Xanax Withdrawal

[shelby74]

Hello all,

I have been a member of this forum for quite a few years.  I have been an addict for over a dozen years.  My addiction of choice is pills...Vicodin (hydro's), Ultram, Soma, Xanax, Methadone...You name it and I have abused it.  I have been successful in the last year or so to come off of everything except the Xanax.  I was prescribed Xanax for severe anxiety disorder / panic attacks.  I have tried therapy, everything...nothing worked except these awful little pills.  Unfortunately, I cannot even drive (driving is a huge trigger of my attacks) unless I take my prescribed amount.  I was to the point of becoming agoraphobic (scared to even leave my home) because my panic attacks were becoming so severe and frequent.  I could not even stand in the line at a grocery store without feeling this all consuming irrational fear like the world was closing in on me.  It came to the point where anytime I would be in public, drving, anything...I would be triggered.  And I tried every antidepressant known to man with no relief.  The Xanax is the only thing that makes me feel as if I can function.   Of course I abuse the Xanax because I am an addict and it's what I do.  I have someone holding the pills for me now because I did well for 6 months and then I had a stressful month last month (that is my addict mind reasoning with myself)...so I ran out 5 days early.  Xanax withdrawal is one of the absolute worst things I have ever been through...and no it wasn't my first time withdrawing from Xanax...but it has to be the last.  Even having gone through withdrawal's of methadone, hydro's, soma...none of it compares to Xanax.  I absolutely felt like I was losing my mind.  Even now after being given my normal dosage for the last day and a half my body is still trying to awake from the nightmare of Xanax withdrawal.  These were just some of my symptoms: very sensitive to sound and light, MASSIVE panic attacks, fever, awful headache, throwing up constantly, severe anxiety and depression (almost suicidal thoughts), NO sleep, restlessness, confused, sweating than freezing...and I guess it's called mania but I swear I was losing my mind (this was the worst symptom).  Even now I am not feeling like myself.  I read many webpages when I was withdrawing...I read about the risk of seizure, etc.  I was fortunate and the 4 or 5 times I have withdrawn from Xanax, I never had a seizure.  I have been so, so lucky in that respect.  I wanted to post this to reach out to people...who are going through Xanax withdrawal, any kind of withdrawal actually, those who are thinking about taking Xanax for any reason, those who are alone right now and going through this horrific withdrawal.  You are not alone.  There are so many of us out there just like you.  I have to tell you though...if you are withdrawing from any benzo, whether it's Xanax or not...do not try and do it alone like I did...go to the Doctor's, ER or whatever.  Out of all the drugs it is the most dangerous to stop cold turkey.  Anyone reading this and thinking about using or abusing Xanax....DON'T.  I have been through so much with my addiction...of ALL the pills Xanax is the absolute worst. Yes it helps the anxiety but it is also a huge cross to bear.  I am going to be getting help for my addiction once my health insurance kick's in.  I am hoping with some intense therapy, more meetings and maybe an antidepressant I have not tried will help with my anxiety disorder or who know's what else that I haven't tried yet...but even with all my anxiety...I NEVER would have gone on Xanax...NEVER.  I pray for any of you going through any kind of withdrawal right now.  This site has gotten me through so much...withdrawal, addiction, almost losing everything I ever cared about to pills.  I wish everyone here a clean and sober life...it's never too late but if I have learned anything, it cannot be done alone.  

Best wishes to you all,

Shel

[shelby74]

Thank you for your post...you share your story when you are ready.  Just know that everyone here understands or can at least relate to your situation.  We have all been there...no matter if it is the withdrawal, trying to get the drugs...losing jobs, family members, whatever to our addiction's.  You are not alone.  God Bless you promise...you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[promise2keepitreal]

Just wanna clarify something. After I read my post, I can see how it could lead some to jump to the wrong conclusion. What I meant is that I know that if I don't defeat this now, it'll kill me at some point. Considering the dosage I was on, I lucky it didn't happen. Either I beat it this time, or that inevitable will occur. I've dodge too may bullets to continue to be lucky. Didn't mean for anyone to get the wrong idea. Thanks again for your honesty. It really keeps a person like me, who has an amazing ability to lie to myself, from being able to, when I read your words. I can tell from your words that you'll make it.

[promise2keepitreal]

God bless you for your honesty. You and others like you inspire me. I am mostly a "reader" here, but something about your post compelled me to respond. One day I'll share my story. Needless to say, I'm here for a reason-give ya one guess what that is. I will be thinking of you and others here like you and ask that ya'll keep me in your thoughts. I'm in the fight of my life, that'll end with me either dead or by me putting this behind me. I'm all in this time. God Bless again.

                                                           D

[shelby74]

Thank you so much for your kind words and I am glad it is what you needed to read.  If not for sites like this..I am not sure what I would have done.  I wish you happiness, contentment...and most of all strength for whatever battle you are facing.

[ZJILLIAN]

Thank you for your post! It was exactly what I needed to read today.

I am so sorry you have suffered so very much. It sounds like despite so much pain you have carried on. I send you strength to continue this fight.