Aa
Lose yourself
To all of those who are fighting a daily battle with yourself…. You are not alone in this fight. I am still fighting but it remains mentally tough. I am further than I ever have been but yes it is difficult. Internally my mind wages a war against this addiction while externally I put on a brave face. You all know what I mean.
I am posting to hopefully describe to some degree what has helped the absolute most in this fight.
I am going to attempt to describe how I feel during my most bright areas of my day and what I do to achieve this.
I begin on walking on a treadmill going at a relatively slow pace thinking god I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.
My muscles are not firing and feel like dead weights sinking me to the bottom of an ocean. I want to cry with the anxiety and regular stressors of my day.
I begin to blast my music to whatever tunes that inspire me for the day (sometimes Katy Perry though my new favorite is Breaking Benjamin). It depends and changes just as my freaking crazy self does hourly.
Not to sound cliche but I seriously lose myself in the music… find something YOU can relate to or connect to and think of only the music.
I begin to channel all my frustration, anger, aggression, anxiety towards walking faster…faster…faster until I am sprinting. Yes I know this is not attainable for all of the ppl with pain (what got most of us here anyway) but a fast walk is still activity and beneficial.
I am so connected to the music that I forget about feeling so terrible. I forget about feeling "abnormal" for a little bit. I honestly lose myself so entirely sometimes that I get goosebumps from the rush. No not just the withdrawal goosebumps ya'll :)))
And the endorphin rush is nothing short of amazing folks. This is how we begin to repair our vulnerable and unprotected brains (along with the dreaded time aspect).
I never had that kind of workout on pills.
This wonderful incredible life changing experience lasted until I walked into the locker room and realized I did not remember my combination:) LOL and then comes the anxiety again. But bottom line it did go away for awhile and I am a huge proponent of exercise! Love to you all my posse and 3 Musketeers!
I am posting to hopefully describe to some degree what has helped the absolute most in this fight.
I am going to attempt to describe how I feel during my most bright areas of my day and what I do to achieve this.
I begin on walking on a treadmill going at a relatively slow pace thinking god I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.
My muscles are not firing and feel like dead weights sinking me to the bottom of an ocean. I want to cry with the anxiety and regular stressors of my day.
I begin to blast my music to whatever tunes that inspire me for the day (sometimes Katy Perry though my new favorite is Breaking Benjamin). It depends and changes just as my freaking crazy self does hourly.
Not to sound cliche but I seriously lose myself in the music… find something YOU can relate to or connect to and think of only the music.
I begin to channel all my frustration, anger, aggression, anxiety towards walking faster…faster…faster until I am sprinting. Yes I know this is not attainable for all of the ppl with pain (what got most of us here anyway) but a fast walk is still activity and beneficial.
I am so connected to the music that I forget about feeling so terrible. I forget about feeling "abnormal" for a little bit. I honestly lose myself so entirely sometimes that I get goosebumps from the rush. No not just the withdrawal goosebumps ya'll :)))
And the endorphin rush is nothing short of amazing folks. This is how we begin to repair our vulnerable and unprotected brains (along with the dreaded time aspect).
I never had that kind of workout on pills.
This wonderful incredible life changing experience lasted until I walked into the locker room and realized I did not remember my combination:) LOL and then comes the anxiety again. But bottom line it did go away for awhile and I am a huge proponent of exercise! Love to you all my posse and 3 Musketeers!
You, my friend are an absolute ROCK STAR!!! You are A #1, TOP OF THE HEAP, KING OF THE HILL!. You are, have been, and will continue to be an awesome leader. Thank you.
Charlie ----You are destined to be an inspiring leader my friend. I am so proud of you !!!!! 30 days buddy!!!!!!!!! Those weird anxiety filled urges are going to go away eventually but man they suck!!!
Oh nomore I just got goosebumps reading that!! And this sick excited pit in my stomach for refills lol. sick.
I am so proud of you not checking that box!!!!!!!!!!! It would have been so easy but then you would have been back here to day 1 not too long from now. We know deep down its a vicious cycle that has to be broken. But that desire can seriously come out of the blue! It's scary to think of all the hard work we have put in going down the drain out of 1 moment of weakness (or for me lots of moments of weakness). I am so proud of you my wonderful friend:). It feels good to say no. I love Jlannspr's quote " Do you have the power to let go of the power?". You DO!!
I am so proud of you not checking that box!!!!!!!!!!! It would have been so easy but then you would have been back here to day 1 not too long from now. We know deep down its a vicious cycle that has to be broken. But that desire can seriously come out of the blue! It's scary to think of all the hard work we have put in going down the drain out of 1 moment of weakness (or for me lots of moments of weakness). I am so proud of you my wonderful friend:). It feels good to say no. I love Jlannspr's quote " Do you have the power to let go of the power?". You DO!!
Hello, angels. Day 26 down working on 27. Yeah!!! And you two are fantastic. Not ordering online and telling your doctors NO. WOW!!!! Would you believe we were going to do that just 4 short weeks ago. Everyone needs and deserves a support system like we have set up here. God knows it helps to get through these rough days. Don't know where I would be without the POSSE!!!
Back to my day, I did pretty good. Still having some anxiety and urges. Handling pretty good and getting really excited to hit the 30 day mark Monday. Been very involved with NA and AA meetings, just got back from a big one, and that has really helped me to focus with some real live people
who are dealing with this addiction and illness every day like us. Church activities are helping a good deal as well.
Also still drinking lots of water, working out 3- 4 times a week, and walking the legs off my little dog every day; sometimes twice a day. Relapsed briefly on my smoking for 2 days and then just stopped again. Only had a few, but still don't know why I started or stopped. All good though. One day at a time. I have learned that I cannot deal with tomorrow or next week today. I can only pray and let God walk me through just this day. And it's working and getting better.
To anyone starting this journey, know this. It has been one of the toughest decisions of my life to stop this horrible addiction to pills. It turned out to be one of the toughest things physically I have ever done. No, it didn't kill me. It won't kill you. But it may make you feel like it will. It won't. But don't try to do this alone. Reach out and grab the help that is here. Reach out to your family and your doctors. Be honest with them and yourself. And once you start, don't turn back. You can do this and you will love the freedom that we are just now starting to enjoy. Live, Laugh, and Love.
JUST FOR TODAY!!!!
Back to my day, I did pretty good. Still having some anxiety and urges. Handling pretty good and getting really excited to hit the 30 day mark Monday. Been very involved with NA and AA meetings, just got back from a big one, and that has really helped me to focus with some real live people
who are dealing with this addiction and illness every day like us. Church activities are helping a good deal as well.
Also still drinking lots of water, working out 3- 4 times a week, and walking the legs off my little dog every day; sometimes twice a day. Relapsed briefly on my smoking for 2 days and then just stopped again. Only had a few, but still don't know why I started or stopped. All good though. One day at a time. I have learned that I cannot deal with tomorrow or next week today. I can only pray and let God walk me through just this day. And it's working and getting better.
To anyone starting this journey, know this. It has been one of the toughest decisions of my life to stop this horrible addiction to pills. It turned out to be one of the toughest things physically I have ever done. No, it didn't kill me. It won't kill you. But it may make you feel like it will. It won't. But don't try to do this alone. Reach out and grab the help that is here. Reach out to your family and your doctors. Be honest with them and yourself. And once you start, don't turn back. You can do this and you will love the freedom that we are just now starting to enjoy. Live, Laugh, and Love.
JUST FOR TODAY!!!!
I forgot to mention that I went online yesterday to order a refill on the anti-inflammatory medicine I take and it had a list of my current and past medications there. Well, of course, Norco was at the top of the list. It said last refill was April 28 and that it was available for refill. I always ordered it online and then I would go pick up the hard copy from my doctor to have it refilled. Oh, my. I was so tempted. It hit me out of the blue! It would have been so easy to just check that little box. God, I used to count the days until I could have another refill! Anyway, I didn't do it. But, wow.
Thanks for the link. Interesting. I hope it works! Congrats on a month! You are doing so good. I know the mental part is hard. Anxiety just makes everything worse. I think all the physical exercise I am doing right now really helps me with that. It's one of the perks of being retired. I have the time to devote to myself. I took an awesome yoga class yesterday. It really helps to calm me. So, I am right behind you! Almost a month. We are doing great. One day at a time.....
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
