What is wrong with me

[tigerlily75]

What is wrong with me? ive had a problem with pain pills half my life, getting them for my endometriosis, cysts, and fibroids. I have used them as prescribed at first, then started buying them off the streets, having to take tons just to feel " normal".

And getting them off the streets quickly lead to all kinds of opiates, and before I knew it I was crazy addicted to snorting roxy 30s.

During all these years, I have tried getting clean and have even stayed clean for a couple months here and there.

And now I'm trying to quit for good. I started trying November 10. I keep getting close to my 30 day mark, and I end up taking something. Today I took a Percocet 10.

I've been in therapy for quite a while and take 4 different meds for my depression PTSD and anxiety.

I just don't understand why I can't stay clean!!!! What is wrong with me????

[lizardking1450]

hi tigerlily,first of all you need to hit rock bottom,have you? then to admit that your powerless over drugs..we were born with our sickness we did not ask for it..there is a better world out there for you but you have to fight to have it..myself ive had the relapses and the withdraws so many times it make me sick to my stomack..we know how we feel when we are using right,and that feeling is awesome..when I started the 12 step program I felt a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders.there are people like me out there and I thought my story was bad,it dosent compare to what ive heard from other addicts..your still young with a long life ahead of you..i live 1 day at a time,thats all I can do..i pray for god to wake me up everyday and give me the strength to stay clean for this day..like everyone has mention you have to break ties with the people you get drugs from,and you need to tell your doctors that you cannot take narcotics....that's the harest thing I had to do but I did do it last week to my new doctor...im trying real hard not to use and I cannot promise to anyone that I will never use again...but if I count 1 day at a time that helps me...god bless you tigerlily.....

[Bubulous]

I am praying that your situation gets better.  I have been in a dysfunctional household before in my attempts at getting clean and I have too had to lock myself in my room.  You don't deserve this, no one does but I hope you can hold on until it gets better.

[ROSYouralright]

No matter what miss lily!!! I am so so sorry for what you are going through!

[Bubulous]

Are you a teenage mutant ninja turtle?  Should I call you Michelangelo? LOL

[Pat1956100]

Ummmm did you get to eat the pizza?

[brokenspiritandsoul]

You are in the twilight zone!  That is horrible. I understand that you can't just move with no money. You are going to have to be extra strong!  Quit taking the pills just to prove to your mom that you are better than that and break the cycle that is going to be passed down to your kids!  I can see the strength in your posts!  You can do this! Also, I had my hysterectomy 8 years ago. I kept one of my ovaries so I could keep my natural hormones. I was supposed to be off work for 6 weeks and take pain pills every 4 hours. I went back to work 10 days later (because I am a single mom and needed the money) and I never took 1 pain pill after I left the hospital. It really wasn't that bad. If you do need the pain pills then take as prescribed and only what you need. You are a strong woman!  You can do this!