Very Depressed

[alfred1234]

Im on Day 12 clean.  Im really trying to get out of this depression and dont know how to do it.  I feel like i have completly lost myself to oxy's.  I dont know who i am, what i like, what makes me happy.  I have been with my husband for 13 years and feel like i dont even know him all of the sudden.  We moved away (so i could get away from the pills, which he does not know how bad it was).  I work from home now and just so depressed and so bored.  I dont know how to get back on track to be happy.  I dont know if the depression is because of the meds, or if i am really depressed.  I have ruined my life with those pills.  Now i dont know how to fix anything.  I am trying to take it one day at a time, but its just so hard.  Its almost like i felt nothing for the 4 years on the norco's and now im dealing with everything that i didnt deal with.  It seems to all be comming out at once.  I dont know how people just live sober and be happy.  All i want is to be happy.  I want my marriage back,  and my life back.  I do not want to touch those pills ever again, but i just want to be and feel happy.  I know i was not happy on them, but its almost like i could just deal with the unhappiness and it not even phase me.  
I just want to be happy...and find myself.
Can someone please give me some insight on this that has gone through this.  I feel like im the only one.  It seems like people are going through the withdrawls...and yes it has extremley hard.  But nobody really talks about the mental part of the addiction.  And fixing your life after.
Please help.

[Ella789]

You know the depression and sometimes anxiety comes with the w/d sometimes.  It did with me but I have allways needed an anti depressant, sense detox I am now taking more also.  It is not an easy or comfortable feeling and it seems to hang on awhile at times!  I wish it weren't true but I know that I messed with my brain taking the lortabs and it just got stuck in "one gear" for so long!  ya know?  I'm still trying to get out of second! lol

  Until I came on this forum, I had no idea of what awaited me.  I just thought "hey, I'm gonaget off the pills and then I will be fine after withdrawl"  man! how dumb was that!?  pretty dumb, I had no idea of after care, none at all until I came on here and by then I had already done my tapper and was on my way(through detox hell)  but then I started seeing there was soooooo much more to it. I remember thinking "damn, I don't always want to feel like this!!! this ***** rocks!!" and it did!  I just thought that I didn't want to live like this, always so needy, pathetic, self loathing, dumb lady!  I felt weak, not strong! Defeated by the opiate, and I hated my dr. who prescribed them to me and then told me that I was an addict!  well,duh!!! ( but he didn't make me take them, I asked for pain relief and by D### he gave it to me!)    For the last time in my life I felt like a virgin,  lol  , I didn't know I could'nt just detox and skip on my merry little way,  NO!  this is gonna hurt like hell for awhile!!   and it did too!  lol   I still think of the past 3 plus months and how I have wrestled with my emotions, how I want to help others as well as be helped by others.  I am alive and I am going to be okay, I am just stubborn that way, and I sure won't tell any body that it is easy cause it takes guts to do.  A knowledge that "we just don't want this any longer" so when you're feeling really bad, come read my post, this post and know that you or anyone else reading this , is NOT alone.

Ella

[Prospero73]

Have you gone to any NA meetings?  I don't know much about NA, but I've been in AA for 23 years, and the meetings are just as much about recovery and the life after as they are about quitting.  Having a sponsor, someone who's been clean for years and who you could call 24/7, could be a real life-saver (literally) at this point.

[merrymaria]

hi there...give yourself time...it will lift...i thought i would be depressed forever...it was very hard to get through but some how we make it one day at a time...every clean day is a reward.  our brains really get screwed up during use...it could be different for you but it took maybe 6 / 7 weeks to feel pretty good....try to do some daily physical activity. maybe pick up a hobby, and laughter....laughter will really make your brain feel good...hang in there...a few weeks compared to a lifetime a freedom...maria

[alfred1234]

I just moved to a new state and am looking into NA meetings.  I am really scared to go for some reason.  I dont know what it is.  I never saw myself as an addict but now realize that i am an addict.  I thought i would go through the withdrawls and thought that was going to be the worse part.  I have gone through them several times, but never lasted long enough to feel the emotional withdrawls.  Now im def feeling it.  I never imagined while i was high...how much i was distroying my life.  
I am 30 years old...Lived in Floirda my whole life, and moved away to get away from it all.  I know nobody here.  I almost feel that i took on to much at one time.  But know this is was the only way.  I am so proud of myself, but hate these feelings.
I really really appreciate all of you guys responding.  
Again...I really need you guys right now...and thank you so much.

[Kevin_Bacon]

Well, that's why we started taking the damn things -- maybe just for a "high" at first, but then "I'm depressed ... better take a pill!" or "I can't stand working here! Maybe I'll do a couple of pills!" and pretty soon you're always anxious, cause you know you're stuck in addiction, so you take a few more pills, and they become the reward for everything, they get you through your boring day, you've got to the other side of town to pick up your supply, and you're not elated, just relieved, and you start hating everything, especially yourself with your pills, and wasn't that a long sentence?


So, yeah -- sitting around thinking about it is going to make it worse, so you have to get out and do things that seem, in advance, to be not worth the effort ... but maybe you're not thinking about them all the time and you have some pretty interesting revelations about yourself.


I'm still trying to get off the treadmill, but there always seems to be an excuse -- or a good reason to wait a bit, but I know the tapering isn't working very well. I have a whole mess of big issues right now, and I'm determined to post here in 10 days to state that I've stopped, and I need your help. I need all the help I can get.

[Kevin_Bacon]

By the way -- 12 days clean is really an accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself.

Find some old photos and look at yourself, back when you didn't have to deal with this mess. A pat on the back, alf ... keep in touch.