Time to take the plunge..

[tired_of_oxy]

Well I took my last quarter sub this morning and by tonight should really start feeling the wds. I've got my brother coming up tommorow to help with the kids so I'm verrrry relieved about that. I tried a couple weeks ago to go ct but having no help with my young ones made it pretty impossible. Glad and very grateful that I finally got help lined up. Since then I've been taking very small amounts of sub, hardly enough to keep me out of full blown wds so I'm hoping the two weeks I've spent feeling crappy pay off in that I won't get hit too bad but no matter what wds throw at me I'm feeling ok about it because I have help coming.

On one hand I'm nervous and even a bit scared but really I just wanna get this over with!!! I am going to do as many meetings as I can once I get through detox. I might even join AA because in my area there are far more AA meetings and I really could do 90 in 90. NA around here doesn't have that many meetings so at best I could only do 3 maybe 4 a week. I want to do 90 in 90 or very close to it because I know in my heart I'll NEED to. I've gotten through the worst wds imaginable before but like so many others it's the depression and anxiety that got me both other times I quit. I didn't seek aftercare those times and I hope by really throwing myself head first into recovery that will be what makes the difference this time. I have to face the issues that led me to self medicate and although it's going to be very painful and very uncomfortable I know it's neccessary to face those demons and get rid of them so they can't keep hurting me. I've carried around incredible pain inside for far too long and I have never learned how to truly let go of the past. Hopefully recovery will help me do just that. Because living the way I have is not an option anymore. I've lost enough to the stupid pills, almost lost my life too and enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm willing to do what it takes to stay clean. I'm not kidding myself though, I know this is going to be very very hard. I'm glad to have you guys here because it will make the coming days, weeks, months etc easier to get through knowing there are people here I can talk to who know exactly what it's like to get off opiates. That's very reassuring. So here goes..

[faith_hope_love]

Hey tired, I just got through praying for you.  I know you feel like you are in h*ll right now but it will pass.  I would not go back on sub because you would be just prolonging withdrawals now.  Hang in there and don't give up.  lyn

[Katrina81]

Hey hun. Ive been thinking about you and sending prayers up to the big guy for you. Oh that devils candy thats given out leads to the playground of hell. Even though you dont feel it your strength and courage are AMAZING. You are being a fabulous role model to those waiting in the wings trying to decide to jump or not. Your being so honest about how your feeling and i for one apprecite your honesty. I am on day 18 clean and even tho im ahead of u in recovery PLEASE KNOW I am drawing strength off your pure determination and power to get better. You hang tough sweetheart and know WE ARE ALL CHEERING YOU ON AND WE CARE! Try to smile at yourself  in the mirror today and tell yourself this HOPE IS THE REFLECTION IN YOUR MIRROR. God bless you. I will check on u soon. Just remember to smile at yourself today  :)

[tired_of_oxy]

It's 4 am and I'm struggling. I've talked myself into going back on sub 10 times tonight. I'm so screwed up. I don't know if I have another ct detox in me. But in the last 10 minutes especially since reading these posts I'm feeling better. I just hate how messed up I feel right now. I know  babbling I just feel so scared. Common to man I guess. Lyn I hope God does help me through this. I wouldn't blame Him for having gotten fed up with me but my heart tells me he's there and I am wanting to have faith in myself so bad but my mind keeps scaring me and saying you can't do this!! I wish it would shut up!!

I worry about everything and anything. My mind chatters incessantly to me and most of it just makes me doubt myself. I'm pretty sure it's the drugs talking but they can be convincing voices telling me I won't make it. Ah I'm going to try and sleep and quiet the thoughts that are bothering me. Thank you so much for your posts, theyre helping me so much to get through this.

[gnarly_1]

Hey girl dident know if you'd be up now I think im part owl lol anyway I find this an effective time to help people ......a lot of people run out of pills in the day not knowing anything about withdrawals till they get hit with them right about now....so it a good time to help out
also most people dont sleep wile doing this and I just want to be up to offer encouragement
and to tell you to keep pushing past the pain.....the prize is so worth it....your off to a great start with the meetings thay will help in more ways then you will know aftercare is critical
and make this whole process ezer keep doing what your doing pull close to God when you think you cant go any more and you will get threw this fine I will check on you in the morning if I dont see you tonight your in my prays good luck and God bless.....Gnarly

[hiskidd]

Hi. Glad to hear about your meeting. I owe you so much. You've been with me every step, so I want you to know I'm praying for you. I can only tell you the obvious, so don't overthink and try to calculate what's in your body, what the next three days will be like, etc. I'm not saying to be naive, I'm just saying take it moment by moment and only look to the positive. You're doing it!!! You knew you were going to and now you are! Remember how bad I was??? It's still not sunshine and roses, but it's 1000 times better than it was. I mean that.

Read what you posted to me and do those things. You're already on the other side :) Know you are loved and appreciated. in Him, David

[Back2Me]

Keep it up you are doing fIne! I also ran a fever for like 3 weeks during my wd! Never ran one before but I did this time. It would be up and down. I finally just stopped takin it I was getting pizzed off at the thermometer.