i blew it

[opi]

well the perks were to much for me to have sitting in the house on day 9..........yup i found em and ate one......as i've mentioned i'm not into perks but i ate one....all it did was make me feel guilty....wife counted em before dropping of her pops....busted!...........this is very bad......that 1 perk could be the deal breaker...........the lies oh the lies.....i did admit to it but not right off the hop....
guess i'm back  to day one...i have not made an attempt to get what i like (ox's) i mean hate...so it was stupid to do the perk..guess i was thinkin it would be nice to ease the pain maybe get an hour or 2 of sleep in a row...kinda like a treat for being so strong through this..i shoulda gave myself smartie icecream instead...if i woulda held out i woulda made it to 10 and walked into the councillors office and said hey..day 10 ct by myself head held high,,wife feeling good about my determination... but nope.......feel like a goof now....i aint guna be a slave to it.....now i'm thinking,,,,hey i am cigarettes lil *****...ox's lil *****....and weeds lil *****...
i'm nobody's ***** so tomorrow is a new day and i think i'm tired......i'm seeing this drug pro .i'll deal with that and get on the wagon for everything..(quit smokes after 6 pm)......yikes,,,,wife wont even hang out with me....oh man......10's of thousands on ox's,lies,crime,jail and one lil perk could destroy my relationship......well i guess the other stuff i mentioned to...lol...(very low key lol)....tomorrows another day right?............i shoulda ate the icecream     :(            sorry man...wow my eyes are moist.......that's fuked up

[Missy31]

Don't let it get ya down. You are still in the fight and doing well!

[newgirl2708]

thanks Mike..

[Mikeinthesouth]

newgirl said it all.

[newgirl2708]

Blows we throw our own way, blows we throw our own way...they are the worst.
I'm with allaboutMary....why were they even mentioned or brought up? Where's their responsibility. I told the same thing to tiffany the other day..check the old posts...how come she knew her mother had a script. How come her mother called in a refill in front of her knowing her condition? Too bad your wife didn't put a bow on the bottle for you...
Don't get me wrong, YOU did this, they just opened the door for you...it's all good. Best part is, like GTMI, tomorrow you get a new start, one pill doesn't end it. Like a french fry to someone on a diet. One fry does not a pound make.
God Bless Ya...

[Mikeinthesouth]

I think I would not sweat it I would be scared but don't give up.

[Mikeinthesouth]

Percs are oxycodone as is oxycontin one is time release one instant release. Just gotta do a alot more percs if your getting the oxys to instant release.

[LONESOME]

SIT YOU WIFE DOWN IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER AND WRITE TO US HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BIT THIS ADDICTION AND HOW SORRY YOU ARE ABOUT THE DAWM PILL AND THAT YOU DIDN'T MEAN FOR ALL THIS TO HAPPEN AND TELL HER THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND THAT YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST AND YOU ARE DOING GREAT AND THAT YOU LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE IS BEEING THERE FOR YOU AND THAT YOU NEED HER IN YOUR LIFE TO SEE YOU 30,60,300 1000 DAY CLEAN AND YOU DONT WANT HER TO MISSED THAT CAUSE IS GOING TO BE HAPPENING TELL HER ANDRE, FAST LOVE YOU

[feohmoon]

You are not back at square one.  I realize this was a stumbling point for you...but treat it as a stepping stone.  The fact that you are remorseful is what matters the most.  Many people have bumps in the road to recovery, otherwise it wouldn't be a challenge.  It is easier to step up to the plate everyday just knowing that you have the support of those on the forum...we are all lucky to be here and each day is a blessing.
Do not continue to beat yourself up...focus on the good, think about the positive changes that are foing to take place in your life...visualize the prize.
Best of luck man....keep posting.  We are sending some positive energy your way.
Peace

[GoingToMakeIt]

Tomorrow, tell us all of your success  Show this drug who is boss.

[worried878]

Andre,,,,what a nice name.....you are right...tomorrow is another day....and do not feel bad about negative posts...it is that was sometimes and I have posted my fair share of doomer posts...if we acted like this crud was all hunky dory all the time....geez....we would all know we were lying thru our teeth!   We have all been lying and manipulating for a long time...post how you really feel...that is how it is supposed to be

[opi]

the perks came into the house because wife picked up her dad then his script then came here and i bbq'd some burgs and drove him home....i snuck one during this..they are gone with pops....phew.......i waited in the car knowing they were getting in with a bottle of em..i was going to tell wife that we need to drop off perks then bbq but did not want to mention anything in front of her pops or to her and show the weakness....my back started sweating as i sat in the car  waiting for them...wife and pa,,,not the perks..lol
i knew what i shoulda done but again my pride or is it being discovered...are they the same?dono anyway...after everything that has gone down lately wtf am i thinkin bout pride or being discovered....i'm way outa the closet..i know what needs to be done,,just gota step up no matter how it looks.........i've always said perks are for pussies(sorry if it ur drug).......go large or go home.....i'm guna stay home....i'll be ok....minor hickup...cept the very enraged woman who must be obeyed.........  i've always carried myself with a certain amount of pride ,dress style and stuff so it is tough for me to admit shyt or discuss stuff that makes me look bad....    i'm andre *** damnit!......peace

[allaboutmary]

Sorry opi but I don't think those perc's should have been allowed in the house to begin with. It's too soon for you to be exsposed to it. Does your wife understand that if it is around the chances of you doing it are really great right now.  But whats' done is done. Like everyone says pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Hang in there.  

[Will390]

Einstein said: "A problem cannot be solved on the same level it was created". With that in mind, don't put too high of expectations on yourself. It took a long time to get addicted to the level you are and you shouldn't expect to kick it instantly. Your heart is in it. Day one - start again, and just go one day at a time. I promise you that by day 14 you will scratch the surface of beginning to feel normal again and the cravings won't be so bad. You should be almost there anyway. One perc is a slip but it's not like you took an Oxy... Oxy's are mountain gorillas to percs being spider monkeys...

[road2recovery]

doing dishes is a great idea...lol but not sure if that will help, although i hope it does...If i were you i would get the percs out of the house..
can't you flush them???
Tommorrow is a new day, so hang in there, and don't beat yourself up to much...
But if you take another we might have to kick your butt!!!
stay strong
r2r

[cathy5841]

opi, dont let this get you down.  beating yourself up is not productive.  you learned a valuable lesson.  dust off and move forward.  you can do this,  it is not easy but it can be done.  we are here.  you posted that says you really want to stay clean....move on.

cathy

[opi]

thx and sorry for being a downer..........on a more possitive note tomorrow is another day and it's not like im on my 7th ox 80 with more to come before bed right?...fookin eh....
and between you  guys and me the perk did make me feel better than icecream would have....lol....joke....well it was good til i got busted..the guilt was managable...been dealing with that for years...uh oh..i swear i hear my woman packing upstairs though..i hope she is putting laundry or something away...DOH!..
.....i'll have to turn on the charm here and fix this...well maybe i'll wait til morning....i'll go do this dishes right now and show some motivation(butt kiss).....any women have any advice,,,,lol,,,help,,,........................ps......my name's andre and i am an addict...peace

[GoingToMakeIt]

I like what beentrying2quit said. You are the one that controls it. Use this as a learning tool.
It is good that you posted this.

[newmanagment]

i agree with worried bro.. you are strong enoughto come on here and be honest, you are strong enough to not let it set you back. keep ya chin up, i can tell by your post ya aint no *****, so lets put them fist back up and fight this sh*t. you can continue bro. ,and shell want to hang again when ya clean. ... alll that stuff comes AFTER you are clean. her, the job, clean friends, all that , but first ya gotta stay focused and whup this sh*t.. much love bro....

[beentrying2quit]

Your stronger than this bro....pick yourself up and get back after it.  YOU CONTROL IT...it does not control you.  

[GoingToMakeIt]

That's too bad. Get up, start over, say no next time.

[worried878]

I feel your pain opi....Now is not the time to give up...back on track tomorrow...tomorrow is another day...1 pill does not ruin everything you have done so far...let it go and keep moving forward...keep posting