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Need advice on severe methadone withdrawal using hydrocodone/oxycodone- help?!
*My specific questions are listed toward the end*
Okay. I was on a combined total of 300mg of hydrocodone and oxycodone a day for pain, 200mg zoloft and 10mg ambien for my anxiety/PTSD. I had been through a ton of other meds before that but that is where I was when I stopped. I went "cold turkey" off everything. Ended up in the ER cuz my body went into shock from opiate withdrawal (was on opiates for over 5 years). I just didn't want to be slave to medication anymore and had no clue that would happen. Anyway, ended up on methadone. They "stabilized" me at 105mg.
After being on methadone for 2 months, I thought I was doing great. But then I did my research on the drug and freaked. Plus I didn't like the fact that I had to stand in line and take UAs like some lab rat (yes, I have mental issues, but who doesn't). Regardless, I wanted off ASAP. So I did a 30 day detox from 105mg to 0mg. I rather deal with the cards I've been dealt naturally than chemically. I miss the old me. So, here we go...
When I hit 50mg of methadone, the withdrawals became unbearable. I started taking 5mg of hydrocodone in the morning before I dosed so they wouldn't stop the detox. By the time my UA came back, I had already been discharged since I was tapering at such an insane rate. So this has been my timeline since I've been completely off methadone:
Day 1: instant horrible cold flu symptoms. I couldn't even produce my own body heat. And I'm an actual survivor of the swine flu back in 2009. It felt a lot like that. I took 4 hydro 10s that day.
Day 2: stomach flu and cramps hit this day as well. Took 5 hydro 10s, half an oxycodone 10, and 1 ambien 10mg to try to sleep.
Day 3: one of my worst days but I received these vitamins called "withdrawal aid" and started following the regimen exactly as stated. Eating healthy (only could eat small bites of fruit at first). Took 4 hydro 10s, 1mg Xanax, and the ambien at night to try to sleep.
Day 4: was able to start eating more but still no energy. Still in pain all over my body. And the nerve pain that shoots up my spine into my brain stem didn't allow me to sleep even with the sleeping pills. Took 1mg Xanax, 2 hydro 10s, 1 oxy 10, vitamins, tons of fruit, new script for chlonidine 0.2mg, 10mg ambien to try to sleep,
Day 5: suddenly, started feeling much better. Only needed 2 oxycodone 10s (no hydros), everything else the same as day 4
Day 6: I felt better than I have in a very long time considering my severe withdrawals started 17 days ago as I was tapering off methadone very fast. I took 3 hydro 10s and 1 Xanax and the chlonidine (along with the healthy vitamins and fruit). However, nothing stops the nerve pain that shoots up my spine into my brain stem and clenches up all my muscles in my neck and back when I'm trying to sleep. Makes me kick my legs and want to rip my own spine out of my body. Even if I do fall asleep, that wakes me up and I turn into the hulk and then cry like a baby for hours in misery. And that is the main thing I've been going through for the past 17 days. That is the only thing I can't handle. I'm now just taking the opiates in the morning and throughout the night. Don't need them during the day. I just deal with the lack of energy.
Day 7: that's today. The day started out great. I went out for breakfast and treated myself to French toast, eggs and coffee. After I felt absolutely awful and got the runs immediately. What the hell is going on?? I had to take 1 hydro 10, 2 oxy and it's only 4pm!!!! I'm assuming it had to be the not so healthy food, but I had such an appetite. I thought I was in the clear. I'm sure the appetite came from my severe lack of sleep and energy. Had nausea and a massive headache soon after the runs. But now I feel like I'm on an actual "high" for some reason. No matter what, I'm not taking any more damn opiates today! I shouldn't be feeling high!! I'm actually going to try to sleep now because I'm exhausted. If I feel high, I think this is the time to get some rest.
I'm scared I will have horrible WDs when I try to not take any opiates tomorrow. However, I feel like the methadone at least is almost out of my system. My body burns through meds faster than most people (at least that's what they told me- and why it took 105mgs to stabilize me).
I'm hoping to get a muscle relaxer Rx maybe as early as tonight if the stupid pharmacy gets in gear. It's a very common med given to people going through methadone withdrawal. If I can just beat that nerve/muscle pain in my spine, I can walk off this for good. I don't have a script for opiates or Xanax anymore because I left all my old "treatment" behind. I've just been using what I've had left over all these months. I don't plan on finishing them off. I want to beat these stupid things and then say goodbye forever. If I wanted to continue to feel "good", I have plenty of pills to do it. But that's not what I want. I want to be free. Because as of right now, I'm still a slave... a prisoner of my own body. My body will eventually treat me good, if I'm good to it.
Now, with everything I've just explained, I have questions.
1. Am I feeling so much better recently because I'm becoming dependent on opiate pills again? OR is this the "roller coaster" of methadone withdrawal I've heard so much about? OR could that be attributed to the vitamins and healthy eating? AND what's with the feeling high? I'm hoping that means my tolerance has been lowered which would hopefully mean easier WDs??
2. I also have about 10 pills of buprenorphine 8mg (called subs I think?) that I got from someone I met who's been through all of this. But I don't have his number and I can't go to the clinic because I fear I'll cave and go back on the methadone. Should I cut those into the 0.5mg dose and then do the under the tongue way of taking them just to carry me off the last few oxys I need to get by once I start feeling the WDs after stopping the oxys? Or will that make me withdraw the way methadone is doing? (Don't even wanna touch those damn things. Hoping to just quit the opiates with the muscle relaxers, chlonidine, ambien, vitamins and eating healthy).
3. Will the muscle relaxer help with that spine-clench thing that makes me want to snuff it every time it happens?
I don't want to be on any meds anymore once this is over. The chlonidine and Xanax really help with the anxiety, my heart rate and bp (they've been sky high through all of this even though I'm young and generally healthy). But, I don't want to take the Xanax anymore. I hear that you can become dependent on those too, even tho they've always helped me in the past. I just still have them from my last surgery because I need them to prepare myself to go under every time (thanks to the anxiety and PTSD).
My exit plan was just to take an opiate pill when I'm at my worst (aka suicidal) and then just taper off with the help of the withdrawal aid, eating healthy, etc. So far I feel it's actually kinda working. But I cannot get over the night time hydros/oxys I need to sleep just an hour or two because of the spine thing. I could be totally knocked out on ambien and it rips me out of my glorious slumber- like the devil himself reached into my spine with his hot, fiery claws and is twisting it into a twizzler. (Yes, it's that dramatic).
Can anyone help me with my questions? I know I'm all over the place. But anyone who's gone through this might understand... I hope. I really need the advice and someone to talk to.
Okay. I was on a combined total of 300mg of hydrocodone and oxycodone a day for pain, 200mg zoloft and 10mg ambien for my anxiety/PTSD. I had been through a ton of other meds before that but that is where I was when I stopped. I went "cold turkey" off everything. Ended up in the ER cuz my body went into shock from opiate withdrawal (was on opiates for over 5 years). I just didn't want to be slave to medication anymore and had no clue that would happen. Anyway, ended up on methadone. They "stabilized" me at 105mg.
After being on methadone for 2 months, I thought I was doing great. But then I did my research on the drug and freaked. Plus I didn't like the fact that I had to stand in line and take UAs like some lab rat (yes, I have mental issues, but who doesn't). Regardless, I wanted off ASAP. So I did a 30 day detox from 105mg to 0mg. I rather deal with the cards I've been dealt naturally than chemically. I miss the old me. So, here we go...
When I hit 50mg of methadone, the withdrawals became unbearable. I started taking 5mg of hydrocodone in the morning before I dosed so they wouldn't stop the detox. By the time my UA came back, I had already been discharged since I was tapering at such an insane rate. So this has been my timeline since I've been completely off methadone:
Day 1: instant horrible cold flu symptoms. I couldn't even produce my own body heat. And I'm an actual survivor of the swine flu back in 2009. It felt a lot like that. I took 4 hydro 10s that day.
Day 2: stomach flu and cramps hit this day as well. Took 5 hydro 10s, half an oxycodone 10, and 1 ambien 10mg to try to sleep.
Day 3: one of my worst days but I received these vitamins called "withdrawal aid" and started following the regimen exactly as stated. Eating healthy (only could eat small bites of fruit at first). Took 4 hydro 10s, 1mg Xanax, and the ambien at night to try to sleep.
Day 4: was able to start eating more but still no energy. Still in pain all over my body. And the nerve pain that shoots up my spine into my brain stem didn't allow me to sleep even with the sleeping pills. Took 1mg Xanax, 2 hydro 10s, 1 oxy 10, vitamins, tons of fruit, new script for chlonidine 0.2mg, 10mg ambien to try to sleep,
Day 5: suddenly, started feeling much better. Only needed 2 oxycodone 10s (no hydros), everything else the same as day 4
Day 6: I felt better than I have in a very long time considering my severe withdrawals started 17 days ago as I was tapering off methadone very fast. I took 3 hydro 10s and 1 Xanax and the chlonidine (along with the healthy vitamins and fruit). However, nothing stops the nerve pain that shoots up my spine into my brain stem and clenches up all my muscles in my neck and back when I'm trying to sleep. Makes me kick my legs and want to rip my own spine out of my body. Even if I do fall asleep, that wakes me up and I turn into the hulk and then cry like a baby for hours in misery. And that is the main thing I've been going through for the past 17 days. That is the only thing I can't handle. I'm now just taking the opiates in the morning and throughout the night. Don't need them during the day. I just deal with the lack of energy.
Day 7: that's today. The day started out great. I went out for breakfast and treated myself to French toast, eggs and coffee. After I felt absolutely awful and got the runs immediately. What the hell is going on?? I had to take 1 hydro 10, 2 oxy and it's only 4pm!!!! I'm assuming it had to be the not so healthy food, but I had such an appetite. I thought I was in the clear. I'm sure the appetite came from my severe lack of sleep and energy. Had nausea and a massive headache soon after the runs. But now I feel like I'm on an actual "high" for some reason. No matter what, I'm not taking any more damn opiates today! I shouldn't be feeling high!! I'm actually going to try to sleep now because I'm exhausted. If I feel high, I think this is the time to get some rest.
I'm scared I will have horrible WDs when I try to not take any opiates tomorrow. However, I feel like the methadone at least is almost out of my system. My body burns through meds faster than most people (at least that's what they told me- and why it took 105mgs to stabilize me).
I'm hoping to get a muscle relaxer Rx maybe as early as tonight if the stupid pharmacy gets in gear. It's a very common med given to people going through methadone withdrawal. If I can just beat that nerve/muscle pain in my spine, I can walk off this for good. I don't have a script for opiates or Xanax anymore because I left all my old "treatment" behind. I've just been using what I've had left over all these months. I don't plan on finishing them off. I want to beat these stupid things and then say goodbye forever. If I wanted to continue to feel "good", I have plenty of pills to do it. But that's not what I want. I want to be free. Because as of right now, I'm still a slave... a prisoner of my own body. My body will eventually treat me good, if I'm good to it.
Now, with everything I've just explained, I have questions.
1. Am I feeling so much better recently because I'm becoming dependent on opiate pills again? OR is this the "roller coaster" of methadone withdrawal I've heard so much about? OR could that be attributed to the vitamins and healthy eating? AND what's with the feeling high? I'm hoping that means my tolerance has been lowered which would hopefully mean easier WDs??
2. I also have about 10 pills of buprenorphine 8mg (called subs I think?) that I got from someone I met who's been through all of this. But I don't have his number and I can't go to the clinic because I fear I'll cave and go back on the methadone. Should I cut those into the 0.5mg dose and then do the under the tongue way of taking them just to carry me off the last few oxys I need to get by once I start feeling the WDs after stopping the oxys? Or will that make me withdraw the way methadone is doing? (Don't even wanna touch those damn things. Hoping to just quit the opiates with the muscle relaxers, chlonidine, ambien, vitamins and eating healthy).
3. Will the muscle relaxer help with that spine-clench thing that makes me want to snuff it every time it happens?
I don't want to be on any meds anymore once this is over. The chlonidine and Xanax really help with the anxiety, my heart rate and bp (they've been sky high through all of this even though I'm young and generally healthy). But, I don't want to take the Xanax anymore. I hear that you can become dependent on those too, even tho they've always helped me in the past. I just still have them from my last surgery because I need them to prepare myself to go under every time (thanks to the anxiety and PTSD).
My exit plan was just to take an opiate pill when I'm at my worst (aka suicidal) and then just taper off with the help of the withdrawal aid, eating healthy, etc. So far I feel it's actually kinda working. But I cannot get over the night time hydros/oxys I need to sleep just an hour or two because of the spine thing. I could be totally knocked out on ambien and it rips me out of my glorious slumber- like the devil himself reached into my spine with his hot, fiery claws and is twisting it into a twizzler. (Yes, it's that dramatic).
Can anyone help me with my questions? I know I'm all over the place. But anyone who's gone through this might understand... I hope. I really need the advice and someone to talk to.
Ok I'm doing all of this on my phone and of course I accidentally hit the submit button before I could finish. I'm so new to this I don't even know if I'm posting correctly.
Ok so yes... I started taking 5mg of hydrocodone in the mornings before dosing at the clinic just to hide the symptoms. The nurse always checked you before dosing. I just wanted off that crap without having to go cold turkey at such a high dose. So my retarded mind said to switch to something easier to detox from.
I am freaking the hell out now. And I know I'm not completely clean yet but I'm trying with whatever will I have left. I know, big cry baby right? Everyone's been through their own crap. But there's no one in my life who has a clue of what I've been through. No one can relate to the things that caused my physical and mental issues. So I'm just trying to save my damn self like always.
The vitamins I got told me to start taking them one week before I stopped taking the opiate pills. Doing a taper method. And yes, I've obviously failed at tapering the opiate pills I have. Some days I need more than others. But it feels like I don't even need them now. But I'm sticking with the vitamins and eating healthy and for sure ditching the Xanax now cuz I'm freaking out about the stuff I'm reading about that now. And again, the Xanax is just left over from my last surgery because I freak out when I have to go under. I've never had an issue with Xanax. I just read that it helps ease the methadone WDs so I brought those back out of the cupboard too.
The family doc that's helping doesn't know I got back on the hydros/oxys/Xanax. So yes, I'm abusing my own prescriptions now. All I know, is that I've been off methadone for 7 days now and I'm on pretty low doses of opiate pills considering the dumb crap I was doing before. I knew something was wrong today when I started to feel high. I had never felt that from my pills before. Which probably means my body isn't in real pain anymore, right? I don't friggin know!!
I'm going to try doing this the "right" way I guess? Which I thought I was? Tapering to lower doses of stuff. Cuz methadone is insanely strong compared to hydro/oxy. But screw this man. I'm terrified now. Shaking even. Probably not making any sense. Gonna try to sleep naturally tonight. I'm even scared to take my usual ambien now. I don't think I'll sleep ever again.
Ok so yes... I started taking 5mg of hydrocodone in the mornings before dosing at the clinic just to hide the symptoms. The nurse always checked you before dosing. I just wanted off that crap without having to go cold turkey at such a high dose. So my retarded mind said to switch to something easier to detox from.
I am freaking the hell out now. And I know I'm not completely clean yet but I'm trying with whatever will I have left. I know, big cry baby right? Everyone's been through their own crap. But there's no one in my life who has a clue of what I've been through. No one can relate to the things that caused my physical and mental issues. So I'm just trying to save my damn self like always.
The vitamins I got told me to start taking them one week before I stopped taking the opiate pills. Doing a taper method. And yes, I've obviously failed at tapering the opiate pills I have. Some days I need more than others. But it feels like I don't even need them now. But I'm sticking with the vitamins and eating healthy and for sure ditching the Xanax now cuz I'm freaking out about the stuff I'm reading about that now. And again, the Xanax is just left over from my last surgery because I freak out when I have to go under. I've never had an issue with Xanax. I just read that it helps ease the methadone WDs so I brought those back out of the cupboard too.
The family doc that's helping doesn't know I got back on the hydros/oxys/Xanax. So yes, I'm abusing my own prescriptions now. All I know, is that I've been off methadone for 7 days now and I'm on pretty low doses of opiate pills considering the dumb crap I was doing before. I knew something was wrong today when I started to feel high. I had never felt that from my pills before. Which probably means my body isn't in real pain anymore, right? I don't friggin know!!
I'm going to try doing this the "right" way I guess? Which I thought I was? Tapering to lower doses of stuff. Cuz methadone is insanely strong compared to hydro/oxy. But screw this man. I'm terrified now. Shaking even. Probably not making any sense. Gonna try to sleep naturally tonight. I'm even scared to take my usual ambien now. I don't think I'll sleep ever again.
"I've come to realize that no pill can cure my mental issues." You wrote the million dollar statement!!! Aaah, we've all wished for that to be true. Boy did I want norco to be my answer. How wrong I was!
Okay, so bottom line just to be clear: you dumped your subs, you dumped your oxy/hydros, no more methadone. Yes? Did you flush those meds? Trust me, they have to be outta there. You gotta delete your contacts for meds, too. When the wds get rough, you'll be tempted. Set yourself up for success as they say.
As for the ambien and xanax, you gotta taper or could be risk of seizure etc.
Keep posting, okay??? Let us know how we can help!
Okay, so bottom line just to be clear: you dumped your subs, you dumped your oxy/hydros, no more methadone. Yes? Did you flush those meds? Trust me, they have to be outta there. You gotta delete your contacts for meds, too. When the wds get rough, you'll be tempted. Set yourself up for success as they say.
As for the ambien and xanax, you gotta taper or could be risk of seizure etc.
Keep posting, okay??? Let us know how we can help!
Hi well you cant quit a opeit with another opiate your just going to be going in circles....everybody her was looking for a ez way out and all will testafi that it wont work you wind up switching addictions and your back to square one...the only way to get off this stuff is buy quitting it all once and for all dump the pills you have this will not work and only hinder your brains ability to heal your system needs to learn how to produce it own endorphins as long as you are using this wont happen it is epically true for methadone keep posting methadone is a real bit ch to quit but it is doable I kicked a 150mg habit as you can see it is very cyclic and will come on in waves keep posting for support...........Gnarly
Okay. Exhale. It's okay. You will be okay. You are just freaking yourself out. Stop reading info online!! You'll read so many symptoms you'll think you have scurvy by the time your done!:)
Go and read the FIRST posts of folks on here. Meaning the newbie posts. You'll see how so so many have kept this a secret. We think we're alone. We aren't. Look how many of us are there. Also, that's reason #59 why need aftercare/meeting. We are in a room of folks w/ the exact same problem.
Don't quit the xanax just yet. That may be dangerous. But, the other stuff, flush it!
You will be okay. We have ALL been there. And we have lived to tell the tale:)
Go and read the FIRST posts of folks on here. Meaning the newbie posts. You'll see how so so many have kept this a secret. We think we're alone. We aren't. Look how many of us are there. Also, that's reason #59 why need aftercare/meeting. We are in a room of folks w/ the exact same problem.
Don't quit the xanax just yet. That may be dangerous. But, the other stuff, flush it!
You will be okay. We have ALL been there. And we have lived to tell the tale:)
I'm in fkn tears right now from all of y'all's support. Going from someone that people respected and looked up to- to where I am now.... It kills you inside. I can't talk about my anxiety/PTSD issues even if this is anonymous. I wish I could. I used to have a psychiatrist but all she did was stick me on stupid zoloft. Just cuz zoloft is the most prescribed med for PTSD doesn't mean it works man. I've been on so many damn antidepressants that I could fill a pharmacy. I feel I am stronger than this. I want to be free so bad. I want to be strong and powerful again. Not weak and powerless.
You WILL get through this. People do it EVERY day sweetie. Sure it's not pleasant (and sometimes downright torture), and the crappiest thing is that it takes TIME.....who DOESN'T want to feel better right away, right?
Sorry if I helped to scare the daylights out of you. Yikes. I'm so glad you posted, because while I feel bad that you got scared, I don't think you realized the extent of what you were doing.
Keep posting....keep reading. You're surrounded by loads of people who have been there.....you've got a whole bunch of cheerleaders rooting for you.
Take a deep breath, and tell yourself that this is your turning point, tomorrow will be a new day. In anything, there should be an element of relief in there too.
Prayers and energy being sent your way.
Sorry if I helped to scare the daylights out of you. Yikes. I'm so glad you posted, because while I feel bad that you got scared, I don't think you realized the extent of what you were doing.
Keep posting....keep reading. You're surrounded by loads of people who have been there.....you've got a whole bunch of cheerleaders rooting for you.
Take a deep breath, and tell yourself that this is your turning point, tomorrow will be a new day. In anything, there should be an element of relief in there too.
Prayers and energy being sent your way.
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