Aa
62 hours clean - hope it getseasier...
Ok - so here I am 61 hours with no Vicodins....
I was not a very heavy user - but long term i guess.... I have taken pain pills mostly for recreational use,other than dental work here or there. I started in 2005? ish - but not an every day type of thing, then stopped for a while, on and off for years. But it was never a problem or additction - I easily stopped each time with no withdrawls or anything. The reason i keep starting again is my mother in law has like an unlimted RX for VicodinES for her back so whenever i visit them, I end up snatching 3 or 4 from her. i feel terrible about this BTW.
I quit the entire time I was preggo my with son (May 2008 - Jan 2009) had a C-section and they gave me Percs for the pain, got a re-fill, then had a tooth pulled so I had about 1 or 2 months straight on pain pills and never really stopped since then, when my RX ran out - I stole from my mother in law, then found out my step mother also had a unlimited RX - so started stealing from her as well. Now the thing is I only take 1-2 pills a day. A few times it had been 3 or 4 but 19 out of 20 days it was only 1 or 2 b/c that is all I can get my hands on and I was always wanting to save them for when i really needed them, like social events, and having energy to play with my son...etc...
So in June f this year I told my husband - he was mad b/c I lied, but was willing to help me through it...so I handed him over my last 20 pills (I had started buying them off the street) and it went ok - until he let me have a pill (b/c we were on vacation and he wanted one also) so I would be fine for 2 days, then take a pill, then none for 2 days. I really felt in control... but then vacation ended - back to life and responsabilites and I lasted 2 and 1/2 days not taking anything until my step mother visited and i stole pills from her. Since mid June i have been stealing pills a few at a time from different family members (I feel terrible about this) and only taking 1 day, 2 if I can find them. So on Sunday night i said I HAD ENOUGH! I don't need this - It really must be all mental b/c 1 pill a day is not enough to really give me crazy withrawls (I did try to quit once while taking 2-3 a day and was sick as a dog for two days and went back to them).
So this past Monday - work went fine, no withdrawls but the second I got out of work I wanted one bad - and i did have 4 in my purse, did not take them, yesterday (day 2) was home with my son all day, that was harder, still no MAJOR withdrawls but SO TIRED and no energy to do anything - I used ot take them to give me energy to make dinner, pack lunches, do laundry, and I still have all that to do but can't get motivated ot do so. Last night i told my hubby, he was happy i came to him and asked for my last pills so I would not be tempted ot take them - I gave him 3 and kept one hidden (I can't help it) but i have no intention on taking that last one - I always need an in-case-of -emergency-pill somewhere.
So here I am - day 3 - hour 62... I am doing ok I guess. I just want my old life back, I want to have even a little enregy to just tkae care of my daily chores, I want to feel happy again. I feel that since I was only taking 1-2 a day I might feel a little better sooner than other on this chatroom? Do you think? When will my energy come back.
My mother and I are going on a car trip with my son on Saturday (which would be day6) 3 hours there - spend day w/ Grandparents - then 3 hours home. I am SO dreading this withpout pills. I hope I feel normal again by then or i know i will ask my husband for a pill to get me through the day.
I really want to stop this cycle - I know i will be happier without them.
Please help me stay motivated - any stories of success or inspiration or tips will help.
BTW - I am taking 1/2 Ambein at night & 2 Tylenol pM to sleep at night (only have 1 Ambein left)
also i did have 1 xanax left I am saving in case I panick really bad - but that only happened once so far( yesterday)... also taking Multivitamin with "energy" 2 times a day - that and coffee keeps me going throughout the day so far...
Thanks in advancefor any help you can give me.
I was not a very heavy user - but long term i guess.... I have taken pain pills mostly for recreational use,other than dental work here or there. I started in 2005? ish - but not an every day type of thing, then stopped for a while, on and off for years. But it was never a problem or additction - I easily stopped each time with no withdrawls or anything. The reason i keep starting again is my mother in law has like an unlimted RX for VicodinES for her back so whenever i visit them, I end up snatching 3 or 4 from her. i feel terrible about this BTW.
I quit the entire time I was preggo my with son (May 2008 - Jan 2009) had a C-section and they gave me Percs for the pain, got a re-fill, then had a tooth pulled so I had about 1 or 2 months straight on pain pills and never really stopped since then, when my RX ran out - I stole from my mother in law, then found out my step mother also had a unlimited RX - so started stealing from her as well. Now the thing is I only take 1-2 pills a day. A few times it had been 3 or 4 but 19 out of 20 days it was only 1 or 2 b/c that is all I can get my hands on and I was always wanting to save them for when i really needed them, like social events, and having energy to play with my son...etc...
So in June f this year I told my husband - he was mad b/c I lied, but was willing to help me through it...so I handed him over my last 20 pills (I had started buying them off the street) and it went ok - until he let me have a pill (b/c we were on vacation and he wanted one also) so I would be fine for 2 days, then take a pill, then none for 2 days. I really felt in control... but then vacation ended - back to life and responsabilites and I lasted 2 and 1/2 days not taking anything until my step mother visited and i stole pills from her. Since mid June i have been stealing pills a few at a time from different family members (I feel terrible about this) and only taking 1 day, 2 if I can find them. So on Sunday night i said I HAD ENOUGH! I don't need this - It really must be all mental b/c 1 pill a day is not enough to really give me crazy withrawls (I did try to quit once while taking 2-3 a day and was sick as a dog for two days and went back to them).
So this past Monday - work went fine, no withdrawls but the second I got out of work I wanted one bad - and i did have 4 in my purse, did not take them, yesterday (day 2) was home with my son all day, that was harder, still no MAJOR withdrawls but SO TIRED and no energy to do anything - I used ot take them to give me energy to make dinner, pack lunches, do laundry, and I still have all that to do but can't get motivated ot do so. Last night i told my hubby, he was happy i came to him and asked for my last pills so I would not be tempted ot take them - I gave him 3 and kept one hidden (I can't help it) but i have no intention on taking that last one - I always need an in-case-of -emergency-pill somewhere.
So here I am - day 3 - hour 62... I am doing ok I guess. I just want my old life back, I want to have even a little enregy to just tkae care of my daily chores, I want to feel happy again. I feel that since I was only taking 1-2 a day I might feel a little better sooner than other on this chatroom? Do you think? When will my energy come back.
My mother and I are going on a car trip with my son on Saturday (which would be day6) 3 hours there - spend day w/ Grandparents - then 3 hours home. I am SO dreading this withpout pills. I hope I feel normal again by then or i know i will ask my husband for a pill to get me through the day.
I really want to stop this cycle - I know i will be happier without them.
Please help me stay motivated - any stories of success or inspiration or tips will help.
BTW - I am taking 1/2 Ambein at night & 2 Tylenol pM to sleep at night (only have 1 Ambein left)
also i did have 1 xanax left I am saving in case I panick really bad - but that only happened once so far( yesterday)... also taking Multivitamin with "energy" 2 times a day - that and coffee keeps me going throughout the day so far...
Thanks in advancefor any help you can give me.
now its been 65 hours clean.... only 3 more hours left in the workday...
5pm - 8pm is usually the hardest time for me. I stopped taking pills at work 2 weeks ago so I am fine when at work, its being home entertaining my son that is hard. and that makes me feel like SH!T!!!! I love my son (19 months old) more than life itself and love looking at him, playing with him, etc.... he is my life. But being on the pills made me feel like a GREAT mom, like SUPER MOM, I would take him for walks, go to the park, just play with him all day. But now not being on the pills I have no patients for him, he is very active and gets into everything so I screamed when he colored blue crayon on the floor yesterday, then felt so bad for yelling. I know in a few days...2 weeks maybe... I will feel happy again (and have energy) and will want to take him to the park again and he will be so much better off for it.
So at the end of each work day (i work Mon, Wed & Fri) I pick up my son from daycare, stop at my in-laws so they can visit with him for 30-40 mins or so (used to steal some vics from mother in law at this point, but no longer) then go home, un pack my lunch, his lunch ,wash dishes, unpack his diaper bag, begin dinner, straighten up house, etc... AND keep my son out of trouble while i wait for hubby to get home and give me a hand - normally 6:30pm, but the last few months he has been working late until 7:30pm - then dinner, dishes, give son a bath, put him to bed (hubby does bath & bed for my son) then hubby and i relax and smoke a little pot, watch TV, then bedtime. So that is why 5-8pm is hardest for me - if I only had 1 vic to take during the day it would be at 5pm to do all that stuff. But I managed to do it on Monday without taking one, evne had one in my hand and put it back in my mother in laws pill bottle.... Hopefully i will have the same strength today....
Tues & Thursday I am off of work so I just play with my son all day - but I used to have to take vics to have the energy to do so, got through yesterday ok (but hubby worked from home so I had some help) hopefully i can be strong tomorrow as well - its so hard when he wants to play and all i want to do is veg out on the couch...
I read on here that walking / excersice is good - maybe i can take son for a long walk tomorrow.
Sorry about the long post - just had to get my thoughts out of my head...only person who knows about all this is my hubby and as he is understanding, he is super busy at work and doesn't have much time to chat with me during the day. Also he thinks 1-2 pills a day is not a bad addiction and that its all in my head. Which I agree its very mental, but still hard....
Thanks - if you read this long.
5pm - 8pm is usually the hardest time for me. I stopped taking pills at work 2 weeks ago so I am fine when at work, its being home entertaining my son that is hard. and that makes me feel like SH!T!!!! I love my son (19 months old) more than life itself and love looking at him, playing with him, etc.... he is my life. But being on the pills made me feel like a GREAT mom, like SUPER MOM, I would take him for walks, go to the park, just play with him all day. But now not being on the pills I have no patients for him, he is very active and gets into everything so I screamed when he colored blue crayon on the floor yesterday, then felt so bad for yelling. I know in a few days...2 weeks maybe... I will feel happy again (and have energy) and will want to take him to the park again and he will be so much better off for it.
So at the end of each work day (i work Mon, Wed & Fri) I pick up my son from daycare, stop at my in-laws so they can visit with him for 30-40 mins or so (used to steal some vics from mother in law at this point, but no longer) then go home, un pack my lunch, his lunch ,wash dishes, unpack his diaper bag, begin dinner, straighten up house, etc... AND keep my son out of trouble while i wait for hubby to get home and give me a hand - normally 6:30pm, but the last few months he has been working late until 7:30pm - then dinner, dishes, give son a bath, put him to bed (hubby does bath & bed for my son) then hubby and i relax and smoke a little pot, watch TV, then bedtime. So that is why 5-8pm is hardest for me - if I only had 1 vic to take during the day it would be at 5pm to do all that stuff. But I managed to do it on Monday without taking one, evne had one in my hand and put it back in my mother in laws pill bottle.... Hopefully i will have the same strength today....
Tues & Thursday I am off of work so I just play with my son all day - but I used to have to take vics to have the energy to do so, got through yesterday ok (but hubby worked from home so I had some help) hopefully i can be strong tomorrow as well - its so hard when he wants to play and all i want to do is veg out on the couch...
I read on here that walking / excersice is good - maybe i can take son for a long walk tomorrow.
Sorry about the long post - just had to get my thoughts out of my head...only person who knows about all this is my hubby and as he is understanding, he is super busy at work and doesn't have much time to chat with me during the day. Also he thinks 1-2 pills a day is not a bad addiction and that its all in my head. Which I agree its very mental, but still hard....
Thanks - if you read this long.
Keep on keeping on! Here's to day 3! I'm right there with ya! Let me know how it's going. Stay strong and have faith. You CAN do this.
I TOTALLY get what you are saying.... I and totally know you are trying to be helpful and not banter with me. and i really appreciate it. I have spent the last 2 hours on this webiste and it has made me feel better, given me hope, and made the time pass - so I am that much closer to having day # 3 under my belt!
Just have to take each day, hour and minute as it comes. I know i can do this...
Just have to take each day, hour and minute as it comes. I know i can do this...
I understand what you are saying and everyone is different. The way I had to look at it is this: I am having brief periods of weakness. It's very quick and easy to pull one out of my purse and take it in less than 10 seconds. I have a refill at the drugstore, but it would take me at least 30 minutes to get it. That leaves me enough time to post on here or do something, whatever, to get past that inevitable "emergency." That's just how I see it. I tried to quit smoking the same way, with one stashed away. Needless to say, I am still "stashing" a new one all the time! That's just me though. It's kinda like drinking, yes you can always go buy it, but would you want it in front of you if you had a problem with it? Just my thoughts again. I am not trying to banter with you, just want you to succeed. I am sure you will do what is best for you. I really believe that weaning off this low dosage, for me, was prolonging my withdrawals and still tying me to the bottle, counting those darn pills! Full speed ahead and I'm pulling for you!
thanks for the post. Makes me feel so much better...
I think I will give my husband my last pill i have in my purse when i get home from work tonight - will tell him I forgot about that one or something... it was a big step to give him the 3 yesterday, but feeling a bit better today so I think I can give up the last 1.
Problem is - I am going to my in-laws house today (Wed) and Friday after work - where there will be a full bottle of vics in the bathroom for the taking.(I was there on day 1 and did NOT take any - so proud of myself!) So there will always be the temptation. If i give away my last one to my hubby, I know i can get more. That is why I wanted to carry one around with me, so I WON'T steal anymore. I want to know that I AM strong enough to have them (or have access to them) without taking them.
I did this when I quit smoking also(saved one for an emergency in my purse). I know its a receipe for disaster, but if I can always get more anyways whats the point of throwing away the last one.
I know i have to deal with living life without them - even if I can get them....
I think I will give my husband my last pill i have in my purse when i get home from work tonight - will tell him I forgot about that one or something... it was a big step to give him the 3 yesterday, but feeling a bit better today so I think I can give up the last 1.
Problem is - I am going to my in-laws house today (Wed) and Friday after work - where there will be a full bottle of vics in the bathroom for the taking.(I was there on day 1 and did NOT take any - so proud of myself!) So there will always be the temptation. If i give away my last one to my hubby, I know i can get more. That is why I wanted to carry one around with me, so I WON'T steal anymore. I want to know that I AM strong enough to have them (or have access to them) without taking them.
I did this when I quit smoking also(saved one for an emergency in my purse). I know its a receipe for disaster, but if I can always get more anyways whats the point of throwing away the last one.
I know i have to deal with living life without them - even if I can get them....
I probably shouldn't be giving advice this early on in the process, but I was taking 2-3 Norco/day and this is day 3! WooHoo! The first day was the worst for me and yesterday wasn't a picnic, but manageable. Today the symptoms have changed, which is somewhat of a relief. You can do this if I can! My recommendation would be do get rid of EVERYTHING! I flushed a new 180 pill prescription on Tuesday am and have since flushed any leftovers in the bottom of all purses, cabinets, etc. If you have one for an "emergency" you will undoubtedly have an emergency and take it. Remove thou from temptation! lol Good luck and my thoughts are with you!
Hi & Welcome,
Congrats on wanting to get clean. You will probably be uncomfortable for a few more days but just hang in there, it does get better.
At the top right hand corner of this page you will find the health pages. Look through them for suggested supplements that may ease the process a bit.
I always suggest hot baths, and lots of them. Be sure to stay hydrated and get some food in you.
The mental part of this disease is the hardest. Aftercare is recommended to help you stay clean. Ask away if you think you will be doing that.
Keep talking, it does help.
Congrats on wanting to get clean. You will probably be uncomfortable for a few more days but just hang in there, it does get better.
At the top right hand corner of this page you will find the health pages. Look through them for suggested supplements that may ease the process a bit.
I always suggest hot baths, and lots of them. Be sure to stay hydrated and get some food in you.
The mental part of this disease is the hardest. Aftercare is recommended to help you stay clean. Ask away if you think you will be doing that.
Keep talking, it does help.
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