Intro

[MizDemeanor]

Sorry but this is a long one...

I've been lurking on this board a few weeks, deciding what I was going to "do". I have to say this is a totally great group of people. I've learned from reading the different stages people are at, and it has helped to know that others do have these same problems, and live through them. (I do realize some do not) :(
My story is common it seems. I'm a professional who has worked for the same large company in a middle mgt type position for a good while. I hurt myself and had to take Lortab after a surgery a few years back. I got off it but was depressed for a while, no biggie. Fast forward a few years. Same physical problem needed much more complex surgery. I had pain. I took pills. Oh wait, hey, these are pretty good when you take two...three...hmm 5mg doesnt "work", need more. OK, Doc says here's 7.5, then a while later, heres 10 mg pills. For a few years I went between my primary care physician and a pain mgt doc, showed my injury which was real, and kept a pretty good supply. Then on this last surgery, my doc had to give me percocet 7.5 because the pain was so bad. The worst of it was, I was taking about 100 mg per day of lortab UP TO THE DAY BEFORE surgery! When I came out of the OR the pain was so intense I thought I was going to die. I had such a tolerance. I was stupid and didnt tell my docs what I had been doing, after all I have a job I can lose by playing fast and loose with controlled substances. Why would I tell him I was "so terrible I gobbled opiates for fun"? Not me, no Sir! Fine, do that.......It took them much longer to make me comfortable immediately post op, they had to call a dr to do a "nerve block" while I was awake...didnt even faze me I was so immersed in the pain. If he had said "I am going to saw your leg off with this hacksaw" I swear I dont think Id have cared. The most vivid memory I have is of a nurse who looked like she was about to cry and said "we have thrown EVERYTHING WE HAVE AT YOU". Then they got the anesthesia doc. They gave me dilaudid, morphine, all of those. I still felt as if someone had set me on fire.
Fast forward yet again. 2 months post op. Guess what? NO MORE MEDS. "Dont you know these things can be ADDICTIVE"??? err no sh*t. You cant make them give it and if you show up at another doc with obvious recent surgery they are going to stay far away from getting involved in THAT.
Then I realized I had 2 options. I can continue to find ways to get more (gawd I hate that searching ****, did it with pot when I was younger) OR STOP. Man I dont wanna stop, I feel good and just stay in this nice cloud all the time and btw Im hurting and recovering from surgery so I have an excuse. Well..NOT. Its either go or stop. I have chosen stop. I didnt have bad w/d going cold turkey. I simply used other meds like xanax (which I take for anxiety) and a supply of flexiril I had from a car accident that I didnt use (Not addicted to either of those at all) I have had anxiety disorder most of my life and my xanax is low dose daily. Never got me "high" or anything I always wonder about people who are addicted and what is different about me and them since I dont crave them ever and they never get me high.
Anyway I basically slept through about 4 days. Today is the first day Im up and no pills and not taking other meds to blur it.
Its rough out here...where is my pink cloud of happiness? ugh. I know I cannot ever take these again. I got really lucky with the w/d unless something is going to sneak up on me.
Thanks to everyone who posts here. Had I not found this site, I may have ruined the rest of my life.
Peace.

[worried878]

Yey...and I need all the energy I can get right now...I could easily take 10 a day as well...I can survive off 6 but really like 7 or 8 a day.....wow!  i remember when 10 mg would send me flying for hours...tolerence is the worst thing about this drug I think

[MizDemeanor]

Oh man, Worried, 30 10 mgs would have lasted me three days. I was a sucker when I was taking so much right up til the day before surgery. Im sorry you tapering off didnt help. If you had the same post op pain, I know just how that was. I felt like I was literally on fire.
I'm sorry you had to go back on them.  I dont think I can ever take another ONE of those things. Dont be mad at yourself, it will be wasted energy. (there didnt that sound good? LOL Im telling that to myself too, so maybe we can both get it at the same time?)
Good luck and keep the faith. I'll be thinking of you.
Peace.

[worried878]

I experienced the same thing...had surgery over the summer and thought I would die since he gave me a scipt for 30 lortabs for a week....no way would that work for me...scary thing is had been off of them for a couple of months to help so my tolerence would go down for the surgery so that I could get relief...It did not...My tolerence was the same after 2 months of no lortbas..just about anyway...anyway..that surgery was enough to get me back in the cycle of lortab abuse and here I am...this time quitting is not so easy!  I am really mad at myself for doing this to myself

[MizDemeanor]

The smoking part is so true, Cathy! I was a social smoker, smoked a pack a WEEK for 20 years. Since I started on the pills I am now up to over a pack a DAY! I have been off of the pills since Monday, but I'm already smoking half as much. Im not worrying about the smoking yet since Im still trying to forget about the pills.
Peace.

[lonote]

Thankyou! Its no wonder as the dope makes ciggs taste better, and God knows what we've smoked. Dinn't mean to take away from Miz's  area here.  Thanks again Shelly!!!!!! Cathy

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum....it 's amazing what we can learn on here!! Your story is so typical,  drug use starts.., then  progresses, and then we wonder...how did i end up here? I want off  this merry-go-round.!!  Well...I'm off of it now....

Hang in there...keep posting!

[shelly405]

I posted on another thread about bronchitis/pnuemonia and codeine addiction. I recently got the flu, and it turned into pneumonia. My Dr. says that people like us are prone to it. Many times when going through withdrawals, we think that's all it is but we actually have pneumania or bronchitis. I urge everyone of us here to get checked for respritory infections after detox. My Dr. says I had it for at least 2 months, maybe longer, and it didn't manifest until I got the flu.
Shelly

[sickcookie]

Please listen to Lonote she is a smart cookie,glad your here LO

[lonote]

Wecome! I'm glad you surfaced, because I'm feeling your story, totally. Your between a rock and a hard place. But since you decided to stop,I got news for you hon, the pink cloud is going to be that of what you make it. You sorry you didn't tell the docs, to be honest, I'm kinda sorry I told him. My pneumonia is back, I had it three weeks ago, and by a fluke the E.R. gave me some percs till I could get to the doc during the upcoming week. After that it was apparent to me that he was the only one to be giving my narcotics. And with my asthma my chest, and throat so sore yesterday I got the news of the newest chest X-ray cloudy in a patch, well I saw his collugue, excuse my spelling, he talked with my doctor and he shook his head. You see, I hate him, but I love him. I went to him with a problem and I guess when needs be, I have to tough it out, which sucks. But oh well. Thats some tollerence you have Miz, being on suboxone If I hurt myself I'd prob. be in a world of s---. You sick around here. I allready know alot of people are feeling your presence. Theres alot of support out here for you.   Cathy

[MizDemeanor]

Thank you ALL for your posts! I am one of those people who need to be slapped for what I did. My ex husband was a full fledged alcoholic and cocaine addict. I KNOW about drug addiction. How the H did it happen to ME? Argh I feel stupid. He has been clean for almost 20 years with one BIG slip a few years ago.
I used to think "oh he is such a JUNKIE blah blah" while I puffed my pot and felt superior.
What a jerk I was. Not to mention stupid.....Its not right for someone who went through all I did with HIS problem (and my son did) to ever have gotten here. I know it will be hard and that is why I am here. I am not in a position to really go to a group, I dont want my poor son to realize his mom turned out worse than his dad (who is clean now and told me a while back to "watch out for those meds")
Ahhh, its nice to have you guys. Thanks so much. Hugs to you all!

[shelly405]

I was engrossed in your story and I can sympathize with you 100%. We don't think about what happens when we NEED the pain meds in a situation like your surgery, and we have basically broken our bodies and nothing will take the pain away. I am suprised they didn't give you an epidural or just induce a coma. But what you went through shows how strong you are to still want to quit after all that. And after your experience in the hospital, withdrawal must have been a walk in the park.Stay strong and keep posting. This place has been a life-saver for most of us here. I never would have been able to quit if I had not have found this site.
Shelly

[sickcookie]

Please keep it up,you are thru the worst,I think some are fortunate to have only moderate withdrawls thankfully.But that is only part of it ,I found that cravings and spaciness come along but just remember how bad you want it and for me this is easier than taking the pills again.I beleive it is because of the  information   and compassion from the wonderful people here.So keep reading stay strong and want it as bad as you use to want those damm pills.Keep it up and the pink clouds will be in sight.PS in a few days think about loosing those other pill too

[GoingToMakeIt]

That was a good post. I was similar to you. Glad you saw the light. Read up on PAWS. That is the next battle, the battle of the mind.

[hopsing94]

Thanks for coming on. You may not be completely over it as the mental phase of going without may still hit you. You are lucky that the physical part is pretty much over,stick with it so you can at the least see how much pain you are really in. You are doing the right thing because these pain meds will ruin your life. Congrats on getting this far. Keep posting as you go along so others can see that it can be done. The happiness will come i promise.

[IBKleen]

Keep it up hun..I promise, it is worth it. And glad to see you here..thanks for your post!!