Aa
So here I am again...(long....and fairly boring)
Don't see many off the old familiar names so I'll just start like new. Had to make a new acct anyway because I forgot my acct info. Some of you might remember me... I'm Jimi...and I'm addicted to Oxycodone. Actually I am addicted to anything that ends in "codone", but Oxy is my DOC. when I left Utah, clean several months, many here suggested that I should seek aftercare. I wish I would have listened. I wish I would have done alot of things different though.....
Upon landing back home in Wyoming, I almost immediately began to dabble. Found a great Job running heavy equipment and ended up tearing up my shoulder....to go along with existing back problems. At first my caring Dr had me on Hydro 7.5s. Then upped that to Oxy 15 IRs. Wanna make one thing clear.... I don't blame my Dr. He is really a good guy and gives a **** about his patients. More than once he asked me what my "long term plan" was? My answer was always "to get up and go to work tomorrow". He would shake his head....mutter something about "that was a crappy plan" and write my new script.
This all worked fine in the beginning. Took the meds as prescribed (mostly), I had no pain....slept like a baby....was up for work at 4 in the a.m. every day, feeling great. All was well. Then after 7 good months it started to change. It caught up with me in matter of weeks. The insomnia kicked in, anxiety began.....and then something happened that totally ****** up my life. It's called Psychogenic Hyperventilation Syndrome. Or "over breathing syndrome". Never heard of it? Don't feel bad...neither had I. But after a battery of tests they concluded there was nothing wrong with me physically. In short I am a nut case. I started thinking about my breathing....ALL THE TIME!
I won't go into the details of the symptoms except to say it really *****. With breathing exercises and clonazepam I have gotten better. But this thing has had me out of work since before thanksgiving. I love my job and it's great $$. My boss loves me....and would love to get me back out there. But not until I can assure hime that I won't have some wild panic attack and have to be driven 40 miles, off the mountain, to the ER again.
One thing I could not fail to notice is that I am fine.....all morning long. Until I take my first pain meds. then it starts. Don't know if the meds alter my breathing or if it's all in my head. But one way or the other...I want off these. and this time a few things have changed. Before I thought I wanted to change. But I really didn't. Maybe I did want my life back....but I still wanted the buzz more than I wanted to change. So why should even I believe myself now? Because with the buzz comes with an added price now. My breathing problems and panic attacks that I am almost sure are due to the pill use/abuse.
That and I have to grand kids now. 7 and 9 months. And I love he little buggers. I live for them... but I don't even actually live anymore. Since I last worked in Nov I just exist. Like a house plant. I stay up until 3-4 and sleep until noon. My $$ I saved over the summer is dwindling. I have no quality of life and I feel like a bum. Even though I didn't file for UE of workers comp, which I could have, I still feel worthless. I guess this is rock bottom. Not near what some others have had to go through...so I feel embarrassed even saying I'm at rock bottom. But for me, not working...and not really even living...is rock bottom. I am depressed constantly and don't even feel like getting out of bed most days. This life (or lack of) will no longer work for me.
I have spoken to my Dr and we have a taper plan. Unfortunately it isn't fast enough for me. I don't have till spring to whittle this down. I have tapered down to 31/2 - 4 15s a day. Early next week I plan to call him to try to get clonadine and I'm just gonna do it. I hope you people don't mind terribly if I hang around and get a little inspiration while I am waiting. Just reading these posts, by people with more courage than me, has always helped out a great deal.
This time one more thing will change. I will seek aftercare. This is a small town in Wyo where I have a lot of family and everyone knows everyone and what their up to...sort of like living in an episode of Hee Haw.. THAT is why I avoided aftercare last time around. Now I know longer care what this town thinks or says. Hell, they are already talking about me being a hermit. Wondering I'm not working....why I've left my house 4 times in the last month. I also will tear up my pain contract and admit to my doc that I'm an addict. All I have told him is that I want to decrease my dosage and not live on the pills the rest of my life. If the doctors up on the hill know I'm an addict...it's game over. This town had a fairly big pill problem for years. After it hit the local HS they changed things. It takes an act of god to get pills here now. So admitting my addiction would be a giant plus in beating this thing. Ok....I've babbled enough and probably bored most of you into a well needed nap...thank me later. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that I'll be around.
Peace
-Jimi
Upon landing back home in Wyoming, I almost immediately began to dabble. Found a great Job running heavy equipment and ended up tearing up my shoulder....to go along with existing back problems. At first my caring Dr had me on Hydro 7.5s. Then upped that to Oxy 15 IRs. Wanna make one thing clear.... I don't blame my Dr. He is really a good guy and gives a **** about his patients. More than once he asked me what my "long term plan" was? My answer was always "to get up and go to work tomorrow". He would shake his head....mutter something about "that was a crappy plan" and write my new script.
This all worked fine in the beginning. Took the meds as prescribed (mostly), I had no pain....slept like a baby....was up for work at 4 in the a.m. every day, feeling great. All was well. Then after 7 good months it started to change. It caught up with me in matter of weeks. The insomnia kicked in, anxiety began.....and then something happened that totally ****** up my life. It's called Psychogenic Hyperventilation Syndrome. Or "over breathing syndrome". Never heard of it? Don't feel bad...neither had I. But after a battery of tests they concluded there was nothing wrong with me physically. In short I am a nut case. I started thinking about my breathing....ALL THE TIME!
I won't go into the details of the symptoms except to say it really *****. With breathing exercises and clonazepam I have gotten better. But this thing has had me out of work since before thanksgiving. I love my job and it's great $$. My boss loves me....and would love to get me back out there. But not until I can assure hime that I won't have some wild panic attack and have to be driven 40 miles, off the mountain, to the ER again.
One thing I could not fail to notice is that I am fine.....all morning long. Until I take my first pain meds. then it starts. Don't know if the meds alter my breathing or if it's all in my head. But one way or the other...I want off these. and this time a few things have changed. Before I thought I wanted to change. But I really didn't. Maybe I did want my life back....but I still wanted the buzz more than I wanted to change. So why should even I believe myself now? Because with the buzz comes with an added price now. My breathing problems and panic attacks that I am almost sure are due to the pill use/abuse.
That and I have to grand kids now. 7 and 9 months. And I love he little buggers. I live for them... but I don't even actually live anymore. Since I last worked in Nov I just exist. Like a house plant. I stay up until 3-4 and sleep until noon. My $$ I saved over the summer is dwindling. I have no quality of life and I feel like a bum. Even though I didn't file for UE of workers comp, which I could have, I still feel worthless. I guess this is rock bottom. Not near what some others have had to go through...so I feel embarrassed even saying I'm at rock bottom. But for me, not working...and not really even living...is rock bottom. I am depressed constantly and don't even feel like getting out of bed most days. This life (or lack of) will no longer work for me.
I have spoken to my Dr and we have a taper plan. Unfortunately it isn't fast enough for me. I don't have till spring to whittle this down. I have tapered down to 31/2 - 4 15s a day. Early next week I plan to call him to try to get clonadine and I'm just gonna do it. I hope you people don't mind terribly if I hang around and get a little inspiration while I am waiting. Just reading these posts, by people with more courage than me, has always helped out a great deal.
This time one more thing will change. I will seek aftercare. This is a small town in Wyo where I have a lot of family and everyone knows everyone and what their up to...sort of like living in an episode of Hee Haw.. THAT is why I avoided aftercare last time around. Now I know longer care what this town thinks or says. Hell, they are already talking about me being a hermit. Wondering I'm not working....why I've left my house 4 times in the last month. I also will tear up my pain contract and admit to my doc that I'm an addict. All I have told him is that I want to decrease my dosage and not live on the pills the rest of my life. If the doctors up on the hill know I'm an addict...it's game over. This town had a fairly big pill problem for years. After it hit the local HS they changed things. It takes an act of god to get pills here now. So admitting my addiction would be a giant plus in beating this thing. Ok....I've babbled enough and probably bored most of you into a well needed nap...thank me later. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that I'll be around.
Peace
-Jimi
ok the sandwhich is yummy, i eat them all the time. next.... dont ya have a cvs or rite out out there in them neck of the woods? and yes walmart does carry them. I too ignored the injections, since the pills were working. one gets lazy and just pops the easy stuff, instead of treading to the dr for the other types of pain free shyte. But I get the anxieties sooner than later as well. Its like a freaken miracle drug, until it doesnt want to be anymore. Anxiety is worse than physical pain. I also use LIDOCAIN patches for pain, but again, ya need medal for aht. they arenot in no way shape or form, a narcottic or addictive. Aspercreme has helpd and I bought a hydroculato pad at the medical supple store. its alot like the chiropractor uses in his office. anyways, eat the P&J sandwhich and feel better, one of my favorite foods.
Just went to the local grocery store, which is an IGA, and no Strips of any kind. Just my luck.... Apparently no one in this town gets a stuffy nose? guess they do because they do have a wide variety of decongestants with the main ingredient as pseudoephedrine. That's the last thing I'm gonna need lol.So I bought a box of Benadryl. $7 for a box of 20....ouch! There are many advantages to living in a one horse town like his one (actually it's more like a half a horse town) pricing of goods is not one of them.
I'll have to run to Cody in the next few days....they got one a them thar walmart stores. I'm sure I can find something the there. Breathe Right are the good ones right?
About the steroid injections, I had those back int he early 2000s when I lived in Portland Or. Those were for my bad back. They seemed to work good for a few months. I could get like 3 a year as I recall. This is something that my doc tried to discuss with me when he would ask me about my "long term plan". I would just play it off. To be honest....when he put me on the 60mg oxy per day...it was working so well for me I didn't even consider anything else.
As I said in my OP, I was pretty much pain free and slept like a baby every night. But then I'm a addict so of course 60mg of oxy daily was working for me. And as I said, I don't blame my doc. I should have known the time was going to come when problems would occur. In fact I did know. My bad completely.
But alas....I just got my COBRA info from my insurance Co. So my insurance has obviously run out finally and so that's out of the question until I get back to work and get back on medical. So what I've managed to do is create a giant peanut butter and **** sandwich for myself. Why do I constantly fail at life?
I'll have to run to Cody in the next few days....they got one a them thar walmart stores. I'm sure I can find something the there. Breathe Right are the good ones right?
About the steroid injections, I had those back int he early 2000s when I lived in Portland Or. Those were for my bad back. They seemed to work good for a few months. I could get like 3 a year as I recall. This is something that my doc tried to discuss with me when he would ask me about my "long term plan". I would just play it off. To be honest....when he put me on the 60mg oxy per day...it was working so well for me I didn't even consider anything else.
As I said in my OP, I was pretty much pain free and slept like a baby every night. But then I'm a addict so of course 60mg of oxy daily was working for me. And as I said, I don't blame my doc. I should have known the time was going to come when problems would occur. In fact I did know. My bad completely.
But alas....I just got my COBRA info from my insurance Co. So my insurance has obviously run out finally and so that's out of the question until I get back to work and get back on medical. So what I've managed to do is create a giant peanut butter and **** sandwich for myself. Why do I constantly fail at life?
I discivered the nasal strips last time i went cold turkey. I ddnt want to get addicted to nasal spray so i gave the strips a shot. Worked like magic. Just know this before u buy, the cheaper brands tenld to fall off, (not worth buying thrm onlynto now have to buynthe better brand) also, make sure u washnyr nose good and dry good before applying. Any oils on yr nose, ( even tho its invisible) will make any strip just peel off immediatly and then u cant reapply, big wate of time n money.they are expensive , about $9.00 a box, but worth everynpenny and no addiction. Clear ones are good, one morning forgot to take mine off and ran to food store for a quik can of coffeee, to my surprise, looked in mirror when i got home, and therenit was. You could still see it but thank God i was wearing a clear one. Oh well. You said you have pain in shoulder. Or whatever, find a dr that ,gives trigger point shots, some use marcaine, lidocaine and steroids. In a combo shot. I found marcaine makes my teeht hurt and steroids, which is a wonderful healing drug, sometimes gives me anxiety for a daynor two, but the lasting effects are outweighed. They can also use just use lidocaine. You trynthem all or whatever u want, but lidocaine can be done once a week, or however yr insurance works. Just some ideas Jimi.
Sorry to hear about your recent dental issues Sandy. I knocked a tooth out a few weeks back when I ran face first into one of my cupboards. No I don't drink btw..... Still haven't seen the local dentist. I mean this is like Wyoming. You'd be lucky to find a full set of teeth in some counties here...
I'm gonna look into those nasal strips as I do have allergies and a stuffy nose is a growing concern for me. It's been weighing on my mind for a day or two. Maybe I'm just looking for a reason.
By all means if you have the time and "can" taper...I would do so. I just don't feel like I have the time....I feel pressed, like my time is running short. That and tapering isn't usually that successful for me. I have been struggling with it the last few days. I'll likely just run out before I taper any. Still haven't called my doc about this.....
I'm gonna look into those nasal strips as I do have allergies and a stuffy nose is a growing concern for me. It's been weighing on my mind for a day or two. Maybe I'm just looking for a reason.
By all means if you have the time and "can" taper...I would do so. I just don't feel like I have the time....I feel pressed, like my time is running short. That and tapering isn't usually that successful for me. I have been struggling with it the last few days. I'll likely just run out before I taper any. Still haven't called my doc about this.....
Pleaseexcuse all the typos im on an ipad and dog sitting on my lap. Oh and i had a neck epidural today and next week a lower baxk that will help alot with pain i will get while getting off of this crap. Had a tooth pulled four weeks ago and it still hurts. Went to the surgeon yesterday and he said no dry socket, dont k ow why im still in pain. Told him i started weaning off of meds and can feel the pain even more now. He said he sees nothing wrong. Im beside myself with this new pain. It was dental reasons the last time as to why i went back on meds, so here we go again?
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