I just wana die

[Kelsey_323]

I cant do this anymore. My addiction is taking over and have no one to turn to. If I tell I lose my family if I dont I continue down this path. I dont see any other way out.

[Free_ovitall]

You can also consider  a suboxone treatment program. It will help you get of the methadone, but it can't do the rest for you, namely get you through all the psychological problems addiction leaves you with. You can do it, and you have plenty of incentive looking up at you from that crib.
If your hubby can't support you while you are attending treatment program meetings, you are just going to have to deal with that too. Hopefully that will not be the case however.
If it is, then you are just going to have to accept that for now, and hope you can fix that later. Addiction destroys everything in your life eventually, so the longer you let it control you the more you are going to loose.

You can quit that small dose of methadone very easily with a short 21 day Suboxone taper program, but that is the easy part. The psychological part that follows is is the hardest part of addiction to get through, and the devil will be calling you constantly while you are trying.
It's going to take every ounce of determination and will power you have, but it can be done. Do it one day at a time, or rather, live one day at a time. Before you know it, a year will have gone by, and then you will know you you made it out.  

[dominosarah]

I hope you are feeling better tonight kelsey~~

[Teri9498]

I take methadone also, I've been on it for over 7yrs 80-90mg a day, in Aug of last year I just decided I didn't want to live like this anymore, so I started tapering the methadone myself.  Today I'm on 7.5mg a day.  I hope to be completely off this by spring.  I can honestly say my life gets better everyday you just don't realize what a fog your in on methadone, u just feel normal, then when u start getting off of it u realize just how bad it's become.  I stayed on methadone for so long just because of the fear of withdrawals and all the bad stuff u hear about coming off methadone.  I came to the realization of whats a few months of feeling bad compared to lifetime of feeling good without pills.  U just have to keep positive and get through it, it won't last forever.  Are u able to taper down your dose?  If theres anything I can help with let me know.  I know this site has helped me so much!

[lulu747]

Hi Kelsey...
My heart goes out to you...
I know it feels overwhelming right now but please don't give up hope.  You posted on here which is a brave step towards getting your life back.  You have so much to live for.  You are stronger than you know and asking for help makes us stronger.  Please know that you are supported here one hundred percent.  Treat yourself with love and compassion Kelsey, and know that your life is worth it.   Please check in and let us know how you are doing today...
Sending support...
Lu

[dominosarah]

How are you doing today Kelsey?

[lal757]

     When you get to the bottom and theres no way out but up then you have a chance to recover.  Most of us recovering addicts have felt that way no hope or no zest for life.   We been there to dont feel alone just take what you got and dont give up we beat ourselves up so bad sometimes that giving up seems easy.  Maybe go to a substance abuse meeting tell the others how you feel and they will try to help.  Keep posting your thoughts some body will help.

[minn66]

Please keep posting! I made it through withdrawal and working while in wd with the help of the great people on this forum.  We do care and understand.  I, and I'm sure the others here, want to hear from you.  Feel free to vent, ask questions...whatever!

[Innerstrength67]

Kelsey, there is always a way. Dying isn't an option! Millions of people get off drugs and stay clean but you can't do this alone. I'm so glad you are on this site. Everyone here will help you! Hang in there. There is always a way...ok!

[dominosarah]

You stay close to the forum kelsey, we will help you get thru this.

[GA_need_help]

I Know what it is like to wake and be ill.  My med. is Opana ER.  Opana is suppose to be under Fetanyl.  It is double the strength of methadone. It is every bit as dangerous a dance.  I really do understand.  I wake with so much back pain, shoulder pain, and underarm pain.  The waking in pain has been one of the most anxiety provoking things I have experienced.  I know.

I have been able to make a 3/4 decrease.  Some days I have still felt like this situation is unbearable.  It is important to realize that being on an opiate has sensitized our brains to the point that our normal emotional are painfully magnified. .  It makes us seriously emotional, and that is way painful.  But, once we are able to make changes in our habits, our hypersensitive brain will "cool down."  All hope isn't lose.  Those of us that read the post and support each other will be here for you.  You can believe that.  You and I must believe this right now,

I know we can get to the other side of this.  Don't let go of your hope.

Big hug,
Marie

[lynnalb15]

I'll help however I can. I'm here for you. Just keep in touch. I am going to bed. Keep your head up and take care of that baby. I know you love her so. But taking of dying will help no body especially her. And u know this. There's always a way out! And I will help you get there Kelsey. I promise.

[Kelsey_323]

Yes he's helpful. But will leave if he finds out. I don't want to start taking that till I quit. And I'm scared to quit.  But I've been talking to Lynn and she's amazing I hope I can get the help I need like she has

[Kelsey_323]

H

[dominosarah]

Have you been taking the nuerontin?  

[dominosarah]

Is your childs father around and helpful?  Are you close with your family?

[Kelsey_323]

I know I just private messages her. And in taking 60-80 mg a day. The thought of stopping makes me sick. I've gotten to te poky that I can't even skip a day like I used to. I wake up and am automatically ill. I want out so bad

[dominosarah]

Kelsey, Lynn just posted above yours.  She has had the same thing happen to her and she is getting better now.  She has a small baby at home also.  I take it you are getting the methadone on the street?  How much are you taking a day?

[Kelsey_323]

I can't stop cause then I'm so sick I can't take care of my own child and be a mother like she deserves. If I tell I will lose everyone I love. Methadone has this grip on me I cannot shake. I'm so scared to stop that I just can't even come to the decision to stop. I've run iuta stuff to sell. Money to spend. People to get it from. I can't go to a clinic cause I have my daughter. I'm lost so Lost. I need help. I want out!!!

[lynnalb15]

Don't say that. I know where your at I've been there. I thight I had no one but my family stick behind me completely. You have us always. Please let us know what's going on

[dominosarah]

Kelsey, you can turn to us.  There is a way out of this.  We are here so talk to us.

[bama88]

what's going on? it sounds like your upset and overwhelmed