So here I am again...(long....and fairly boring)

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Don't see many off the old familiar names so I'll just start like new. Had to make a new acct anyway because I forgot my acct info. Some of you might remember me... I'm Jimi...and I'm addicted to Oxycodone. Actually I am addicted to anything that ends in "codone", but Oxy is my DOC. when I left Utah, clean several months, many here suggested that I should seek aftercare. I wish I would have listened. I wish I would have done alot of things different though.....

Upon landing back home in Wyoming, I almost immediately began to dabble. Found a great Job running heavy equipment and ended up tearing up my shoulder....to go along with existing back problems. At first my caring Dr had me on Hydro 7.5s. Then upped that to Oxy 15 IRs. Wanna make one thing clear....  I don't blame my Dr. He is really a good guy and gives a **** about his patients. More than once he asked me what my "long term plan" was? My answer was always "to get up and go to work tomorrow". He would shake his head....mutter something about "that was a crappy plan" and write my new script.

This all worked fine in the beginning. Took the meds as prescribed (mostly), I had no pain....slept like a baby....was up for work at 4 in the a.m. every day, feeling great. All was well. Then after 7 good months it started to change. It caught up with me in matter of weeks. The insomnia kicked in, anxiety began.....and then something happened that totally ****** up my life. It's called Psychogenic Hyperventilation Syndrome. Or "over breathing syndrome". Never heard of it? Don't feel bad...neither had I. But after a battery of tests they concluded there was nothing wrong with me physically. In short I am a nut case. I started thinking about my breathing....ALL THE TIME!

I won't go into the details of the symptoms except to say it really *****. With breathing exercises and clonazepam I have gotten better. But this thing has had me out of work since before thanksgiving. I love my job and it's great $$. My boss loves me....and would love to get me back out there. But not until I can assure hime that I won't have some wild panic attack and have to be driven 40 miles, off the mountain, to the ER again.

One thing I could not fail to notice is that I am fine.....all morning long. Until I take my first pain meds. then it starts. Don't know if the meds alter my breathing or if it's all in my head. But one way or the other...I want off these. and this time a few things have changed.  Before I thought I wanted to change. But I really didn't. Maybe I did want my life back....but I still wanted the buzz more than I wanted to change. So why should even I believe myself now? Because with the buzz comes with an added price now. My breathing problems and panic attacks that I am almost sure are due to the pill use/abuse.

That and I have to grand kids now. 7 and 9 months. And I love he little buggers. I live for them... but I don't even actually live anymore. Since I last worked in Nov I just exist. Like a house plant. I stay up until 3-4 and sleep until noon. My $$ I saved over the summer is dwindling. I have no quality of life and I feel like a bum.  Even though I didn't file for UE of workers comp, which I could have, I still feel worthless. I guess this is rock bottom. Not near what some others have had to go through...so I feel embarrassed even saying I'm at rock bottom. But for me, not working...and not really even living...is rock bottom. I am depressed constantly and don't even feel like getting out of bed most days. This life (or lack of) will no longer work for me.

I have spoken to my Dr and we have a taper plan. Unfortunately it isn't fast enough for me. I don't have till spring to whittle this down. I have tapered down to 31/2 - 4 15s a day. Early next week I plan to call him to try to get clonadine and I'm just gonna do it. I hope you people don't mind terribly if I hang around and get a little inspiration while I am waiting. Just reading these posts, by people with more courage than me, has always helped out a great deal.

This time one more thing will change. I will seek aftercare. This is a small town in Wyo where I have a lot of family and everyone knows everyone and what their up to...sort of like living in an episode of Hee Haw.. THAT is why I avoided aftercare last time around. Now I know longer care what  this town thinks or says. Hell, they are already talking about me being a hermit. Wondering I'm not working....why I've left my house 4 times in the last month. I also will tear up my pain contract and admit to my doc that I'm an addict. All I have told him is that I want to decrease my dosage and not live on the pills the rest of my life. If the doctors up on the hill know I'm an addict...it's game over. This town had a fairly big pill problem for years. After it hit the local HS they changed things. It takes an act of god to get pills here now. So admitting my addiction would be a giant plus in beating this thing. Ok....I've babbled enough and probably bored most of you into a well needed nap...thank me later. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that I'll be around.

Peace
-Jimi

[ricart70]

Hi starfish   This is an old post from January. I haven't seen jimmy in a while and I don't think He is still here. Just letting you know

[Starfishshores]

One more thought, anxiety comes with the territory when coming off opiates. It's called " opponent process". When the depressant leaves your body, or you have a higher tolerance , your central nervous system ( heart, lungs, kidney etc) become more active, working at a more rapid rate. This will give anyone anxiety. If you can take walks, swim, do things that will allow you to be physically active, as much as you can. This may help to restore those endorphins, and combat the anxiety.

[Starfishshores]

You're not failing at life, but kiddo, you've become an addict. You know that you have high tolerance to opiates, and the withdrawal is nasty, and after years of using them , withdrawal takes a while. Remember, opiates stop the production of endorphins. Endorphins are what our body produces to fight pain. Receptor sites are all over the body, including the intestines, which is why we have serious gastro intestinal issues when coming off.
In a small town it may not be possible to access a methadone clinic, but it would be the most effective way to manage your pain, and get you on a different path. You won't experience the ever escalating tolerance that you do with other opiates, and a long slow step down of dose is the easiest way to prepare to get off them altogether, if that's what you would like to do. Get your life back. It can be done. Good luck  

[Starfishshores]

You're not failing at life, but kiddo, you've become an addict. You know that you have high tolerance to opiates, and the withdrawal is nasty, and after years of using them , withdrawal takes a while. Remember, opiates stop the production of endorphins. Endorphins are what our body produces to fight pain. Receptor sites are all over the body, including the intestines, which is why we have serious gastro intestinal issues when coming off.
In a small town it may not be possible to access a methadone clinic, but it would be the most effective way to manage your pain, and get you on a different path. You won't experience the ever escalating tolerance that you do with other opiates, and a long slow step down of dose is the easiest way to prepare to get off them altogether, if that's what you would like to do. Get your life back. It can be done. Good luck  

[sandy535353]

Since Ive been on some anitinflammatories for 2 days, I went from 30mg's to 3.25mg's in 2 days. I dont even really need to take it except the dam mouth pain get me down. So I take a half of a 3.25 mgs arounf 1ish, then another around 6ish. No withdrawals and no anxieties. I dont know what's in this aniinflammatory but its a miracle! I wouldnt even take the little Im taking if my dam mouth didnt hurt. grrrrrrr My back and neck pain doesnt even hurt. I wasnt going to even take the aniinflammatory today, but around 1PM the mouth starting hurting bad. I have no ill effects at all otherwise. Maybe praying to GOD so hard is getting me thru this.

Good for you Jimi, maybe it wont hurt so much tapering. I hope the very best for you!!!

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Been fine.....you? This thread was getting old so I was about to start a new one. I'm in your boat now. Dr is pretty adamant about me tapering so....yeah.

[sandy535353]

How have you been? How are you feeling?

[sandy535353]

ok the sandwhich is yummy, i eat them all the time. next.... dont ya have a cvs or rite out out there in them neck of the woods? and yes walmart does carry them. I too ignored the injections, since the pills were working. one gets lazy and just pops the easy stuff, instead of treading to the dr for the other types of pain free shyte. But I get the anxieties sooner than later as well. Its like a freaken miracle drug, until it doesnt want to be anymore. Anxiety is worse than physical pain. I also use LIDOCAIN patches for pain, but again, ya need medal for aht. they arenot in no way shape or form, a narcottic or addictive. Aspercreme has helpd and I bought a hydroculato pad at the medical supple store. its alot like the chiropractor uses in his office. anyways, eat the P&J sandwhich and feel better, one of my favorite foods.

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Just went to the local grocery store, which is an IGA, and no Strips of any kind. Just my luck.... Apparently no one in this town gets a stuffy nose? guess they do because they do have a wide variety of decongestants with the main ingredient as pseudoephedrine. That's the last thing I'm gonna need lol.So I bought a box of Benadryl. $7 for a box of 20....ouch! There are many advantages to living in a one horse town like his one (actually it's more like a half a horse town) pricing of goods is not one of them.

I'll have to run to Cody in the next few days....they got one a them thar walmart stores. I'm sure I can find something the there. Breathe Right are the good ones right?

About the steroid injections, I had those back int he early 2000s when I lived in Portland Or. Those were for my bad back. They seemed to work good for a few months. I could get like 3 a year as I recall. This is something that my doc tried to discuss with me when he would ask me about my "long term plan". I would just play it off. To be honest....when he put  me on the 60mg oxy per day...it was working so well for me I didn't even consider anything else.

As I said in my OP, I was pretty much pain free and slept like a baby every night. But then I'm a addict so of course 60mg of oxy daily was working for me. And as I said, I don't blame my doc. I should have known the time was going to come when problems would occur. In fact I did know. My bad completely.

But alas....I just got my COBRA info from my insurance Co. So my insurance has obviously run out finally and so that's out of the question until I get back to work and get back on medical. So what I've managed to do is create a giant peanut butter and **** sandwich for myself. Why do I constantly fail at life?

[sandy535353]

I discivered the nasal strips last time i went cold turkey. I ddnt want to get addicted to nasal spray so i gave the strips a shot. Worked like magic. Just know this before u buy, the cheaper brands tenld to fall off, (not worth buying thrm onlynto now have to buynthe better brand) also, make sure u washnyr nose good and dry good before applying. Any oils on yr nose, ( even tho its invisible) will make any strip just peel off immediatly and then u cant reapply, big wate of time n money.they are expensive , about $9.00 a box, but worth everynpenny and no addiction. Clear ones are good, one morning forgot to take mine off and ran to food store for a quik can of coffeee, to my surprise, looked in mirror when i got home, and therenit was. You could still see it but thank God i was wearing a clear one. Oh well. You said you have pain in shoulder. Or whatever, find a dr that ,gives trigger point shots, some use marcaine, lidocaine and steroids. In a combo shot. I found marcaine makes my teeht hurt and steroids, which is a wonderful healing drug, sometimes gives me anxiety for a daynor two, but the lasting effects are outweighed. They can also use just use lidocaine. You trynthem all or whatever u want, but lidocaine can be done once a week, or however yr insurance works. Just some ideas Jimi.

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Sorry to hear about your recent dental issues Sandy. I knocked a tooth out a few weeks back when I ran face first into one of my cupboards. No I don't drink btw..... Still haven't seen the local dentist. I mean this is like Wyoming. You'd be lucky to find a full set of teeth in some counties here...

I'm gonna look into those nasal strips as I do have allergies and a stuffy nose is a growing concern for me. It's been weighing on my mind for a day or two. Maybe I'm just looking for a reason.

By all means if you have the time and "can" taper...I would do so. I just don't feel like I have the time....I feel pressed, like my time is running short. That and tapering isn't usually that successful for me. I have been struggling with it the last few days. I'll likely just run out before I taper any. Still haven't called my doc about this.....

[sandy535353]

Pleaseexcuse all the typos im on an ipad and dog sitting on my lap. Oh and i had a neck epidural today and next week a lower baxk that will help alot with  pain i will get while getting off of this crap. Had a tooth pulled four weeks ago and it still hurts. Went to the surgeon yesterday and he said no dry socket, dont k ow why im still in pain. Told him i started weaning off of meds and can feel the pain even more now. He said he sees nothing wrong. Im beside myself with this new pain. It was dental reasons the last time as to why i went back on meds, so here we go again?

[sandy535353]

I use the nasal srtips. I swear by them, i can breath all night during tne stuffy nose part and sometimes imuse the saline solution to wet thw dry nose. I wont use anything thatnwill mess up my brain cells, mkre than they already are. Ct for memwas twice and it took 21 days with no break. I figure, if i wean, itll be less painful and maybe the brain will slowly come up every week to balance the weaning. I think too much ct shock for me is enough. At least i can eat and go to the outside world a little bit while weaning. I read weaninf should ve slow enuf that yr body should hardly feel it. Im going to drop 5% per week. May take some time but it took so lo g cold turkey, i figure why suffer if i dont have to. Im anxious to get off as well, but not to suffer in madness like i have twice before.

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

http://www.amazon.com/Sambucol-Black-Elderberry-Syrup/dp/B0013RPI2E

This is what I take during flu season Sarah. In 2010 they actually took it off the shelves in pharmacies in Utah.....hmmmm? Big Phamra at work? That's my suspicion.

I lived on this stuff and liquid vita D during the great pig flu plague. My two daughters got H1N1 (both lived with me at the time), my son, my ex, My GF at the time and her kid, my neighbor....his wife and oldest.... I never got a cold that winter. I swear by this stuff.

Peace

[dominosarah]

Black elderberry syrup??  Do tell

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Thanks for that info about the vita C and for your kind words.

The one thing I do have is a full script of Klonapin. I have not used them much (hardly at all) because my issues have not been that bothersome the last few weeks. Learning to breathe correctly has helped immensely. The other thing I need to tackle is the issue of just not thinking about it.

But anyway, I plan to use the Klonapin as much as needed during my CT. I do know that long term use isn't an option as it can be dangerous to come off of. I don't worry about getting cravings for it (like it becomiing a new DOC)because it just isn't my thing.

I'll use it between days 2-5 if needed. I also have an old bottle of Clonadine. My last CT it was VERY helpful. But it's a year outta date and just wondering if I should go get some new......or whether it might still be good.

And as far as the little old lady lol....yeah it had me laughing. But she was deadly serious. Utah lost more people to pig flu than every other state except for maybe NY and Cali. She was armed and considered me dangerous.

It really was amusing watching people in stores and at bank machines wiping everything down with those lysol wipes lol. A Dr I knew turned me on to black elderberry syrup and I didn't even get a cold that winter. Never got the shot either. Stuff really does the job on flu bugs.

Peace

[clean_in_ks]

I think you are a hoot!!  I was reading here and picturing that little old lady in Albertson's shooting Lysol at you Hahaha!!  What a picture:):)
Did you know that some of those fast acting nasal sprays impair fertility?
Like you REALLY care....LOL
I understand your desire to jump off.....I made the weaning deal from 20-30 (10mg) hydros a day down to 10/day....had a breathing crisis like you describe.  It started at 2:30 a.m. and was still freaking me out by 11:30 am
so we called an ambulance and off to the ER I went.  My Oxy Sat was PERFECT and I'm not one of those people who had EVER hyperventilated before in my entire life!!  They let me lay in the ER for 3 hrs and because I was insane, freezing, shaking, out of control, scared cause I couldn't breath, I started screaming at the staff at the top of my lungs. (my poor husband....and those poor hospital people)..  I was a raging lunatic!!!
They finally gave me a very small dose of ativan and sent me home!!  
After much research, I learned that opiates and antidepressants and somas and gabapentin (which I was shoving in my mouth at a non-prescribed, alarming rate prior to this) cause suppression of our respiratory function.  Imagine that???? LOL
I am off ALL my Rx's now and still struggling, but no more breathing crisis!
Besides your breathing episodes, I also related to your sinus and bronchial issues.  Many yrs ago, B4 opiates, and I was a LOT younger, I was getting bronchial infections, tonsilitus, even once pneumonia...  That began my research road in nutrition.  I wanted to keep my "bad habits" and not keep getting sick LOL  Vit C, in quite large amounts, totally changed my life!
Today, I take Ester C rather than just C because of all I've read about how much more our bodies utililize it.  It has recently been patented (the EsterC)
and is harder to get, but that's the C I take.  If you have lung issues, smoke,
sinus stuff, it all screams Vit C to my brain.  You have to start taking it gradually and let your body get use to ever increasing amts because if you don't you'll get the runs.  (you don't need that with opiate w/d runs, to lol)

Sorry to take off on ya like that, but I had to share what worked for me with ya.  I find you to be a humorous, delightfully funny man.  I almost cruised right by you the first time I saw your post cause (now don't laugh) of your
sign on name and your profile pic!!  My brain said I wonder why he's flipping us off and has a scull on his pic?  I know, I'm not judging......it just "wowed" me for a minute and then I read your OP.  Good luck with your plan.....and also kiss those grandbabies!!
(Ok....had this typed out.....the phone rang....I talked for over an hour....so now I'll hit submit.......Blessings to you~

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Lol I actually got so desperate I stole Afrin from an all night grocery in Sheridan Wyoming one time. Forgot to bring some on as trip I took. Went to woke up at 1 a.m. and nose swelled shut. Panicked and went to the store but forgot my wallet at the motel....So I just pocketed a bottle. How low is that?

[BOK2Bjan]

OK - here I am again - that Afrin addiction is no ****,  I had chronic sinusitis decades ago when I first moved from Hawaii to KC.  If I didn't have that stuff, my nose swelled completely closed and NO air went through.  I tried to get off multiple times but just couldn't.  I finally went to an ENT who couldn't even see into my sinuses.  She had to put a bit of cocaine on a q-tip at the back of my nose to "open it up".  She assured me that it wouldn't effect me systemically.  

I use flonase now - it's a long acting prednisone based nose spray.  It isn't like taking prednisone orally - I have to occasionally, but hate it.  It's a prescription, but if anyone needs something and doesn't want the hell that is Afrin and the other quick acting nose sprays - try these - there are several types. (Flonase and Nasocort)

Boy - that made me laugh - I remember making my husband go to the drug store to get more Afrin for me.  Also - once when we went to Europe, I had to pack a case of the stuff. lol

I understand your desire to take the leap too.  When you are ready - you're ready, and there's no  better time.  Blessings, Jan

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Well it's been awhile...2010...since my last CT. But as I recall my nose was runny however not stuffy. This was right smack in the middle of the "swine flu" outbreak btw. And Utah was hit pretty hard by it. I would go to the store to get vitamins or gatorade and people would see me sniffing and wiping my nose... and they acted like I had the black death or something lol. I had one little old lady at Albertons that sprayed Lysol at me as I walked by her in the aisle.

I hope my nose doesn't get stuffy because I need to breathe thru my nose for these breathing exercises I do...for the problem I talked about in my OP.

And I won't use nose spray because I got addicted to that stuff back in like '09. No kidding....You can get addicted to that fast acting nose spray. Afrin or whatever it was. You talk about miserable? Yeah it took me a  month to get over that. And I don't know of anything else that works well.I have allergies as it is....

Anyway. Hope  all is well with you. And everyone else on the board.....cheers.

-Jimi

[sandy535353]

I get the sneezes. Last time I sneezed every two hours three times in a row for two weeks. Started that today , lol, sneezed three times in a row all day, and. But at night, I get so stuffy I can hardly breath.

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Yeah my Dr in Utah used to give me hycodan syrup for my cough in the winter. They get nasty inversions and real bad air in the dead of winter. I have mild chronic bronchitis.

Of course it worked out that I had a cough....A LOT! Funny how that happens. Man I had more ways to get meds.

But the last times I've gone clean....the cough usually mellowed within a week or so. Along with the runny nose issue. My nose slways gets runny. Like when you go out for a walk in the cold. It's clear....breathing is ok but it runs like a faucet. Ok....glad I'm not the only one haha...

Thanks

[Pat1956100]

Yes, absolutely.  It really messes with my lungs and my sinuses too.
I didn't know that the meds were a cough suppressant.  So that explains it.  

[JimiMiddleFinger63]

Thanks lol. Humor is a necessary survival skill right now. without it I' d just lay down on the freeway and call it game lol.

I'll be writing alot. Reading posts here give me some inspiration... That's necessary at this point also. I don't have much of my own.

One quick ? for anyone reading......I am a smoker, not heavy but daily....am I the only one that starts hacking when wds start? I mean I know the meds are a cough suppressant....but I haven't seen it mentioned. So anyone else get that?