Oxycontin - 2nd day clean

[rxqueen67]

My boyfriend hung himself about 2 months ago... ever since then I have been taking oxycontin to forget about the pain. I have been taking an upwards of 50 to 60 mg a day to function. Without it I feel like I am going to die. I have a huge history of addiction, starting with meth, vicodin, percocet and now oxy. I haven't had any in 2 days and I have muscle aches ALL over my body, I am tired and restless at the same time, I can't think straight, and I have missed my period (was due yesterday), depression.. . Are ALL of these withdrawal symptoms? If so, WHEN will they go away???

[rxqueen67]

I don't necessarily want to 'forget' about him, but what he did was wrong. I learned THAT through counseling. What he did to his family, to me, to his roommates was wrong and it wasn't right. The way I see it is... He didn't love me enough to live, so why should I love someone who obviously didn't want to be loved? Its so complicated. I don't talk about it very often, and I would like to keep it out of my mind for good. I want to focus on being a sober mother, and a good friend to those in need. I am a very giving person, I give give give til there is nothing left. I feel empty at the end of the day, with only my pills to rely on.

[rxqueen67]

...and don't get me wrong. I am a good mother. I don't use when I am around her (I only get to see her 3 hours a day because of my work schedule...) I usually end up taking the oxy right when I get to work so that it motivates me to get work done. Today.... I am so unmotivated.

[sinkorswimintoronto]

The fact that you want him to go away is proof you need counselling.
As painful as bad memories can be, they will always be memories. Why would you want to forget somebody you loved?

[rxqueen67]

I don't really have close family... I live in a whole different state than the rest of my family. We hardly ever talk anyway. I have close friends, and my ex has been there for me through everything, but I think I may have jumped the gun a little too quickly. Everyone else who was involved when my boyfriend died seems to be perfectly fine and over it already, so I figured, why shouldn't I be? But now I am realizing that he still haunts me and its making my cravings for drugs worse because I just want him to go away!

[IBKleen]

You will be an addict until the day you die. While you suffered a huge loss, and I don't discount that for a moment, it is now about you.

YOU need help to get on with your life and your child's.

[sinkorswimintoronto]

Don't take this the wrong way, but your boyfriend killed himself, and you were back with your ex within 2 months. NO WAY you came to terms with it..I'm not a shrink, but you hadn't even started the grieving process yet. You rebounded from denial right back to your ex.
You should go talk to your councellor. It will do you a world of good. You are still very young, and you need to get a handle on this quick, especially for your daughter. Do you have close family?