Day 1. More scared than sick. I think.

[ThisCantSuckForever]

I'm on Day 1 of going c/t from opiates. My doses were pretty high (Vicodin 10/325 x 10/day) and have been consistent over the last year or so. I finished my last two pills last night around 6pm. It's been 16 hours. I'm running hot/cold and feel kind of shaky, but that's it so far.

This is not my first rodeo. I've tried to quit before. I really need it to stick this time, and I feel like I'm doing all of the right things (game plan, Thomas Recipe), but right now I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Shouldn't I feel like garbage by now? And don't get me wrong, I don't feel fantastic, but I could drive to the store or unload the dishwasher if I had to.

Has anyone experienced delayed withdrawal, where their first day was not too bad and then they were hit by a ton of bricks? I have a hard time believing I'm getting off easy.

[howlingshadow]

Just know getting on here and I can definitely say all day the only thing that has been going through my head is where there is a will there is a way. Its digging deep and realizing you dont want to live this nightmare anymore.

[NeverDreamed]

This is so brutally true!  Love this comment.  Thanks Ricart!

[MikeInFrance]

That was real talk right there!

[ricart70]

At one point in my addiction I JUST STOPPED  making the excuses.I did not even let them leave my lips(or fingers!)   THIS DID NOT MEAN I QUIT USING AT THAT POINT BUT  instead of me telling myself and whoever else all the reasons why I had to take the pills I instead said I AM USING BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO GET HIGH  (THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH)
This method helped me to narrow down the problem and clear away alot of unnecessary clutter in my mind involving this issue.
Just remember anyone can justify anything even something horrible and evil.I could probably come up with ten very valid sounding reasons to go outside right now and shoot someones dog.In the end the fact would remain that I shot someones poor little doggy (i did not do that btw)

[gnarly_1]

THERE is a very wise man on here that says ....'''the desire to get clean must exceed the desire to get high'' you have to be in the right mindset to do this it ids 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental I tell everybody starting out ...''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' this is all about a positive attitude as long as your not defeated in your mind its no worst then the flu with some added anxiety look up the thomas recipe and pick up the stuff add a case of gatoraid and remember ahgot soak goes a long way in getting rid of the symptoms try to rent a few movies your going to bre up all night it will give you something to do ......if you believe in God Jesus heres those that cry out his name and he is all you got a 3am when your up shakingthis is onlt going to last abot a 4 day week then on day 5 you will start to feel better keep posting and let us know when your ready to give it another try oooo get rid of all the pills in the house b/4 trying again good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[ThisCantSuckForever]

I appreciate all of the support and honesty. Brutal is ok. ;) There's no reason this should be candy coated.

Yes, I picked up the Rx. Yes, I took some. Yes, I'm ashamed. Yes, I know using my husband's work is an excuse. If I had the flu right now, we'd deal, so why can't we deal with this?

Thank you all, for being here and talking with me while I struggle through this moment of weakness. I'll get right. I just need to get my priorities straight.

[LostNoMore]

ThisCantsuck:

You say your husband needs you. Active addiction leads to jails, institutions or death. It doesn't care if your husband needs you. It doesn't care about
anything except controlling and eventually bringing down your life. YOU need you! Seize this chance to get out! Hang on. Fight for it. We will help you through it. When I wanted to stop using, when pills weren't working anymore and my life was a waking nightmare, my disease kept telling me it would get better, that I was just in a rut and a few more pills would pull me out. I didn't listen. I listened to the people here and I'm so grateful I did. Good Luck and God bless.

[Sarah11212]

I don't think there really could be a wrong time?  This is your life on the line.  To me, it's like this- If you were told that you need surgery and it was a life or death situation, what choice would you make?  I would make the choice to have the surgery, no matter what was going on in my life.  Addicts will always find a reason to quit at a "better time".  The time is now.
It's great of you to think about your husband needing your support right now but you need to put yourself first right now.
This isn't about anyone, but YOU.
Sorry if I have come across as being brutally honest but I've been where your at and realized that I had to put myself first in order to reclaim my life.
Please know that we are all here for you.
Did you pick up your rx?

[ThisCantSuckForever]

I got a call from my husband. He's been working crazy hours at his job, and the stress is super high. And now something has gone all pear shaped and he doesn't know when he'll be home, doesn't know what his schedule will be like...all this after having come off 12 hour night shifts. He's a wreck. I feel that if I detox now, it's going to make things just that much harder for him.

I know I'm worth it. Ok, that's a lie. I want to believe I'm worth it. But I'm so torn. If I do this now, I'll feel incredibly selfish. He needs me. I don't know what to do. I know there's no such thing as a right time, but is it possible for there to be a really wrong time?

[lulu747]

Please don't give up on yourself. What is one week of physical suffering when your life is on the line?  The truth of the matter is-addiction ends in death if the cycle is not broken.  Your life is worth it...You are worth it.

[ricart70]

WHOOOAAAA do not give up like that.   Please just get through one more day.You can make it.Why keep putting yourself through this just for a few days relief because that's all your going to ever have if you give up on yourself

[ThisCantSuckForever]

I don't think I can do this. Everything hurts and there's this feeling inside of me, this constant, pressing anxiety that I can't lose. I feel like my soul has the flu. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true. I've called in my hydrocodone refill. It'll be ready in an hour. I have to walk three blocks to get it. I don't even know if I can. Oh my god. I can't do this, you guys. Not yet.

[NeverDreamed]

This is my third attempt at cold turkey off of a 20 (5mg,Vicodin) a day habit.  I did get prescribed Clonidine to help with the w/d symptoms.   I'm on Day 11 today, not taking anything but Motrin 1/day.   I too had such bad anxiety on what my mind thought my w/d would be, I was terrified.    Ive been wanting to quit taking them for so long, but I think the thought of the w/d process was why I couldn't do it.  I've never been further than Day 5, except for today... on Day 11.   Feeling proud and free, so far outweighs the w/d process.  My mind is clear, I remember things now.  I'm back to my ridiculously vivid recall ability.. Good Luck.  

[ThisCantSuckForever]

No, I can't taper. Both because I have no more pills and also because I a) can't control myself and b) the husband will cave if I ask him for one. We've been there before.

[bama88]

Well if the cats out of the bag you can seriously start to heal...i understand where your at..i had the shakes bad. had tremors for a long time..i was on oxy for three years. i had an eight year drug affair...but each detox is different...just breathe and know the poisons are on their way out.  this is the detox....you can do it...cab you taper?

[ThisCantSuckForever]

I tried to catch a nap after my bath. No such luck. I'm shaking, achy and really...I dunno. Off. I've told everyone I think I'm coming down with something, but I suspect my husband's on to me. He knows I've had troubles in the past, and believes I'm still using. A couple of weeks ago, we were talking and he asked if I knew that he still loves me no matter what. So I guess that means I should be able to tell him about this, right? And yet I can't bring myself to. I just want to suffer through and come out the other side, better for him. And for me.

[kyle505]

ThisCant:
I have to add that I tend to be up front with people asking about detox and what it will be like. When I started mine I found this forum and spent hours "shopping" for the answers I wanted, i.e., it won't last longer than a couple of days, you'll feel good after x days, sleep hasn't been an issue, etc. I soon realized I was being foolish - I would have to endure whatever my personal withdrawals would be.   The mental side of it can be worse to deal with; you'll start feeling better physically, and then your head will kick in. Even before things got bad, my internal voice kept telling me that if I could just get a pill somewhere, I'd be able to relax and deal with the detox better. Amazing. One final thing - you should be proud of yourself for doing this, and for every passing hour that you're clean. I can promise you, it does get better.

[kk1303]

Hours 24-48 were the worst for me...but its different for everyone. Just take each day as it comes & keep pushing through...u can do it!

[MikeInFrance]

I'm actually glad I didn't come on this forum or research what Iay go through detoxing from Oxys. It is all in the mind. I had absolutely no leg issues until I read a post about someone whose knees were really sore...then mine got sore like minutes later.... Such a psychological thing...really really is. Just deal with what comes and keep a positive attitude throughout because that's helped me tremendously! Keep posting so we can continue supporting you through this!

[ThisCantSuckForever]

Just finished a quick tidy of the house. Everything is pretty much in order. I've taken my vitamins/minerals/etc and have managed three big glasses of water and two nutritional drinks since I got up around 6:30am. I feel like I should wash the bedding now, in anticipation of not being able to get out of it for the next two days.

I wonder if withdrawal would be easier if we didn't have our minds getting us all riled up over it.

Thank you everyone for popping and lending your voice. It's reassuring. :)

[atthebeach]

try not to anticipate that the worst is yet to come. relax, breathe. just take it as it comes. fear is many times worse than the withdrawal. dont set yourself up for failure. you can do this. you already took the first step on your road to recovery. take it one step at a time, minute by minute,then hour by hour, then day by day. all we have is today. one day at a time. you will be fine. believe, have faith.

[kyle505]

ThisCant:
Glad that you're here. You sound just like me; I've abused pills for over ten years (probably more - I can't remember), and 35 days ago did a ct detox from Norco 10s, 8 to 10 a day for well over a year. What I found was day one can be ok because the meds are still in your system. So, yes, do what needs to be done now. We are all different, but in my experience days 2 - 4 can be very difficult, especially day 3. You know what you need to do to get through this. A final point...for me, this last detox was hell; maybe it was the type of meds, the duration, my age, but whatever, I learned that it only gets harder every time you put yourself through it. Time to stop once and for all. Keep posting. We're here to help. Being clean is fantastic.

[bama88]

I know how scared you are. i think the fear of detox is very real. i have had delayed withdrawls. but no two detoxes are a like. make this knbreakee stick. we will support you every step of the way. i quit oxy November 20....it was awful. Break down your day. find something to focus on..a funny movie..do some laundry. anything to move around...it helps..you can do it.

[MikeInFrance]

Awesome you took that step!!! U aren't midair anything and if you have been through this before then you know.....for me I was taking more than double mg's of oxycodone for a year str8 and went CT 23 days ago....other than no sleep the first 2 days were just feeling drained but by day 3 and then DAY 4 I felt the shock awe campaign begin inside me then it got better each day....only dealing with sleep issues now. Hang in there please' it's absolutely worth it...u r absolutely worth it!