Lose yourself

[Tina6444]

To all of those who are fighting a daily battle with yourself…. You are not alone in this fight. I am still fighting but it remains mentally tough. I am further than I ever have been but yes it is difficult. Internally my mind wages a war against this addiction while externally I put on a brave face.  You all know what I mean.

I am posting to hopefully describe to some degree what has helped the absolute most in this fight.

I am going to attempt to describe how I feel during my most bright areas of my day and what I do to achieve this.

I begin on walking on a treadmill going at a relatively slow pace thinking god I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.
My muscles are not firing and feel like dead weights sinking me to the bottom of an ocean. I want to cry with the  anxiety and regular stressors of my day.

I begin to blast my music to whatever tunes that inspire me for the day (sometimes Katy Perry though my new favorite is Breaking Benjamin). It depends and changes just as my freaking crazy self does hourly.
Not to sound cliche but I seriously lose myself in the music… find something YOU can relate to or connect to and think of only the music.

I begin to channel all my frustration, anger, aggression, anxiety towards walking faster…faster…faster until I am sprinting. Yes I know this is not attainable for all of the ppl with pain (what got most of us here anyway) but a fast walk is still activity and beneficial.
I am so connected to the music that I forget about feeling so terrible. I forget about feeling "abnormal" for a little bit.  I honestly lose myself so entirely sometimes that I get goosebumps from the rush. No not just the withdrawal goosebumps ya'll :)))

And the endorphin rush is nothing short of amazing folks. This is how we begin to repair our vulnerable and unprotected brains (along with the dreaded time aspect).
I never had that kind of workout on pills.
This wonderful incredible life changing experience lasted until I walked into the locker room and realized I did not remember my combination:) LOL  and then comes the anxiety again. But bottom line it did go away for awhile and I am a huge proponent of exercise!   Love to you all my posse and 3 Musketeers!  

[Tina6444]

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/07/150706114133.htm

I don't know if it's for me but maybe it will help treat my anxiety, panic attacks, and help me sleep? Maybe give me some strategies to cope that don't involve taking pills.  
Anyone have any experience with this?
I haven't taken the paxil yet; I am worried about possible side effects during the day. We will see how the day goes.

[Nomore2]

Btw, what is cognitive behavior therapy?

[Nomore2]

I knew you could do it. You want it too bad. I know what you mean about leaving empty handed. I always looked forward to that doctor appt! There is a part of me that misses the euphoria I got from the pills. But, then I remember how I would abuse them, Have to take more and more to get that rush and then just be numb. That's no way to live. I'm proud of you, girl!

[Tina6444]

I am going to try CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) next week and possibly start this paxil. But most importantly I will stop moping around and get back to my more strong self.  I really sucked this week.  New post tomorrow…new attitude:) And I am still ahead of you by two days only because of your support friend.

[Tina6444]

How are you today charlie man?

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

Way to go!!! I am so proud of you and us.