Aa
So here I am again...(long....and fairly boring)
Don't see many off the old familiar names so I'll just start like new. Had to make a new acct anyway because I forgot my acct info. Some of you might remember me... I'm Jimi...and I'm addicted to Oxycodone. Actually I am addicted to anything that ends in "codone", but Oxy is my DOC. when I left Utah, clean several months, many here suggested that I should seek aftercare. I wish I would have listened. I wish I would have done alot of things different though.....
Upon landing back home in Wyoming, I almost immediately began to dabble. Found a great Job running heavy equipment and ended up tearing up my shoulder....to go along with existing back problems. At first my caring Dr had me on Hydro 7.5s. Then upped that to Oxy 15 IRs. Wanna make one thing clear.... I don't blame my Dr. He is really a good guy and gives a **** about his patients. More than once he asked me what my "long term plan" was? My answer was always "to get up and go to work tomorrow". He would shake his head....mutter something about "that was a crappy plan" and write my new script.
This all worked fine in the beginning. Took the meds as prescribed (mostly), I had no pain....slept like a baby....was up for work at 4 in the a.m. every day, feeling great. All was well. Then after 7 good months it started to change. It caught up with me in matter of weeks. The insomnia kicked in, anxiety began.....and then something happened that totally ****** up my life. It's called Psychogenic Hyperventilation Syndrome. Or "over breathing syndrome". Never heard of it? Don't feel bad...neither had I. But after a battery of tests they concluded there was nothing wrong with me physically. In short I am a nut case. I started thinking about my breathing....ALL THE TIME!
I won't go into the details of the symptoms except to say it really *****. With breathing exercises and clonazepam I have gotten better. But this thing has had me out of work since before thanksgiving. I love my job and it's great $$. My boss loves me....and would love to get me back out there. But not until I can assure hime that I won't have some wild panic attack and have to be driven 40 miles, off the mountain, to the ER again.
One thing I could not fail to notice is that I am fine.....all morning long. Until I take my first pain meds. then it starts. Don't know if the meds alter my breathing or if it's all in my head. But one way or the other...I want off these. and this time a few things have changed. Before I thought I wanted to change. But I really didn't. Maybe I did want my life back....but I still wanted the buzz more than I wanted to change. So why should even I believe myself now? Because with the buzz comes with an added price now. My breathing problems and panic attacks that I am almost sure are due to the pill use/abuse.
That and I have to grand kids now. 7 and 9 months. And I love he little buggers. I live for them... but I don't even actually live anymore. Since I last worked in Nov I just exist. Like a house plant. I stay up until 3-4 and sleep until noon. My $$ I saved over the summer is dwindling. I have no quality of life and I feel like a bum. Even though I didn't file for UE of workers comp, which I could have, I still feel worthless. I guess this is rock bottom. Not near what some others have had to go through...so I feel embarrassed even saying I'm at rock bottom. But for me, not working...and not really even living...is rock bottom. I am depressed constantly and don't even feel like getting out of bed most days. This life (or lack of) will no longer work for me.
I have spoken to my Dr and we have a taper plan. Unfortunately it isn't fast enough for me. I don't have till spring to whittle this down. I have tapered down to 31/2 - 4 15s a day. Early next week I plan to call him to try to get clonadine and I'm just gonna do it. I hope you people don't mind terribly if I hang around and get a little inspiration while I am waiting. Just reading these posts, by people with more courage than me, has always helped out a great deal.
This time one more thing will change. I will seek aftercare. This is a small town in Wyo where I have a lot of family and everyone knows everyone and what their up to...sort of like living in an episode of Hee Haw.. THAT is why I avoided aftercare last time around. Now I know longer care what this town thinks or says. Hell, they are already talking about me being a hermit. Wondering I'm not working....why I've left my house 4 times in the last month. I also will tear up my pain contract and admit to my doc that I'm an addict. All I have told him is that I want to decrease my dosage and not live on the pills the rest of my life. If the doctors up on the hill know I'm an addict...it's game over. This town had a fairly big pill problem for years. After it hit the local HS they changed things. It takes an act of god to get pills here now. So admitting my addiction would be a giant plus in beating this thing. Ok....I've babbled enough and probably bored most of you into a well needed nap...thank me later. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that I'll be around.
Peace
-Jimi
Upon landing back home in Wyoming, I almost immediately began to dabble. Found a great Job running heavy equipment and ended up tearing up my shoulder....to go along with existing back problems. At first my caring Dr had me on Hydro 7.5s. Then upped that to Oxy 15 IRs. Wanna make one thing clear.... I don't blame my Dr. He is really a good guy and gives a **** about his patients. More than once he asked me what my "long term plan" was? My answer was always "to get up and go to work tomorrow". He would shake his head....mutter something about "that was a crappy plan" and write my new script.
This all worked fine in the beginning. Took the meds as prescribed (mostly), I had no pain....slept like a baby....was up for work at 4 in the a.m. every day, feeling great. All was well. Then after 7 good months it started to change. It caught up with me in matter of weeks. The insomnia kicked in, anxiety began.....and then something happened that totally ****** up my life. It's called Psychogenic Hyperventilation Syndrome. Or "over breathing syndrome". Never heard of it? Don't feel bad...neither had I. But after a battery of tests they concluded there was nothing wrong with me physically. In short I am a nut case. I started thinking about my breathing....ALL THE TIME!
I won't go into the details of the symptoms except to say it really *****. With breathing exercises and clonazepam I have gotten better. But this thing has had me out of work since before thanksgiving. I love my job and it's great $$. My boss loves me....and would love to get me back out there. But not until I can assure hime that I won't have some wild panic attack and have to be driven 40 miles, off the mountain, to the ER again.
One thing I could not fail to notice is that I am fine.....all morning long. Until I take my first pain meds. then it starts. Don't know if the meds alter my breathing or if it's all in my head. But one way or the other...I want off these. and this time a few things have changed. Before I thought I wanted to change. But I really didn't. Maybe I did want my life back....but I still wanted the buzz more than I wanted to change. So why should even I believe myself now? Because with the buzz comes with an added price now. My breathing problems and panic attacks that I am almost sure are due to the pill use/abuse.
That and I have to grand kids now. 7 and 9 months. And I love he little buggers. I live for them... but I don't even actually live anymore. Since I last worked in Nov I just exist. Like a house plant. I stay up until 3-4 and sleep until noon. My $$ I saved over the summer is dwindling. I have no quality of life and I feel like a bum. Even though I didn't file for UE of workers comp, which I could have, I still feel worthless. I guess this is rock bottom. Not near what some others have had to go through...so I feel embarrassed even saying I'm at rock bottom. But for me, not working...and not really even living...is rock bottom. I am depressed constantly and don't even feel like getting out of bed most days. This life (or lack of) will no longer work for me.
I have spoken to my Dr and we have a taper plan. Unfortunately it isn't fast enough for me. I don't have till spring to whittle this down. I have tapered down to 31/2 - 4 15s a day. Early next week I plan to call him to try to get clonadine and I'm just gonna do it. I hope you people don't mind terribly if I hang around and get a little inspiration while I am waiting. Just reading these posts, by people with more courage than me, has always helped out a great deal.
This time one more thing will change. I will seek aftercare. This is a small town in Wyo where I have a lot of family and everyone knows everyone and what their up to...sort of like living in an episode of Hee Haw.. THAT is why I avoided aftercare last time around. Now I know longer care what this town thinks or says. Hell, they are already talking about me being a hermit. Wondering I'm not working....why I've left my house 4 times in the last month. I also will tear up my pain contract and admit to my doc that I'm an addict. All I have told him is that I want to decrease my dosage and not live on the pills the rest of my life. If the doctors up on the hill know I'm an addict...it's game over. This town had a fairly big pill problem for years. After it hit the local HS they changed things. It takes an act of god to get pills here now. So admitting my addiction would be a giant plus in beating this thing. Ok....I've babbled enough and probably bored most of you into a well needed nap...thank me later. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that I'll be around.
Peace
-Jimi
I use the nasal srtips. I swear by them, i can breath all night during tne stuffy nose part and sometimes imuse the saline solution to wet thw dry nose. I wont use anything thatnwill mess up my brain cells, mkre than they already are. Ct for memwas twice and it took 21 days with no break. I figure, if i wean, itll be less painful and maybe the brain will slowly come up every week to balance the weaning. I think too much ct shock for me is enough. At least i can eat and go to the outside world a little bit while weaning. I read weaninf should ve slow enuf that yr body should hardly feel it. Im going to drop 5% per week. May take some time but it took so lo g cold turkey, i figure why suffer if i dont have to. Im anxious to get off as well, but not to suffer in madness like i have twice before.
http://www.amazon.com/Sambucol-Black-Elderberry-Syrup/dp/B0013RPI2E
This is what I take during flu season Sarah. In 2010 they actually took it off the shelves in pharmacies in Utah.....hmmmm? Big Phamra at work? That's my suspicion.
I lived on this stuff and liquid vita D during the great pig flu plague. My two daughters got H1N1 (both lived with me at the time), my son, my ex, My GF at the time and her kid, my neighbor....his wife and oldest.... I never got a cold that winter. I swear by this stuff.
Peace
This is what I take during flu season Sarah. In 2010 they actually took it off the shelves in pharmacies in Utah.....hmmmm? Big Phamra at work? That's my suspicion.
I lived on this stuff and liquid vita D during the great pig flu plague. My two daughters got H1N1 (both lived with me at the time), my son, my ex, My GF at the time and her kid, my neighbor....his wife and oldest.... I never got a cold that winter. I swear by this stuff.
Peace
COMMUNITY LEADER
Black elderberry syrup?? Do tell
Thanks for that info about the vita C and for your kind words.
The one thing I do have is a full script of Klonapin. I have not used them much (hardly at all) because my issues have not been that bothersome the last few weeks. Learning to breathe correctly has helped immensely. The other thing I need to tackle is the issue of just not thinking about it.
But anyway, I plan to use the Klonapin as much as needed during my CT. I do know that long term use isn't an option as it can be dangerous to come off of. I don't worry about getting cravings for it (like it becomiing a new DOC)because it just isn't my thing.
I'll use it between days 2-5 if needed. I also have an old bottle of Clonadine. My last CT it was VERY helpful. But it's a year outta date and just wondering if I should go get some new......or whether it might still be good.
And as far as the little old lady lol....yeah it had me laughing. But she was deadly serious. Utah lost more people to pig flu than every other state except for maybe NY and Cali. She was armed and considered me dangerous.
It really was amusing watching people in stores and at bank machines wiping everything down with those lysol wipes lol. A Dr I knew turned me on to black elderberry syrup and I didn't even get a cold that winter. Never got the shot either. Stuff really does the job on flu bugs.
Peace
The one thing I do have is a full script of Klonapin. I have not used them much (hardly at all) because my issues have not been that bothersome the last few weeks. Learning to breathe correctly has helped immensely. The other thing I need to tackle is the issue of just not thinking about it.
But anyway, I plan to use the Klonapin as much as needed during my CT. I do know that long term use isn't an option as it can be dangerous to come off of. I don't worry about getting cravings for it (like it becomiing a new DOC)because it just isn't my thing.
I'll use it between days 2-5 if needed. I also have an old bottle of Clonadine. My last CT it was VERY helpful. But it's a year outta date and just wondering if I should go get some new......or whether it might still be good.
And as far as the little old lady lol....yeah it had me laughing. But she was deadly serious. Utah lost more people to pig flu than every other state except for maybe NY and Cali. She was armed and considered me dangerous.
It really was amusing watching people in stores and at bank machines wiping everything down with those lysol wipes lol. A Dr I knew turned me on to black elderberry syrup and I didn't even get a cold that winter. Never got the shot either. Stuff really does the job on flu bugs.
Peace
I think you are a hoot!! I was reading here and picturing that little old lady in Albertson's shooting Lysol at you Hahaha!! What a picture:):)
Did you know that some of those fast acting nasal sprays impair fertility?
Like you REALLY care....LOL
I understand your desire to jump off.....I made the weaning deal from 20-30 (10mg) hydros a day down to 10/day....had a breathing crisis like you describe. It started at 2:30 a.m. and was still freaking me out by 11:30 am
so we called an ambulance and off to the ER I went. My Oxy Sat was PERFECT and I'm not one of those people who had EVER hyperventilated before in my entire life!! They let me lay in the ER for 3 hrs and because I was insane, freezing, shaking, out of control, scared cause I couldn't breath, I started screaming at the staff at the top of my lungs. (my poor husband....and those poor hospital people).. I was a raging lunatic!!!
They finally gave me a very small dose of ativan and sent me home!!
After much research, I learned that opiates and antidepressants and somas and gabapentin (which I was shoving in my mouth at a non-prescribed, alarming rate prior to this) cause suppression of our respiratory function. Imagine that???? LOL
I am off ALL my Rx's now and still struggling, but no more breathing crisis!
Besides your breathing episodes, I also related to your sinus and bronchial issues. Many yrs ago, B4 opiates, and I was a LOT younger, I was getting bronchial infections, tonsilitus, even once pneumonia... That began my research road in nutrition. I wanted to keep my "bad habits" and not keep getting sick LOL Vit C, in quite large amounts, totally changed my life!
Today, I take Ester C rather than just C because of all I've read about how much more our bodies utililize it. It has recently been patented (the EsterC)
and is harder to get, but that's the C I take. If you have lung issues, smoke,
sinus stuff, it all screams Vit C to my brain. You have to start taking it gradually and let your body get use to ever increasing amts because if you don't you'll get the runs. (you don't need that with opiate w/d runs, to lol)
Sorry to take off on ya like that, but I had to share what worked for me with ya. I find you to be a humorous, delightfully funny man. I almost cruised right by you the first time I saw your post cause (now don't laugh) of your
sign on name and your profile pic!! My brain said I wonder why he's flipping us off and has a scull on his pic? I know, I'm not judging......it just "wowed" me for a minute and then I read your OP. Good luck with your plan.....and also kiss those grandbabies!!
(Ok....had this typed out.....the phone rang....I talked for over an hour....so now I'll hit submit.......Blessings to you~
Did you know that some of those fast acting nasal sprays impair fertility?
Like you REALLY care....LOL
I understand your desire to jump off.....I made the weaning deal from 20-30 (10mg) hydros a day down to 10/day....had a breathing crisis like you describe. It started at 2:30 a.m. and was still freaking me out by 11:30 am
so we called an ambulance and off to the ER I went. My Oxy Sat was PERFECT and I'm not one of those people who had EVER hyperventilated before in my entire life!! They let me lay in the ER for 3 hrs and because I was insane, freezing, shaking, out of control, scared cause I couldn't breath, I started screaming at the staff at the top of my lungs. (my poor husband....and those poor hospital people).. I was a raging lunatic!!!
They finally gave me a very small dose of ativan and sent me home!!
After much research, I learned that opiates and antidepressants and somas and gabapentin (which I was shoving in my mouth at a non-prescribed, alarming rate prior to this) cause suppression of our respiratory function. Imagine that???? LOL
I am off ALL my Rx's now and still struggling, but no more breathing crisis!
Besides your breathing episodes, I also related to your sinus and bronchial issues. Many yrs ago, B4 opiates, and I was a LOT younger, I was getting bronchial infections, tonsilitus, even once pneumonia... That began my research road in nutrition. I wanted to keep my "bad habits" and not keep getting sick LOL Vit C, in quite large amounts, totally changed my life!
Today, I take Ester C rather than just C because of all I've read about how much more our bodies utililize it. It has recently been patented (the EsterC)
and is harder to get, but that's the C I take. If you have lung issues, smoke,
sinus stuff, it all screams Vit C to my brain. You have to start taking it gradually and let your body get use to ever increasing amts because if you don't you'll get the runs. (you don't need that with opiate w/d runs, to lol)
Sorry to take off on ya like that, but I had to share what worked for me with ya. I find you to be a humorous, delightfully funny man. I almost cruised right by you the first time I saw your post cause (now don't laugh) of your
sign on name and your profile pic!! My brain said I wonder why he's flipping us off and has a scull on his pic? I know, I'm not judging......it just "wowed" me for a minute and then I read your OP. Good luck with your plan.....and also kiss those grandbabies!!
(Ok....had this typed out.....the phone rang....I talked for over an hour....so now I'll hit submit.......Blessings to you~
Lol I actually got so desperate I stole Afrin from an all night grocery in Sheridan Wyoming one time. Forgot to bring some on as trip I took. Went to woke up at 1 a.m. and nose swelled shut. Panicked and went to the store but forgot my wallet at the motel....So I just pocketed a bottle. How low is that?
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