Aa
Walking the plank, of shame...
Ok. Long story short. I have 4 days clean today. I had over 30. I am ashamed. Its not my first time falling down. I did fall for a day or two but I got up. I got up and that says something. If your in the first few days of wd try and stay positive and things will get better in afew days. Ill take it one day at a time and you do the same. I know I have alot of hard work to do. I have not been doing what I need to. Sometimes I dont wanna quit, or maybe I just wanna use. Is it the same?
this is your comment from october i think..
see what i mean?
How many peeps found NA helpful?
by throwindatowl
, Oct 20, 2010 09:46PM
I ask this question with going to 2 meetings and felt so at home. My type of people. So I THOUGHT Im good I dont need to keep going like they say. So I relapsed and just went to my 3rd tonight. 3rd day off opiates I was impressed with myself I even felt like going. I realized I have to keep going, Each and everyweek for probably along time. I do find it alittle hard to accept that Ill have to go my whole life. This time Im just going to listen to people that many years of being clean. See what you all think.
see what i mean?
How many peeps found NA helpful?
by throwindatowl
, Oct 20, 2010 09:46PM
I ask this question with going to 2 meetings and felt so at home. My type of people. So I THOUGHT Im good I dont need to keep going like they say. So I relapsed and just went to my 3rd tonight. 3rd day off opiates I was impressed with myself I even felt like going. I realized I have to keep going, Each and everyweek for probably along time. I do find it alittle hard to accept that Ill have to go my whole life. This time Im just going to listen to people that many years of being clean. See what you all think.
yup..
i am an addictions counselor as well as a pastor. i am an addict/alcoholic..
I have been in recovery many years. I am a chronic pain patient. I jumped of the prescribed meds (300 mg day for 3 years) on my own CT when i realized that it would become a lifelong dependency with tolerance skyrocketing. (i had permission to be an addict, how cool is that...LOL). I jumped against DR's advice due to pain issues and quality of life. I never ran out early. Did not abuse scripts, Have been making meetings for 18+ years. When I Jumped you probably remember. It was your first week also. I was already in a solid recovery program. truth is my pain is bad but i avoided the slippery slope. Oxcy's will kill you. I now excersize and eat better. Amino's, vitamins..
90 days is how long it takes for your brain to rewire itself. Around day 90 you getthat special moment.. clarity? or just the realization that recovery is a better way of life. I promise come day 88-91 you will have that moment. But ya gotta do 90 and 90. Guessing and thinking is denial. If you had cancer would you not do treatment? disease is disease.
. if you want to be around for loved ones, family, yourself...do it..
other options,
increased tolerance...(they really dont feel good anymore, just fighting WD)
Jail- in florida 2 pills will get you like 15 years.. (sounds like fun)
Always broke?
Pill counting?
Low self esteem?
Crappy sex life?
Have Kids? geepers, can they look up to you?
like what you see in the mirror?
stop with the pity party on the boards and take charge of your life. Go out and ask for help.
there are many in the rooms that can and will help you. What you dont need is a cheerleader and pats on the back until you have some honest to goodness recovery going on..
some can jump off and be fine... most cant.. look thru this board and see who the "i messed up and slipped" folks are...
they are the ones who dont like me.. say i have no compassion, im mean... whatever..
now look at the ones who are sober for more than 60 days...they used to hate me but now say thanks...
its a no brainer dude. i care about you. (what kind of a preacher would i be if i did not...LOL)
choose life or death..
i am an addictions counselor as well as a pastor. i am an addict/alcoholic..
I have been in recovery many years. I am a chronic pain patient. I jumped of the prescribed meds (300 mg day for 3 years) on my own CT when i realized that it would become a lifelong dependency with tolerance skyrocketing. (i had permission to be an addict, how cool is that...LOL). I jumped against DR's advice due to pain issues and quality of life. I never ran out early. Did not abuse scripts, Have been making meetings for 18+ years. When I Jumped you probably remember. It was your first week also. I was already in a solid recovery program. truth is my pain is bad but i avoided the slippery slope. Oxcy's will kill you. I now excersize and eat better. Amino's, vitamins..
90 days is how long it takes for your brain to rewire itself. Around day 90 you getthat special moment.. clarity? or just the realization that recovery is a better way of life. I promise come day 88-91 you will have that moment. But ya gotta do 90 and 90. Guessing and thinking is denial. If you had cancer would you not do treatment? disease is disease.
. if you want to be around for loved ones, family, yourself...do it..
other options,
increased tolerance...(they really dont feel good anymore, just fighting WD)
Jail- in florida 2 pills will get you like 15 years.. (sounds like fun)
Always broke?
Pill counting?
Low self esteem?
Crappy sex life?
Have Kids? geepers, can they look up to you?
like what you see in the mirror?
stop with the pity party on the boards and take charge of your life. Go out and ask for help.
there are many in the rooms that can and will help you. What you dont need is a cheerleader and pats on the back until you have some honest to goodness recovery going on..
some can jump off and be fine... most cant.. look thru this board and see who the "i messed up and slipped" folks are...
they are the ones who dont like me.. say i have no compassion, im mean... whatever..
now look at the ones who are sober for more than 60 days...they used to hate me but now say thanks...
its a no brainer dude. i care about you. (what kind of a preacher would i be if i did not...LOL)
choose life or death..
Ive been thinking alot about what I am gonna do different..
well, thinking about it aint doing it.. 90 in 90.. is doing it..
if you are serious.
otherwise keep foooling yourself...
well, thinking about it aint doing it.. 90 in 90.. is doing it..
if you are serious.
otherwise keep foooling yourself...
Laurel. I will turn things around. I love the way you put it.
Punkinhead.Its so true. "When I make progress in my recovery the obsession to use diminishes" I havent given sobriety a fighting chance. Im going to.
Thanks everyone so much, for being honest with me. I blow so much smoke up my own rear I need to hear honesty. I cant lie. It hurts. The truth hurts... Ive been thinking alot about what I am gonna do different this time. The major thing is getting alot more involved in my NA meetings. Another thing is going to counseling. Get the sad, mad , and bad stuff out. Its been building and building its gotta go. Its a major trigger for me. Im keepig my head up and look forward to finally making progress. Wish me luck
Punkinhead.Its so true. "When I make progress in my recovery the obsession to use diminishes" I havent given sobriety a fighting chance. Im going to.
Thanks everyone so much, for being honest with me. I blow so much smoke up my own rear I need to hear honesty. I cant lie. It hurts. The truth hurts... Ive been thinking alot about what I am gonna do different this time. The major thing is getting alot more involved in my NA meetings. Another thing is going to counseling. Get the sad, mad , and bad stuff out. Its been building and building its gotta go. Its a major trigger for me. Im keepig my head up and look forward to finally making progress. Wish me luck
Punkinhead nailed it:
"When I make progress in my recovery the obsession to use diminishes. "
This is really about personal growth and the sense of pride you get from any accomplishment (progress). We all have an ego. There is nothing that heals addiction better than a feeling of accomplishment. Find more ways to get that feeling and you will find it replaces the need for the feeling the drugs provide. It's a better feeling than any drug provides - because it is REAL.
"When I make progress in my recovery the obsession to use diminishes. "
This is really about personal growth and the sense of pride you get from any accomplishment (progress). We all have an ego. There is nothing that heals addiction better than a feeling of accomplishment. Find more ways to get that feeling and you will find it replaces the need for the feeling the drugs provide. It's a better feeling than any drug provides - because it is REAL.
I love that laurel453 - that thinking of "i will not use" because of... (fill in the blank)..because it only makes things worse. Very powerful. I'm going to share your mindset with others. Thank you!
everything can be a excuse for using or just the opposite, a motivation for staying clean, throwin.... because i feel alone, i will not use, because i am divorced, i will not use, because i feel sad, i will not use ( to make things worse for me )..... i don't know but the worse i feel, the bigger my determination for not using , this is not an option.... change the direction and you will reach somewhere else... work on yourself , all the best !! :)
"I've been pretty down in the dumps due to a divorce and a job situation." -throwindatowl
"When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing. or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."--Big Book of AA
Learning to understand that when I am upset, angry, depressed etc the problem is me. It is not because of other people or situations. Although this didn't provide me with any instant relief, it did help me start working in the right direction. Once I got pointed in the right direction I was able to make progress in my recovery. When I make progress in my recovery the obsession to use diminishes. Glad to hear you are back. Keep coming and keep sharing. Thanks!!!
"When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing. or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."--Big Book of AA
Learning to understand that when I am upset, angry, depressed etc the problem is me. It is not because of other people or situations. Although this didn't provide me with any instant relief, it did help me start working in the right direction. Once I got pointed in the right direction I was able to make progress in my recovery. When I make progress in my recovery the obsession to use diminishes. Glad to hear you are back. Keep coming and keep sharing. Thanks!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have not told me one excuse yet that justifies your using. I hope you really do get some recovery care this time cuz that time bomb is ticking away~~~sara
Well don't beat yourself up. At least you didnt fall into the abyss. At least you stopped it soon enough. We all do it. Just like everyone said get help. You are not stupid, just an addict.
The saying is "One is too many and a thousand is never enough" but you are getting the idea.
I thought about you tonight at the meeting. I chose my home group some time back because they are steep in tradition. I imagine it is what it must have been like in the 50's with Jimmy K as the chair person. One thing that we do to maintain that is to keep an empty chair in the room for the addict who has not found his way yet. That chair was for you tonight.
I thought about you tonight at the meeting. I chose my home group some time back because they are steep in tradition. I imagine it is what it must have been like in the 50's with Jimmy K as the chair person. One thing that we do to maintain that is to keep an empty chair in the room for the addict who has not found his way yet. That chair was for you tonight.
"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job — wife or no wife — we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
"Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
AA's Big Book, p. 98
CATUF
2032
"Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
AA's Big Book, p. 98
CATUF
2032
Back2Me.
No wds now. I felt pretty tired for a day and alittle sweaty but thats all. Thank God!!! Ill be getting to meetings trust me. Im so stupid. When you hear ones never enough. I took that literally. So I took one and then none for almost two weeks. Then I took one another night then good for about 2 weeks. Then, Oh then, I understand what ones never enough is about now. I took one, one day. Then two the next then good for 2 days. Then 2 or 3 one day. 3 or 4 the next, then 4 the next. The trap got me. I quit after that. I understand that saying now. One is never enough. That goes for me too. I got it. Im hard headed and always need to see for myself.
No wds now. I felt pretty tired for a day and alittle sweaty but thats all. Thank God!!! Ill be getting to meetings trust me. Im so stupid. When you hear ones never enough. I took that literally. So I took one and then none for almost two weeks. Then I took one another night then good for about 2 weeks. Then, Oh then, I understand what ones never enough is about now. I took one, one day. Then two the next then good for 2 days. Then 2 or 3 one day. 3 or 4 the next, then 4 the next. The trap got me. I quit after that. I understand that saying now. One is never enough. That goes for me too. I got it. Im hard headed and always need to see for myself.
So are you in withdrawals again or did you catch it? If so you are lucky. Get to some meetings!
Hey there...time to bend over 'cuz you're about to get a butt kicking from ME!!
You got some great help here,with good suggestions. IBK said it all to you with the other kids as back up! They are all right!!
You're smart,you know what to do...just do it!! The forum will always be here! You won't get dumped and no one is going to give up on you! It's because we KNOW!
Please...I know you feel alone but you're not. Lonliness is a HUGE trigger along with a gazzilion others...you need to learn the tools(on your own) to deal with the BS! It's very simple but it takes...concentration.
If you had told me at any given time, in my career of addiction, that I would have any clean time at all,I would have laughed. I accepted the fact that I would be an addict forever! Can you imagine? I decided at one point to quit thinking about quitting! I thought vitamins were a scam perpetrated by money grubbing...well anyway. I stopped liking food,I only liked pills,all day,everyday...it makes me a little sad to think about it.
I have almost 9 months of clean time. It will be nine years in no time!! I will not give up.I will not go back. I have arrived and it's scary some days but it's okay!! There is only one way I got here...I finally told the flippin' truth and got some help. I asked for help and received help and still do. The worst day of my life was when I had to tell my Mother that her only daughter and oldest child was an addict. I wanted to die then and there.
I will never go back. It's my mantra...
You don't have to go back either. Just reach out. Get a support system going. Get back up support. You need to do it for you! We all have a story and, truly, most of them are quite sad. Everyday we all have to work on making good memories for ourselves. I'm so glad I did. How sad to have memories of only being high all the time...It's not good!
I'm glad you posted...good luck and keep reaching out..
Happy New Year!
You got some great help here,with good suggestions. IBK said it all to you with the other kids as back up! They are all right!!
You're smart,you know what to do...just do it!! The forum will always be here! You won't get dumped and no one is going to give up on you! It's because we KNOW!
Please...I know you feel alone but you're not. Lonliness is a HUGE trigger along with a gazzilion others...you need to learn the tools(on your own) to deal with the BS! It's very simple but it takes...concentration.
If you had told me at any given time, in my career of addiction, that I would have any clean time at all,I would have laughed. I accepted the fact that I would be an addict forever! Can you imagine? I decided at one point to quit thinking about quitting! I thought vitamins were a scam perpetrated by money grubbing...well anyway. I stopped liking food,I only liked pills,all day,everyday...it makes me a little sad to think about it.
I have almost 9 months of clean time. It will be nine years in no time!! I will not give up.I will not go back. I have arrived and it's scary some days but it's okay!! There is only one way I got here...I finally told the flippin' truth and got some help. I asked for help and received help and still do. The worst day of my life was when I had to tell my Mother that her only daughter and oldest child was an addict. I wanted to die then and there.
I will never go back. It's my mantra...
You don't have to go back either. Just reach out. Get a support system going. Get back up support. You need to do it for you! We all have a story and, truly, most of them are quite sad. Everyday we all have to work on making good memories for ourselves. I'm so glad I did. How sad to have memories of only being high all the time...It's not good!
I'm glad you posted...good luck and keep reaching out..
Happy New Year!
IBKLeen. Nobodys as hard on me as me. No, I havent said "Maybe that will work" or "Ill try that" You are right. I havent. For the very reason youve stated. I think I can do it with minimal help. I was wrong-again. Thanks for the prayer and I hope the group gets a chance to get in on it. As you can see, I need it.
Good for u...it sounds like u have ur big boy pants on ... : )..u know what u have to do so now go do it just for today...we have to learn how to cope with lifes issues without the drugs..we really don't have ne other option..in order to get over something is to go thru it..make sense? ...live & learn....keep us posted on how ur doing...Angie
Thankyou tramahater! I needed to see others question sobriety and its not just me. That makes me feel really good. Makes me not feel so alone. Not so weak. Ive been thinking alot about how and what I am going to do this time to make it. I do want it. I do. More meetings more support. I HAVE to get serious and real with myself or else. I have to or Im really up a creek. I HAVE to or Im a dead man. Sooner or later Ill be a dead man. Ill lose so much I wont have a reason to quit. Game over...I wont let it get there. I wont. I cant. My little girl needs me and I cant let her down. I pray to god it never goes there.
If you didn't want it you wouldn't be here so I don't believe that for a minute. I believe you want it but I also believe that you still think you can get it by yourself. Until the day that you blindly fall backwards and trust that the person behind you will catch you, you will ride the merry-go-round from hell, because that is what you are doing right now.
Since you began posting here some two months ago, I have not once heard you say "I think I'll try that" or "Maybe that will work" or anything like that, to anyone. You post and tell us what you are going to do. Hate to tell ya honey, but it's not working for you. All sorts of suggestions have been made, especially during your divorce which had to be a very tough time for you, but you haven't tried one yet. My fear is that you are not done yet. That is really scary because there is always a chance that one time you won't make it back here. Yes, I hear you saying "That won't happen to me" but I have buried too many people who said those words so that is hard to hear.
If I seem a little rough on you, it is because I care and because that is how it was, and still is, given to me. If I want hand holding and a good round of "Kumbaya", I go to a girl's scout meeting. If I want to hang on to my recovery, I listen to the people who have what I want.
I will say an extra prayer for you tonight, it can't hurt. I am off to my home group and if possible, will get the group in on that prayer......
Since you began posting here some two months ago, I have not once heard you say "I think I'll try that" or "Maybe that will work" or anything like that, to anyone. You post and tell us what you are going to do. Hate to tell ya honey, but it's not working for you. All sorts of suggestions have been made, especially during your divorce which had to be a very tough time for you, but you haven't tried one yet. My fear is that you are not done yet. That is really scary because there is always a chance that one time you won't make it back here. Yes, I hear you saying "That won't happen to me" but I have buried too many people who said those words so that is hard to hear.
If I seem a little rough on you, it is because I care and because that is how it was, and still is, given to me. If I want hand holding and a good round of "Kumbaya", I go to a girl's scout meeting. If I want to hang on to my recovery, I listen to the people who have what I want.
I will say an extra prayer for you tonight, it can't hurt. I am off to my home group and if possible, will get the group in on that prayer......
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