Please give me strenght

[quitinoxys]

I have been on travel ALL week and my back is in extreme pain. I went to the spa in the hotel and had a soak in the hot tub and got a massage. This is where I meet one of my clients and started to talk to him about my chronic back pain. He told me he has the same problem and he has been going to PM for years. I told him I had to do a seminar tomorrow and wish this pain would go away so I can get through it. I explained to him my bout with oxys and he said "I know but when you were taking them I bet your quality of life was probably better then it is now". I told him not really because I was liviing (or barely living) in a drug haze and thats why I stopped taking my pain meds. Keep in mind this is a man who I have emmense professional rs respect for. He told me he has resigned himself to the fact that he will haqve to live the rest of his life on pain meds and thats it. With that being said he handed 4 pills and told me that these won't screw you up like those oxys, and since I respect him I put them in my pocket and told him "If I really need them I might take them". I went back to my hotel room and did a google pill ID on them and found out that they are opana. I am now sitting hear starring at them as my back still hurts like h3!!. Since I am away from my support system I don't have anyone to help me not to give in to the pain. As all of you long time guys know I had a rough time kicking this crap, I dont want to take a step backwards. Today I am 130 days clean but my addict brain is saying one isn't going to hurt you, but I know thats BS. Siiting here typing is the only thing stopping from swallowing them. I thought this was all over but I guess addiction is rearing its ugly head again. So please GIVE me strenght---quitin

[LeaAnn807]

You REALLY have to get rid of them.  There is no reason to lose your clean time!  Pain isn't worth it!  I know it hurts.  I've been there, but the pills aren't going to help....only temporarily, and then you are back in the same boat.  What will that accomplish?

[10356]

the pain will be with you when they wear off and then so will the guilt .. Do yourself a favor and flush..

[dominosarah]

You dont have to lose it.  Come on, fight hard.  You know what you have to do......walk into that bathroom and toss those pills into the toilet and flush.  I know you are in pain but these pills will not solve the problem.

[dominosarah]

Talk to us.....

[quitinoxys]

I know all of this but I can't believe how hard this is after all this time I thoght I was WAY past this. I feel so ashamed for even thinking about taking them but the pain is f' ed up. When I went CT and dumped 35 80 mg oxys into the bay I felt empowerment, but now I don' know I am losing it.

[erin626]

Don't take them! Taking them after all your clean time will make you feel sooo much worse. Get rid of the pills. It may sound great now but once they wear off and you're in the same spot you will feel worse bc everything you accomplished by getting off the pills will be undone.