Am I addicted?

[opiohelp82]

New here, I have a complicated question and anyone out there with info about this would be greatly appreciated! I have been taking OCs for about 6 months now. Never have taken opiods before that. I started out at a pretty high dose for an intolerant person (30mg/day) and ONLY 6 months later, I was up to 300mg!!!! Anyway, I have never tried to quit until about 2 weeks ago. It was so easy to get these meds as I have a friend who gets a 90 script a month and only takes 2 or 3 (80mg pills)! He would just give me what he had left over and I would self-medicate for my back problems (My back problems are another story in itself). I have had flat feet my entire life and it had started to affect my back when I was 15 & 16. When I would go see the Dr, he would just tell me that I was fine and give me flexeril and Skelaxin to help with muscle issues. Each Dr. I've been to has treated me the same way saying it is all muscle related when I know I am in so much pain and those muscle relaxers don't help. I've even been transferred to a chiropractor to see if that helped. It felt soooooo good when he would first crack my back, but as soon as I bent down to get into the car, It would go back to the same excrutiating pain! After a year of that, I figured out that it would never work and that no Dr. would ever help me live a normal life. So, 6 months ago I had a tooth worked on and the Dr. gave me Lortab to help with the pain. I took them and realized that It helped not only my tooth pain, but to an extent, my back pain as well. So I remembered my friend that was taking OC's and how he had offered them to me one day when I could barely walk, but I never accepted before because I was scared of them. So I went to his house and he gave me about 2 months worth of his (almost 180 OC's!) and I started taking how much ever it took to keep me going for that day. Needless to say, It did not take me long to build up a tolerance as I was taking them not only for pain, but also because they made me feel good and I could really interact with people better. Here 6 months later, I began to realize that I had to come off of these NOW! before it became any worse. I tried tapering (that was a joke), I tried CT and went into the worst withdraws ever. So I decided to see about getting suboxone to help until I could comfortably come down. Well, about a week ago, I got my suboxone and waited 15 hours before taking it. I was very uncomfortable after those 15 hours, but I was able to take the suboxone with no problems. So I was doing good for like 4 days when all of a sudden, I felt like I just had to take an OC, so I did. The suboxone blocked most of the effects, but I did get a little buzz. I waited till the next morning (yesterday morning) and took another one (80mg) and felt way better this time. I took another 1/2 at around 3pm (yesterday) and then last night at 9pm, i took 4, 10mg norco's and was going to wait until this morning until I was in much discomfort before going back on the suboxone. Here is the problem, at this moment, 15 hours later, I still feel great and am not going through any w/d's!?!? I don't understand? In the past, I always start to feel uncomfortable around 6 hours after I take the OC's and in pretty bad withdraws after 10-12 hours, and here it is 15 hours after I have taken the norco's and I have 0 w/d symptoms? Maybe I wasn't addicted after all? or maybe I should just wait a little longer? Either way, I am not going to take the suboxone until I feel pretty sick. WOW this turned out to be a way longer post than I expected. Sorry for explaining everything, but I just felt like maybe any info would be helpful for people to give me advice in any area. Thanks for listening! By the way, for the last 2 months I have been snorting these after I found online that it works faster and stronger- just in case anyone needs this info to give advice.

[opiohelp82]

Oh that makes sense! the suboxone is still in my system! I can't believe I didn't think of that! Thanks for all the help guys. This is my third attempt at quitting. First time I tried to taper.... Failed. Second time tried to CT.....Failed. This time I decided to seek help and I failed two days ago, but I am not giving up! Believe me, I have tried to think of every possible way that I could get my hands on OCs and have removed those methods. I can honestly say that I don't believe that I could go back now even if I wanted to. Thanks for all the quick replies!

[chronicmistake]

Hun, No body here is trying to attack you or be rude,  Sometimes it is just tough love!!  Yes, we all mess up and it is about not over thinking things and just doing what you need to do to get clean.  If it were not for certain people on this forum (I won't mention names, but you know who you are)  I would never have jumped ship and got clean.  Keep us posted and do not over complicate things by over thinking things.  It is what it is!!!  

[dominosarah]

You probably havent felt the wd's yet due to Subs long half life.  

Yes many of us have made mistakes and learned from them.  Sounds like you have done the same.  Continue on your path of recovery.  Keep us posted on how you are doing.     sara

[Frivolousz21]

Most of the people here or anyone with addiction have failed more times then you have...:)

If this is your first time...try hard.

if not..don't feel bad....99 percent of people fail the first time.

your doing great.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Getting defensive is a sure sign of addiction. We are commenting on things as we see it. Remember, we have been there, done that. No one here is trying to make you feel bad.
From what I read, you need to be more honest about your behavior and inner attitude about addiction. You last response, is case in point.

You are not experiencing withdrawals because the sub is probably still in your system.

[opiohelp82]

Ok, maybe people aren't reading my full posts or something? I KNOW I MADE A MISTAKE! I HAVE FIXED IT AND MOVED ON ALREADY! I'm ready to do this the right way. I'm just wondering why I have not went into any kind of withdraws yet now 16 hours after? This is definitely not normal for me. Anyone else experience this? I have removed the OXYs and NORCOs from my life completely and have no possible way of turning back at this point. I can only go forward. I made a mistake, but so have so many others who have overcome this. I am simply asking why I have not had withdraws yet?