here again

[gottodoit222]

I have been off and on oxy's for the last 6 months.  I go through the wd and then on day 5 I am right back at it.  I MUST stop for good now.  I am so scared I don't know what to do. The pain is real (I started on pain meds because of my budgling disks and disk degeneration),  I know I have to just do it.  I know I can-I have in the past but I have to stay off of them.  I live outside the US and don't have access to NA or AA meetings and the support they give.  I feel totally alone and just on my own with this.  I need some help.  I need some emotional and spiritual support.  I know the people at this forum are great!  so I am reaching out-please any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks

[gottodoit222]

Beginning day 2 kinda slow today-gonna take some lyrica to help me thu!  I'm here reading you all!  You are an amazing comfort and support!

[gottodoit222]

ok-day one almost done and feeling flu like-day one is alway "do-able" but I dread tomorrow!!!!  I am so tried of this crap-always up and then always down.  I've been giving my pills to my husband to hold and I have just a few left and I fight constantly with myself!!!  do I give them up or hold on to them just in case-IN CASE OF WHAT-exactly!!  In case I want to use!  Seriously!!  I know me and I know my own ******** when I hear it!  I am sacred to death of the pain I will feel tomorrow!  I bought a TENS machine and I have been in physical therapy for YEARS and there is NO getting around it.  I have had several out patient procedures and injections and such and nothing works.  I have bulging disks and disk deterioration disease.  But I am not a surgical candidate.  Basically my doctors have told me to suck it up and so thats just what I am gonna have to do (which I can not believe that NO ONE can sort this out).  Sorry had to get that out! I just need to know-honestly-will I eventually adjust to the pain.  Will I be able to deal with it and have a reasonable quality of life-because thats the point for me.  I have 2 young boys 10 and 7 and I will not be some pathetic old woman laying on the couch because I can't go out and play with them! I live outside the US and no one gets it here.  Even if they DID get it which is laughable I don't speak the language well enough to even communicate with these people!  And yes I have thought of moving back but can't because my husband started a business here and I agreed to give him 2 MORE yrs to get it off the ground before we go home and he can start a North American branch.  Sorry I am ALL over the place-its just whats going on in my head at the moment and I have NO ONE to talk to!  So yes I am pathetic and I am desperate. there I said it!  lol
thanks for listening!

[gottodoit222]

Hi Kyle!

I have tried alternatives but with no luck-can you suggest some non opioid meds for pain?  My doc is pretty cool and I am sure he would love for me to try something thats non - addictive.  Any suggestions are welcomed.  Well, just woke up and beginning day one.  I have my "bag of tricks" ready and going to just take it one hour at a time!  Just do not use - thats my mind set right now-one hour at a time!  Thanks

[Sonrissa]

Hi gotto! Welcome! Well, you certainly sound like you are mentally ready to stop! It's difficult to get there, but I think we all have to "get there" sometime! I think the next thing is to come up with a plan that you can work with! When you decide to stop, then make sure you have set yourself up to succeed! Get all your physical supplies from the Thomas Recipe at the bottom right hand side of this page: vitamins, supplements, immodium, Gatorade (or some sort of hydrating fluids), protein drinks, easy tolerable food... Then, hunker down for a few days of feeling like you have the bad flu! Read as much as you can here, lots of information and great stories of success! Post and ask as many questions, or just post your feelings! The support is fantastic here! Great and wonderful caring people! Oh, I am now a bit over 2 weeks clean off Roxicodone! It hasn't been easy, but the difference for me has been the amazing support of my friends, yes they are my dear friends now, here! Best wishes and stick around here! We can help you get to the other side!!

[gottodoit222]

thanks-I am taking 200 - 300 mg per day.  My doctor thinks I am tapering.  Which I was but then I pick it right back up and then go nuts for 1 1/2 weeks then go back down.  I want to stop tomorrow-its almost midnight here so I am going to bed soon! lol I am at the end of my rope.  I know I can't grow as a person or be a good mom with this crap in my life.  I want to put it down for good!  FOR GOOD.  I want to be sober more than I want to use.  I'm afraid that I may not be there yet.  I think I am but whats to stop me from using tomorrow if not me?  I have my doubts about doing this on my own!

[selfinduced]

Hi There, Sounds like you are at the end of the oxy-rope? Can you tell us a little more? How much are you taking and is your Doc aware your wanting to stop? Do you a specific day in mind that you want to begin detox? We are here for you. You are NOT alone. All in the same boat, just different seats. Keep posting.