I'm new and addicted to Vicoden

[Anna82]

You are right AlessandrasMom....I just didn't want to take up a spot on the board. I guess I need to post this though to get support...that's mainly what I am looking for.  Umm...My name is Anna...I'm 27 and a mother of 2.  I have taken pain pills in the past when I had C-sections.  I never really got addicted though because I really didn't "know the right people" to get them from.  My problem started about 8 months ago when I started a new relationship. My Bf sells pills and other stuff so I have access to whatever I want..whenever I want.  I left for 5 days and stayed alone in my house so that I  could quit.  As soon as I came back I was back on the pills though. Although I haven't been taking Vicoden for as long as other people...my w/d are terrible....vomiting, SEVERE diarrhea, horrible cramping, feelings that life is horrible and that it will never get better, crying spells.  My Bf does limit how much I take...but it doesn't seem like enough anymore.  If I could I would take 15 10s in a day. I lost my job and I am lieing over and over to my parents about pretty much every aspect of my life. I feel like I have to act in front of them so they don't find out and that is extremely stressful!  I try to quit but I really need a job.  The w/ds are so bad that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle working.  I start therapy next week. I hope that will help. Sometimes I feel stupid because everyone else has taken stuff for so much loner than me....plus my Bf acts like I am exaggerating it and says I don't have a problem. I just need support from people that understand.  Thank you.

[Anna82]

Thank you for answering.  I have lung problems anyway....I got bronchitis twice last year. I usually get it once a year but I smoke more when I am taking pain pills because I can't feel my lungs hurt.  I need to quit smoking but I go through withdrawls on those too so I wanted to quit pills first.  That isn't going very well because my parents just got back from Florida and I can't get away from them at the moment to detox.  I do get overwhelmed but I am planning on going to my house on I think Sunday to try and quit Vicoden.  I don't have a computer there so I can't post.  I feel like I need to be by myself when quitting so I don't get angry and take it out on people around me.  I am sorry to hear about your husband.  That must be really stressful.  My ex husband and I split up when my sone was two.  He actually has taken it well.  He will be 7 in June.  The only problem is that my ex has different views on raising a kid than I do.  We get along good though.  The main advice that I would give you is to not talk bad about her father in front of her. It will come back to bite you in the butt when she gets older. Also...It may be hard but try, try , try your best not to argue or fight in front of her. Even if he starts an argument just let it go.  Thanks for your support!  - Anna

[AlessandrasMom]

I'm so glad you posted Anna!  To answer your last question (or try to), maybe it's the anxiety?  I know I would get overwhelmed from quitting and get all panicky thinking that I wasn't going to have pills anymore.  Also, I know in the past when I've quit I almost always got sick within the next couple of days with some type of upper respiratory infection or bronchitis, does it feel like that?  We're here for ya girl!!!!

[Anna82]

I have another question if someone can please answer me.  When I am coming off pills....I feel like I can't breathe.  Does taking pain pills affect your lungs?  I feel panicky and like I can't catch my breath. I am a smoker so I know that could be one cause but why can I breathe better when I am taking Vicoden than when I am coming off it?

[Anna82]

No...I  don't trust myself around them...if they are there I will take them. He's tried to cut me off but when I get the cramps and sweats I literally beg for him to give me some. My kids are going to be 7 and 4 in June.  I only have my youngest with me though.  I start therapy soon. I'm hoping it will help....I think that alot of my "pill popping" comes from the depression and things that have happened in my life in the past.  Vicoden makes me feel sooo much better...pretty much like all my worries go out the window when i take them. They give me energy and seem to make me happy...or they used to anyway.  The amount that i would have to take now to get that "high" feeling is too much...and my Bf wouldn't let me take more than a certain amount...so I am pretty much taking about 15 mg every 4 hrs to keep the cramping and other w/ds  away.  I can't stand to go in a public restroom...so I am having problems going out in public when i am withdrawling.  I have depression and anxiety problems anyway...especially around new people...so I really used Vicoden as a confidence booster when I was a Nurses aide so I wouldn't feel awkward around my residents. I lost that job though so I'm hoping to start the road to quitting....i just don't want to relapse because of my insecurties around people.

[MontanaGurl]

Welcome to this site.  Having an addiction is so much more than just taking a pill.  You know what mean?  Everything about you is enveloped in the illness - emotions, physical well being, mental health and even socialization - all of those things are now being run by a little pill.  If addiction was so easy to quit, than no one would be addicted and struggling to get off.  It is a fight but when you want it bad enough, you will come out on top.  The w/d's are what get's alot of people and they go back to using cause of them.  Alot of people use the Thomas Recipe - on the right side bar.  A taper program is good if you are strong enough to only take "X" amount of pills and no more and than decrease  after awhile.  By tapering you will still have some type of withdrawl's but, not as bad as if you went cold turkey.
I am rooting for you!!!!  Keep posting, more people will start to respond to your post.  Having your boyfriend with an unlimited supply of meds is scary.  I would definately take full advantage of that situation.  If you were to quit succesfully would you find it hard to be around him with all those pills?  I wouldn't trust myself.  Can you trust yourself?  Have you tried talking to a doctor or a therapist?  How old are your babies?

Keep posting!!!