Where do I begin?...Getting off Vicodin and ambien

[shan86]

This is my first posting, so hopefully posting in the right place. I wanted to see if anyone out there had any suggestions or advice as to where I begin kicking a nasty pill habit. It's pretty much comsumed every aspect of my life. I've been battling vicodin addiction on and off since I was 15 (26 now)..so 11 years. However, it's been everyday now for about 5 years solid. I've been taking between 5-10, 7.5 mg vicodin es. The thought of stopping is terrifying to me, but I know I've got to stop. I've been through the whole doctor shopping (3-4 at a time), going to multiple pharmacy's so they don't catch on, and even sitting in the ER with up to 5 hours of waiting time( from 7-14 days out of the month)...Just to keep my supply where I want it. I've just gotten to the point where I'm just sick of it all. Not to mention the damage the damage that I'm sure it's caused to my body, friends and family.Pills have become the cental focus of my life and I don't know how or where to begin in changing that. I've also had a hell of a time with the ambien as well. There was a time where I would pop them as if they were tic-tacs, just chasing that euphoric trance-like high. After popping that first one, I would have no recollection of how many I'd taken the night before. I would wake up the next morning with anywhere from 7-15 10mg pills gone. Then to kill the "hangover", I'd pop one in the morning.There was even an occasion in which I decided to try and drive to the store and hit a parked car pulling back into my apartment complex. I'm just scared, terribly embarrassed and don't know where to begin..If anyone has any suggestions or advice, I'm all ears. Thanks.

[shan86]

For the past year I've for the most part been taking 10mg a night, which is what was prescribed as per my dr..On occasion (maybe once a month now) I'll double it up and do 20 mg. I only drink on special occasions/holidays now, which isn't very often. But for the 6 years before that it was just out of control..I was taking a minimum of 3 -10mg tabs, up to a max of 13-15- 10mg tabs. Then I would wake up the next day (wasn't working then) and be so sick from them I'd have to take 1-2 tabs in the morning just to keep me from having withdrawls.. throwing up and having the shakes/cold sweats etc.At that time, I was also drinking on top of it (beer and or whiskey), and taking 2mg xanex and antidepressants. There was about a 2 year period where I was in and out of the hospital just about every month, and overdosed 8+ times. I was pretty much a disaster to put it mildly. I consider myself very fortunate that I'm still here and didn't have any permanent damage as a result. There had to have been someone up there looking out for me.But I've been taking it every day for 7 years now. So I don't know if it would be better to taper down from 10mg to 5 mg first and then ween off it (just for the fact that I have been taking it for so long), or if it would be alright to just stop CT because I now take a dose that's within a normal range. When I do decide to go off of it, I'll probably just ask my doc. but until then I'm just trying to make somewhat of a game plan in my head. I'm going to cut out the vicodin first, for sure...Then I'll work my way to the ambien..

[shan86]

I know I'm an addict, and so does my family. Unfortunately, they've had to deal with the consequences of that for years now. They've been at my hospital bedside thoughout 8+ overdoses a few years back. I know that if and when I announce that I plan to get off of the pills, they'll be in my corner 100 percent. Which I feel very fortunate for. I guess it's maybe the fear that I'll announce it, and that there is still that possibility of failure afterward.It's that feeling of vulnerability and uncertainty that's killing me. It's so crazy for me to read other people's stories, like what you just explained in your previous entry..Because it sounds like me to a T. I got a psych. degree(ironic isn't it?), had a great job a fabulous husband..Still have my wonderful hubbie, but lost my job and pretty much all my friends as a result of my addiction. I do the same thing..If there's not enough pills for the duration of the vacation..I'm not going. I know that if I focused even half the energy I use on constantly worrying about when my prescriptions can be filled, seeing how I can finaggle getting them early to have extra,making sure the doctor's going to fill it..etc..I know I could use all that energy to be productive and sucessful again. It's just that possibility of failing at it that scares the **** outta me. Thanks for the advice on what I could say to my doctor, as that has also been weighing heavily on my mind. I feel bad because this woman has really gone above and beyond, in trying to help me. I just want to make sure that I do my homework on all this and somewhat of a plan, before I just jump in head first. I'm just trying to educate myself as much as possible about how it works, what to expect, and how other people managed to do it and stick with it..Etc..As I think the more I know, the more likely it is that  I'll be sucessful at kicking it for good.

[worried878]

how much ambien are u taking?  ambien at a high dose must be tapered..many start with the narcotic first..get rid of it by tapering or CT....are u drinking with the ambien?  that is a big NO NO....make a plan..read up in the health pages..find a meeting near you   and keep posting

[Buzz15]

I get where laurel is going with that and that may work but for me, one of the biggest steps in recovery was admitting that I was an addict that I needed help.  If your friends have issues with you telling them the truth, were they really friends?  The first time I quit, I told everybody and I was completely suprised by the response because I thought the same way you do.  I've got my business degree, well established in my profession, beautiful wife and kid, what will people think when they find out I'm an addict?  But I had to accept that I no longer had control of my life in just about every area because I was always concerned w/ how many pills I had left.  I even passed on vacations because I didn't have enough pills to make it through the trip!!  If you are scared to come right out and say you're addicted, maybe do what laurel said.  Let your doc know that these pills have you in a haze and you'd like to try some other form of pain management to try and clear your head.  No matter which way works best for you, either way, you're taking the step to recovery and that's all that matters.

[laurel453]

humm....maybe the closer to the truth ?

that you want to try living without so many pills and just for the sake of it,  maybe your pain has developed to be some kind of one with   a psicosomatic   reason so you will try alternative ways of dealing with it...., something like that ?

( tell them it is/was real for you as long as you don't want or you don't feel  prepared to tell  them otherwise ...) and they could imagine whatever , so what ? your life s more important .   :)

gooood luck !

[shan86]

First off, thanks for the kind words and support..Congrat's on your 7 days clean, that's great..keep it up! To answer your question as to why I take the vicodin..Well to be perfectly honest, I have terrible depression problems (major deppressive disorder, Panic disorder, agoriphobia) and it seems to be the only thing that's makes me feel..somewhat normal, I guess. I also just have a highly addictive personality which doesn't help things. Here is the thing though...The addict in me has fabricated quite the story of medical illness in order to get a legal script though my doctor. And that is another big issue that I don't know how I'm going to address when I quit. I've been telling my doctor's and family, friends etc.. for so long about this chronic pain that I have..What am I supposed to say when I quit? That my pain suddenly stopped? I don't want to be seen as a liar and a fool. I think that I've been playing the part of being in pain for so long, that I've almost convienced myself of it..If that makes any sense. I want to quit so bad..but what do I tell my doctor's and family if/when I do?

[Buzz15]

Well, you definitely found the right place, congrats on taking the first step.  I was up to 10-15+ 10/325 norcos a day before I decided to take control of my life.  Don't feel embarrassed, everyone that's here is or was in the same boat.  This is the second time I've tried to kick this habit and the biggest difference is this time, I cut off my supply, told my doctor about my addiction, and found other things to do to keep my mind off pills.  I went straight cold turkey which is hell, but once you get through the first week or so, the major withdrawl symptoms subsided for me.  A ton of people here sware by the amino acid protocol which you can find at the bottom righthand side of this page.  Long hot baths, massages, and multivitimans was my route.  Do you have any medical issues that you took the vicodin for?  If so, you need to be extremely careful with the cold turkey method.  I was just a straight addict taking it for the high and eventually when I was taking 15+ per day, I could never get that initial high back that I'd get when I started taking the pills so really, I made a conscience decesion that if I didn't take getting clean seriously, I either end up dead from an OD, leaving my son w/o a father, or in jail because my script ran out a long time ago and I was buying from people I barely knew.  What I can tell you is I'm now 7 days clean again and I'm getting my brain back from the hydro haze and it feels incredible.  I still have trouble sleeping and get the chills now and again but nothing like the first few days.  It's amazing what life is really like when you're not doped up all day like I was.  I'm sure if you thought about it, you could write down atleast 100 reasons why you need to quit but what I thought about that really hit home was what I stood to lose if I didn't quit.  (ie. job, wife, son, house, family, etc...)  Listen to what others have been through as well because the support I got here in my early stages of withdrawl helped make it bearable.  If you need to talk, absolutely message me.  You can do this and we're all here to help.

[ochooked]

Welcome to the forum Shan --- You are at the right place.  I hope you will stick around and continue to post -- -you will find encouragement and help here.   There are several things you can do to prepare yourself for the inevitable W/D's that will come with quitting.  First of all you have to decide if you are going to go CT or try a taper plan.  If you taper you will need someone to hold your pills and dispense them to you on a rigid schedule---  next you will need a specific 'quit date' and stick to it.  You will need to show that you are serious about quitting by cutting off your supply -- go and tell the doctors so they will not give you any more Rx's --- yeah, I know this is very difficult to do - -but you must do it.  You cannot leave a door open back to the drugs for that 'just in case I change my mind' moment.   If you do, you will go back and we all know it - we have been there, done that.  Get all the ingredients for the Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol  (seen below on this page on the right hand side) and set aside some time for detox.   When you really are ready to quit -- I mean really ready - then you can do this -- many others on here have.  But, unless you are willing to pay the price for quitting and it is more important to you to claim your life back than to continue to use and abuse the drugs, then you are in danger of relapse.  Wish you all the best.