Time to take the plunge..

[tired_of_oxy]

Well I took my last quarter sub this morning and by tonight should really start feeling the wds. I've got my brother coming up tommorow to help with the kids so I'm verrrry relieved about that. I tried a couple weeks ago to go ct but having no help with my young ones made it pretty impossible. Glad and very grateful that I finally got help lined up. Since then I've been taking very small amounts of sub, hardly enough to keep me out of full blown wds so I'm hoping the two weeks I've spent feeling crappy pay off in that I won't get hit too bad but no matter what wds throw at me I'm feeling ok about it because I have help coming.

On one hand I'm nervous and even a bit scared but really I just wanna get this over with!!! I am going to do as many meetings as I can once I get through detox. I might even join AA because in my area there are far more AA meetings and I really could do 90 in 90. NA around here doesn't have that many meetings so at best I could only do 3 maybe 4 a week. I want to do 90 in 90 or very close to it because I know in my heart I'll NEED to. I've gotten through the worst wds imaginable before but like so many others it's the depression and anxiety that got me both other times I quit. I didn't seek aftercare those times and I hope by really throwing myself head first into recovery that will be what makes the difference this time. I have to face the issues that led me to self medicate and although it's going to be very painful and very uncomfortable I know it's neccessary to face those demons and get rid of them so they can't keep hurting me. I've carried around incredible pain inside for far too long and I have never learned how to truly let go of the past. Hopefully recovery will help me do just that. Because living the way I have is not an option anymore. I've lost enough to the stupid pills, almost lost my life too and enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm willing to do what it takes to stay clean. I'm not kidding myself though, I know this is going to be very very hard. I'm glad to have you guys here because it will make the coming days, weeks, months etc easier to get through knowing there are people here I can talk to who know exactly what it's like to get off opiates. That's very reassuring. So here goes..

[BrotherFrankie]

agree with faith_

you have bunches praying.. dont substitute opiate for opiate..

u past the hard part like gnarly said..

u r loved

[faith_hope_love]

PS>  You are so close to turning the corner.  Do you think you could handle one more day to think it through?  I will support you with whatever decision you make, everyone will.  And besides, one day we will all go our seperate ways and this is your life that you have to live.  I just want you to be sure of your decision.  love and hugs! lyn

[faith_hope_love]

Don't apologize and don't feel guilty.  You have to do what is best for you.  My friend is doing the sub program and luckily this dr. only starts patients at 8mg and starts weaning them 1mg per week after the first initial 2 weeks.  He requires them to go to 2 meetings per week and drug testing.  
See, me and my friend are totally different.  I knew ahead of time what I needed to do and my main concern was getting the pills out of my system so I did the 21 day taper.  For her, she needed the time to get her head together.  She was on much stronger stuff, methadone, roxy, whatever she could find on the street to keep her out of withdrawal.  So, that is that.  She knows that she will go through withdrawal from the sub when the time comes.
The main thing - are you sure this is what you want to do?  You are so close to being off of everything.  Also, do you have good sub drs. there where you are?  Don't let them put you on a super high dose either...that is stupid for them to do.  I think most of them are getting a clue now that most people don't need over 8mgs starting and you, where you are could start even lower.  Do you have the money or insurance to cover the medicine?  I would hate for you to just run out and be stuck.  If this is really what you want, when the time comes, I would drop your dose by 1mg each time and make sure you stick to a taper..in other words, once you drop, stay there, don't go up and down because that will make it worse in the end.  
People have used the time on sub to get their life together.  Just remember to plan way ahead when you decide to stop so you can get through the withdrawals then.

[tired_of_oxy]

I feel so guilty. I'm sorry.

[tired_of_oxy]

I made a decision today. I'm going on suboxone. I know what you guys are going to say but I can't do this like this. I think if I do the sub program properly and get my head straight then I'll be able to get off opiates one day soon. Nobody has to live my life but me and doing it ct just isn't going to work. I'm sorry and I feel like such a heel but I have to do what will work for me. Over and out.

At least I should be able to induct at a low dose and taper slowly from there. I'm going to continue to do meetings and work on my head. Because if this has taught me anything it's that I'm more ****** up then I realized.

[gnarly_1]

HI how are you doing now?? if it makes you feel any better it probably wont get any worst from here your going into day 3 your 1/2 way threw it just a few days more and this will be behind you DONT go back on the sub it will make everything you have worked for in vein
YOU CAN DO THIS your doing it when it gets tuff take a deep breath and regroup remember this is all about attitude use your symptoms to strengthen your resolve to quit tell yourself nothing is going to control me like this any more and dont give up 5 min b/4 the mirical
hang in there and keep posting for support good luck my prayers go out to you.....Gnarly