Can I find quality of life after opiate addiction? I just want to be "normal" again plz...

[Luckygirl05]

Hi everyone of my fellow opiate strugglers,
  My husband and I both have become addicts to any kind of narcotic painkillers that we can get ahold of... Sad to say that it all started with me and my rx's. I was given several prescriptions over the years for vicodin or perc's. I used to be able to take just one 5/500 vic and it would mess me up for a few hours... Now I can take 6 of them at a time and I literally feel nothing but nauseous from all the Tylenol in them. I secretly had a rx for them about 5 years ago when we had me and I would take them just when I had them and no more than 1-2 a day. No big deal, right? Well as time went on I realized that I needed more, and did some things to get more from doctors. My husband asked me what they were like and why everyone was taking them and so I gave him a few to try... HUGE mistake! We casually took them just when I had them for about 6 months until I got scheduled for some cosmetic surgery that they gave me 90 perk's for 2 weeks on advance and then got more.  By the time my surgery went down my husband and I had taken all of my pain pills and I had to deal with augmentation (under the muscle) with nothing more than advil... It was pure painful hell to say the least. That was in October 2008' and things have spiraled out of control... I had a child in June 06' adding to my already 4 1/2 year old boy at the time and let's just say he was the hardest child ever to raise, still is but I love him. I thought that if I took pills then I could clean my house, take great care of my boys, get tons of energy, cook large meals for my family, basically be super mom and super wife... Now without them I can't even muster up enough energy to get out of bed and I am SO depressed that life just isn't worth living without them. I, my husband and I actually, have a HUGE problem here and I so need some support /advice! Things have gotten so bad that I was stealing 60/month from a man that I was care giving for... Not that he even needed them. I convinced the VA that he was in pain so I could feed the monkey on my back. Then I get the 30/7.5/750 vic ES from one of my dr's, 52 every 2 weeks of the Norco 5/325 (104 month) and my husband gets 30 5/500 vic every 2-3 weeks from his dr. I get Tramadol in between lately just because I had to go tell one of my dr's that I thought I may have a mild issue w/ opiates... My withdrawals were SO severe OMG... I really thought I was going to die. Oh and the best part is that if that wasn't enough drugs we are also have recently been spending over $1,000/month. This is so scary to even write this down. I guess it's time to come clean to somebody and if you are reading this then you're it:) I am frightened for my life right now... My addiction is much worse than my husbands even. He weighs about 220 and I am about 120 yet I can tollerate so many more than him. I am taking around 10-25 of whatever I have at the time to take. Last Sun. I took 7 10/325 Norcos then followed that up w/ 24 5/500 vics 'in one day. I basically took way too much tylenol and I have been vomiting since then. Sat-present I haven't though so I hope the worst part of that is over now. I have about 20 vic, 2 perk and appx 5 methadone at my disposal right now but my rx's are due next week... I want to GET OFF THIS S**T!!! Please please help me! I don't know how to live without it now... I started on Celexa (anti depressant) and Xanax (anti- anxiety) back in Feb. because I thought if I could deal with my severe depression then I could finally break this cycle but I am still depressed- now with or without the pills. The xanax helps me sleep at night because I can barely cope with all the racing thoughts that pour through my brain when I lay in bed at night. I feel so much guilt for being a mom like this. I know that my 8 year old has caught on and I finally had a talk with him about it because he wanted to know why I always go to the pharmacy and why when I dont I get really "sick"... It was a horrible talk for me. My own mom is in prision for events that have occured due to her drug/alcohol addiction that started when I was just 3. I love my kids and family and I know that I am living a lie. No one would ever suspect that my husband and I are addicts and we have to keep it that way! This is the only forum I have read or posted to because I feel like I have to share this with someone... I am really just hoping someone can tell me that my energy will return and eventually I will be able to get out of bed in the morning without wanting to cry my eyes out without the pills. I can't even take my kids to the park unless I am high, this is pathetic. How did I do this to myself and my family?: I swore I would never be like my mom and now unless I make huge changes I will be. I am a good mom and most wouldn't know I have to be high to even take a shower and put clothes on in the morning but it's all true... It's so hard trying to quit too since my husband and I are never on the same page and wanna quit at the same time... My time is now though. I want to use the few m I have to help me get off the V= trust me, it does help a lot w wd's! I am ready to do this but please tell me how long until I am ok??? I just need anything positive that says that I am going to make it and live a clean and sober life for my family,,, Thanks for reading my rant and rave and any advise is so appreciated:) God bless, C

[ladyinleppard]

I know its been years for these posts but I really hope your in recovery all of you and I would love to hear success stories and hear how you got through it.God bless you all

[gnarly_1]

HI  I realy hate to see people so hopeless with drug addiction  it dosent have to be this way  after 35 yrs as an addict on and off I finely found solitude in the rooms of N/A....it is time for you to start living your life again and you can as I have by going to meetings treating your addictin and I found after much trial and error  this works if you work it  please take time to check it out  meanwil keep posting for support .......Gnarly

[Baydesmommy]

Hi,
I just want to start of by saying that everything everyone is saying is pretty much the same thing I went through for 2 years I'm a young mother of two! Today I am 21 days into being clean off of norcos I was up to 11 a day not all at once in the am I would take 4 and the rest through out the day it took about a week to go threw WD which was the worse week of my life today at 3 weeks clean I feel better but i still have 0 energy everyone keeps telling me I will get it back and I keep fighting but at the same time I think to myself is this ever going to end and its hard knowing that all I have to do to get that energy is just take a couple but honestly it's not worth it cause of the WD I went threw to get to here so I guess my ? Is when will I get my natural energy back cause I'm tired of this!

[selfinduced]

Hey Lizzy, You may want to start a new thread as this is a bit old and may get overlooked. Good luck......keep posting.

[selfinduced]

Oh Dear, I could have written this post. Chin up. Your in the acute phase of w/d and all your emotions are running wild. Is there someone you can confide in to help you shoulder the burden? Were you getting your pills from a Dr. that you could talk to about giving you meds to soften things? This is not hopeless and you'll get thru. Are you taking supplements? Tell us what your symptoms are and how much of what you were taking and others will chime in with help. Your not alone. Just don't use, you'll only prolong this pain.

[Lizzzylou]

I am actually now starting the painful process of withdrawal! I hate myself! I hate my life the way it is right now! I feel like crap and don't have the energy to do anything nor the desire ! The even bigger pro Len is that NO ONE know! I am living this hell by myself! I don't want anyone to know! I am too ashamed and embarrassed to admit what I am!!!!  I am not sure I'm strong enough to do this because the real truth is that if I had a pain pull right now I would have taken it with out a second thought !