Addicted to vicodin the norco kind and need help

[Mark42190]

I am a 21 year old male college student, who made the mistake of trying one of my mother's pain killers.  I have been off and on vicodin for about a year now.  I don't have a perscription and I have been taking the pills from my mom, which makes me feel like a horrible person, but I know that's addiction.  I have withdrawaled many of times over the year because I can't take a lot because they are my mom's pills.  Everytime I have withdrawaled I always go to this site because it shows me that there are people who  care, which is what I really need right now.  My mom did catch me about 2 months ago and I spilled my guts to her about everything and she was mad because she is probably addicted as well from what I have seen.  But both my parents showed me the greatest support a person could ask for.  However, I only stayed sober for 16 days and went right back to it.  And this time my parents don't know and I am scared that they would find out I have been taking my mom's pills again.  Im sorry for writing so much but I have been taking between 2-6 pills of 10mg of norco as like I said before on and off.  This time I kind of went on a binge and took a bunch for like 3 weeks.  To get to my point lol i want to stop for good I am young and can't be dealing with this addiction anymore.  I feel like a horrible son for stealing my mom's pills even though she forgave me.  But then after she forgave me I stayed sober for 16 days and went right back to stealing her pills again.  I know this withdrawal is gonna suck just like all the other withdrawals I have been through lol.  I just want to talk to the people on here to give me pointers on how to stay clean instead of relasping over and over.  I believe in Jesus Christ and know that he is with me always and will help guide me past this addiction, but I want other addicts to tell me that I can be clean forever and that I can do it.  All the people who have posted on this website I want to thank because even though the withdrawal I am goinng through is probably not as bad as some of my others, but the first couple times I withdrawaled this site saved my life from kiling myself, because the withdrawals were so bad.  I am currently 24 hours without a pill and the pain has definitly has kicked in.  You guys are great even though I have never posted here before, from the hundreds of comments I have read, it makes me happy that there are people out there that are trying to help other addicts and i hope you guys can help me even more by giving me support.  Please someone write back lol

[pharma9]

I dont know why I read these things but somehow I do....You have absolutely no chose but to hang in and quit/.
Everything in your life depends on it
If you passed your exams you are capable of doing this but it takes everything you have in you to accomplish this
You can do anything you set your mind to do as you have done and this will be done
Life is a constant battle and you will overcome this
You will treat this like a battle that you will not lose and you have the ability to do it.
Arm yourself with the nutrients and amino acids to fight this battle and you will do it
Whenever I get the urge for a "hit" I take as b12 or at vit c and at helps
\Take ibuprofen and or acetaminophen in recommended doses for rebound pain.
Hang in there and with determination and strength you will make it
I did and I work with drugs every day

[jenrose569]

I have been taking 60 mg per day vicodin for 3 years. I'm a single mother with children and a job. I've cut down to 25 mg. per day, I have about 10 mg left today, no more. I used to be addicted to meth. Ended up in prison, I started meth during high school but never finished, maintained until I was about 27 then became homeless. After prison I went to rehab, got out, finished high school, then college, then went to a grad school which I don't want to divulge because in my profession I would lose my license if it were discovered that I have been using vicodin. I was clean for 7 years before a boyfriend began giving me vicodin. I'm not blaming him, I knew it was a bad idea but did it anyway. Now I'm in a mess, I have children to support and can't not go to work. I haven't been without vicodin for almost 3 years now and I am terrified. Even from cutting down I have restless legs, pain, constant diarrhea, and can't sleep. Terrible sweating. I've been maintaining, going to work, caring for my children and doing the best I can. A lot of crying when they are asleep.

I am so scared. Tomorrow I will have none. I do have about 6 10mg valium that I bought from the same dealer who usually gives me the vics. I can't miss work Monday. I'm terrified. I can't continue with this, though. Eventually I will lose my children and end up in prison again, and lose the life I worked so hard for... 4 years of college, 3 years of grad school, and one of the hardest exams in the world in order to get the actual license. I love my children. I'm so scared, can anyone help me? Am I taking so little that it won't be as bad as I think? I only weigh a hundred pounds so even this little is probably more for me than it would be for many people.

The kicking legs and sweating, all night and all day, are the worst. Last night I took 10 mg at bed so I could rest a bit, finally, but tomorrow it will be none. I can't confide in anyone because everyone knows my history and they would immediately write me off. I know relapse is part of recovery but I am so ashamed. I never needed the vicodin, I only needed it to help me get through the stress of school, work, and children all alone.

Please help, someone.

[pharma9]

Mark...I can't let this go....You have to stop and you can.The fact that you get them from your Mom does not mean it will not get out of control.
You have to stop and now.
Ask your god to help you.
You do not need them
You have paxil to help with your other problems and rely on that.
If it is not enough get help from your doctor but do not take any more of Mom's meds because you do not really need them.
You have a whole life ahead of you and you do not need opiates in it.
Make up your mind that you will overcome this addiction and you will
Keep posting and wee will help you and pray to god to help you.
You are young and have a life ahead of you
Please please try and get your life in order with your god

[Mark42190]

Thank you Debbie and pharma9 and I am serious about quitting I have tried over and over again and I know I am an addict, but I feel like I can't get help because of what my friends would think and my mom knows everyone at my church so I can't really talk to anyone there.  I know I should get help but I have had major anxiety my whole life and I am on paxil but thats another horrible story for another time lol.  I know I am not taking a ton but it can spirial out of control and the good thing is is that I can only get them from my mom so it limits the amount I can take and I would never go on the street or do fake scripts for them.  I know it could happen but I am not gonna let it happen, but you guys are right that I do have to just nip it in the bud cause I am so sick of these withdrawals happening over and over again.  I do have vitamins and melatonin and most of the stuff for the thomas recipe.   I know i can get through the withdrawals it's just the day or two after they stop I think in my head or others who call them demons telling me that I can take some because the withdrawal is over, but once I take them I go right back to taking a bunch.  But it is mental and I gotta just keep faith in the lord that he will help me get over this. Thanks for the comments.

[atthebeach]

hello mark and welcome to mh. i am so glad you have posted and are looking for support as your start on the road to recovery. you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. it is so important that you have acknowledged that you have an addiction and want to nip it in the bud before you spin out of control for years to come. you dont want to look back in 10 or 20 years and wished that you had done something about it much earlier.
you belief in the LORD will help you be a recovering addict and not an active one. you will need to seek counseling from a pastor to give you the support,encouragment and prayers that will help you succeed. you can also check into a 12 step christian based program,here are just a few, salvation army, celebrate recovery,overcomers outreach.
your last pill was 24 hrs. ago. you can do this and you will do it. believe,trust,hope and pray. the LORD is with you. do you have the things you need to help  keep you comfortable?  take hot baths with epsom salt,drink gatorade,vitamin water, you can take motrin 800mgs for pain, eat bananas, if your legs are restless. also immodium for the stomach issues. please keep posting so we can encourage you on your road to recovery
sending hugs and prayers
debbie

[pharma9]

Mark.. you have to stop now before things get worse.
You have to graduate and get your education and nothing good will happen if you take opiates.
You already know how addicting they are and you must dig in your heels and treat this like a battle that you will not lose.
Arm yourself with the vitamins and nutrients that will give you strength to fight this enormous battle and fight it with all your might.
You have to make up your mind that you want a clean life more than the drugs and keep fighting.
I found that taking b12 and or vitamin c instead of a pill helps.
For rebound pain take ibuprofen and /or acetaminophen in recommended doses.
For sleep take melatonin or nyquil without the decongestant for a while.
Take the vitamins and nutrients suggested in the Thomas recipe.
Take this battle seriously and you will succeed because we can all do whatever we want if our mind is made up
You must do this now before it gets worse.