Marijuana, benzos, E Pills, Oxycotin, oxy/hydrocodone, Lsd, and coke.

[s4i2c3k]

Im 21. Been smoking weed for about 10 years everyday like i had something to prove. Cutting back on it now. Been taking benzos for a few years..trying to stop...not so easy...probly gonna end up in rehab...I quit oxycotin and pain pills cold turkey, it was hard since i had such cheap and easy access to whatever i want. felt like **** but made it. I did e pills alot, i overdosed...all the drugs i mentioned in the title i would sometimes do them all in the same day..bad bad bad idea. almost died a couple times. cocaine i did when ever it was around...but i didnt really like it...still got hooked on it tho...i think i weaned off it by using e pills really. I stopped e pills because it was going to kill me..and im not ready to die i guess. Lsd was interesting...not for everyone thats for sure...easy to not take though. Now...benzos....seems to be the hardest...feels like ill die without them..but im taking steps to come off of them. I like hearing about people experiences with benzos...like for how long you took them and how much you took, and how you came off of them and how you feel afterwards. Anyone?

[IBKleen]

For someone who wants to live you sure are doing a good job of killing yourself.

In all honesty, if it is possible, please consider in-patient treatment. All of the drugs you are ingesting are a symptom of what is really going on with you and for that you need professional help.

I am glad you found your way here but hope you will consider getting help beyond this board.

[s4i2c3k]

i just liked the thrill of drugs, didnt think it would kill me, or didnt think i could get addicted. I like anything that takes things to the extreme. High speed, fights, explosions, drugs, music, sex, im a thrill seeker. Until i have a panic attack. then im a coward. Im only on weed prozac and benzos now...im weaning off all that....do you still think i need to go to rehab? i feel like i have the strength to do this on my own.

[gnarly_1]

HI sounds like you been down a long road for someone thats only 21...from what you have posted you have came threw a lot already but benzo's are really hard to come off of... you need to be tapered off them properly ....its not something that you do yourself...you need a doctors help...you need to be steped off slowly to avoid seizures and the withdrawals are going to be ruff even doing it the right way....please seek a doctors help and don't try to do this yourself...we will be here to support you however we can but get help
good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  

[IBKleen]

What you described is all the more reason why I think you need professional help.

When all of the drugs are gone, what are you going to do for thrills?

[dominosarah]

You say you are a thrill seeker.....head to an amusement park.  Please get some help with this.  We will support you but you need more than just this board.

[s4i2c3k]

I got 24hrs til i go back to the doctor where im sure i have a good chance of getting put in some hospital, wich i have a phobia of. Ive been to DDH before, but i talked my way out in under 8 hrs when they told me i was there for 2 weeks mandatory evaluation. Really i have alot of fun biking, fighting, deep sea fishing, whatever you know...just i loved to experiment with drugs. It killed my uncle not long ago, he told me he was gonna do it it til he died then he died from it like 3 months later, so that weighed on my mind. The only drug i have a problem with is benzos, im scared to come off because i dont want to have a seizure, i have great self control with drugs. Before i did not, i wanted to see how high i could get, i found out, im done, its wrong, its poison, and i feel like a murderer because of pushing poison to make money. I dont know i just dont want to put my life in their hands, i dont trust them, i dont think drugs is ever the answer and im scared they will give me more drugs that i dont want....i just want to be clean....i think if i could get clean they would see i dont have a real problem, its just ive never been sober really since i was little. i mean i went sober for a week here and there but that doesnt count. i dont want to be locked up or being fed more meds. I had my experience with drugs, im done, i dont want antidepressents i feel like ill need something the rest of my life when i take them. im swinging back and forth over a line between rehab of some kind and doing it on my own... i dont understand why they cant tell me what to do, ill do it, but im not going to be locked up.

[s4i2c3k]

I just get so mad that im on drugs that its like a rage, its like im trying fight something i cant beat. kinda frustrating.  I just want off so bad and im scared all they will do is give me more.

[StillLost21]

It's really impressive that you were able to stop doing painkillers so easily. The thing is, it's really good that you are taking less drugs, but have you ever gone a period without any drugs? The reason I ask, is because for me, I took lots of combinations of drugs too, opiates were my main thing, but i'd still take coke, ecstacy, xanax, alcohol, and whatever else was around. I would stop taking some of them, opiates and coke say, but i'd still drink or take xanax or adderall or something on a daily basis. So even though I stopped one, I was still taking other things everyday, so my head could justify that it still had something. The addiction was still completely alive, just I was swapping it around with different drugs. So it's totally possible you still need to go to rehab, because even though now you aretaking fewer drugs, just the xanax, weed, and one other ( i forgot what the third was) than what you were taking before, you're still taking something. You still have some form of substance crutch for your brain. If you are able to get off the xanax and weed and are completely sober for once, you might run into a lot of trouble staying off drugs. That's why it would be good to be in a rehab. Even though you're taking less, your brain has still been trained to function through the use of drugs, whether it's all 6 at once, or cut back to just 3, as far as your brain is concerned it doesn't differentiate that, it just knows that you are giving it something to work. So now you have to retrain your head and body to live and function and produce the natural nuerotransmitterswithout drugs, and that's probably where the rehab would be come in.

[s4i2c3k]

I have gone about a week without anything at all but that was years ago, my doctor said i could start my prozak every other day plus its only a 20mg, so it wont be hard to come off of. my doc says i can stop my benzos cold turkey just quite no weaning or nothing, i say thats bs so im just weanin my self off, i got a substance abuse counsler now....just waiting for her to call...i think i can do this without rehab, i have been without the weed no problem for many days at a time...but not the benzos....but ill get that takin care of...and get to where i need nothing at all. my addiction will never go away, i still want to party like i always have, and i have such easy and cheap access its hard not to work that to my personal gain, but i just channel that addiction to something else that will pay off, in a way drugs cant. I honestly wanted rehab or jail time or something...because i felt i needed it...but i dont do well being controlled by government run organizations, since i have alot of people to learn lessons from and have a few they are helping me...i think i can do this without rehab. i want to be sober more than anything, so i can unleash myself and see what i can really be. havnt been sober except when i was dying sick...since 11 or so, i really wanna change that and im close enough to just try it without rehab. yeah i repeated myself alot.   i find the natural drugs/highs/ are hardest to quit...cause it seems like thats why they are there in the first place...but all this other bs the government makes...dont need it...i want it gone...and no rehab. though if it works for you i say do it, ive been on the ground dying from withdrawls and overdoses and wished to almighty god i was in some time of rehab to help me, but i didnt, so i dont really knock off points for anyone going to rehab...just dont think i need it. yep.  everyone on this site is awesome...keep up the support.

[IBKleen]

Just remember when you think you can do this on your own---Your best thinking got you here.

Good luck. Let us know how you make out.

[s4i2c3k]

Thats like some old wise man stuff, your right, but i hate being under a medicated controlled by someon else state of being, makes me feel insane. I have made up my mind that if i am not making the improvements i need to be making, or i slip and use saftey pills im going to rehab, im really wishin my substance abuse lady would call...but i dont think they care...seems like they just do their job sometimes. whatever as long as its good information.

[vicki595]

Hey~  Can I ask you :   What drugs have taken today?          It could be me but you're not making a whole lot of sense....................

[s4i2c3k]

20mg prozac and 1.5mg clonozapam. or how ever its spelled. i smoked a little bit of weed also. i had a long day, im super tired, and i know ive been rambling and making run on sentences and on top of that i have abstract ways of thinking. i think what i said makes sense....if it doesnt let me know.

[s4i2c3k]

like anyone let me know if im not making sense... makes me feel crazy if i cant get my point across. leads to a panic attack you know? see...thats that weak minded part coming in. im sort of talking to myself at this point.

[vicki595]

Okay...you sound fine now.  The other post above kind of ran on..so I was concerned for you.  :)

V.

[s4i2c3k]

Yeah i knew that while i was typing all of it. good lookin out though!

[StillLost21]

Hey, so today you've taken some benzos and smoked some weed, what my point was, is can you be sober from everything at once, because i did the switchin around drugs and sober off one thing, but still taking other things for a while and what i learned is you might say your sober off one thing, but your brain doesnt differntiate it just knows it's being given something, so being sober off of one thing vs everything is a huge difference to your brain, if that makes sense. Is your plan to get sober off everything (not including the anti depressants i mean) Or are you going to keep smoking weed, or what is your plan here?

[s4i2c3k]

My plan is to be SOBER. off everything. I understand what your saying, ive been doing that for a long time. Really i couldnt tell you for sure if ive been sober from everything for a period of time, but since i cant recall i just assume i have never been fully sober since i was little.  I would like to get to where i smoke once in awhile...maybe maxed 3 times a week....its more of a spirtual thing with me...im still bias to anything natural, but at the same time i want to know i can go without anything. so once i can come off the benzos and prozac and ive already cut my weed back a great deal, im going to go a period(unset time) without anything at all, then maybe smoke once in awhile. i know ppl say that relapsing and what not, but thats my plan, to see the world with no drugs altering my mind what so ever, and on an occasion smoke weed. sometimes i feel that after being a few days without the weed i dont even want it anymore anyways. i notice alot of stress is gone when i smoke at a responsable time rather than ALL the time anyways. but yeah thats my plan.

[s4i2c3k]

whats your plan?

[s4i2c3k]

Im just throwing this out there...but i used to wake up still tripping, start smoking, eat benzos, smoke, eat x, smoke, go to work, eat x and smoke at lunch, go home,smoke and work on an oc 80 and some percs, smoke, benzo, smoke, then its time to sleep, so my ******* would eat an e pill...or 10... the good ones not the garbage ones, try to smoke some tar to get some sleep. i dont know why im not dead. i would wake up to cops shining lights in my eyes with my pulse way down, throwing up, cold sweats, its def. a learning experience, considering i wasnt suicidal...is def. tought me a lesson.

[s4i2c3k]

Today i actually have only takin half a mg of clonazapam and i didnt take my prozac today, since the doc said i could take it every other day, and i feel fine really. My normal dosage of benzos is about 1.5 - 2mgs a day, so i guess this is good right? after a few days i want to stop it all together if i still feel this good...but the day isnt over so ill see as time passes i guess.

[s4i2c3k]

having severe panic attacks, left arm numbness, shooting pains from my left chest into my neck and up to my left ear, still havnt took anything else. really thinking about it...can i have a seizure? did i stop to quickly?

[s4i2c3k]

also really want to smoke opium, its been on my mind alot. i know it will give me sleep that i need, but im really trying to block this out of my mind

[vicki595]

Hey...you really need to get with a doctor. There's no telling what can be happening to you. It's cause for concern.