Aa
Can't take another night of anxiety riddled insomnia.
I can't ******* take it anymore people. I thought I'd be in West Palm by now but nothing has happened. I'm in tears every night, I'm shaking, I'm angry, I'm slowly losing control of my depression. I just want to be ******* happy. Why can't I just be ******* happy? WHY CAN'T I JUST ******* SLEEP ONE GOD DAMN NIGHT?! I'm so over this ****. I just want to live a normal ******* life like everyone else in my family gets to. I've been clean for almost 3 years. 100% clean with no relapses and my life is worse now than it was then. I'm done trying to pretend it could be better. I'll never be happy. That's it. ****.
This is a post I made not long ago for someone else who was struggling to sleep. I have been an insomniac for most of my adult life, so I know how awful it is. Hopefully this will help you. People don't realize how just making some simple changes can help so much. Often times, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to creating a sleep friendly environment and a solid sleep routine.
Insomnia is one of the most commonly reported symptoms of detox/withdrawal, and probably one of the more irritating. Sleep affects our mood, energy levels, concentration, everything.
While it is frustrating, some of the best advice I've seen is to try to allow the sleep to come back as naturally as possible, which is best for the long run. If you're going to try anything, I agree that a more natural supplement would be the best choice. I would personally not advise taking a prescribed insomnia med, for a few reasons...one, because obviously there are some risks involved. These are some very potent medications, and everyone reacts differently to them. The biggest reason is because, depending on how long you would take one of these meds, you will have to deal with rebound insomnia when you stop taking them. The rebound insomnia is often bad enough that it makes the initial insomnia look like a walk in the park. Insomnia meds should be limited to the shortest course possible, to avoid dependency, and the rebound insomnia issues.
That being said, I am a professional insomniac. ;-) I have struggled with my sleep for YEARS, not due to addiction, but due to many other factors (anxiety, depression, shift work). While I don't always get the best night sleep...I've learned some tricks of the trade that sincerely do help. Before turning to potent meds, I would advise you to exhaust all other methods, including the more natural or OTC remedies (which, you should also limit as much as possible, because rebound insomnia will occur with those too, after enough regular use).
Here are some tips to help with your sleep:
1. Avoid any and all stimulants (caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, etc) as much as possible, especially within 4+ hours of bedtime.
2. Exercise is a great way to induce sleep, as it releases natural endorphins. Even a brisk evening walk will help. Your exercise should be an hour or more before your bedtime..you don't want to exercise right before bed.
3. Try to avoid eating a heavy meal close to bedtime. If you're hungry, stick to a light snack an hour or more before bed. Avoid ALL fluids 3 (or more if you can) hours before bed. Nothing worse than finally getting to bed and have mother nature wake you up!
4. Stick to a consistent bedtime and a consistent bedtime routine. Even on days when you don't FEEL tired at your bedtime, try to stick to your routine...that conditions your body and brain. Pick a reasonable time. If you work 3-11:30 and get home at 12, a reasonable time isn't 12:30, as you would need time to unwind after getting home.
5. Create an environment conducive to sleep and relaxation. Your bedroom and bed should be an inviting place that you look forward to retiring to. Keep the room clean and clutter free, keep dust levels down. Keep your bedding washed with clean or fresh smelling scents. Choose comfy, non-binding clean smelling PJs. ALL of our 5 senses affect our mood, and also our sleep. If you have a quiet room, but your sheets smell like feet (lol), that won't be very relaxing. Keep the room DARK. Keep weather in mind. In the summer, you would only need a light sheet or blanket, in the winter, heavier blankets are necessary to keep you comfy. Again, back to the senses...if you create a bed that keeps you too hot or too cold, that will interfere with your sleep. Keep a glass or bottle of water at your bedside, in case you awaken with that dry mouth and need for a drink. This way you don't have to get out of bed to get something to drink. Light soothing music or white noise machines for LOW (not blaring) background noise can be helpful. Try to avoid using TV as a background noise, as our brains are still working while asleep, and the things you hear from the TV could affect your anxiety levels and even dreams. Basically, sleeping with sounds of "The Chainsaw Massacre" in the background won't lead to happy thoughts. ;0) A warm bath or shower is great before bed...dry your hair. Never go to bed with wet hair. NOT comfy!
6. Ignore the urge to get out of bed. Even when you're feeling frustrated, try to remain in bed, reposition yourself, adjust your sheets, read a book if you are not falling asleep, but the more up and down you do, the harder it is to get and stay asleep it is. The same goes for nighttime awakening. If you DO fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night, ignore the urge to get out of bed...again, reposition yourself, adjust the sheets, and try to go back to sleep. When you get up out of bed, you're waking yourself more. If you stay lying in bed, you are not as awake. If nature calls...go to the BR, and get right back to bed..no snacking, no smoke breaks (I'm bad at this...lol). Those things are murder for sleep. Get up...go potty, right back to bed.
7. When you DO manage to finally start on a consistent routine, you'll find things that help and hurt your sleep. Take note of them and adjust your regimen as needed. Sleep patterns will change, and life happens, so sometimes, adjustments need to be made. Consistency is TRULY the key..I cannot stress that enough.
8. Listen to your body. For a while, while your sleep is lousy, you will feel tired at odd times of the day. Your body is telling you it needs rest, so heed the wanring...take a nap. Lie down on the sofa, and catch a 1 hour (or less) nap. Don't nap for hours at a time, that will interfere with your nighttime sleep. An hour is the perfect amount of time for a refresher. Also, don't nap in bed. Once you're conditioned, your bed should be for nighttime sleeping only.
Hope these tips help some...I know these are the things I do that help me get some decent sleep. It's not always foolproof, but it works pretty well. Please be patient for a while too...your body is getting back to normal, and that takes some time. If you are going days without any sleep, definitely see your doctor. Sleep depivation is a whole other ballgame, it can be dangerous.
Best to you...sweet dreams!
Insomnia is one of the most commonly reported symptoms of detox/withdrawal, and probably one of the more irritating. Sleep affects our mood, energy levels, concentration, everything.
While it is frustrating, some of the best advice I've seen is to try to allow the sleep to come back as naturally as possible, which is best for the long run. If you're going to try anything, I agree that a more natural supplement would be the best choice. I would personally not advise taking a prescribed insomnia med, for a few reasons...one, because obviously there are some risks involved. These are some very potent medications, and everyone reacts differently to them. The biggest reason is because, depending on how long you would take one of these meds, you will have to deal with rebound insomnia when you stop taking them. The rebound insomnia is often bad enough that it makes the initial insomnia look like a walk in the park. Insomnia meds should be limited to the shortest course possible, to avoid dependency, and the rebound insomnia issues.
That being said, I am a professional insomniac. ;-) I have struggled with my sleep for YEARS, not due to addiction, but due to many other factors (anxiety, depression, shift work). While I don't always get the best night sleep...I've learned some tricks of the trade that sincerely do help. Before turning to potent meds, I would advise you to exhaust all other methods, including the more natural or OTC remedies (which, you should also limit as much as possible, because rebound insomnia will occur with those too, after enough regular use).
Here are some tips to help with your sleep:
1. Avoid any and all stimulants (caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, etc) as much as possible, especially within 4+ hours of bedtime.
2. Exercise is a great way to induce sleep, as it releases natural endorphins. Even a brisk evening walk will help. Your exercise should be an hour or more before your bedtime..you don't want to exercise right before bed.
3. Try to avoid eating a heavy meal close to bedtime. If you're hungry, stick to a light snack an hour or more before bed. Avoid ALL fluids 3 (or more if you can) hours before bed. Nothing worse than finally getting to bed and have mother nature wake you up!
4. Stick to a consistent bedtime and a consistent bedtime routine. Even on days when you don't FEEL tired at your bedtime, try to stick to your routine...that conditions your body and brain. Pick a reasonable time. If you work 3-11:30 and get home at 12, a reasonable time isn't 12:30, as you would need time to unwind after getting home.
5. Create an environment conducive to sleep and relaxation. Your bedroom and bed should be an inviting place that you look forward to retiring to. Keep the room clean and clutter free, keep dust levels down. Keep your bedding washed with clean or fresh smelling scents. Choose comfy, non-binding clean smelling PJs. ALL of our 5 senses affect our mood, and also our sleep. If you have a quiet room, but your sheets smell like feet (lol), that won't be very relaxing. Keep the room DARK. Keep weather in mind. In the summer, you would only need a light sheet or blanket, in the winter, heavier blankets are necessary to keep you comfy. Again, back to the senses...if you create a bed that keeps you too hot or too cold, that will interfere with your sleep. Keep a glass or bottle of water at your bedside, in case you awaken with that dry mouth and need for a drink. This way you don't have to get out of bed to get something to drink. Light soothing music or white noise machines for LOW (not blaring) background noise can be helpful. Try to avoid using TV as a background noise, as our brains are still working while asleep, and the things you hear from the TV could affect your anxiety levels and even dreams. Basically, sleeping with sounds of "The Chainsaw Massacre" in the background won't lead to happy thoughts. ;0) A warm bath or shower is great before bed...dry your hair. Never go to bed with wet hair. NOT comfy!
6. Ignore the urge to get out of bed. Even when you're feeling frustrated, try to remain in bed, reposition yourself, adjust your sheets, read a book if you are not falling asleep, but the more up and down you do, the harder it is to get and stay asleep it is. The same goes for nighttime awakening. If you DO fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night, ignore the urge to get out of bed...again, reposition yourself, adjust the sheets, and try to go back to sleep. When you get up out of bed, you're waking yourself more. If you stay lying in bed, you are not as awake. If nature calls...go to the BR, and get right back to bed..no snacking, no smoke breaks (I'm bad at this...lol). Those things are murder for sleep. Get up...go potty, right back to bed.
7. When you DO manage to finally start on a consistent routine, you'll find things that help and hurt your sleep. Take note of them and adjust your regimen as needed. Sleep patterns will change, and life happens, so sometimes, adjustments need to be made. Consistency is TRULY the key..I cannot stress that enough.
8. Listen to your body. For a while, while your sleep is lousy, you will feel tired at odd times of the day. Your body is telling you it needs rest, so heed the wanring...take a nap. Lie down on the sofa, and catch a 1 hour (or less) nap. Don't nap for hours at a time, that will interfere with your nighttime sleep. An hour is the perfect amount of time for a refresher. Also, don't nap in bed. Once you're conditioned, your bed should be for nighttime sleeping only.
Hope these tips help some...I know these are the things I do that help me get some decent sleep. It's not always foolproof, but it works pretty well. Please be patient for a while too...your body is getting back to normal, and that takes some time. If you are going days without any sleep, definitely see your doctor. Sleep depivation is a whole other ballgame, it can be dangerous.
Best to you...sweet dreams!
Are you taking B Complex with your B12? Taking only one of the B's will also cause an imbalance. B1 (Thiamine) is needed for your nervous system. Magnesium for calm. As the saying goes "Cool as a cucumber". That's because it's loaded with magesium, so are bananas. Natural foods have the right balance of all minerals & vitamins. The brain can't switch off if's not saturated with calcium and so on. Have you tried seeing a Naturopath? You certainly aren't well, and you definitely sound miserable! So you're an atheist. I don't believe in religion, but I do believe in something and that something is giving me peace, a clear conscience and joy in living.I believe I'm being healed, therefore I am. Some miraculous things many miraculous things, have happened that I nor the doctors, can find an explanation for. They've seen miracles with persons who have a strong belief in God, a Higher Power, something bigger than us, and have been healed. I have a few serious physical conditions, sleeplessness was one of them. Took meds for it, became addicted, they stopped working and higher dosages was not an option. It sounds to me like your body clock is out of whack. Melatonin can correct this. You certainly need to see a sleep specialist to take tests. Your mind can't think straight when you're not sleeping when it's dark. If it's anxiety keeping you awake, perhaps counseling, just someone to talk to, can get to the bottom of it. I'm so calm, and happy these days. 2 months ago I was a nervous wreck. Doctors and psychs couldn't find the answer. I found it by believing with all my heart & soul, that I would overcome so much that's been going on in my life, not just recently, but since childhood. I am also being healed, when I've been told by doctors & specialists,that nothing can be done! You might scoff, but who' the miserable one here? May you find some answers soon!
I'm wishing you well! Peace be with you dear!
I'm wishing you well! Peace be with you dear!
Have to chime in here. I watched a documentary a few weeks back on brain development and depression/addiction.
Seems as if a person had a traumatic very young years age 0-3 ,especially if they were neglected , they are pre-disposed to becoming addicts. The reason stated is that apparently if a young child goes through a 'lack of love', which could mean parents divorcing, parents not cuddling them and holding them, or given away, that there is a part of the brain that is under-developed-and that part of the brain is responsible for endorphin production, so if it's not producing the 'normal' amount of endorphins, the individual is prone to depression and most are undiagnosed and self-medicate with drugs and alcohol later in life, and are especially Pre-disposed to Opiate addiction.
When I watched this documentary, it BLEW me away, because I told myself "that is me!!!".
My mom had me out of wedlock( Dad was American GI who left her and went back to the states when she was 6 mos pregnant with me). After she had me, she was depressed for a few years I remember my grandma raising me, since my mom lived in my Grandmas house. I also remember when I was 4 yeas old, wallking down the road to go see my mom(she had gotten an apt. a few blocks away) , and when I got there, she was mad and told me to go back to grandmas. At that moment, her boyfriend showed up, and she turned happy , hugged him and kissed him, looked at me and said "go on, get out of here". I remember how I just felt crushed.
Well, my mom married my step-dad a few years later when I was 6. She was 29, he was 21. She was pregnant again. I hated my stepdad- he was mentally abusive, always calling me stupid, fat, worthless, a pain to have around, etc. My Grandma died a year later, and when I just turned 8 we moved from Germany to America (mom was German) , so it was good-bye to the rest of my family.
Watching this documentary and remembering what I went through as a real young kid just made things fall in place, and helps me to understand why I am what I am. Whenever I am opiate free, I drink lots of beer and smoke pot , when I am on opiates I do not. I guess my point is, even though I am now on opiates for legitimate back-issues, they actually also help with my undiagnosed depression- and make me feel normal. Without them, the world is just a bleak, grim place that I can only describe as miserable.
Perhaps the original poster has similar issues- I think this is an illness that is only now beginning to be understood.
Don't beat yourself up. Personally, for me anyway, life is much better with the meds.
Seems as if a person had a traumatic very young years age 0-3 ,especially if they were neglected , they are pre-disposed to becoming addicts. The reason stated is that apparently if a young child goes through a 'lack of love', which could mean parents divorcing, parents not cuddling them and holding them, or given away, that there is a part of the brain that is under-developed-and that part of the brain is responsible for endorphin production, so if it's not producing the 'normal' amount of endorphins, the individual is prone to depression and most are undiagnosed and self-medicate with drugs and alcohol later in life, and are especially Pre-disposed to Opiate addiction.
When I watched this documentary, it BLEW me away, because I told myself "that is me!!!".
My mom had me out of wedlock( Dad was American GI who left her and went back to the states when she was 6 mos pregnant with me). After she had me, she was depressed for a few years I remember my grandma raising me, since my mom lived in my Grandmas house. I also remember when I was 4 yeas old, wallking down the road to go see my mom(she had gotten an apt. a few blocks away) , and when I got there, she was mad and told me to go back to grandmas. At that moment, her boyfriend showed up, and she turned happy , hugged him and kissed him, looked at me and said "go on, get out of here". I remember how I just felt crushed.
Well, my mom married my step-dad a few years later when I was 6. She was 29, he was 21. She was pregnant again. I hated my stepdad- he was mentally abusive, always calling me stupid, fat, worthless, a pain to have around, etc. My Grandma died a year later, and when I just turned 8 we moved from Germany to America (mom was German) , so it was good-bye to the rest of my family.
Watching this documentary and remembering what I went through as a real young kid just made things fall in place, and helps me to understand why I am what I am. Whenever I am opiate free, I drink lots of beer and smoke pot , when I am on opiates I do not. I guess my point is, even though I am now on opiates for legitimate back-issues, they actually also help with my undiagnosed depression- and make me feel normal. Without them, the world is just a bleak, grim place that I can only describe as miserable.
Perhaps the original poster has similar issues- I think this is an illness that is only now beginning to be understood.
Don't beat yourself up. Personally, for me anyway, life is much better with the meds.
I've suffered from insomnia terribly ... Wondering if you are on antidepressants? I was put on them years ago partially cause my insomnia was so bad. Some of them have side effect of sleepiness ... Problem is finding a good psychiatrist. You may also want to get z sleep study. I hope you can get some sleep tonight... I so know what you are going through!! I'm so sorry ,.. You will sleep again just remember.
Hey everyone, yeah I'm fine, I'm not suicidal, and I feel blessed that since my active addiction I haven't been. I'm just exhausted, in the purest sense of the weird. :/ I've tried unisom, eating certain things, not eating certain things, smoking and not smoking, meds after meds, rituals, conditioning, hypnosis, and therapy, but when your brain refuses to slow down, there's just nothing I can do. I'm better now than I was when I wrote this post, but I'm still really on edge. I've got my mom and dad working tirelessly with me in getting everything I need together to get down to West Palm Beach. I'm not doing well though, I'm losing a lot of my strength in just trying to stay awake during the day, I'm starting to fade in and out while driving, so I'm taking B-12 during the day to try and prevent anything bad from happening. I'm working hard to get the ball rolling forward towards my new life. I'm so appreciative of all of you who posted so sympathetically and sensitively. I'm so so so so thankful. Your interest in my well being is just baffling, in a good way. :) & To Shugalug, though I appreciate your suggestions, and I know you had just the best most caring if intentions, Joyce Meyer is one of my least favorite people in the planet. I'm from Atlanta where she's from, and she makes us all look bad. I am a willing atheist, but I'm by no means judgmental towards those with faith. Joyce Meyer spreads hateful nonsensical biased opinion as fact, and she's irresponsibly dangerous to society. But, I'm glad you reunited with your faith, I'm very supportive of people and their choices, especially the ones that do them good. :3 Thanks so much for your kind words everyone. Much love, Carly!
I see you haven't replied. I hope you're OK. The advice posted by the others are great, but I know NOTHING helps when you're that down. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP! There is LIFE BEYOND ALL THIS! Please talk to your doctor about all this. Keep reaching out for help. I don't know what your circumstances are, you did the right thing by coming to this website. There are so many that can help. Keep posting. Even start a new question about your DESPERATION!
I've been there and I understand. The despair I mean, because no 2 situations and experiences are the same. Nobody judges you here.
Wishing you all the best.
I've been there and I understand. The despair I mean, because no 2 situations and experiences are the same. Nobody judges you here.
Wishing you all the best.
Dear IfLooks,
You sound in so much pain it breaks my heart! I know the anguish of unrelenting insomnia. Everyone is different, but I will share what helped me with the endless sleepless nights.
First, you have gotten into such a pattern of insomnia that there is bound to be an element of anxiety involved. I know this from personal experience--I used to dread and fear going to bed at night and facing the long hours of tossing and turning. Is this the case with you? I am betting so.
Try your best to stop obsessing about lack of sleep, and in your waking hours congratulate yourself on being clean for THREE YEARS!!! That is a MAJOR accomplishment that you can rightly be proud of! If you can accomplish that, the insomnia is nothing by comparison (although it may not seem that way right now!)
Here is a trick to falling asleep--first you must rid yourself of the anxiety about it and just accept it may be with you for a while yet, but it CAN be done. Next, you must try turning your mind into a LISTENING mode. For instance, if you can but listen to the sounds you hear outside--cars going by, the sound of crickets, neighbors, etc. In your case, that will probably not be enough to start with. I have a DVD series of a TV show I like all of which I have watched and am familiar with so it is not too stimulating. But you want it to be just entertaining enough for you to be interested in.
Turn off all the lights in the bedroom, lie on your side with the covers up so no light from the TV is shining in your eyes, and just LISTEN to the show. It should be something that you have already seen before so you won't be wanting to look at it and you already know the outcome of the show.
This prevents you from THINKING when you are listening. It is the THINKING that keeps you awake. You may have to listen to several episodes before you finally fall asleep. You will also need a room to yourself so as not to keep another person awake.
In addition, both my husband and I have found Elavil (an older antidepressant--NOT an SSRI) in low doses taken 2 hours before anticipating bedtime, to work at helping you to fall and stay asleep. I just take 20-30mg. That is considered a low dose and it CURED my insomnia, along with the listening technique. Talk to your doctor about Elavil.
I truly believe if you give the above techniques a good trial, and are patient with yourself, you will see the miracle work as it did for me.
I now sleep all through the night even with getting up once for the bathroom, when just a few weeks ago I was suffering as you are!
Good luck and keep us posted!
Gasten
You sound in so much pain it breaks my heart! I know the anguish of unrelenting insomnia. Everyone is different, but I will share what helped me with the endless sleepless nights.
First, you have gotten into such a pattern of insomnia that there is bound to be an element of anxiety involved. I know this from personal experience--I used to dread and fear going to bed at night and facing the long hours of tossing and turning. Is this the case with you? I am betting so.
Try your best to stop obsessing about lack of sleep, and in your waking hours congratulate yourself on being clean for THREE YEARS!!! That is a MAJOR accomplishment that you can rightly be proud of! If you can accomplish that, the insomnia is nothing by comparison (although it may not seem that way right now!)
Here is a trick to falling asleep--first you must rid yourself of the anxiety about it and just accept it may be with you for a while yet, but it CAN be done. Next, you must try turning your mind into a LISTENING mode. For instance, if you can but listen to the sounds you hear outside--cars going by, the sound of crickets, neighbors, etc. In your case, that will probably not be enough to start with. I have a DVD series of a TV show I like all of which I have watched and am familiar with so it is not too stimulating. But you want it to be just entertaining enough for you to be interested in.
Turn off all the lights in the bedroom, lie on your side with the covers up so no light from the TV is shining in your eyes, and just LISTEN to the show. It should be something that you have already seen before so you won't be wanting to look at it and you already know the outcome of the show.
This prevents you from THINKING when you are listening. It is the THINKING that keeps you awake. You may have to listen to several episodes before you finally fall asleep. You will also need a room to yourself so as not to keep another person awake.
In addition, both my husband and I have found Elavil (an older antidepressant--NOT an SSRI) in low doses taken 2 hours before anticipating bedtime, to work at helping you to fall and stay asleep. I just take 20-30mg. That is considered a low dose and it CURED my insomnia, along with the listening technique. Talk to your doctor about Elavil.
I truly believe if you give the above techniques a good trial, and are patient with yourself, you will see the miracle work as it did for me.
I now sleep all through the night even with getting up once for the bathroom, when just a few weeks ago I was suffering as you are!
Good luck and keep us posted!
Gasten
THERE IS HELP FOR YOU!!! Please read my journal titled 'my psych ward story'. It's long and will take a few minutes to read, but please do so. In the meantime, here are some #'s you can call for over-the-ohone help: National Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-8255 Boys Town National Hotline (for teens, parents, and families) 1-800448-3000. Please keep me updated! - BluCrystal
Oh you poor thing. You' ve tried so hard and done your best. You stayed clean for all that time without a relapse! That's so admirable! Sleepless nights make you feel so weakened in spirit. Of course you'd feel like giving up. Docs can only prescribe meds that are usually addictive, so I guess that's not an option. Can you look into alternative remedies? Get lots of calcium, magnesium and sodium (not table salt), but sodium from vegetables. Yogurt & crackers before bed and milk & honey, listening to a meditation cd, calm your breathing. Nope! Tried all that? I've been there. The anxiety caused by it was horrendous. I used to believe in "God, but lost my faith cause of all the bad things that happened to me when I was in active addiction. I've recently stumble upon Joyce Meyer quite by accident, as she was on TV one early morning. Well, she really got me thinking again. She's not preachy, just basic down to earth, and understands so much about human nature. I've gone as far as buying a couple of her books and cd's. She has taught me to find rest, calm & peace, and joy in living again. If you believe in a Higher Power, hand it over, let go of trying to sleep, and everything else that's bothering you.Even try staying awake instead of trying to sleep and do this by reading before you turn out the light.Put your hand on your tummy, say words like 'calm', calm, calm' relax, relax relax, deep breathing and try to sow your breathing. Concentrate on telling your adrenal glands to stop pumping adrenalin and with your hand on your tummy say"I want to remove this blockage from my .....whatever part of you that's making you wakeful. Maybe it's your brain, as an imbalance of neurotransmitters causes anxiety depression. sleeplessness and all sorts of trouble. There are Chinese Herbal medicines that work. I use one and I've been able to sleep much better. Melatonin helps. Look up some sleep remedies on the net. WebMd.com is helpful. Counseling, posting on here and typing out what you're feeling can help. I hope you get a few replies to your post with more advice and support.
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