Fiance has been using Oxycontin for 9 months

[concernedfiance]

I just found out last week that my fiance has been snorting oxycontin for the last 8-9 months. I found out because he was lying and I accused him of having an affair with a coworker. She told me the truth that they were not sleeping together, but were snorting oxycontins a few times a month. After he was "caught" he told me that he would do it sometimes 3 times a day, but would detox for a week or so. He says he does this only when it's available to him  (he was selling them to the coworker). Obviously I am not a fool, but we have a child together and I want to believe him that he has stopped. He went through withdrawl these last few days (July 15th was his last time) and seems to be ok now. I am concerned that since I did not notice this before that I would not recognize this if he went back to using. We are waiting to get some help, whether pyshcologically or from medication (if he is depressed or anxious or something) so that is a bonus that he wants to get help, but I am still trying to understand this addiction. I am not into drugs and have never been this "close" to any of them or any addicts. Is there symptoms or behaviours...anything that I can "catch" to free my mind from distrust right now, when the thought of him away from me is making me question him?

[concernedfiance]

I agree wannabefree330. He has always found people in any situation he was in that had some kind of drug habit. We are going to get help to find out why he does that because he doesn't even know. A doctor last week says he might be trying to self medicate a problem like ADD or anxiety. But again he just doesn't know. Changing jobs isn't the answer it's just a bandaid...I would like her to leave though, but again only a bandaid...the root cause has to be addressed, but my trust is shattered and I'm like 2 weeks away from walking down the isle with him....This has come at the worst time.

[wannabefree330]

Have you asked him if he would consider changing jobs?  Would that help at all?  There will always be that doubt there now whenever he tells you anything?  it is hard for us addicts to win back the trust of our loved ones.  It takes a long time for that to happen, and you don't have to just magically trust him right now.  Just be honest with him.  Tell him that you're having a hard time trusting, but you are working on that and trying.  Really doesn't matter where he's working, if he wants to use, he'll find it.  

[Mandapanda17]

I guess you're going to have to just have trust in him. I know thats hard. I honestly don't know how my fiance still trusts me. I started being 100% honest with him about a month ago, when I was scared and knew I needed help. I think that if you let him know that you are there to help no matter what, he will be more likely to be honest with you. I read your above posts about wondering if he was taking methadone, I think you might be able to tell if he was. I had a SHORT lived experience with that last week for a day and I almost couldn't function at all. very drugged up.. my friend who takes it is also visibly on drugs. shes acting a lot weirder than she was when she was on oxys or vicodin. hopefully some of this helps! ;)

[concernedfiance]

You know it's very hard to trust someone who not only lied about what they were doing but also that they were doing it in the first place. I have decided to trust him that he has stopped doing them...or anything...but I'm stuck in this world now where I don't know what he's doing at work with this coworker even thought he says they are no longer friends. It hurts and it's making this so much harder then it is...any advice from addicts out there for a loved one who is trying to trust?

[james2069]

If you are going to get married I am afaid maybe your fiance is quitting only on the accoun tof you to please YOU!, This is never why an addict must quit, if he is not ready to quit on his own he will end up back using! Me and my wife have been going through this over and over for years, finally I quit only one week ago, but I did it, I WANTED this this time, I did it for me! NEVER allow him to go to the methadone clinic, addicts go here thinking it will help, or maybe even like me My wife wanted me to quit so I went there to make her happy and get me a buzz, after almost 2 months of going there, I realized that place was the devil and if I didnt get out then, I never would, that **** ***** you in and when you get spit out you wish you never went htere,  the withdrawl from that is unlike any other!! The worst, tell him go coldturkey that is the ONLY way to go and then you also learn your leason, to stay the **** away from opiates! Good luck to you, addicts can only help themselves!

[twolve]

it honestly helps me to hear you say things like that..when your doing it your not even thinking like that..to reassure myself that it truly does gross people out to think about snorting something up their nose in a weird way it is good to hear..i just keep thinking about my gf finding out and realizing that the girl who thinks the absolute world of me no longer feels that way..i dont think id be on this message board today if it wasnt for her..id probably be on pills thinking nothing is wrong..it wasnt until i quit that i realized how messed up it was that i was snorting oxys..i was in some kind of denial that i was different than those "junkies"..id see the guys i bought from and id say to myself "thank god im not like them"..but i was on that path..thats for damn sure