Aa
I'm ready to quit and I'm scared...
I'm a 25 year old woman living in beautiful Miami and studying in the medical field. I have been using hydrocodone for about 5 months on a regular basis, before that for about 4 months only on the weekends. The past few months I have been having to use it daily in order to feel ok. I was never prescribed these pills and discovered them while working in a night club through other people. They made me "happier" and gave me more energy to work all night long.
I was taking about 60-180 mg a day. I have been tappering myself off the past week and am down to 20 mg a day.
The saddest thing is that I didn't know how addicting these things were. My "friend" who was selling them to me and put me on to them didn't say anything and I unfortunantly have been very sheltered when it comes to drugs. Last month I went out of town and didn't have any for several days. I was sad about it but didn't think anything of it. When I started running to the bathroom every 20 mins and having hot and cold flashes and restless leg syndrome I thought I caught the flu on the plane. When I told my other friend about it on my way to pick up some more pills, she asked me if I was going through withdrawal. How sad. It hit me like a brick wall. I realized then I was truely addicted.
I don't want this problem anymore! I don't have any desire to take them, I am only taking what little I am now to keep from being sick. Because I am down to such a low dose I wake up in the morning with slight withdrawal symptoms from sleeping all night without any. I take 7.5 mg to stave off the uncomfortable feeling and go about my day. I repeat this twice more throughout the day. I can't buy anymore because that's when I start using 60-180 mg a day just because I have them and want to get high.
I am starting the Thomas Program this week. I need suggestions, advice, support. Nobody knows about this problem, not even my boyfriend. I feel like a royal jerk for keeping this from him but I am determined to kick. Does anybody know how long and how bad my WD symptoms should last since I am down to about less than 30 mg a day?
Thanks,
June in Miami
I was taking about 60-180 mg a day. I have been tappering myself off the past week and am down to 20 mg a day.
The saddest thing is that I didn't know how addicting these things were. My "friend" who was selling them to me and put me on to them didn't say anything and I unfortunantly have been very sheltered when it comes to drugs. Last month I went out of town and didn't have any for several days. I was sad about it but didn't think anything of it. When I started running to the bathroom every 20 mins and having hot and cold flashes and restless leg syndrome I thought I caught the flu on the plane. When I told my other friend about it on my way to pick up some more pills, she asked me if I was going through withdrawal. How sad. It hit me like a brick wall. I realized then I was truely addicted.
I don't want this problem anymore! I don't have any desire to take them, I am only taking what little I am now to keep from being sick. Because I am down to such a low dose I wake up in the morning with slight withdrawal symptoms from sleeping all night without any. I take 7.5 mg to stave off the uncomfortable feeling and go about my day. I repeat this twice more throughout the day. I can't buy anymore because that's when I start using 60-180 mg a day just because I have them and want to get high.
I am starting the Thomas Program this week. I need suggestions, advice, support. Nobody knows about this problem, not even my boyfriend. I feel like a royal jerk for keeping this from him but I am determined to kick. Does anybody know how long and how bad my WD symptoms should last since I am down to about less than 30 mg a day?
Thanks,
June in Miami
I'm trying to get things under control before tomorrow... laundry, cleaning everything in order so that the next few days I can just be sick. Thank god my bf is coming into town so I won't be alone. I'm scared of what he will think though. I have to really down play whatever I am feeling. I'm writing here constantly more as of a reasurance. I feel like if I keep talking about it I can't back out. I wanna tell more people but then I stop myself. I don't think any of my friends would be understanding when I admit I'm a junkie. I think calling myself a junkie is very theraputic. I always had excuses for what I did, but now I'm honest and I feel like using ugly words to describe what I'm going through will only encourage me to get clean. I'm a junkie and a fiend.
RX pills are dangerous. I always though because I wasn't snorting lines or getting out of control drunk or popping ecstacy pills that I didn't have a problem. What a misconception. I used to recreationally use coke when I was 19... I went through a phase where I was using several times a week. When I met a boyfriend who refused to let me do it, I thought about sneaking off to do it and I was sad about not doing it anymore but I never did it again. It was easy. That's what I thought addiction was. I thought because it was easy the first time and because I was so stubborn I could control this. I've always been that way with smoking. I can pick it up and put it down without a problem. But boy are these pills a different story.
I'm glad I am stopping now and I'm glad I went through this addiction now as opposed to later in life. The only person it has harmed as been me. I've spent about $600 in the past month on drugs which is by far out of my budget, but it hasn't caused me to lose my home or not be able to pay my bills. I am about as lucky as an addict can get, and I refuse to push my luck. I won't hit rock bottom. I'm not going to lose it.
I think that's how we all need to look at our addictions and the havoc they have wrecked... it's bad, but it get worse. Why not do something now before it gets worse. Before you spend more money, before you push more loved ones away, before you begin to lose everything you've worked for. And from a practical view for all of you who want to kick but keep putting it off... imagine every day you use as making your detox that much more painful and difficult. I would love to run out and buy ten more roxies and quit in a few days, but why? So that when the enevitable comes my WD is that much harder? No way. NOW. NOW NOW. Now is the time.
As much as my stomach is filled with dread I am SO excited to get back to a normal life. Not a life where I'm sneaking into the bathroom to pop pills or sneaking out of the house to spend $400 on pills. I want a life where I decide how to spend my money, not my addiction. I want a life where I don't need a fix to be happy, but I can be happy by spending time with my loved ones. I want to be healthy, I want to have a family and I want to be successful. None of this will happen if I continue down this road.
I encourage anybody to really think about the best thing in their life and imagine losing that. Over a pill. Is it worth it? It better be because it's bound to happen.
Well, that all my rantings for now. Like I said, this is mostly for my benefit. I'm trying to make my addiction and problem a reality so that I can be that much more determined to kick it. This is the only support I have besides one friend who already kicked. I just told her today and she is going to help me get more xanax but other than that she isn't in a position to be much help. So please, write! Tell me WHATEVER! You don't need to encourage me, you can call me an idiot. You can tell me about your problems or you can ask me about mine. Whatever you write will help because the more real I make this, the better chance I have of getting through it. And thank you to the people who have already written. It's sad that this is the first time I feel like I have connected to people since I started living this lie. I vow that when this storm is over I will be on this website offering support and advice to anybody who needs it.
GOD BLESS!
~June
RX pills are dangerous. I always though because I wasn't snorting lines or getting out of control drunk or popping ecstacy pills that I didn't have a problem. What a misconception. I used to recreationally use coke when I was 19... I went through a phase where I was using several times a week. When I met a boyfriend who refused to let me do it, I thought about sneaking off to do it and I was sad about not doing it anymore but I never did it again. It was easy. That's what I thought addiction was. I thought because it was easy the first time and because I was so stubborn I could control this. I've always been that way with smoking. I can pick it up and put it down without a problem. But boy are these pills a different story.
I'm glad I am stopping now and I'm glad I went through this addiction now as opposed to later in life. The only person it has harmed as been me. I've spent about $600 in the past month on drugs which is by far out of my budget, but it hasn't caused me to lose my home or not be able to pay my bills. I am about as lucky as an addict can get, and I refuse to push my luck. I won't hit rock bottom. I'm not going to lose it.
I think that's how we all need to look at our addictions and the havoc they have wrecked... it's bad, but it get worse. Why not do something now before it gets worse. Before you spend more money, before you push more loved ones away, before you begin to lose everything you've worked for. And from a practical view for all of you who want to kick but keep putting it off... imagine every day you use as making your detox that much more painful and difficult. I would love to run out and buy ten more roxies and quit in a few days, but why? So that when the enevitable comes my WD is that much harder? No way. NOW. NOW NOW. Now is the time.
As much as my stomach is filled with dread I am SO excited to get back to a normal life. Not a life where I'm sneaking into the bathroom to pop pills or sneaking out of the house to spend $400 on pills. I want a life where I decide how to spend my money, not my addiction. I want a life where I don't need a fix to be happy, but I can be happy by spending time with my loved ones. I want to be healthy, I want to have a family and I want to be successful. None of this will happen if I continue down this road.
I encourage anybody to really think about the best thing in their life and imagine losing that. Over a pill. Is it worth it? It better be because it's bound to happen.
Well, that all my rantings for now. Like I said, this is mostly for my benefit. I'm trying to make my addiction and problem a reality so that I can be that much more determined to kick it. This is the only support I have besides one friend who already kicked. I just told her today and she is going to help me get more xanax but other than that she isn't in a position to be much help. So please, write! Tell me WHATEVER! You don't need to encourage me, you can call me an idiot. You can tell me about your problems or you can ask me about mine. Whatever you write will help because the more real I make this, the better chance I have of getting through it. And thank you to the people who have already written. It's sad that this is the first time I feel like I have connected to people since I started living this lie. I vow that when this storm is over I will be on this website offering support and advice to anybody who needs it.
GOD BLESS!
~June
Look Goldenarm, I don't need to convince you why you need to quit, you already told me why. Your job, everything you own, the success you've had...
Today I got all the things I needed for my Thomas detox including some xanax so I can knock myself out when the WD gets too hard to handle.
I took my last 15 mg of oxycodone. I figured why ration it out and not take it all now so that tomorrow morning will be the first day of being sober. I remember when HALF of 15mg would knock me on my ***, now I hardly feel it.
I decided not to tell my BF although I came close today. I'm going to act like it's the flu. The time I started to WD a month ago it was like a bad case of the flu so it may be a little worse now since it's been a month but I don't expect much worse. I am nervous. I went to school and fed them a line to excuse me from classes so I don't have any responsibilities until Monday. That leaves about 5 days for me to detox. I'm sure I won't be 100% better by then, but hopefully not as sick.
I'm nervous... I wish I never started with this ****...
Today I got all the things I needed for my Thomas detox including some xanax so I can knock myself out when the WD gets too hard to handle.
I took my last 15 mg of oxycodone. I figured why ration it out and not take it all now so that tomorrow morning will be the first day of being sober. I remember when HALF of 15mg would knock me on my ***, now I hardly feel it.
I decided not to tell my BF although I came close today. I'm going to act like it's the flu. The time I started to WD a month ago it was like a bad case of the flu so it may be a little worse now since it's been a month but I don't expect much worse. I am nervous. I went to school and fed them a line to excuse me from classes so I don't have any responsibilities until Monday. That leaves about 5 days for me to detox. I'm sure I won't be 100% better by then, but hopefully not as sick.
I'm nervous... I wish I never started with this ****...
That was huge. i love the way your taking this on. I get my moments.Ive been very successful later in life, in my 50s and before i went thru this **** a few times , and with heroin. I can hardly type right now, im debating on weather to ride out the next few days without Help form SUboxone but ive been really sucking down the oxys for 2 yrs strait , before that over 8 yrs with nothing..I did real well in that time and bought a house boat truck car etc etc etc, and i have everything in the world to lose ,MY JOB which pays unreal money because im finally at the top of my trades of what i do for a living.ANd i payed soem seriuos dues.IMjust so shot out right now i cant keep typing
Girl, I know the feeling!!! I'm a student studying Radiology... if I get caught all my years of school are down the drain. I also know I need to kick this before graduation in July because any hospital or clinic I want to work at will drug test.
The club I worked at was raided and closed down. What a blessing in disguise. I always told myself when I stopped working in the club I wouldn't need the pills anymore (for the energy and "happy" feeling). When the club closed and I was no longer working for a month but still taking roxies I realized I had a big problem. That's when I started tapering. Ironically the woman who was selling to me in the begining lost her script so I was introduced to another man who was a full time drug dealer. He explained to me how he has seen these pills RUIN people's lives. He told me about a woman who was pregnant taking them and now her baby is on life support in the hospital going through SEVERE withdrawal. He told me about another woman who was a beautiful video vixen, she was in hip hop videos for tons of famous rappers. Now she is addicted to heroine and you wouldn't want to touch her with a ten foot pole. She started with roxies and when they weren't strong enough started taking them IV and now has moved on to heroine as roxies are becoming harder to get. He ended his speech with handing me a pill cutter. It's a little box with a razor blade in it and you put pills in and it cuts them neatly in half.
PEOPLE, IF YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM GET A PILL CUTTER!!! My main surprise was when I cut my first pill took half thinking it wasn't going to do anything and I still felt the effect. Of course it was lighter but it was bearable. Now I cut the little blue pills (30 mg) in 4 pieces and take 3 pieces throughout the day. Yesterday I got down to 2 pieces. Today will be the same and then tomorrow the same and then Thomas Detox.
Look, if you are here you know you have a problem. The sooner you start to taper the better. This feeling is not nice, and imagine, if you can taper now then it will make your WD less severe. DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!
I don't know about you but I miss the old me. I was the life of the party, always forcing my friends to meet up and go out. Now I sit in my bedroom staring at the tv and interacting with my friends on Facebook while I watch the clock waiting until I can take my next dose. I'm 5'2" and used to weigh 119 which was mostly muscle, I worked out every day, ran and had a personal trainer. Now I get winded walking up stairs and I weigh 105 soaking wet. I'm by no means underweight but all the weight I lost was muscle. Losing 14 pounds on a frame as small as mine is a big difference. And I'm not happy about it, it's not healthy looking. I'm skinny-fat... I look ok until you grab me and fell that there is no muscle, I feel squishy like jello. Gross.
I'm going to be posting here every day, all day so that whoever is interested to quit or taper can see it is possible for them to do WHEN THEY WANT TO! If I can survive this so can you. We deserve SO MUCH MORE. I can't wait, in two weeks I plan on exercising, eating right, tanning and spending time with my friends! I will NEVER touch these blue devils again.
Rather than dreading the WD symptoms, look forward to what comes AFTER the WD... you're old you! The REAL you!
"Most of the shadows in life are caused by standing in the way of one's own sunshine".
Screw that, I like sunshine and I'm moving out of the way.
The club I worked at was raided and closed down. What a blessing in disguise. I always told myself when I stopped working in the club I wouldn't need the pills anymore (for the energy and "happy" feeling). When the club closed and I was no longer working for a month but still taking roxies I realized I had a big problem. That's when I started tapering. Ironically the woman who was selling to me in the begining lost her script so I was introduced to another man who was a full time drug dealer. He explained to me how he has seen these pills RUIN people's lives. He told me about a woman who was pregnant taking them and now her baby is on life support in the hospital going through SEVERE withdrawal. He told me about another woman who was a beautiful video vixen, she was in hip hop videos for tons of famous rappers. Now she is addicted to heroine and you wouldn't want to touch her with a ten foot pole. She started with roxies and when they weren't strong enough started taking them IV and now has moved on to heroine as roxies are becoming harder to get. He ended his speech with handing me a pill cutter. It's a little box with a razor blade in it and you put pills in and it cuts them neatly in half.
PEOPLE, IF YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM GET A PILL CUTTER!!! My main surprise was when I cut my first pill took half thinking it wasn't going to do anything and I still felt the effect. Of course it was lighter but it was bearable. Now I cut the little blue pills (30 mg) in 4 pieces and take 3 pieces throughout the day. Yesterday I got down to 2 pieces. Today will be the same and then tomorrow the same and then Thomas Detox.
Look, if you are here you know you have a problem. The sooner you start to taper the better. This feeling is not nice, and imagine, if you can taper now then it will make your WD less severe. DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!
I don't know about you but I miss the old me. I was the life of the party, always forcing my friends to meet up and go out. Now I sit in my bedroom staring at the tv and interacting with my friends on Facebook while I watch the clock waiting until I can take my next dose. I'm 5'2" and used to weigh 119 which was mostly muscle, I worked out every day, ran and had a personal trainer. Now I get winded walking up stairs and I weigh 105 soaking wet. I'm by no means underweight but all the weight I lost was muscle. Losing 14 pounds on a frame as small as mine is a big difference. And I'm not happy about it, it's not healthy looking. I'm skinny-fat... I look ok until you grab me and fell that there is no muscle, I feel squishy like jello. Gross.
I'm going to be posting here every day, all day so that whoever is interested to quit or taper can see it is possible for them to do WHEN THEY WANT TO! If I can survive this so can you. We deserve SO MUCH MORE. I can't wait, in two weeks I plan on exercising, eating right, tanning and spending time with my friends! I will NEVER touch these blue devils again.
Rather than dreading the WD symptoms, look forward to what comes AFTER the WD... you're old you! The REAL you!
"Most of the shadows in life are caused by standing in the way of one's own sunshine".
Screw that, I like sunshine and I'm moving out of the way.
Great start! you are a stronger woman than me! I am planning to start my Thomas detox in about 2.5 weeks.. I have to get rid of the drugs I have and have to tie up loose ends so I dont have the option to get meds anymore...I am in school full time and if I miss classes will fail the program as we are in a crucial point right now! ( I am a nurse, wanna talk about feeling like a piece for letting myself get addicted, can you say career over if I am found out) I had the same fear and self loathing about telling my husband as you do the boyfriend but he may be a bigger support than you think...I am sure you can do this as you have already tapered so well! I did not have the will power for that! you can beat this and will be so much stronger and hardheaded because of it lol !! good luck and keep on the board so we can all take care of each other!
Should I tell my boyfriend??? I am going to school today to explain my problem to a directer so that I can be excused from school until next monday. That leaves me with about 5 days to get through this. My boyfriend of 4 months is coming into town this Friday and staying until Sunday evening. We have all sorts of things planned but I know this will be when my WD is the worst. Do I tell him or do I just say I have the flu? I am leaning toward the flu because once this is over I will never use again and it can all just be a bad memory. I don't want to lose him... I don't know if he will understand. If I tell him its the flu he can help take care of me and bring me liquids and run me hot baths just like you would for somebody with the flu... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS COME TO!!! DECIDING ON WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD TELL MY BOYFRIEND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS A FREAKING JUNKIE!!!
Never again.
-June
Never again.
-June
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