Day 1 oxycontin withdrawal

[HarperOC]

Today is day one off oxycontin. I was snorting about 5 80's a day. I want to stop so badly. It is painful to type this right now but my body hurts so bad, my eyes are so watery, my legs wont stop twitching, i am sweating and so hot and then freezing cold the next second. My stomach hurts so bad I think I might throw up at any second. But I want to get through this so badly. I know this is just the drug trying to keep me using, I need to get through these WD's I want to have a real life and actually live my life not just watch it go by. Noone knows I am detoxing and I cant really tell anyone, I just want to go back to ym old self and be there for the people in my life and stop causing them so much pain. Is there anything I can do to help with the anxiety i feel like im about to have a panic attack. Also im just wondering about aftercare, what is the best form of aftercare people have done? Thanks for anyone that may take the time to read this and to everyone on here that makes this forum happen it is really inspiring to read your comments and stories, it gives me some hope through all this.

[HarperOC]

i know in my heart i want to be sober but my actions havent been showing that. my addiction is beating me right now. I am sorry as everyone has spent so much time helping me and has been so good to me and i have just been struggling and i guess i just did the "easy" thing tonight. i am upset with myself but i am also losing my fight i think. Im sorry but i dont have much faith in myself right now.

[HarperOC]

im sorry u guys i screwed up again i used. i dont no wat to do anymore. i dont no how to stay sober i put all that time into detoxing i tried to be strong and i gave in again. dont rly no wat to say i no ive let myself down. im sorry but i dont even no rly wat to do anymore. ive screwed up again. im being honest with u guys but i rly dont no wat to do now. i wanted to be sober so badly but now i dont know, ive screwed up twice i completely lost my mindset tonight it was like i didnt even put up a fight within myself. ive rly let myself down but worse of all i dont even no wat to do anymore.

[tgtiffany]

HARPER!!!!  You can do this girl.  Like you said yourself and tigerlily reminded you, they are only THOUGHTS!!  You can change them, you can think anything.  This is where the "talking out loud" part comes in handy, because it's sometimes hard to argue with yourself in your head all the time the voices all mix together and usually the bad one comes through loudest, but when you actually voice the opinion that you want to happen the other little voice is kind of like stunned and cowards down.  I know this sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but it works.  It works, and can work for you.  Tell yourself that you are amazing and better than using.  You are a very strong and beautiful person!!  Keep your head up.  Don't think bad thoughts like sobriety isn't for you!!!  Hello it's for everyone!!!  Keep posting and don't give in.  Go eat some fruit loops ;)  You are amazing remember!!! You can and will fight this to the end!!!  You already know that your mind is going to mess with you, but REMEMBER it now.  It's being lazy and doesn't want to have to make it's own chemicals and stuff, make it work!!!  Harper, you are super strong.  Out of all the posts you seem to be the one that keeps it together the most, but I know that deep down your still going crazy like everyone else is/was.  It's hard, and it's going to be hard, but don't let it beat you.  You're better than that, you can do ANYTHING that you put your MIND to, so put your mind to staying clean.  Like Tigerlily said don't use "NO MATTER WHAT"!!!  You know that using isn't the life that you want!  

[tigerlily11]

STOP IT!!! You are such a strong girl and you are the very one that has talked me into controlling my thoughts, as you mentioned above. And just like you told me, they are YOUR thoughts. And you can control them. And they are just thoughts. Now, if you sit there and just stay stuck in your thoughts it will become an obsession and possibly an action. Or they can just be a passing thought, this are the words YOU told me.

And trust me I still have these thoughts too, and what you have to do is distract yourself somehow. Take a walk, take a bath, call a friend, post on here, read a book, watch a movie, read the bible, pray, look up funny stuff online...anything to just distract your mind for now and make those thoughts passing thoughts rather than obsessions. Hmmmm do you have any fruit loops around? Worked for me lol :)


Your mind will do a number on you and Im still fighting mine daily hell hourly but thats just it Im still fighting and we are in this together and WE WILL WIN!!!!
Hang in there! It gets better! Im keeping you in my prayers!!!

[gnarly_1]

HI......ITS tuff in early sobriety you havent gotten the aftercare you need yet to fight back
I would highly suggest a N/A meeting to you as sooon as you can you will learn how to deal with cravings and such there///,,,,,,I have said this a 1000 times on here its not about the pills its about the excape the pills take you where your brain wants to go you have to retrain your brain....as addicts we hneed to change the very way we think and reason to beat this thing all persons places and things associated with using have to disappear my Lord girl I watched you fight it out to get clean DONT GIVE IN   ....YOU CAN DO THIS you just need to become pro active in your recovery many think If I could just quit the pills I will be better and can move on with life...im sorry to say it dosent work that way your addiction is alive and well it up to you to choose recovery and it takes work getting clean you will find was the ez part staying that way takes work if you all alone call someone that doeset use if you more alone then that pray to God to give you strenth to get past this the cravings will go away with time not to say I never get one but there few and far between hang in there tuff it out tonight dont give in it not worth the guilt and shame it will put on you message me if you need to talk I will keep an eye on your post also ......good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[HarperOC]

i know this sounds lame but i cant stop thinking about using i think about it every day. i have said on other posts to try to control my thoughts and wat not but its just like all i think about. i get some relief if i do something but then the thoughts come back. i see lots of people say theyre done for good and thats wat i thot for ymself but maybe sobrietys not for me if i cant even stop thinking about it....this just kinda su cks. i feel like im about to just give in