I'm ready to quit and I'm scared...

[june66]

I'm a 25 year old woman living in beautiful Miami and studying in the medical field. I have been using hydrocodone for about 5 months on a regular basis, before that for about 4 months only on the weekends. The past few months I have been having to use it daily in order to feel ok. I was never prescribed these pills and discovered them while working in a night club through other people. They made me "happier" and gave me more energy to work all night long.
I was taking about 60-180 mg a day. I have been tappering myself off the past week and am down to 20 mg a day.

The saddest thing is that I didn't know how addicting these things were. My "friend" who was selling them to me and put me on to them didn't say anything and I unfortunantly have been very sheltered when it comes to drugs. Last month I went out of town and didn't have any for several days. I was sad about it but didn't think anything of it. When I started running to the bathroom every 20 mins and having hot and cold flashes and restless leg syndrome I thought I caught the flu on the plane. When I told my other friend about it on my way to pick up some more pills, she asked me if I was going through withdrawal. How sad. It hit me like a brick wall. I realized then I was truely addicted.

I don't want this problem anymore! I don't have any desire to take them, I am only taking what little I am now to keep from being sick. Because I am down to such a low dose I wake up in the morning with slight withdrawal symptoms from sleeping all night without any. I take 7.5 mg to stave off the uncomfortable feeling and go about my day. I repeat this twice more throughout the day. I can't buy anymore because that's when I start using 60-180 mg a day just because I have them and want to get high.

I am starting the Thomas Program this week. I need suggestions, advice, support. Nobody knows about this problem, not even my boyfriend. I feel like a royal jerk for keeping this from him but I am determined to kick. Does anybody know how long and how bad my WD symptoms should last since I am down to about less than 30 mg a day?

Thanks,
June in Miami

[luppygirl]

Hmmm... I am not off of pain medication.  I am a person with chronic pain.  I like to come to this forum i guess to keep myself on track.  I don't want my life to spin out of control.  I have enough health issues to deal with.  I find that the people here are great and give good advice.  I am always looking for other ways possible that i might be able to control my pain besides pain medication.  So i just find this place seems to work for me.  I also like to try and help people with what i know with my experiences with pain medication.  I did run short once on my meds and it wasn't pretty and i never want that to happen again.  I hope I don't offend anybody by coming here even though I am still on the pain medication.  That isn't my intention.  I just want to offer encouragement to anybody trying to get off,  I know it must be hard because with just my one experience i don't know if I could do it and that scares me a bit.  And if by some miracle they find a cure for lupus and rhuemetiod arthritis and i like knowing that there is a place i can go to help me get off the this stuff.

[june66]

I think one of the reasons I am kicking so 'early' is beause I knew in the back of  my mind that I didn't have the resources you have. If I were working and not a student and didn't have to worry about not having health insurance I would have kept going longer. The fact that I thought I was in an early enough stage to quit on my own without subox. or a facility was the reason I chose now. That and the fact that when I graduate I will be in the health industry and drug tested EVERYWHERE. Also, I didn't even realized I was addicted until about a month ago. You are blessed to have the resources you have, and I am so impressed that at this point you are doing it at home... I think if I had continued down this path another year I would have to be in a facility for sure. Your will power is impressive! Stay strong! Can't wait for us both to be back to enjoying the things we love!

Luppygirl, thanks for your encouragement! I agree, Goldenarm and I are very postive and strong people, I have the utmost faith in both of us!

[goldenarm]

Thanks for the kind words, they dont go unoticed for sure.How long have you been clean? DOC ?

[goldenarm]

That is a really good report. You are going to make this no problem.To not have any anxiety is huge. It says alot about how you are and what you are made of.The sleep part is big for me too. Not so much that i cant because i watch movies ,but the next day when i have to work, that kills me, i need to have my math skills be sharp as well as talk to clients adn such. Very dificult area, As long as it passes quckly i will be ok.It can wear on you,I wasa guessing it had something to do with a Bday! Just didnt want to say that.The 25 yr old threw me off as i was thinking along actaul yr.I love the way you put your #s together.I have health insuarance so im lucky in that area.Right now money is not a concern for detoxing,time is important and of course comfortability. I could have spent a week in a top of the line faciltiy but i cant stand being in that kind of enviroment, I want to be able to do this on my own terms if that makes sense  with outside help .Ive taken 2 of the L tyrosine so far and cant tell if they are working or not, having a rough time not feeling the high from the oxys after 2 yrs,Physically ,,on the other hand.mentally im ok with it, Know i really need to move on and continue my career path.I cant wait for this to be all over and back to going jet sking and offshore fishing working out, everything thatI do to feel good, This stuff really stifled me, i still did but not as much and it didnt feel the same, the excitement was gone alls i cared about was having pills to eat....That will be 25 Hail Marys and 15 Our Fathers,,,,Your great June 66, Thank U for your help....

[luppygirl]

Just wanted to wish you guys the best.  You both sound like you are on the good and right track.  Keep up the amazing job you are doing.  Before you know it life will be great again.  Take care!!!

[june66]

I was sore but I took the L-Tyrosine and I feel... NORMAL! I feel like I did before all this ****. The tapering and the fact that I stopped after 6 months has helped a lot. I just feel really hyper and excited, I know it's the L-Tyrosine and B6. Once it wears off I'll be sore and tired again. My worst time is bed time. I hate lying in bed with my muscles feeling so weird. It really is the worst. At least during the day I can walk around and so stuff.
June66 is for my birthday and my favorite number and my shoe size... I was born on 6/06 and my favorite number is 6 and my shoes size is 6 and my birthday was 6/6/06 in 2006. I just like the number six... Rather than put 666 and seem satantic I put June66. I'm not satanic in any way, I was raised Catholic :)
I like your moniker, it's very moving and I'm sure very effective. I'm going to download the Pink song, I keep seeing it when I google the Sober Tool lyrics so I'll check it out.
Keep up the good work! You are very lucky to be working with a Dr. I was going to do an at home detox program with a Dr, but it was waaay to expensive. I don't have health insurance and all I do is go to school so I'm on a strict budget. I'm glad it was too expensive though because I think with the Thomas program I won't be needing any help...