Day 19 and I'm having a really rough time.

[thewaz]

Maybe it's the lack of sleep getting to me.  Yesterday was a productive, fun and good day.  But the sleep still eludes me.  I've been up all night.  My anxiety is through the roof.  When it's this bad, I take half a Xanax but I do not want to go there. I've done the treadmill (at 2 am), I've watered my entire garden (at 5 am in my pjs), I've written two huge reports for the meetings I'll be in most of today.  Yet my heart feels like it could jump out of my chest.  I know my BP is way up.  The tummy problems are back in full force and I'm out of Immodium (CVS soon).  And the truth of it is..if there was a pill  here to take, I'm feeling so weak I would probably take it.  Hence the reason we can't have ANY around us or available to us.  I know I'll get through today once I'm in "meeting mode".  But I'm so weak - mentally and physically.

Two years ago I landed in Vegas for a week long conference.  Didn't feel good and woke up that first night with a raging fever and never so sick in my life.  Seriously.  Two days later I was worse and my boss (who was also in town) called a doctor to the room because I couldn't even get out of bed.  Seems I had contracted the H1N1 virus.  I spent the next week quarntined in my room.  IN VEGAS no less.  No one was allowed in except the doc and there were even instructions on how to dispose of my linens, etc.  When I finally got the all clear to go home (over a week later) I never thought I would make it to the airport let alone the flight.  It took at least 10 days to get my strength back even though the symptoms were all gone.  It had destroyed me.  This is like that and I keep reminding myself this is really worse because I'm coming off an addiction and my body is not the least bit pleased.  Just need to get through today.   I will.  Tomorrow I see Magic Mary who will hypnotize me and calm me and then Friday, my doctor who had to cancel on me last week.  I would give anything right now for a good chunk of shut-eye.  I'll be gone most of today but I'm thinking about all of you. Holding you close to me.  so much love..waz

[selfinduced]

Im in love with your brother! Wise soul he is!

[Dixiechick72]

I hear u about the sleep. It's been real difficult on me. I did try the melatonin. Each time taking 30 mg. I slept two hours last night. So I know how u feel. Sleep eludes me!!! My little ones are coming to see me and I pray I have the strength to play with them today.  I'm not taking anything else so I guess it's our pay back to our bodies. But we have to make the best of it. I asked my brother how long til u started to feel normal??!! A month to two!!! What!!! Are u kidding me. He said it just depends on how bad and long u abused. Then he told me to slow down. I'm thinking too far ahead. Live today laugh today. U never know what tomorrows gonna bring u.  So very true. I want us all to be done with this. I think I'm going to try some of the sleepy teas and restless leg stuff see if that helps me. Hang in there though. U are doing great. Now we just have to do a little more work at fixing our bodies and we will heal in time. Ok. Love ya

[teachermommy690]

Good morning~
I don't know if you've left yet for your meeting,but just wanted you to know I'm sending you strength and good vibes to get through your day.  Lack of sleep messes with our bodies and minds SO badly!  I hope you will soon get some good sleep and that will help to calm you.  As for today, you are doing GREAT!  Try to get in your 'work mode' at your meetings, let the objectives of the day guide you and focus on the here & now (I know it's easier said than done.)  I bet anything that by this evening (making sure you've nourished your body all day with good nutrition of course), you'll feel much better.  Have you ever tried anything OTC for sleep, such as Unisom?  It's not supposed to be habit-forming and it may work for those nights when you simply MUST get some shut-eye.  I wish you all the best today.  We're all here cheering you on - you CAN and WILL do this!!! Hugs to you!  

[thewaz]

Self..that is amazing advice and I'm going to put that to work right now. Thank you.  Bring on the calm if you have extra to spare!

[selfinduced]

Hey Waz, I tell you anyone that ever said sleep was overrated is a vampire. Yes, our bodies are still healing and with the sleep being hard to come by, it kinda magnifies the mental and physical lows. This will pass, I promise. Ok, heres my secret weapon for mentally dealing with anxiety, especially tummy jitters. I think back to when we first fell in love and had that butterfly, putty, kinda queasy feeling when we thought of our intended. Well, we never took a pill for that and got by just fine, in fact missed it when it leveled out. SOOOOO, tell your body it is reacting to a new love interest (being clean), and it is much easier to not freak out. Get on with your day, and all will fall into place. Sending you energy and calm. xx