What is wrong with me

[tigerlily75]

What is wrong with me? ive had a problem with pain pills half my life, getting them for my endometriosis, cysts, and fibroids. I have used them as prescribed at first, then started buying them off the streets, having to take tons just to feel " normal".

And getting them off the streets quickly lead to all kinds of opiates, and before I knew it I was crazy addicted to snorting roxy 30s.

During all these years, I have tried getting clean and have even stayed clean for a couple months here and there.

And now I'm trying to quit for good. I started trying November 10. I keep getting close to my 30 day mark, and I end up taking something. Today I took a Percocet 10.

I've been in therapy for quite a while and take 4 different meds for my depression PTSD and anxiety.

I just don't understand why I can't stay clean!!!! What is wrong with me????

[tigerlily75]

Well I think I just figured out alot of the problem. I live with my parents and im expected to do everything. My mom just lays in bed messed up all day on everything but that's ok. I still cleaned some, what I could. And I ordered pizza for dinner because both my kids asked for it.
Then my dad gets home and the whole family got in a huge fight, and it was said that if I had to pick between pills and keeping their house clean then I need to choose pills, and they tried to force one on me just so I could finish cleaning and cook dinner! I live in the twilight zone!!!!

[tigerlily75]

I'm making it through the day. Its  negative 15 outside, they even have school closed today and tomorrow. My 4 year old has been driving me completely insane today. And now its about time to cook dinner and be around my parents. High stress!!! My parents just think its funny I'm trying to quit and I've had a hundred talks with them, I am going to have to move out. Not sure how with 2 kids. No money. No job.
But I'm going to continue to fight this and surrender.

dominosara, thank you! Just reading that from you convinced me I will make it no matter what!

ang, your comment was awesome! And yes we never fail as long as we keep trying and I'm definitely trying! And actually I called the Dr today to schedule a hysterectomy. I have finally gotten way too tired of the pain. But I'm scared. I'm sure I will need pain pills and that's scary. Plus I'm really scared of the hormones.

bubbleguppie, you have helped me a few times and I thank you for that! I'm glad you are here supporting me! And your right, I'm worth it! And I'm going to make it this time.

Like dominosara always says, when you don't have the time to be sick anymore then make time to be well.
That's exactly what I'm going to do.

[Bubbleguppie100]

Hi hunny, I am so sorry that you're struggling with addiction. My heart really hurts for you. We are all here for you and support you. We all want you to beat this addiction. Keep fighting the good fight. You are worth it! If you need anyone to talk to,please PM me. Much love and respect. Xoxo

[ang_811]

The only time we fail is when we stop trying. No matter what always keep getting back up and never give up.

I saw u had endo. I was diagnosed with that during my using years so instead of getting treated for it i used it as an excuse to use more and i ignored the situation all togeather. I got sober and my endo was still there and alot worst to the point that the only fix was a hysterectomy at the age 29. So keep up with that and take of u. Ur worth it my friend.

[dominosarah]

You are going to get this Miss Tiger, no matter what~

[tigerlily75]

Kyle
You know we are good! We have been through it together and I'm glad to have your support and I'll always support you!