it could "take some time" esp if it went to trial.
I asked him about going back to the babysitter if this was all proved to not be true and his response (the detective), "we will cross that bridge when we get there".
I asked him about going back to the babysitter if this was all proved to not be true and his response (the detective), "we will cross that bridge when we get there".
http://ritualabuse.us/research/false-allegations-of-child-sexual-abuse-by-children-are-rare/
This is an interesting study. It said children tend to minimize abuse.
The detective said most that go onto this 2nd phase of interview are indicative of abuse, he said it's rare for it not to be true.
This is an interesting study. It said children tend to minimize abuse.
The detective said most that go onto this 2nd phase of interview are indicative of abuse, he said it's rare for it not to be true.
Children do not recognize abuse unless they are being hurt physically. Taking a shower with the sitter may not cause a 6 year old to think anything is wrong with it. But if there are pics the investigaters will find them, they will check the computer if there is one, and talk to other parents who used her services in the past to check for similarities to what the current accusations are. If they are proceding to court, they must have something more than verbal accusations. This is a bad situation, and your child may think if you find out he is taking showers you will be upset, or he is feeling ashamed and doesnt want you to know. Who knows what is really going on, and I do agree that people call cps sometimes just to be vindictive, but looking at the total pic, in this day and age, I would say there is something to go on or it would not have gone as far as it has. Children need protected at any cost, and as much as I feel for the sitter, the safety of the children come first and there is not any other option. Lots of people who have abused children got away with it for a long time without getting caught. I do hope it gets resolved soon.
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You said that his initial answer to the detective was yes about taking showers with her, I would believe this. Detectives have a way of getting it out . In the latest interviews your son said he was confused I would guess that is because of all the change going on ,
his confusion comes from the thoughts of ....Did I do something wrong? Am I going to get the babysitter in trouble? Am I going to get in trouble?.....
As a mother....mother to mother you ONLY job in this world is to protect that child....you have absalutly no oblligation to this womans feelings or acountability to her actions.....you stated that she is munipulative ....when someone shows you who they are BELIVE them. Really!....you only priority right now is your son, it ***** that you have to find a new babysitter but be greatful that this happened before you got a call from the hospital that he was thrown accross the room, please let this be the warning.
Don't worry about the babysiter right now stay focused on what is important right now and that is YOUR son. I strongly recomend you take the advise of the professional, this is what they are trained in, keep taking your son and I pray that their isn't more your son hasn't told.
I know you said you felt bad, it's probably cause your a good person but again your concerns need to be for your son. Once you cut of contact with this babysitter you will be able to look at the situation from a different standpoint and will have better clarity, but please as someone (me) who was abused don't take the allegations lightly there is a reason that the girls told, there always is......I can't tell you what it would have meant to me if my own mother would have made me a priority instead she "chose" to think of my abuser and because he was a repeat offender she didn't want to go to the police becouse he would of went back to prision......um maybe that's where he belonged but no he is free to this day and able to reoffend.
I will be praying for your streanght right now as this must be a terifying ordeal. But be thankful that it isn't any worse. Please do not go back to the sitter or have contact with her you don't want to take a chance with your son, he only has one childhood and the affects of abuse last a lifetime. This happened as a blessing and take it as such and stay away from this woman for good. Just my opinion. Keep posting , and I will be praying for you and your son, you sould like good people and you don't deserve this. Bless