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Oxycodone withdrawls coming up & so scared HELP
My first post..I've been lurking on these boards for about 6 months to prepare to quit.I thought I had noboby.I finally confessed to a friend b/c I needed her help(i'll explain that in a min)she was totally shocked!I've been trying to find the right time.I know that sounds like an excuse but let me explain.a few years ago my husband was blown up in a mortar attack in Iraq.almost a year in the hospital all over the US with me by his side, he survived and is truly a miracle!he came home and I had to teach him to talk,swallow,eat, give him IV meds and like 2 different meds a day b/c he has a brain injury on top of many other issues. I have to shower,dress him,take 100% care of him.he can't be left alone to me to even go to the store.I'm his only full time caregiver(besides a CNA that comes in a few hours a week to help me) needless to say I must of did it all on adredline only b/c I was exhausted.well about a year ago a friend turned me on to a few oxycodones.AKA EVILS(that's what I call them)they were great, I had a ton on energy, was able to get everything done for my hubby, my house ect. To make a long story short I take as many as 10 a day sometimes now. they don't give me energy anymore and when I've tried to quit the withdrawls are so bad after a day i take them again just to function so I cantake care of my hubby.No, I don't take my hubby's meds he's on other stronger stuff. I usually buy them and have a script from a shady doctor. I hate to say it but if my hubby had them I'd probably "borrow" some if I couldn't find them on my own. well like I stated at the beginning I finally told a friend b/c I need her to take care of him while I detox. we have it planned for next week b/c of many factors.I'm so scared! I hate these fricking pills!!I haven't been able to do it b/c my hubby relies on me to basically live. I even have to transfer him to his wheelchair so there was no way I could do this before.my hubby's very supportive as he can be. he feels bad he can't take care of himself for me to do this..I need advice and support PLEASE! I have my friend to take care of him and she's the only one who knows. what do I tell the CNA that comes in to help?just tell her I have the flu?I got things from the "thomas recipe" plus a few other things people have suggested.I'm going to use xanax for the sleep and anxiety and I have neurotin from a friend for the RLS. I know everyones different but how long b4 I can fuction?I also have a company I run that I haven't worked out the details how to "dodge" people for a week.I'm also so scared about the mental stuff everyones talking about.what kind of mental stuff??I already have some depression and seconadary PTSD from my situation that I think I was also self medicating with the "evils" I feel like such a loser to let myself get like this.I'm also scared I can't do this.I'm told i'm a strong person for what I've been thru already but I feel this is going to be harder than anything I've ever done.please, any extra advice would be great. can you please tell me a play by play what to expect each day even though eveyone is different.I told my "dealer" that i quit and I cancelled my shady doc appointment.my friend is gonna write everything down so maybe I can help someone else if I make it thru this.Her and I are have been doing alot of research and need any help anyone wants to share. I'm also scared I'm putting alot on my friend to take care of my hubby & possibly my company for a whole week.everyone says they don't know how I do it and they don't even know I'm on drugs too..do you think I'll need my friends help for a whole week?I'm freaking out and I haven't even started the detox...my other worry is my hubby..I still have to prepare so much for her to take care of him like his med list,showering him,what he likes to eat, stuff he can have and not have...I'm trying to find someone to run the company for a week so she doesn't have to do that too..ok i've rambled enough..I'm open for suggestions..one more concern like i said I started taking them for energy..how long b4 my natural energy returns? I'm going to take the supplements from the thomas recipe..Please pray for me that I can do this, not relapse and no one finds out what a piece of crap I am...
Since we both haven't stopped, maybe we could help each other...I hope KMB22 will be there for me too. I want to turn this problem into a way to help other people just like my husband's mortar attack..we do volunteer work for other injured solider's. Are you ready to quit mamabyrd? Kmb22, did you stop cold turkey? is this your first time stopping? How long have you been using?
Thank you for commenting. Before I read your post,I started telling myself, maybe I'll just do evils for another month or so...I started making excuses to myself..then I read your post...you already helped me!! I was telling myself this will be too much for my friend to handle..who am I hurting?Then reading your post something clicked again..who am I hurting? myself!!! I think about what will happen to my hubby if something happens to me if I don't stop doing pills..That breaks my heart even thinking about him being put in a nursing home if I OD' ed or ended up in jail buying pills...you are so right! My hubby had a 1% chance of living from the mortar attack and the crap he has overcome makes me realize what I'm gonna go thru is nothing! He lives with constant pain in the parts of his body that isn;t paralyzed, he's missing his eye, brain injury ect. and I'm whining about withdrawls. Thank you so much! and that's awesome on 30 days clean!! how did you do it? What helped you? What were you taking? If you don't mind me asking...
The first hurdle is admitting you have a problem - good for you! I just wished my daughter had done so - kmb22 hit it on the head! You are not a piece of crap! You go girl! I'm new to this as well - I was prescribed 40 mg of hydrocodone a day (120 per month) and I always ran out every month - normally would take about 60 mg - would take methadone to fill in the gap - had to take a drug test for the doctor and got kicked out - I'm now to anywhere between 15 to 20 mg a day of methadone and want to come off complete - have asked anyone who knows anything about to help me -
first off you are NOT a piece of crap. this is one of the saddest stories i have read.
my grandparents are both very ill and my father is taking care of them back where i grew up. i went home in october and lived with them for 2 weeks so my father could take a vacation. i had to do everything for my grandparents, bathe, feed, change diapers etc. etc. it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i was done after 2 weeks and i love my grandparents dearly. i was also addicted to roxy's at the time but couldn't take them on the plane with me (didnt have a legal script) so i was eating my grandmother's vicoden and muscle relaxers every single day i was there....now that's a piece of crap, you are not. you are amazing for sticking by your husbands side and taking on what you have. give yourself a pat on the back right now.
now take 5 deep breathes....you are not going to die from w/ding from pain killers, it is going to be a couple of days of major suc. it will be painful. try to think of what your husband went through, and he is STILL ALIVE! this will be nothing in comparison.
i am 30 days clean and looking back it wasn't that bad and i am FREE now, it's the best feeling ever. sure i have those moments where i say wow if i took a roxy now it would probably be like the first time all over again or god this would be so much better if i was on some pills, but no it's not.
i have heard from a lot of people on here and from my addicted friends that the pills eventually stop giving you energy and making you feel great and then you are just taking them to maintain normalcy. but it's not normalcy you are maintaining, it's a nasty habit because before any of us started taking these pills we were our normal selves whether we had depression anxiety etc. etc. that was our normal self. you are not your normal self right now. and it may take a year to even your own personal brain chemistry out or it may take six months or only a month, you won't know until you quit. but i promise you, you will return to yourself.
you seem like a very smart level headed person, you clearly want to quit. you can absolutely do this.
if you put just half of the dedication and drive that you have put in to your husband and your business i think this will be an amazing success story.
the best of luck to you, keep posting we are all here.
my grandparents are both very ill and my father is taking care of them back where i grew up. i went home in october and lived with them for 2 weeks so my father could take a vacation. i had to do everything for my grandparents, bathe, feed, change diapers etc. etc. it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i was done after 2 weeks and i love my grandparents dearly. i was also addicted to roxy's at the time but couldn't take them on the plane with me (didnt have a legal script) so i was eating my grandmother's vicoden and muscle relaxers every single day i was there....now that's a piece of crap, you are not. you are amazing for sticking by your husbands side and taking on what you have. give yourself a pat on the back right now.
now take 5 deep breathes....you are not going to die from w/ding from pain killers, it is going to be a couple of days of major suc. it will be painful. try to think of what your husband went through, and he is STILL ALIVE! this will be nothing in comparison.
i am 30 days clean and looking back it wasn't that bad and i am FREE now, it's the best feeling ever. sure i have those moments where i say wow if i took a roxy now it would probably be like the first time all over again or god this would be so much better if i was on some pills, but no it's not.
i have heard from a lot of people on here and from my addicted friends that the pills eventually stop giving you energy and making you feel great and then you are just taking them to maintain normalcy. but it's not normalcy you are maintaining, it's a nasty habit because before any of us started taking these pills we were our normal selves whether we had depression anxiety etc. etc. that was our normal self. you are not your normal self right now. and it may take a year to even your own personal brain chemistry out or it may take six months or only a month, you won't know until you quit. but i promise you, you will return to yourself.
you seem like a very smart level headed person, you clearly want to quit. you can absolutely do this.
if you put just half of the dedication and drive that you have put in to your husband and your business i think this will be an amazing success story.
the best of luck to you, keep posting we are all here.
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