Getting Busted, a Blessing in Disguise.

[lesson_learned]

evening. Last week I got a blessing in disguise, I'd been abusing vicodin since last fall. Getting 3 refills a month. I came up with every excuse to keep taking them as directed. Then some a$$clown suggested I crush them to get a stronger effect, me being an addict,did so. Well, I got busted the FIRST time I did it. As I said, it was for the best. Doc will no longer prescribe narcotic classed drugs to me-ever. Said I broke my narcotic agreement, which pretty much black lists me from getting narcotics anywhere, ever in my life. Hopefully I won't ever need them for something serious, now that I've gone and been a fool, and screwed everything up. >:(
I'm angry at myself. Can't believe I was so weak.

She referred me to a substance abuse doctor, who called me and interviewed me. I'm having such a hard time. This discontinuance occurred three days before I was due for a refill. So I split them up into 5's from 10's. I've been sneezing, unable to sleep long, diarrhea,body aches, my injury seems to hurt 3x worse. But this is for the best. I'm not making excuses anymore. It's so easy to wrap up addiction into a pretty little package...and yet so hard to see it for what it *really* is. I wish I was strong...on Thursday, at 12pm I will take my last dose of Vicodin, hopefully ever. I see this substance doctor on Friday at 3:30pm -well- into withdrawals. I'm scared..like anyone else. I don't even know how to live sober. I set up an apt with a substance abuse councilor but I don't see them until Aug10th. I hope I can post here for support. I know I screwed up, so I don't need any hard talk, just need some support so I stay on the right path. I can't sleep either =( I heard Effexor is good for the anxiety and even pain relief.  I'm kinda moody, find myself crying at the drop of a hat....I gotta get through this. Help. I'm an addict, and I f*ked up. Big Time. ="(

[lesson_learned]

Lol! Nah, I'm a female =) As for the pain, it's actually better than it was on the Norco. I guess  over time Norco actually gets worse for that. I'm also taking Ibp800mg twice a day. It's very brave of you to taper. And very smart to discuss this with pain management. Make sure to find a way to manage your pain effectively or it could be a vicious cycle. I hope your back is feeling better too. Oh, and it's three days and two hours with no vicodin now :D

[lesson_learned]

P.S I was as I said very taken back that I got high, and even ANGRY!

[lesson_learned]

Hey Kiki, woot! Good for you a date! I do the same thing, load up on pills when out of my familiar environment. I'm glad to hear from you, and thanks for your support! I was wondering about you too. Don't sell yourself short, your situation has improved too. Taking only 4 a day IS a awesome thing. Not saying you will, but Maybe one day, you will think hmm I need 3. I hope your date goes well! Stay in touch ok? Apparently the pharmacist situation was that he was concerned I'd take both, and end up keeled over. I'm not stupid enough to try it though, but still I think he was trying to keep my safety in mind. When people hear of an addict, they don't see a face. They see whatever it is they *want* to see.

[Ballgame]

Lesson how is your pain? Mine has gotten worse with taper. About 5 days ago really hurt myself(back) and had to take an extra pill cause of the pain. That went away after a couple days but even though I'm getting off meds my pain is still going to be there.  It was me who said I need to get off, not the pain mgt but wish they had talked to me about a plan for pain going forward.
Anyway how is your pain

ps this whole time I thought you were a male.  Ha

[kiki003]

Hi!  It has been a very busy weekend for me...so first chance I got to check on you.  You have been in my mind, though, very much.  I had NO idea that Suboxone got you high!  Shocked to hear that....really, shocked.  I heard people say they were trying to get off of it, but thought maybe you just had to ween.  May I just say that I, for one, am so extremely proud of you.  F***ing pharmacist INFURIATES me!  THAT is the reason I can't bear the thought of the "world" at large knowing my deal.  You are so right, my pharmacist just LOVES me.  Can just imagine how the friendly small talk would change if I were in your shoes.  Well, don't know if I can say I am tapering.  But I am still going straight on my 4 pills a day.  Woo-hoo!  This is the longest stretch I haven't cheated, for lack of a better word, in a very long time.  I will say that every time I am out of my element, I always load up on pills.  Have started dating someone new and went fishing for the first time....on a boat and at night....most certainly out of my element!  Still, not even a desire for more.  I know it isn't much to brag about by comparison to what I read, but finding this site has brought me this far....so much more potential, I just know it!  Praying for you all......  And Lesson, you are awesome, in my humble opinion.....hang in there..  

[lesson_learned]

Hey guys just an update. I'm doing good. I don't know how I am but, I haven't had ANYTHING. Not even Suboxone since 12pm yesterday. I do -not- like how buzzed I am on the sub, I'm starting to think if I'm ok, and stay that way. I don't need a damn thing. Maybe it's just me but suboxone makes me too high, which is exactly what I do -not- want in my life. People said it would go away but every time I take it, I get high, emotionally numb, and it effects other *ehem* intimate personal aspects as well. So, maybe I just needed the sub till the vicodin got out. If that is the case, then I'm a very lucky girl, and will give my slot to someone else who needs treatment. Still have a week till my apt but we will see.